Amelia POV
We arrived back at the apartment late last night. We considered trying to unpack but settled on having a quick snack and going to bed. It's been a long weekend and both of us are over due some well deserved rest.
When I wake it's due to a nightmare. Nothing too bad, but bad enough to wake me from my slumber. I open my eyes to see Arizona has an arm draped across my body, not holding on to me, but enough for me to know she is there. I roll over a little to look at her. Her mouth is open a little and her hair is wispy across her face. She is beautiful, and sexy, and I'm so lucky she lets me be in her life. I carefully reach over Arizona, picking up her phone to check the time but Callie's name flashes up on the screen as an incoming call. Its only 6:30am, but it's 9:30 for Sof and Callie. I climb out from the blankets and Arizona huffs lightly in her sleep at the lack of contact. Once I am out of the room I answer the phone.
"Hey is everything alright?" I ask down the phone and Sofia replies.
"Amy is my mom awake I wan-"
"Sofia I told you it's really early and your mom would be in bed." I hear Callie interrupt as she takes her phone away from the young girl. "I'm so sorry she woke you, it's not important she can wait a couple of hours."
"It's okay, I was awake anyway but Arizona is still in bed. I don't mind if Sof wants to talk to me though, or I could get Arizona to call back when she wakes up." I offer. I feel awkward talking to Callie about this. She clearly wasn't happy that Sofia called this early so I don't know if she will want her to wait until later.
"She ran to her room, I'll go put her on. Could you make sure to remind her it's early for you please as she clearly didn't listen when I told her this morning."
"Sure." I agree. She is right, it is realistically too early to be making phone calls for non emergencies but because I was awake, I don't mind.
The noise through the phone goes quiet before I hear Sofia's voice.
"Hi Amy. I'm sorry for waking you." I hear her say quietly.
"It's okay, I was awake anyway, but your Mom was asleep and you almost woke her up. How about we make a deal? No more phone calls before 8 for us, that means you can't phone until 11 for you okay? Not unless it's an emergency. That means when you do phone us we will both be awake and happy to talk to you. Does that sound okay?" I explain, making sure not to sound like she is in trouble, but letting her know it's importance.
"Yeah. Does that mean I need to call back later?"
"Well that depends. I'm awake so you can talk to me now, but if you want your Mom specifically you might have to call later. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I told my Mama about the girl on the plane and how her cousin was on Broadway and she said we could go see a show so I'm going tomorrow to the afternoon show and it's going to be amazing!" Sofia gushes over the information, the excitement pouring out through her words.
"Wow! That sounds amazing. What show are you going to see?"
"It's called Wicked. Mama said it's like the Wizard of Oz but it shows the story of the witch and not Dorothy. We are going to watch the Wizard of Oz today to help me remember because I haven't seen it in a long time." The young girl explains.
"That's an excellent idea! I think you'll really like that show, it's really good." I tell her, happy to encourage her enthusiasm.
"You've seen it?"
"I used to live near New York! I've seen quite a lot of shows. You'll have to call me after to talk about your favourite parts, see if they're the same as mine."
"I will. I'm going to go watch the movie but I'm going to call Mom after 11 so I can tell her." Sof explains matter of factly.
"Okay. Enjoy the movie kiddo." I say and I hear the tone of the phone call being ended. I can't remember the last time I had that much energy.
I debate getting up and dressed but ultimately decide on going back to bed. I know I'm not going to go back to sleep, but I also know if I lay close enough to Arizona, she pulls me closer to use me as a giant teddy bear in her sleep. This situation was initially a problem for us, but we soon realised we just needed to sleep with a gap between us and I would initiate contact while I was awake. I peel the blankets back, carefully crawling back into the bed. I gently shift my body closer to my girlfriends being cautious not to wake her, and sure enough her arms begin to pull me closer.
It's funny to watch the situation while I am awake and calm. I am laid on my back, my head propped up slightly on the pillows and over the course of about fifteen minutes she is attached to me like a koala bear. She has rolled her body more to the side, her leg drapes over mine and her head is resting on my chest with her arms around my upper body. I never realised how much a person could appreciate human contact until I met Arizona. She loves the physical comfort another body offers, and she is slowly showing me how much it can help. Sure, I'm still not one of those people that greets everyone with hugs and demands cuddling 24/7, I don't think I ever will be one of those people, but I'm so much better than I was. I'm laid in bed holding Arizona's body as she clings to mine and I'm happy about it. I never thought I could reach this point.
I have been gently running my fingers through Arizona's hair for about half an hour when she begins to rise. She nestles her head further into my chest before she realises what she is doing and begins to sit up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to cling to-"
"It's fine. I'm awake, I let you koala me. You're adorable when you sleep."
"Did I wake you?"
