I have no excuse. Its been 6 months for literally no reason because I've had the next few chapters written for at least 8 months. I'm about 5 weeks from graduating uni and then hopefully I'll have more time to focus on this.
Just as I have gotten comfy under my blankets on the couch, I hear a knock on the door. I reluctantly climb back up, placing my can of soda on the coffee table before heading to the door. When I open the door I see April, who looks particularly stressed.
"Hey, is Arizona home?" she asks, fumbling with her hands and avoiding eye contact.
"She's out for dinner with Sofia, they wanted some Mom-Daughter bonding time."
"Sorry, I just presumed because she wasn't at the hospital she would be here. I'll text her, it's fine." April exhales, stumbling over her words.
"Do you want to come in? Wait for her? I'm not sure when she will be back but I just ordered way too much Chinese food for one person."
"I don't want to impose."
"I have literally no plans, I'm barely even dressed." I add, motioning towards my sweatpants and tank top. "You look like you've had a stressful day, and although I'm not Arizona, I am a pretty good listener." I add with a small smile, stepping back to allow her to enter.
"You want a drink? Coffee, soda, wine, water." I lost, unsure of what April would usually drink. I know she and Arizona are close but I've never really been around them together.
"Wine sounds incredible right now, I think I need it today."
"That bad huh?" I ask, holding out a bottle of red and a bottle of white for her to choose from. She selects red, taking it from my hand and I pass her a glass.
"You want one too?" She asks, clearly confused by the presence of only one glass.
"I'm good. I've got a soda in the living room."
"Sorry everything's a mess, I wasn't really expecting company."
"It's fine, my apartment is worse, Harriet's toys are scattered everywhere." She explains and I nod, unsure how to break the awkward silence.
"You want to talk about it? Or put a movie on or something?" I offer. "I'm sorry, I don't really know what you and Arizona would normally do."
"We normally drink, and talk and just see where that gets us." She explains, starting to relax a little as she gulps down the last of the wine from her glass.
"Well you are more than welcome to the contents of that bottle in the kitchen, it's all yours."
"Are you sure you don't want one?"
"I'm certain." I reiterate.
"Do you have an early shift tomorrow?" She asks but I shake my head indicating otherwise.
"I don't drink." I state and I feel her looking at me. I don't know why it's so hard for me to say it, I know April wouldn't judge me. "I'm an alcoholic. Sober, for over 8 years now but still an alcoholic."
"I had no idea, I wouldn't have suggested - I'm sorry." She rambles.
"It's fine. Arizona drinks sometimes, as do Meredith and Maggie. It really doesn't bother me anymore."
Food arrives not long later. April is hesitant to take any but when seeing the amount I had ordered she gives in. There is more than enough food for the two people, I will probably have left overs tomorrow. I instruct my new friend to take the food to the couch, it's rare that Sofia isn't home and that I get the chance to avoid eating at the table. After a few minutes April breaks the silence.
"Do you ever wish you just hadn't met someone?"
"More people than I care to admit. Who are we wishing you hadn't met today?"
"A patient came in, someone who I had treated a little over five years ago. She was asking about my kid, I didn't really understand why but when I told her Harriet was three, she asked about my other kid. I treated her when I was pregnant with Samuel. And it's stupid, she meant no harm but I just forgot that sometimes people don't know, you know?" April's voice is shaky, anxious, it's strange. Since I moved to Grey Sloan, I haven't really had people confide in me other than Arizona. It's nice to know that someone trusts me.
"Yeah, I know that feeling pretty well. What did you do?"
"I ran away like an idiot. I told her I had to take care of another patient and got Owen to take over for me." She admits, running a hand through her hair.
"I don't blame you. We all have stuff we don't want to talk about, some people just don't seem to get the hints."
"Exactly. We are there to do our job, not to answer questions about our personal lives."
"Some people just don't get it. We have all encountered those people. They suck."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to unload all of this on you, I was just stressed and sad and Jackson has Harriett tonight. I just needed to get it out."
"April it's fine, seriously. I've been there. Arizona is a great listener, I would have come here too, even though she isn't here. Great, and now I'm not making sense." I ramble, rolling my eyes which makes April laugh. "I know I'm not Arizona, but I'm trying."
