Chapter 88, εуλ0016 (continuation continued)

Years going by had changed the way love was, Cloud realized. There was friendship. Simple comfort. Knowing she would be there every day, looking forward to the days just because she was in them.

Little things, going through the motions of the days, talking, laughing. Special in their lack of specialness, things just seemed normal – something he never thought that he would know. The knowledge that such days were neither rare nor limited – he could always look forward to more of the same.

Being there.

Moments when their eyes met – and he just knew.

Every once in a while he liked to step back and see her the way men saw her when they first came into the bar. Captivated by her big autumn eyes and luscious breasts, legs that went on forever. Look, don't touch, because she belonged to another man, and wanting hands were no match for a well-placed punch. Failing that, a giant sword easily made the would-be suitor back off.

Though it was rarely a problem nowadays – as Seventh Heaven had established itself over the years, the regular clientele had solidified. Respectful, even protective, of the bar's proprietor. Knowing full well Who Tifa belonged to. An angry mob ready to come to Tifa's defense if Cloud ever set a foot wrong.

No problem there. He knew what he had. And he still wanted to be her hero, went to pieces when she whispered that word to him; a magic word that now meant words rather than aspiration, delivered with her eyes shining with love and pride.

He'd still do anything for her.

But sometimes the how and why of that was not so simple.

Eight years in, and they were happier than ever. Their family kept growing closer; their kids, growing up healthy and happy. By all measures, this would be the time for he and Tifa to have a baby.

But he just couldn't will himself to bring it up. He had no knowledge of how mako might have changed him; he'd wondered belatedly if even sex was safe, or if he could transmit something to Tifa that way. Had Aerith and Zack ever made love, he wondered? It would have given him the answer, but no way of knowing now. Tifa, fortunately, seemed to be showing no ill effects, even after the hundreds, maybe thousands, of times they'd been intimate.

But a baby…

Besides, he had a secret.

He knew Tifa, like every other woman in Midgar, had a materia she used for birth control. The same one that let them make love wildly without fear of consequences they weren't ready for. But much less known was that there was one made for men as well.

It was something he'd learned about in Shinra's army. Something that was distributed to the troops, with the strict injunction that it be used properly.

Men who were married were largely allowed to go their own way.

Men in relationships, if their partner became pregnant, were assumed to have planned it; they were expected to do the right thing and marry the woman in question.

Men not in relationships… were reprimanded strongly and dishonorably discharged.

Of course, the one he'd been assigned was long gone… but he'd been able to find another, in a shop in Junon four years before (the man claiming he used to be in SOLDIER and it had been his – Cloud had his doubts, but hey, the thing worked fine), when he realized how badly he did want children. Not that he really needed one, when Tifa had hers - it wasn't like they were trying to conceive or anything! But –

Well.

He loved her so much, more than he even knew was possible – nor had he known how it would grow deeper every day and strengthen their bond over time. He felt secure in the relationship, feeling with every step taken and every milestone crossed how lucky and grateful he felt to be here, on the other side of that mountain. They laughed easily together, the warmth of a true friendship that let love blossom that much more.

He wanted to go further, to create a life made from that live. Wanted the making of NEW memories – but scared only more tragedy would come of it, when he'd had enough of sadness.

He told himself he was doing it for her sake – hoping he wasn't making a mistake not talking to her about it. He already knew her answer. She'd be willing to take the risk. But he wasn't.

The promises were certain, but not always the ways to keep them.

Ah, hell, he was really doing it to avoid the whole question. If there was even the smallest chance she could become pregnant… He couldn't risk either Tifa or their child. He couldn't allow that, unless he was sure he could give her a safe and healthy baby.

He tried to ignore the little voice in his head that told him he was simply terrified. Scared of being a father – he'd done okay with Denzel, but a little one he had from birth… was it his biological legacy, or emotional legacy, that scared him the most?

With no way to solve the conundrum, he just kept on doing what he had been doing, helpless to find an answer.

Tifa was getting read to fix dinner when Denzel slouched into the kitchen, almost hesitant to approach her. "Tifa… is Cloud around?" he asked.

She paused in stirring the pot, looking to the boy she had learned to call her son. "Sure he is, out in the garage." Denzel had to have known that; Tifa got the distinct feeling that he was delaying some kind of inevitable, an impression that was only reinforced by his furtive steps out of the kitchen.

She'd long since learned not to take it personally when Denzel went to Cloud over her. It was all part of the experience of raising a boy. Cloud would tell her soon enough.

It wasn't until a couple of hours later, though, that Cloud came in, remembering his manners and washing up before he entered her kitchen, but which time she was already seated at the table with two cups of coffee ready for them. The bike didn't truly need much maintenance; it was more a routine for Cloud, a focus, a way to straighten out his thoughts. Double that if he had been talking to Denzel about anything serious.