"Nope. I've been awake for a while, Sofia tried to call you at about 6:30, I answered your phone to make sure she was alright, she is by the way."
"Why was she calling so early? I'm surprised Callie didn't stop her."
"Yeah, Callie was not happy. She asked me to tell Sof no more calling this early so we made an agreement she wouldn't call again until after 11am for her, which is 8 here. She is going to call you then."
"Mhm, 'kay" Arizona responds sleepily and I plant a kiss on the top of her head.
I trace my finger tips down Arizona's side as she lays in my arms. I feel her body tense at the action and she lets out a slight groan. "Amelia, what are you-" Arizona begins to ask as I'm tracing my fingers back up her body, under her thin top. I stop when I rest them on her breasts.
"This okay?" I ask her and she nods, shifting her body to lift up and hover over me. She connects our lips softly, nipping and kissing as my fingers continue to tease her chest. I take the hardening buds, rolling them lightly between my fingers and I see my girlfriend's breath hitch. I remove my hands from under her shirt, taking the hem of the fabric in my hands to lift it up over her head. She removes her arms from the fabric barrier and I throw the item to the ground.
Arizona's lips reattach to my own, she nibbles lightly on my lip before swiping her tongue across, begging for access. I open my mouth a little as her kisses become more exploratory, more needy. When we finally pull away to breathe, Arizona's hands have found the hem on my tank top. She flicks her eyes towards mine, nonverbally asking that it's okay. I offer a small nod, lifting my upper half away from the bed to help her. With my top gone I'm left in my bra. Arizona glances down my body before bringing her eyes back to lock with mine. Her glance conveys lust, but also so much love and respect.
I place a hand on her cheek, offering a quick kiss.
"I love you." I state simply. A lot of the times I tell her this is when she says 'I love you' first and I say 'I love you too', and although it's true, saying it first somehow increases its meaning. You had the feelings you had to express, and I know Arizona appreciates hearing it.
"I love you too. Amelia, wait a moment." Arizona instructs, pulling away to take my hand in hers.
"What's going on?" I ask her, it must be important if she has backed away.
"Last time we had sex you had a panic attack. You said you were scared. I need to know you're okay." She says with a gulp, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"Look at me." I instruct and she brings her eyes back to mine. "I'm okay. I'm more than okay. I'm safe, I'm happy and I trust you?"
"You're not scared?"
"I always get butterfly's when we have sex, but that's more nervous excitement, not fear. I promise I'm okay."
"You're okay." She exhales, offering a slight nod.
"I am. Are you okay?" I check in, it's unlike Arizona to take a moment during sex, that's more my thing.
"Yeah, I just needed to make sure. I'm really turned on, I don't know how you manage it."
"I'm just that good." I offer with a small grin seeing her laugh. "And I'm turned on too, it's okay, come here." I say reassuringly, bringing her closer to me to kiss.
We go slow, I take the lead. I understand Arizona is worried about me and I figure by taking the lead she will be comforted by the thought that it's all at my speed. The few items of clothing we are still wearing slowly get striped from our bodies, barely taking our lips off one another. Our bodies mould together perfectly, almost as though they were made for each other. I kiss gently at Arizona's neck, sucking lightly at her pulse point before continuing to kiss down her body. She pants lightly at each bit of attention I offer, her breathing rapid as she grips the sheets. Her folds part naturally due to her position and the build up of fluid that had formed.
I cover her in kisses, kissing my way from one thigh to the other, watching her squirm in anticipation. Kisses become small licks and Arizona is a panting mess beneath me. One of her hands has found its way to my hair, holding on to help guide me. I swipe my tongue across her sensitive zone, catching her clit for a moment but not continuing to give it all my attention. I move my attention lower, using my tongue to enter her a few times. Arizona's moans are getting increasingly louder, it's strange that we don't have to consider waking Sofia at the moment. I take this as an opportunity to see how much of a reaction I can get from my girlfriend.
I move my attention back to her sensitive nerves, lightly kissing it before circling it with my tongue. I remove my hand from her hip to line it up with her centre, pushing two fingers into her steadily. Arizona gasps slightly and moans as I curve them inside her. I start a steady rhythm, pumping my fingers in to her while lightly licking her clit. I try to keep my pace slow, trying to elongate her pleasure but it becomes too much for her.
"Amelia. More. Please." She pants, and I start applying a little more pressure to her nerves with my tongue and increase the speed of my hand. I know she isn't going to last long, I can feel her walls beginning to tighten so I continue to build my speed.
My name drips off her tongue as she gets closer to the edge.
"Amy, I'm close" She exhales. A fact that I already knew but it fuels me to continue. I circle her clit quickly with my tongue, sucking lightly until her orgasm comes to an end.
"Wow. I uh, wow."
