So apparently the formatting on FF has gone a little wild so there is no such thing as a paragraph anymore. I have tried for days to resolve this (both app and website) but alas, I have given up. If anybody knows how to fix this let me know. Until then, paragraphs are a thing of the past. Enjoy :)

"She can go home today? Really? That's amazing." I tell Arizona, pulling her into a quick embrace before moving to kiss Sofia lightly on the head "You ready for your own bed, kid?"

"Super ready. Does your mom go home today?"

"She does. She is going to meet us here to say goodbye to you and then I'll take her to the airport." I explain to the ten year old who is preemptively getting dressed despite Arizona having told her she won't be leaving for at least another three to four hours.

"I wish I could come to the airport too, Amy."

"Sorry, Sof. I can't take you out until Alex discharges you and he needs to do those tests first, just to make sure everything is healing right."

"I know." Sofia nods with a sad smile, understanding the reality but still disheartened at the concept.

"Do you want to show me the drawings you've been working on? Your mom said you were drawing most of yesterday evening." I offer as a distraction. Arizona and I had called for several hours last night once Sofia was asleep due to a nightmare and Arizona had used the same distraction technique.

"I drew one for you too, to go in your office."

"You did? That's awesome. Can I see it?"

"Yeah." My daughter says softly, opening her sketchbook, flicking through several pages before staying on one. "It's me and Mom, but I used crazy colours because your office doesn't have any pictures in it and it needs some colour."

"You're right. My office is very boring, but I think this would look excellent on the wall. It's beautiful, Sof. Thank you."

"You really like it? It's not as good as your drawings."

"Are you kidding me? I love it! I love that you picked separate colour themes to represent you and your mom, I would never have thought to do that, it's so clever. When I drop my mom off at the airport, I'm going to buy a frame for it and then when you're discharged, we can hang it up together. What do you think?"

"Yeah, I want to." She nods, a grin beginning to emerge on her face.

Arizona begins to pack up some of the mess that had been left around our daughter's hospital room for the last few days. I offer to help her, but Sofia decides she would rather I cuddle in her bed with her. I lift the back of the bed so we can remain upright and Sofia manoeuvres herself so she is basically sat on top of me. "Careful please, Sofia. I don't want you to hurt yourself or squash Amelia." Arizona instructs without even looking up at the two of us.

"Did I hurt you, Amy?" Sofia asks, stilling her movements and looking very concerned.

"Nope, but can I shift you this way a little bit? Just so I can get comfy." I ask, helping her move a little so she is no longer sitting on the healing wounds on my leg. "Much better." I tell the girl and her tense body immediately melts into my embrace.

"Do I have to keep taking painkillers when I go home?"

"Nothing too strong, I don't think. Alex will probably give you some in case you need them though. We don't want your healing to slow down because you're in pain, do we?"

"No. Will it be okay to have painkillers in the apartment? I don't want you to think about taking them." Sofia asks me. Although I do not like how fixated she has become on her concern for wellbeing and potential relapses, I am greatful that she is willing to talk about it with me, with us.

"I'll be okay."

"How do you know?"

"Well, your Mom has wine in the apartment, and I don't drink it, do I?" I offer as an example.

"No. But then why do you make Mom hide your medicine?"

"I don't really know-" I begin to answer but I am interupted by a mildly panicked Arizona.

"Oh crap, your pills, you haven't been taking them?" Arizona asks over Sofia and my conversation, suddenly realising that she hasn't been home to give me them.

"I've been taking them. I called Friday night and Sof told me where you kept them, isn't that right kiddo?"

"Yeah. You said I was allowed to tell you." Sofia nods, looking to her mother and then myself for confirmation.

"You were allowed, I needed to know. You're not in trouble."

"So you're allowed to have drugs in the house?"

Due to her overwhelming number of questions, I decide to start answering her questions in more depth. My hope is that like Arizona, if Sofia has all the details, then she will have less of a reason to worry. "I'm a drug addict, so it tends to not be a good idea, but when they're necessary it's okay. We just return any you haven't taken to a pharmacy when you don't need them anymore."

"But what if you decide you want to take them?"

"If I am craving drugs, I go talk to your mom, or I go to an NA meeting, or I can talk to Meredith or call Addison to help me work through it. I have ways to cope with the cravings. But, if it would make you feel better, you can count them and make note of how many there are. That way you would notice."

"Amelia, she doesn't need to count. We trust you, don't we, Sof?" Arizona tells me, looking at her daughter with a glare, attempting to tell Sofia to stop asking questions.

"I know you guys trust me, that's why I don't mind her counting. I know it's just because she is worried about me, and if she counts then she will know she doesn't have to be worried."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to be mean, I just don't want you to do drugs either."

"Sofia, Amelia works in a building full of drugs every day, and every day she makes the choice not to use them. You know why?" Arizona asks, sitting on the edge of the bed and wiping Sofia's hair from her eyes.

"Why?" our daughter asks softly, looking at myself and then back to her Mom.

"Because she is strong, and she chooses us over the drugs."

"Your Mom is right. I choose you guys because I love you both so, so much." I explain, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. The three of us look up to see my mother enter.

"Sorry to interrupt, you guys looked like you were having a big conversation. Is everything alright?" My Mother asks and Arizona nods while I pull Sofia into my arms, whispering to let her know everything is okay, that I never mind her having questions.