"Denzel come out to talk to you?" she approached cautiously.

"Yeah." The one-word answer didn't quite put her off, but didn't exactly invite further conversation, either. She gave him a minute.

"Is it… something you can talk to me about?" she proceeded, giving him the opening.

"I, well.." He trailed off, still hesitant. "I was going to. I'm just trying to figure out how to approach this."

"I can wait," Tifa told him, pushing the mug towards him. She always offered him the same courtesy he showed to her, preparing his cup just he way he liked it. No sugar, but enough milk that it was barely brown at all. Mako trumped caffeine for energy, anyways.

He accepted gratefully. "He asked if he could have Mina stay overnight."

No need to elaborate; Tifa knew exactly what Cloud meant. But it was surprising to have a boy ask his father, at his age – only fifteen (!), though nearing sixteen soon enough. Well, she supposed, Cloud did lie somewhere between father and big brother. The hero-worship part of the equation had dulled over time – replaced by something more vulnerable, but also more human.

Tifa definitely considered that to be an improvement.

"I sort of assumed that was already happening," she told Cloud faintly.

"I sort of did too," Cloud admitted. "I was starting to wonder if I should bring it up with him… guess he beat me to it. I mean, we gave them the basics, but…" He laughed. "Turns out, not yet. He told me he wanted to 'make it special'," Cloud quoted with his fingers in the air.

That was… unexpected. "Well, that should be encouraged," Tifa reasoned. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that it was a very mature thing he was asking," Cloud replied, "and I was glad he felt comfortable talking to me about it, but I still wanted to discuss it with you first."

"That seems like the right thing to say," Tifa murmured absent-mindedly. She leaned forward on the table, balancing her head on her palms. A long silence stretched.

"So we finally find ourselves her," Tifa finally said. "They're growing up."

"I wish they didn't have to," Cloud replied. "We had to grow up. Denzel and Marlen should take their time." He looked up from his mug. "Weren't they eight and six like, last week?"

She reached out to take his had in her own. "You forget, they grew up pretty quickly themselves," she told him. "Really, we've been guardians more than parents. We get to play along while still not being that old ourselves. But them growing up and us letting them go is part of the deal, you know?" she released his hand, leaving them both gazing into cooling cups.

"You did the right thing by coming to me," she told Cloud. "I'll leave Denzel to you, but I'll have to talk to Mina. I don't know if she's been given the right…. preparations." She felt a flash of guilt, of loss, thinking of her own "preparations," long unused upstairs.

"I'm glad he came to you, instead of just going behind our backs," she continued. "Personally, I'd rather have them her, in a safe place, than just whenever and wherever. It's not like we ever had parents to turn to by the time we…" She paused, hesitant. She'd never actually asked him. "How old were you, anyway?"

Cloud wasn't so much surprised at the question, as the fact that it had never come up before. "Fourteen," he told her, "Zack, uh, kind of pushed me…" A long-ago memory now, of a freer time. "You?"

"Sixteen," she replies. "I was a little older than you when I first came to Midgar, after all…" Ever after all this time, they still found themselves glossing over the events that had brought them to the city in whose remains they now lived.

"So, just a little bit younger than Denzel and Mina," Cloud mused, glancing at her. "I guess I hadn't thought about it that way. It would be hypocritical of us to say no, then, huh?" Tifa nodded slowly. He turned back to the cup, lifting it and peering into the empty dregs, then suddenly groaned with a realization. "I guess we're sort of older siblings and parents all in one." Tifa, again, nodded her understanding. "I suppose.. that means…well, I'm going to have to teach him some of the how-tos, also," he mumbled awkwardly. "I mean… I had Zack…" Cloud trailed off, remembering. Zack's own advice… and the women he had advised Cloud to take up with… well… Cloud had learned his lessons well; he was more than glad now for the result. "I guess he should know how to treat a lady, right?"

"You don't have to tell him what we do together," Tifa advised. "Just tell hm to go slowly, pay attention to her, ask her what she wants to do. Let her tell her and show him. Put her first, the same way you've always done with me."

Cloud looked surprised. "Is that really what I've been doing? I never really thought abut it that way." He shrugged.

"Are you hearing any complaints from me?" she answered.

"Not many," Cloud told her, smiling flirtatiously. She mock-punched his arm. "But seriously… I think whatever I did before… was just practice so I'd know what to do with you."

Tifa considered how to answer. She certainly couldn't claim the same; not when it had been a time in her life when she'd never expected to see him again. "I think everything I did before… was so I could know how much better you were at it." Cloud laughed out loud this time.

She found herself giggling in response, then sobered up. "I'm grateful… that he has you to teach him how to be a man," she said softly, earning that rare, heartfelt smile from Cloud that she so loved to see. "All the ways."