"Good?" I ask Arizona as I climb back up her body to lay in her arms.
"Amazing."
Arizona takes a few moments to gather her breath and strength, holding me tightly in her arms before repositioning to kiss me again.
"Can I touch you?" Arizona asks me before initiating further contact.
"Yep. I'm okay, I promise" I respond simply.
"Good. Because I want to make you feel as good as you just made me feel. How do you want this?"
"Use your hands?" I state, but my cautious tone comes across as more of a question.
"I can do that. Top?" she questions and I nod, climbing back up on top of her.
I make the first move, leaning in a little allowing our beasts to swipe past one another before placing a gentle kiss on her lips. I feel her hands slowly moving down my sides before bringing them back to rest on my breasts. She rolls my nipples lightly between her fingers, making my breath hitch as I kiss her. Her movements are small and subtle, but she knows exactly how to touch me, she knows how to get the best responses. She leans up toward me, kissing and suckling gently on my pulse point. I lean in towards her a little to allow her to continue without straining her neck. The joint attention of her lips on my neck and hands on my chest is overwhelming, but in a good way.
Arizona lifts her leg a little beneath me, allowing my core to graze against it which relieves some of the pressure that was building. I continue to grind against her until she removes her leg and her hand begins to trace its way down my body. My body tenses a little, but I stay calm. I trust Arizona, and I know she would never do anything to hurt me. I look into her eyes, offering a small smile.
"You okay?" she asks, using her free hand to tuck my hair behind my ear.
"I'm perfect. We are perfect." I assure her, placing a light kiss on her lips.
Her hand locates my core, cupping it gently before parting my lips to stroke her fingers through my juices. She soon locates my clit, circling it lightly as I release a shuddering breath. She knows exactly how to create the most pleasure for me. Her free hand moves to my breast, gently massaging it and rolling the bud between her fingers. I continue to kiss her as she explores my body.
She moves her lips to gently kiss my neck and I rest my forehead against her shoulder. Her fingers part my folds and gather my juices before circling my entrance. She gently presses two fingers into me, whispering that she loves me. My walls tighten around her digits as she begins to build a rhythm. Her fingers easily locate my most sensitive spots, curving slightly to scratch at my walls. I relax my body entirely, giving in to the pleasure that is being offered. The base of Arizona's hand is rubbing against my clit with every internal thrust and my heavy breathing turns into quiet moans, something Arizona must notice because she picks up her speed. I lower my hips with every thrust, leaning in toward her as the pleasure sensation builds within my stomach.
"Az, I'm almost there." I exhale and her speed increases even more. Her thumb stretches out to put pressure on my clit and I feel myself unravel in her arms.
My arms and legs fail me as I collapse on top of her, my body shaking as my orgasm takes over. As my body starts to relax I realise I am laid directly on top of my girlfriend. When I gather enough strength I roll slightly to the side, landing in her arms looking into her eyes.
"Thank you. You're the best girlfriend ever."
Arizona POV
"I love you so much." I tell Amelia with a small smile, pulling her body closer into my arms.
"I love you too. And I love what you do to me." Amelia responds with a quick grin before moving to rest her head against my chest.
"What do I do?" I ask with an eye raise, enjoying her flirty tone.
"You make me feel things. Like when you touch me I feel sexy. You do that." My girlfriend admits with a small grin.
"You really are sexy, with and without my hands on you. You're beautiful Amelia."
"I don't know."
"How could you possibly not know. You've seen yourself in the mirror. You're stunning." I reiterate, stroking her hair as her head lays on my chest.
"My body is a mess. My legs are gross, my stomach has stretch marks. If you look closely at my arms I have needle scars. I have ruined my body. But you make me feel like it doesn't matter." Her voice shakes as she talks.
"Amy, none of those things make you any less sexy. Your scars are your story, they show where you have been. They show your pain, but also your strength. Your scars are a part of you, and you're beautiful." I wish I could make her see herself the way I see her.
"I know you love me, and for some reason you think that but I can't see it. I can't remove the damage I have created. My body is ruined, and that's not hot."
"Do you think I'm pretty?" I respond quickly, knowing the answer ahead of time but trying to change her perspective.
"Of course, you're one of the most beautiful people I know."
"But I'm missing a leg. I don't think so." I state simply.
"You lost your leg, but that's a part of your past. It doesn't define you."
"I know that now, and your scars don't define you either. They're your story, they show where you have been, but not where you're going. I just wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
"I don't think it's possible, not without a time machine so I could make different choices."
"What does it feel like when you cut?"
"Erm." Amelia says slowly, clearly hesitant about the topic, she looks down, avoiding eye contact but she doesn't pull away.
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, It's okay." I reassure her, and she rolls over so he has her back to me, she takes me hand and holds it in her own as I spoon her. I feel her take a shuddering breath before she starts to speak.