"It's fine, you're don't great, seriously. It's just nice to have someone to vent to, even if they don't understand exactly, not that I wish you understood what I went through, losing a child is awful although maybe having someone who would understand would help. I don't know I-"
"April, I understand." I state, interrupting her.
"What?"
"Sorry, I uh, I felt like it would be lying if I didn't tell you."
"I'm confused."
"I uh, I had a son too. Before I came to Seattle." I explain, running a hand through my hair and taking a deep breath. "I understand." I repeat, taking a deep breath to stay in control of my emotions.
"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't know."
"It's fine. It's not something I really talk about, it just felt like I would be lying if I didn't say something. But I'm okay, you can talk about Samuel."
"Are you sure?" She asks, fumbling with her hands and looking down to avoid eye contact.
"I'm certain." I respond with a small smile, offering a nod to tell her to continue.
"I just, it's been five years and I have Harriet now, but it never seems to get easier to talk about him, especially with people I don't really know. Like I hadn't seen that patient in five years and I just couldn't." April admits and I nod. I know exactly how she feels.
"I don't think it does get easier. I didn't tell anyone his name until I met Arizona and that was eight years later." I explain, looking to April who is looking back, listening intently, nodding that she understands. "His name was Christopher, and I can say that without crying now but it doesn't really get easier."
"I'm sorry." April says quietly, reaching out to place a comforting hand on my arm.
"Don't be. He's in a better place now. He has his dad, and Derek and I'm okay."
"You believe in heaven?" She asks and I nod, indicating yes.
"Yeah, I think I do. I don't know if it's like they depict in the stories, but I like to believe they're somewhere, together. It feels stupid sometimes, but it helps me to sleep at night." I admit with a small, nervous laugh.
"I'm sure they are, and it's not stupid. I like to think Samuel is with my friend who died in the shooting, maybe my gran too."
"I never thought I would say this, but it feels nice to talk about this, especially with someone who understands what it was like. It just seems easier than normal." I say quietly, unsure if April is feeling the same way I am.
"Yeah, I mean it's weird, but yeah. The only person I ever really spoke to who understood was Jackson, then the divorce happened and I just didn't have that anymore. Did you not have that with Christopher's dad?"
"He died before I realised I was pregnant. He OD'd in bed next to me." I state with a heavy breath. "So no, not really."
"I don't know how you did it."
"Yeah me either"
April and I both jump when we hear the front door open, turning our heads to see Arizona and Sofia walking in.
"Hi April, hi Amy." Sofia exclaims running in to give me a hug.
"Sof, we had a deal that you would brush your teeth and go straight to bed if you got dessert. Go get ready for bed please."
"Kay. Good night April. Love you Amy."
"Love you too. Sleep tight." I yell after the girl who was making her way to the bathroom.
"Good meal?" I ask Arizona who had made her way over to sit next to me.
"Yep. It was nice. What is happening here?" My girlfriend asks, clearly confused at the mess that was made and the fact that April is in our apartment to begin with. "I had a shitty shift, I came here looking for you, just to vent a bit. Turns out your girlfriend is pretty good to vent with too."
"I'm not you, but I gave it a good go, plus, she is a good listener too."
"I think it's just because we understand what each other went through, it made it easier." April suggests and I nod in agreement.
"I'm confused." Arizona states looking back and forth between us.
"Christopher." I say looking to my girlfriend.
"Samuel" April adds.
"Oh, right." Arizona says with a sad look on her face. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt." She adds turning to walk out the room. I jump up from my seat, reaching out to catch her arm, slipping my hand into her grip.
"Hey, look at me." I instruct, watching as she reluctantly turns her head to look back at me. "Go sit with April, have a glass of wine if you want one. I'm going to tuck Sofia in. April came to talk to you, not me. I just tried to stand in for you for a bit."
"Are you sure?" she asks nervously.
"Positive." I nod. I teach my spare hand up to tuck her hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek with my hand and pulling her in for a quick kiss. "Go be with your friend. I've got Sof." I reiterate.
"Thank you."
I stick my head into the bathroom to see it is empty so I head through to Sofia's room.
"Hey kiddo, did you have a good meal with your mom?"
"Yeah. It was really good, and the cake for dessert was the best!"
"That good huh? That must have been some excellent cake."
"It was. Why is April here?"