Cloud felt the surge of confidence he always got from her pride in him. Nevertheless, he remained silent for a moment, considering whether or not to voice his thoughts. "Because you helped make me that way," he told her, equally quiet.

He raised his eyes and gazed firmly at her; once it had been so difficult to speak his feelings… It still didn't come naturally. What made it easier was that he had learned how much it meant to her to hear it.

"So do we agree we should let him make his own decision about this?" Cloud asked her. "He's probably made himself a nervous wreck outside by now." Tifa nodded. "Do you want to tell him?"

"I don't think so," she replied. "It'll mean more, coming from you." Cloud nodded, getting up from the table.

In the garage, Denzel idly kicked the workbench beneath him; feeling like he had been waiting outside for HOURS. He wondered what they were talking about. He was starting to wonder if he should have even brough it up. After all, they couldn't possibly let him…

Then he realized he had no idea how to finish that statement. He didn't even know how his original parents would have handled this. Edge wasn't exactly a conservative town – he'd heard there were parts of the world where people didn't do this until they actually got married! – and Cloud and Tifa were even MORE free and open, even before they decided to, extremely unofficially, just declare themselves married. Not like everyone didn't already think of them that way, anyway.

So. He reasoned with himself. He tried not to worry about was supposed to be OK or not OK. But he still found himself… embarrassed about the whole thing. All those weird feelings had been strange enough when they had first some on, but over the years he'd become, at the very least, less confused. But to actually be doing things with another person – his best friend, no less… No. That wasn't right. She was his girlfriend, and they loved each other.

But all he had was some basic road maps of the female anatomy, and the pictures guys were always passing around. What if he just made a complete fool out of himself? What if Mina hated him afterward?

Another week or so after that, and Cloud finally – finally! – stuck his head into the garage. "Come on, buddy," he told the young man. "Don't freak out or anything." Easier said than done. Denzel was ALREADY freaking out, and had been for quite some time. The only reason he was able to follow Cloud inside was that he totally wanted to get this over with.

Tifa awaited inside. She didn't look angry or anything. In fact, she looked sort of… motherly. Denzel felt stricken. OMGoddess, aretheygoingtogetallsentimentalandstuff?

He'd rather they just tore him a new asshole instead.

Neither, as it turned out. Not to start, anyway. "Denzel," Cloud cleared his throat, and Denzel realized his father figure was as nervous as he was. "Well, like I said, Tifa and I have talked about it."

Cloud realized he was only stalling. Better to get to the point as quickly as possible. "We, uh, think you are really asking like a grownup. So we want you to be able to make a grown-up decision."

"You mean, you're actually going to LET me?" It was the hoped-for result, but Denzel was still kind of stunned. AT least it was one hurdle overcome.

"We aren't going to let you do anything, Denzel," Cloud said seriously. "We simply decided you counted as an adult. So that means we're going to treat you like an adult, you'll make decisions like an adult… and we'll expect you to act like an adult," he finished, with what he hoped was the appropriate amount of sternness.

Denzel let out a not-very-adult woot, and Cloud was wondering if he should already be regretting his decision. Idly, it occurred to him that there had been no one in his own life to give him this sort of affirmation, no one who truly took him seriously as a man – well, his mother, but mothers always would! – until Zack came along.

The gaping hole Zack had left was still there. Cloud neither needed nor wanted for it to close completely.

Tifa saved him from a descent into darker thoughts. "We know this is probably when you'd want your real parents here, Denzel," she told him. "We're not trying to take their place. You're old enough to understand that we weren't actually that much older than you are now, when you first came to join us. So we didn't really know what we were doing, but… we hope we've done okay by you."

Denzel sat quiet for a long time; Cloud just let him be, looking down at the table. Finally, he spoke. "Marlene and I have talked about this," he said. "She seems to be okay with having like five moms and eight dads. It doesn't seem to affect the way she feels about any of the others." He raised his head, and looked them both squarely in the eyes; Cloud felt a surge of pride. Maybe I've done an okay dad job after all. "Yeah, I still miss my real mom and dad, but that doesn't change anything. You guys are my parents, too. I love you, Tifa. I love you, Cloud."

Tifa got up and threw her arms around Denzel Strifehart, the telltale sniffling showing she was trying hard not to embarrass him by bursting into tears. Cloud took his turn a little more awkwardly, still wondering if he was doing this right. Over Denzel's shoulder, Tifa gave Cloud a nod of acknowledgement before quietly exiting the room, leaving the two men alone.

"Um," Cloud began. "How about we go out on Fenrir? Maybe get in some sword practice?" he suggested, trying to find the activity that would give them the most privacy. "I've still got a few things to tell you about…"

There was nearly a year left before Mina would turn eighteen. Until then Tifa would have to sign her out of the group home where she lived, giving her permission to stay the night with them.