"It has changed over time. At first it hurt a lot, physically I mean, but that meant I was thinking about the pain, and not him. Eventually the physical pain wasn't as bad, or I got used to it or something, but it helped me forget." She begins, squeezing my hands tightly.
"What about now?"
"Well, I stopped for a while, but when I started again it was like a form of punishment, it felt like I deserved the pain. But then it felt nice to be able to control something in my life. It changed quite a lot. It's not like I want to do it, but it helps. It also makes me feel more present, like it reminds me I'm not there anymore and that I'm safe and happy. I think the only thing that hasn't changed is the guilt. I feel so guilty for messing with my body, for letting you down, for letting the universe down. I'm not sure."
"You have never let me down Amelia, never. I just hate to see you in pain." I offer, placing a light kiss on the back of her neck. "I'm so proud of you for choosing to fight, for letting me into your world."
We lay in bed for a while before deciding to get up. I decide to go in the shower first, knowing Sofia will be calling back soon. I make quick work of getting cleaned before heading through to the kitchen seeing Amelia is making breakfast.
"Is that French toast?" I ask as I sense the smell.
"Yep, should be ready soon." Amelia says with a smile, placing a quick kiss on my lips "You're not at work today right?"
"Nope, we are both back tomorrow. Why? What are you thinking?" I follow up, moving behind her and wrapping my arms around her stomach so she can continue cooking.
"Lazy day?"
"Sounds perfect. I do need to go to the store though. I'm planning to go after Sof has called if you want to come."
We are sitting at the kitchen table with breakfast and coffee when Sofia calls again. I answer the phone and put her on speaker so we can both talk to her.
"Hi Mom! Did Amy tell you what is happening tomorrow?" Sofia begins in full excitement.
"No she didn't. She thought she would let you tell me. What is happening tomorrow Sof?"
"Mama is taking me to Broadway to see a show called Wicked. Amy has seen it before and says it's really good and I'll like it."
"Well it must be good then. That sounds super exciting baby."
"It is. Me and Mama just watched the Wizard of Oz to remind me what happens and it's just as good as I remember it. Toto is so cute!"
"He is, isn't he." I say to Sofia, turning to Amelia to whisper that she is going to start asking for a dog again soon which gets a laugh. "So, what else have you been up to?"
Today has been perfect. It's just Amelia, and I, and we don't need anybody else. There were no expectations. Amelia asked me if she could go to a meeting while I was out at the store, I had completely forgotten that she had gone longer than she normally would have without one. Of course I agreed, I dropped her off and went shopping before picking her up again. When we got home we both changed back into our pyjamas, we have nothing to prove. Sof is safe at Callie's, we have had a physically and emotionally exhausting weekend, and now we have nothing to do. We can just stop, and breath.
Amelia is laid in my arms with her sketching diary, filling in the pictures to show what she has done in the last few days while we have been away. I'm always amazed at how much she remembers, she can draw a scene from memory, I'm watching her draw the ice cream store from San Francisco, and she is remembering details I had forgotten about until I see them. I have been going there annually, and she had never been there before. It's crazy. She finishes the sketch before writing "guilty" underneath. I wrap my arms around her, placing a light kiss on her head. I'm so proud of her for taking this seriously, for wanting to help herself.
"I erm, I'm not sure what to draw in this one. I mean, I do but I don't know." Amelia says, fumbling with the pencil in her hands.
"What don't you know about?"
"You. You had a pretty big breakdown, but that's a you thing and I don't want to discuss your private life, that's your story and not mine I just, it happened to me too and I don't know." She rambles, twisting her body to look at me.
"You can talk about it, it's okay. I mean I would appreciate it if you didn't draw me in the foetal position crying my eyes out, but be creative, and of course you can talk about it at therapy. I trust you." I explain simply, placing my hand over hers to stop the fidgeting.
"I've been thinking, and we had a conversation a while back about getting rid of my blades, and I think I want to talk to Dr Watson about it. I still have the cravings, like a lot, but I'm normally able to restrain myself. Like at the weekend, after I told you about Michelle, I really really wanted to cut, but I didn't."
"I know. And I'm proud of you for that."
"It's just, last time we talked about getting rid of my blades, you freaked out a little. You were scared I would get more panicked without them. But I've had a lot of time to think about it, and I think getting rid of them is the best move. I mean I'm still going to talk to Dr Watson first, I just needed to talk to you about it before."
"I'm sorry about my freak out last time. I just care too much about you and I didn't want you to make any sudden decisions. I didn't mean that I didn't want you to stop, of course I do. I just needed to make sure you had thought it through."
"I have thought it through, I promise."
Well, that's all for this chapter. Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it took me so long to upload. Hope you're all staying safe. :)