Chapter 73. December 16 (7pm) - December 17 (7am), εуλ0009
One moment he was there, the barest speck on the building beyond, visible through the bright-lit rain –
- the next moment, the building was gone.
Tifa lurched forward, head to the glass covering the deck of the Shera, as if she could somehow will herself through to reach him. "Cloud!" she heard her own voice wailing, but her heart sunk to darkest depths as mounds of metal and concrete tumbled off the face of what used to be the Shinra building. The echoes of the first boulders hitting the ground below were already audible even high above.
She was only vaguely aware of strong arms gripping her from behind, even less so that she was struggling in their hold, as she turned to howl at Vincent, the only available object of her ire. "You said he could do it alone!" she shouted at the man, sobs beginning to shake her frame – when had she begun crying? – Cloud, he's gone, how could he have survived that blast –
Vincent only bore her tirade stoically, and instead it was Barret's voice she heard, strong but strangely calm. "Relax, Tifa. He's not gone yet."
Her insides were still screaming, but his voice unwittingly soothed her, and she stopped writhing to escape his grasp. Barret wasn't restraining her, she realized, but pulling her into the same comforting embrace as after the fall of the Sector Seven plate, enclosing her in his big-brother protection. She turned, letting herself bury her head into his shoulders, accepting the reassurance of his big solid frame – not the safety Cloud's arms always gave her, but simple family love. "Cloud," she mumbled again into the puffy fabric of his vest.
"Remember, we don't know for sure," Barret told her. "C'mon, this is Cloud we're talking about. Nothing can keep that guy down. He just took out Sephiroth again, do you think a little thing like a building collapse will be his end?"
Just like a bridge breaking – but no one there to catch him. "Where… how.." she stuttered, even knowing Barret had no answers.
"I don't know," he replied, one thick finger wiping a tear from below her eyes. "We just have to trust in the Planet."
And Aerith, Tifa thought, sending her silent prayer out. Cloud… can I hope? Did I put you in danger by pushing you out there alone? But even though she was terrified, a part of her still hoped. He's always come back, reasoned another part, one she knew spoke truth. He wouldn't fail her now… Cloud, you WON'T die on me! she silently voiced, as if thoughts themselves could somehow make a difference.
A ring cut shrilly into her thoughts, but before she could react a phone was being placed against her ear, and Barret was saying it's your daughter, and she heard Marlene's voice on the other end, go to the church, Tifa, everything will be okay, go to the church; and she was telling Cid to change his course, and before she knew it they were landing as close to the Sector Five wreckage as Cid dared, departing together to walk the final stretch as Tifa struggled not to run ahead.
She straightened, distracted, trying to appear more confident than she really felt. Inside, her heart was still racing, her thoughts still churning, tumbling one over another and she trying to reach her heart out to Cloud, but – nothing.
Too much to hope for that she could somehow sense him – it wasn't like she was a Cetra, just and ordinary woman hoping for some sign of the man she loved – and only distantly did she feel her body moving forward, the throng of people – of children – becoming denser as they drew closer.
Someone had lit the ancient oil lamps inside the church, and a warm glow spread outward – when had night set in? – drawing her along with the other citizens of Edge with its welcoming soft light. Where he'd been these past weeks. Where he had found her in the flower bed, crumpled and defeated – was it only the day before? – it felt like a century – But the knowledge that this had been Cloud's refuge made her feel simply, irrationally closer to him, as she stepped through the doors to the destruction her fight had left behind.
Something small whumped into her, and Tifa felt Marlene wrap her small arms around her legs. "You made it!" cheered Marlene, as she looked down into the sweet face of her daughter. Denzel hung behind, more reserved without Cloud around; but Tifa reached out her other arm and Denzel stepped forward, letting Tifa pull her into the embrace.
His young eyes looked up at her – his REAL eyes, soulful and reserved but well and truly his. Slowly, she calmed now that she had her children close, safe and unharmed.
Marlene swiveled her head around. "Papa! Vincent! Everyone!"
Vincent nodded in response, his small acknowledgement. "I'm going to get a phone," he said flatly; Marlene burst out laughing, leaving Tifa only puzzled. But more important things troubled her.
"Why are we here, Marlene?" she asked.
"We're here to wait for Cloud," Marlene announced, taking her mother's hand and tugging her forward; and Tifa realized something she'd unbelievable missed at first. Aerith's flowers had been drowned, submerged in a new pool of water; water that strangely drew her with a feeling of calm and serenity.