Denzel gave her the directions; he said it wasn't far from the Leaf House, where he and Mina went to school. But as Tifa headed through Sector Five, sights both old and new, she realized with a knot in her stomach where it was that she was going.

Soon enough, she found herself treading a familiar shady street, the verdant flowers spreading with every step. The butterflies inside her multiplied as she finally stopped at a very familiar door.

Aerith's house.

When had she last been here? Not since before infiltrating Shinra HQ, since their late-night flight from Midgar. A night of mourning after the plate fell, sleeping in Aerith's very bed, holding Marlene and grateful she, at least, was safe.

A night spent crying in Cloud's arms.

She knocked with trepidation, but even knowing full well that Elmyra now lived in Kalm, it still felt shocking to be greeted by the housemother instead. She said as much to the middle-aged woman at the door.

"The house was donated to the Leaf House, some years back," the woman told her. "With the specific request that it be made a home for slightly older girls."

Aerith's memory, Tifa thought. That must have been what Elmyra had in mind.

She followed up the stairs, not needing directions to find her way to the top. Mina had the choice room upstairs; though small, and shared with a roommate besides, she had the balcony – festooned as always with seedlings awaiting their turn in the garden.

Mina sat on her bed, waiting, with a small backpack and – incongruous for a seventeen-year-old – a stuffed moogle toy. She couldn't hide her nerves, fidgeting, bouncing slightly on the bed in anticipation.

Tifa sat across from her. "My roommate's out for the day," Mina explained. "School."

"I'm glad they're giving you a good education here," Tifa answered, as both women stared at each other awkwardly.

"I've been here before," Tifa told her. "The garden still looks beautiful."

"We all work on it," Mina explained. "The flowers seem to like us."

A long silence.

"So, um, I have to ask you," Tifa awkwardly began. "Are, you, um, ready with everything you need? When I was your age, we had, uh, this small materia – "

"I know what you're talking about," Mine interrupted, rummaging through her bag. "They – still do that. Give it to us when we, erm, become women. I've had mine for three years. See?" She produced a familiar pale pink ball from within the depths of her backpack.

"And you know how to use it?" Tifa pressed.

"Yeah," Mina replied, blushing. "It's the monthly kind. The housemother puts it on the calendar downstairs. She reminds us, so even if we forget…" Mina trailed off.

Ok. One worry down. "I've already signed out for you," Tifa told her. "Shall we go?"

Mina nodded, and together the two women left, going home to Seventh Heaven. And as they returned down the shaded bowers of Petal Way, a thought occurred to Tifa.

Mina was part of their family now, too.

Late at night, and Denzel and Mina were finally alone. Cloud and Tifa had done their best to welcome her, even with their slight embarrassment looming over the dinner table. Marlene, unsurprisingly, was the one smoothing over the conversation, keeping everyone talking like nothing was unusual.

Denzel was kissing her slowly and gently, the way he always did, but when he started to reach for her clothes, sliding her shirt over her head, Mina put out a hand to stop him.

Denzel raised his head, concerned. "What's wrong?" he asked her. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," replied Mina, shuddering slightly. "I'm scared, Denzel."

Denzel hung his head. "I thought we – you – said you were ready for this."

"I thought I was, but…" Mina swallowed. "Now I'm not so sure."

"I know how to take care of you," Denzel assured her. He'd made a phone call to Cid for the advice he knew he couldn't ask Cloud. ("So you put your fingers -," Cid had said, "and use your tongue like this -." The older man went on like that for quite a while. "Above all, don't forget it sometimes hurts a woman the first time! Go slow, don't be a dick!" Cid had guffawed. "Even though that's exactly what you'll be using.")

Denzel might have died of embarrassment, had he not wanted this information so badly.

"It's not that. I trust you, Denzel," she told him. "But I was wondering – Cloud and Tifa said we could do what we wanted, right?" Denzel nodded. "What if we – just made this like a sleepover?" Her eyes were wide, pleading. Frightened. "Would that be okay?"

Denzel sighed. He couldn't deny he was disappointed; couldn't say he hadn't been eagerly looking forward to this. But he couldn't allow raging hormones to direct his actions. Not when it came to someone as important as Mina.

"We can do that," he soothed.

"You sure you don't mind?" she asked.

Well, he did. A little. But he'd get over it. "It's okay, Mina," he assured her, seeing relief wash over her face. "I love you. I'll wait for you."

She smiled, and they took turns going into the bathroom to change into pajamas. It would be an awkward breakfast tomorrow, with the rest of the family assuming they had done something that apparently they weren't going to do after all, but… As they finally settled together under his blankets, fully clothed, Denzel decided this wasn't bad either. Giving her a sweet kiss goodnight, he realized, he COULD wait.

"I promise," he whispered to her already-sleeping face.