"She wanted to talk to your Mom but you were out so I told her she could wait here. Come on, into bed now monkey." I add, opening the blankets to create space for her. She climbs into bed, picking up a book from her bedside table as she does. "One chapter, okay? Then time to sleep." I instruct, knowing that if the warning wasn't given she would likely stay up reading until the early hours of the morning.
"I know." She agrees and I reach in to place a kiss on her head and give her a quick good night hug. I feel her arms wrap around my body quickly in response. "Good night Melia, I love you."
"I love you too. Sweet dreams."
I leave Sofia's bedroom, heading back to the living room to see Arizona and April, each with a glass of wine in their hand.
"You guys want some space?" I offer from the doorway.
"It's fine. Come sit down." April offers with a kind smile and I look to my girlfriend, making sure she is okay with it too. A small nod from Arizona gives me the encouragement I need to go sit with them, choosing to go sit by Arizona's side. She turns to place a quick kiss on my lips before turning back to look at April.
"You guys are cute. It's gross." The redhead murmurs quietly.
"Thanks? I think." Arizona responds and I laugh.
"I should go. I have definitely overstayed my welcome." April states, standing up and wobbling on her feet.
"You don't have to go, I can put the camper bed up in here." Arizona offers but
April shakes her head.
"Nono, you have a kid, and I'm going to be so hungover in the morning."
"At least let me drive you home?" I offer, knowing both Arizona and I would feel much happier knowing that she got home safe.
"Fine, but I owe you one, I'm not sure what that means. What do I owe you? Why don't I know that?" April mumbles her mind wandering with the alcohol flowing through her body.
"How much have you drank?" Arizona asks, laughing at her friend's conundrum, but April doesn't answer, her mind still flowing.
"Clearly a little too much." I answer on April's behalf. "Come on, let's take you home."
When I arrive back at our apartment, I see Arizona has cleared up all the food mess April and I had created throughout the evening and is sat with her feet tucked up on the couch.
"Hey." I say quietly, taking my shoes off and sitting down to join her.
"April got home okay?"
"I got her to the couch. I honestly didn't want to attempt the stairs. Are you okay?" I ask my girlfriend. Her body language since she got home has been different, nothing major but it's strange.
"Hmm?"
"Something is bothering you. Talk to me Arizona." I ask again, placing my hand on her back, gently rubbing it up and down.
"It's stupid. I'll be fine." Arizona says lightly, leaning into my embrace. "I know it's stupid, but I felt jealous, which I know is crazy but it still hurt. I just need to get past it."
"Jealous of what exactly?"
"You, and April. For so long, I was your person, and I was her person and it was just normal to me. Seeing you two get along should have made me happy, but if you have each other, I thought maybe you wouldn't need me. And I know you wouldn't leave me, but you could." Arizona explains, her brow is furrowed, she is clearly confused by the strange feelings she was experiencing.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
"I know." Arizona responds quietly.
"I told April about Christopher because she stressed she didn't have anyone to understand what she went through, so I told her I understood, but that doesn't mean I'm replacing you, the opposite even. Having you to support me, you give me enough confidence to talk to people, open up a little." I try to explain, keeping my arms wrapped around Arizona's side, continuing to rub gentle circles on her back.
"I know. I know that, I'm just being neurotic, I am happy you helped her, really. I just need to get used to it.
"What can I do to help?" I ask, tucking her hair behind her ear, gently cupping her face with my hand, turning her head to look at me.
Arizona holds still for a few moments, looking deep into my eyes before leaning in to kiss me. She starts slow, wordlessly making sure I'm okay by giving me time to respond before she takes anything further. I respond to her touch, humming as her tongue runs along my bottom lip requesting access.
"Let me make love to you?" Arizona requests sweetly, resting her forehead against mine while she speaks, taking a moment to catch her breath. I nod my head, agreeing to her proposition.
"Should we take this to the bedroom?" I follow up and my girlfriend reaches out her hand, interlocking her fingers with mine to lead the way.
Arizona takes the lead, something that has become far less common as she usually allows me to decide when I'm ready. It's a surprise, but it is welcome, I trust Arizona and I know she would never hurt me. My girlfriend begins to kiss me again, her hands rest lightly at the bottom of my back as she shuffles her feet closer and closer toward the bed until the backs of my legs are greeted by fresh sheets and I fall backwards onto my bed. I shuffle my body back further, allowing Arizona to join me on the bed. She climbs to balance herself over me, one of my hands is laid by my head on the bed, and my fingers linked with Arizona's while my other hand is placed on the back of her neck, allowing me to guide her movements.