She let Marlene lead her forward; out of the corner of her eye, she noticed black marks on the floor – were those TIRE tracks? No, it couldn't be – as Marlene chattered on, her voice a balm to Tifa's ragged nerves.
"The flower lady told us so," Denzel told Tifa, and Marlene nodded vigorous agreement.
Could it really be so? Even uttering the impossible question, she felt it to be true. The water called to her – she'd been right, that was exactly what it was, the calm, soothing presence of her friend.
"Every phone in Edge," Marlene explained proudly, taking in the crowds now filling the church's nave. Tifa could believe it. "Come to the church, she said. Cloud will be there."
Tifa wished fervently that could be true, for the first since the building collapsed before her eyes, she felt a spark of true, genuine hope, not the false scenarios she'd been constructing to prop herself up. As those straw supports split apart, emotional weariness overtook her; the children were the only reason she was still standing.
"He said he would. He promised," added Denzel; and the one word stuck a chord in her soul. Of course he would. He keeps his promises.
Succumbing to exhaustion, she slumped down by the water's edge; the crowd parted for her, and she wondered why. Then she understood – they must have seen the fight above the city; there would be questions later, questions she wasn't sure how she would answer, but for now she was grateful for the bubble of privacy as her friends circled her to form an inner wall.
She curled her legs beneath her, and the children snuggled one on either side as she braced for a long midnight wait ahead. Cloud will be fine, she repeated to herself like a mantra. Marlene drifted off to sleep with her thumb stuck in her mouth, a habit Tifa hadn't seen since she'd first met the girl.
Barret sat on her right, one hand holding Marlene's with tenderness, but he made no move to take her from Tifa's arms. He's looking out for me. He knows I need her comfort. Denzel leaned on her left, and thought she could feel his nervousness, he stared intently at the pool as if he could will Cloud into being – until despite himself, he drifted off to sleep as well.
Tifa herself couldn't tear her eyes away, letting out an unknown prayer before she even realized it was Aerith she was praying too, if you're really there ,please help him for us both. She knew what Aerith was to Cloud – comfort, safety, peace. Forgiveness. And she worried that Cloud would succumb to the temptation of the other side of the Lifestream – Aerith's side – give in to serene, untroubled sleep.
Not now, Cloud… not now that you've found your strength again…
She'd seen it on the top of the building, the hero she was so proud of – HER hero – fighting for them all, but most of all for himself – for his life, the life they had made together. A life she hoped he wanted back. Come back, Cloud. To us. To ME.
She had to believe their life together meant something; the burdens and cares of the years since Meteorfall seemed to be pressing on her all at once. It must be near midnight, she realized, the thought only of passing importance. Nothing more than another hour close to morning, to the sun rising and her hope that Cloud would return with it.
Memories of Cloud surfed through her head; not the old ones that used to cause her such torment, the waiting memories of Cloud after Nibelheim when she didn't know if he was even still alive – but memories of the time they'd shared. Memories of love. His simple presence calming her every time he was near. His smile, so rarely seen but so uniquely him. The touch of his body, pressed to hers as she curled against him in sleep – the feel of their limbs entangled, as he made love to her with utmost passion, telling her all the things he didn't know how to say in words.
Love. They had it. She'd had doubts in these past few weeks, but now she was certain. He'd left her out of love. Even if it was the wrong thing to do. He'd been trying to keep his promises in the only way he could think of; he hadn't known he still had a way out.
He had a choice. And he had made it.
As the dark morning hours dragged on, she took comfort in the presence of her friends; only Barret was visible in her peripheral vision, but she could feel them just behind. Nanaki, the quiet sentinel, stoically keeping watch, bearing the animatronic Cait Sith on his back. Vincent, a silent calm presence, nearly as still and dignified as Nanaki himself. Yuffie, nervously shifting, but unusually silent in the hushed atmosphere of the church. Cid holding Shera, murmuring to her in his harsh rumble; he hadn't so much as lit a cigarette to contaminate the air, fresh and clean.
There were other sounds, the solemn whispers of her neighbors – the well, the sick, all there with their children - the children. The disease struck children the most, and hardest. The sick. Looking around, she realized how many she recognized, children that had broken her heart with inability to help them all.
Adults were left to struggle on their own, surviving on the streets – waiting to die, waiting for the illness to take them just like Cloud had been. Hiding here in the church, but no less different for it. The only redeeming grace was that some children had been taken in, not by fearful families but into group homes, buy a few brave souls unafraid of the disease.
Tifa could only do so much – she cared for Denzel, for her small family, and as so many others that was all she could do. Other families stretched thin, only able to care for their own.
Her heart went out to Denzel, this child that had been brought into her care. I found Denzel at the church, Cloud had told her. Denzel would have been another one of those, fending for himself, and in the state he'd been in, he probably would have been gone by now – had she and Cloud not taken him in.
It gave her a shiver, and she tugged the sleeping boy closer. "Aerith brought him to us," she had corrected him, and though he might look up to Cloud, he was no less her son. It would take time and trust, but she didn't intend to give up on him.
The same as she wouldn't give up on Cloud.
He felt himself falling, falling, and then he stopped.
Cloud drifted, half-conscious in the white space he wished he could call home.
He'd once found himself here…. And been offered a choice. Another time, and he'd been given forgiveness. Here for the third time again, still fighting with himself inside, the urge was strong to just let go.
Was he dead? Was this the Promised Land?
People were waiting for him. But if he was here, could he see…
"Mother?" was the word that came out of his mouth.
Aerith sighed, softly brushing back his hair. Part of her wanted to keep him here. She loved this man too in a way, a way that didn't distract from Cloud's love for Tifa, nor her love for Zack. But Cloud would inescapably always have a part of her heart.
It was a part he touched every day, through the children he was helping raise.
He had a life to return to. She hadn't just healed his wounds; she'd aimed to restore his hope. His understanding of what he was, what he was meant to be.
To love and live on.
"Why is everyone calling me mother?" she asked.
"They must be fond of you," Zack laughed.
Zack stared with all the tenderness he felt towards this man. The lone wolf dies. That was not what he wanted Cloud to be. My honor, my dreams… Cloud bore them now.
He had to carry them on, give them forward. To a girl that was part of Zack's flesh, and a boy that was so like himself.
I pushed her once towards you, Zack thought, looking at Aerith. I didn't know. But… "I'm taking her back now," he whispered to Cloud's prone form.
Was it his imagination, or did he see the quirk of a smile?
Aerith took Zack's hand; Zack squeezed it tight, a reassurance that he would always be there by her side. She'd yanked Cloud into the Lifestream at that last second to save him as the building crashed and burned, threatening to entomb the hero – but she hadn't done it so he could die after all. This was only a transition, a liminal space where Cloud waited to return.
"I think this one's outgrown me," she said, not without sadness, knowing the many ways that could be taken.
Zack chuckled. "Sorry, buddy," he said. "You don't belong here." Not for a long time yet.
"This is not your Promised Land," Aerith added softly.
She looked at Zack; a thought flashed between them. And though she had regrets, she knew that it was time. But before she let him go, she sent her silent thanks.
Thank you, Cloud, for helping me achieve my destiny. Even if I had to die to reach it.
You have a destiny, too, one you'll understand with time. A destiny you have to live top fulfill.
Bittersweet, but she knew he was never truly gone. Her power had grown; she could reach him anytime, in this space where one felt dreams. He was never lost to her.
But she knew, like any good mother, that it was time for him to move forward on his own.
Gathering her strength and will, she pulled on Zack's power as well. Together, they pushed him along the paths of Lifestream they could follow, towards his true Promised Land.
They broke through.
The rain pitter-pattered on the roof all night, drumming a quiet beat to the rhythm of her thoughts, pouring through the holes in the church's roof to add to the pool below; sometime in the small hours of the morning, she abruptly realized the rain had stopped. She looked up, and noticed the faintest paling of the sky above. A darkest blue instead of black, the shade lightening incrementally even as she watched. Morning already, she realized, the hours fled by while she was lost in her fragments of memories.
Around her, those who had drifted to sleep overnight, both young and old, began to stir, triggered by the still-distant sun. Looking around, she realized something she hadn't earlier, lost in her head as she'd been. The kids… some she'd know not be very sick, but the marks of Geostigma were no longer there.
Marlene stirred against her, lifting a sleepy head. Looking at Tifa, she answered her mother's unspoken question. "It's the rain," she said. "The rain healed them."
Aerith's rain… Of course. Why hadn't she put that together sooner? She'd seen the power of Cetra magic while Aerith lived – lived, the word still pained.
Other children were leaning towards the water, some tumbling right in, as the first true rays of dawn broke through the roof. She watched in amazement as green flickers of Lifestream appeared on the afflicted's skin, lesions of Geostigma withering and fading before her eyes.
A miracle, she thought. No, not a miracle. Magic. Aerith.
She was with them still.
The adults held back, letting the children dive in first, but her own son was unmoving. "Denzel?" she prodded him, but he only shook his head.