Her kissing slowly moves downward as she kisses and lightly sucks on the side of my neck. She is careful not to leave too many love bites as she searches for that sensitive spot she knows I love. When she finds it, I take a sharp inhale, tilting my head backward to give her better access, allowing her to repeat the action. With my breathing suitably increased, Arizona reaches her hands to the bottom of my tank top. I use my hands to lift my body a little, allowing her to remove the article of clothing with more ease. With my top thrown to the floor Arizona's attention moves to her own clothing, quickly stripping herself of her shirt and bra. I follow suit, removing my bra for her, and she gives me a look. One of my favourite looks. Her eyes open a little wider, and her pupils dilate. Her mouth is agape, just for a moment as she takes in the view. Seeing her looking at me that way, it makes me feel like I'm so much more than I am. She makes me beautiful and sexy, everything I struggle to see in myself on a daily basis seems to fade away.
"Hey." I say quietly when her eyes reach mine. I silently curse myself for my choice of words. What was I even thinking?
"Hey yourself." Arizona says with her all knowing dorky grin. "You okay?" She follows up, her eyes not once leaving mine.
"I'm more than okay. You're so pretty."
"As are you. You're so beautiful Amelia." Arizona says as she slides one her legs gently between mine, gently rocking against me with both of our lower halves still clothed. I roll my hips upward with her gentle rocks, trying to increase the pressure a little for each of us. Arizona's left hand has made its way to my breast where she is fumbling carefully with my nipple, rolling it softly between two fingers as her mouth begins to give similar attention to my other breast. She rolls the bud between her lips before offering a small lick and suck to the sensitive skin. My chest rises slightly as I take a sudden deep breath at the feeling. She repeats the action a few times before making her way to my other breast to give it the same treatment, continuing her gentle rocks against me.
Without much warning Arizona's movements against me slow to a stop. She pulls away a little, removing her pants before removing her prosthetic. While she is busy I begin to remove my sweat pants but Arizona's hand is placed gently over mine to prevent the action. "Can I?" She asks softly, she smiles at me, looking deep into my eyes as I nod in agreement. Gentle fingers caress my waist as they gently hook under the waistband of my pants. I lift my hips to allow her to drag the offending article down my legs leaving my lower half bare.
"No underwear today huh?" Arizona questions with a raised eyebrows and grin.
"I forgot clean panties when I went to take a shower earlier and I didn't have plans so I opted for comfort." I shrug in response and I see Arizona's grin grow a little. "What?" I ask as my girlfriend's grin gets larger and her eyes stay staring straight into mine.
"I love you."
"I know. I love you too." I reply quietly. I Lift my hand to cup her face, bringing her closer to me and Arizona clearly understands my actions and leans in once more.
Her hands trace down my body, resting on my hips, her thumbs gently caressing my skin for a moment before she shuffles backward, gently nudging my legs until I open them further. She lays with her head between my legs. I can feel her breath on my skin as she breathes. I reach my hand down the side of my body as far as I can and am grateful to find Arizona's hand there to hold. She offers a gentle squeeze of my hand before taking a slow lick upward, collecting my juices with her tongue. I inhale sharply, whimpering at the sensation. I let out a soft moan as Arizona continues to offer me her attention and I begin to relax into her touch. She keeps her hand in mine, exploring my folds like it's the first time all over again. Almost as if she knows I need more, she begins to use her other hand, circling with two fingers before pushing them into my body. She sets a steady pace, her tongue on my clit and her fingers burying themselves inside of me repeatedly until my hips begin to lift to her rhythm.
She gradually speeds up her movements, concentrating more on my clit, running circles around it as she sucks a little. She repeats her actions over and over until it is too much. The pressure that was building in my body is released as I tip silently over the edge. My fingers grip tightly on her hand, she doesn't stop her movements until I have ridden out the entirety of my orgasm.
I tug on Arizona's hand, pulling her up to come lay with me. I stroke her hair from her face leaning in for a kiss. I run my hands gently down her sides and attempt to roll over, to repay the favour but Arizona stops me.
"Nope. Today is 'make love to Amelia' day. You ready for round two?" She asks with a dorky grin.
"Always."