He's waiting, she realized. He wants to wait for Cloud; she knew exactly how he felt. The miracle wouldn't be complete for her until Cloud returned.
It was a swirl of pale, emanating green in the center of the pool that caught her attention, as the children instinctively stepped back to circle the glow. And she KNEW.
She stood, Denzel rising beside her, Barret tugging Marlene gently to her feet, and she stood, surrounded by those she loved, her heart reaching from them and out.
The light congealed above the pool, then dribbled away, fading to reveal…
Cloud was alone.
Guilt sniffed along his shoulder… then it slipped away.
It was time to let go.
Cloud opened his eyes, and the dream began to fade.
Small hands gently touched him as he rose, finding himself in a new pool of water in a very familiar place. Surrounded by six children, all their eyes on him.
Six children.
Six swords that had killed Sephiroth.
Now he understood.
He was the sword meant to protect.
A girl before him, one he was sure he'd never seen but felt he recognized. "She said wait here and Cloud will come back," and Cloud could only stare in wonder.
"Welcome back," Marlene's small voice carried.
He turned, and there they were. All his friends together, watching, waiting. For him. And right there in the center –
Tifa. His love, his life. She'd always been his dream.
He knew. THIS was his Promised Land.
It was to all of them he spoke, but to her most of all. The one to whom he'd promised this.
"I'm back."
There was one thing left to do. Another promise left to keep, to the boy sent into his life. A boy that meant redemption. It was forward towards Denzel that he walked.
Tifa bent down to Denzel's height; he shivered as she touched him. "Hey, let's get you fixed up," she soothed with all her love.
Cloud reached. "Come on. I'm here."
After all this time, Denzel was weirdly afraid. Could this all be true? Suddenly, a memory appeared. Miss Ruvie. This was Sector Five; her house had been just above.
She always wanted a flower garden. I wonder if this would be enough.
Awkwardly he stepped forward, let Cloud reach for him. Take him into the water; carry him out to the center and set him down. Denzel was almost too scared to breathe.
He looked up into the eyes of his hero.
Cloud scooped up water into both his hands, sparkling droplets falling from his gloves. Staring at its shimmer, he could feel its strength, its life.
He raised his hands and let the healing rain fall over the head of his son.
Denzel flinched, not in pain but in surprise, as he felt the sickness he'd had so long suddenly disappear. He stared into the water, and looking back was his reflection free and clear, devoid of the black that had marked him for so long.
It was true. Cloud had found a cure.
I can live.
He looked back up to Cloud; Cloud only nodded gravely.
I can see this boy grow up to be a man.
His nod to Denzel was that promise; now that his other promises had been kept. And as he saw Denzel's' face break into the widest smile he'd ever seen, he knew everything had been worth it.
Cheers broke out, echoing to the rafters, as children poured into the water. Laughing, splashing gaily, surrounding Cloud – and he couldn't help but smile, knowing there was nowhere else he'd rather be.
He turned his eyes, inescapably drawn to Tifa, her smile mirroring his own.
Tifa's eyes could not leave his; he was all she wanted to see. Her hero, her heart. Her Cloud.
Aerith, thank you for bringing him back to me. I'll take care of him for us both.
Cloud couldn't tear his eyes away. Her eyes, her smile, radiating love and pride and joy. The one who was always there for him, even when he wanted to give up. As he kept staring, she offered him a small coy nod, a laughing flirtation in her eyes; hinting there would be kisses and more, when she could finally give him his reward.
His body ached. To touch her, love her. It been too long without.
The smile refused to leave his face.
He looked back to the children, scanning across the crowd. Only to come to a startled halt, as he saw a figure he'd never expected to see here again.
She was bent down to some children, but as he watched, she rose. Walking away.
Walking out of the church – but not out of his life. She would always be with him.
Part of him wanted to run to her, catch her for one more moment – but something held him back. Not something, everything – everything that was here, everything that he had to live for.
It was time to let her go.
Zack waited at the door, arms crossed, until Aerith came near. She turned, and he could finally meet her eyes. Without fear, without shame.
Aerith smiled. She knew the burden she had placed on him, the road she'd paved for him ahead. But she believed in him to carry on her legacy. Hers and Zack's both.
Her sweet voice whispered to him. You see, everything's alright –
- and then she turned away.
She marched into the glow of white; Zack merely offered up a wave, before he, too turned to go. Cloud watched his best friend leave, knowing Zack was there too.
Cloud smiled.
I know. I'm not alone. Not anymore.