When Arizona realises neither Sofia nor I had paid attention to my Mothers question, she responds. "We are good aren't we?" She asks Sof and I.

"Yeah, we are okay. I get to go home today. Dr Alex says I have to rest but I'm allowed to rest at home."

"That's amazing news Sofia! I bet you're ready for your own bed."

"Yeah, I am. Dr Alex says I'm not allowed to go to school yet though. He says I have to wait two weeks."

Sofia's eyes roll at the thought of being out of school for a prolonged period of time, but it is clear from my mothers response that she does not see this action. "Lucky you, you'll have time to read lots of books and watch movies with your mom and Amelia."

"I guess. I'd rather go to school though. Zola can bring work home for me though, right?"

"She can, but you don't have to do it all. You need to focus on getting better." Arizona says firmly. Sofia knows her health must come first.

"I know. I just don't want to fall behind."

"We can help you to catch up if we need to, but for now you don't need to worry about that, okay?"

"Okay." Sofia nods, knowing that arguing isn't going to help anymore. "I did the picture you asked for, Carolyn." Sofia changes the topic, flipping her book to the right page and carefully tearing the paper out. "It's you and me and Amy. You're in the red section, see! Amy is blue and I'm yellowy orange."

"I've never seen drawings in colour like this, it's very creative."

"That's what Amy said. She said she never would have thought to do it like this but I think it looks cool."

"It's very cool, Sofia. You're very talented." My mother compliments and Sofia grins in response. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Put it on my fridge with the artwork from my other grandkids, if that is okay with you?"

"Yeah, that's okay." Sofia nods with a smile. "What time is your flight?"

"Just after lunch. I have about another half hour here before I have to leave."

"Do you want to play a game?"

"What kind of game?"

"I have connect four, or I have cards."

"We could play cards, then all of us could play." Arizona suggests and Sofia agrees.

"Can we play gin rummy?"

"We sure can. Do you want to shuffle?"

After several rounds of cards, I tell Sofia that I'm going to have to move to take my Mom to the airport. The girl nods showing her understanding, but she curls up closer into my arms. "I'm going to be back soon, okay? And then you'll be able to go home. We could put a movie on and snuggle under the blankets all afternoon." I tell her, squeezing her lightly before releasing my grip. This time she moves, shuffling forward so that I can remove myself from behind her. My mom says goodbye to Arizona first. She apologises again for showing up uninvited, but tells her it was great to meet her and that she will come back to visit again. Arizona offers a small slightly awkward hug and my Mom whispers something I am unable to hear but it makes Arizona smile. She approaches Sofia next and asks if she is feeling well enough for a hug. Sofia stands up and wraps her arms awkwardly around my mother's waist. My mom hugs her back but I can see that she is overly cautious, not wanting to damage her wound.

"You're a very special girl, Sofia. I hope you get well soon."

"Are you going to come back and visit again?" Sofia asks, hope evident in her voice.

"Absolutely. You couldn't keep me away if you tried! And next time you're in New York, if your Mama is okay with it, maybe we could go to that ice cream place."

"I would like that. Bye Carolyn."

"Goodbye Sofia. Get some rest."

When we leave the hospital, it's unusually quiet. Neither my mother nor I quite know what to say to each other. She has only been here for four days, but somehow we have bonded more in those four days than in the other 37 years of my life. We have both been struggling, and we were both unaware of the extent of each other's difficulties. My mom drags her bag towards the trunk, moving sofias school bag out of her way to make space for her small suitcase before moving to the passenger side door and getting into the car.

"Was Sofia okay when I got to the hospital? She looked like she had been upset." My mother asks, referencing to the emotional conversation we had been having earlier today regarding her meds.

"She was worried about me because she is being prescribed painkillers to take home and didn't want me to be uncomfortable."

"I didn't realise she knew about your addiction."

"Well, I never directly told her but I didn't hide it either. She knew I went to meetings to help me stay healthy and apparently she overheard a conversation between Arizona and I about drugs and put it all together. It took us a while to even convince her to take pain killers at the hospital the other day."

"She's a keeper, Amelia. Both her and her Mom. You've got a beautiful family here. I'm so, so proud of you."

"I know. They're amazing, both of them. I love them both so much it scares me sometimes." I state openly, surpising myself with the sudden honesty.

"I remember feeling that way about your dad, and I definitely felt like that with all you kids, even when you were driving me insane. Don't let fear rule your life, talk to Arizona. She would understand. Tell her how you feel."

I shrug a little, not sure what to say in response to my mothers previous statement. My solution is to change the topic. "I'm sorry Zola didn't want to spend time with you. She's strong, but she doesn't trust easily."

"Just like her Aunt. It's fine, I deserve a little push back, I'm just surprised it wasn't from you." She states blunty and we both laugh. "I'm here for the long run, Amelia. I have time to work things out with Zola."

"She needs consistency." Zola, much like me, requires routine and she requires knowledge to be able to trust. If my mother is consistently in her life, and Zola learns that she isn't simply going to disappear, if my Mom proves that she wants to be a part of Zola's life, then my neice will begin to trust her. "If you're consistent, she will come around. She just needs notice of when you're coming and who she will be with. Next time, she will most likely want to be with you at the same time as Sofia. She's more comfortable with her friend than when she is watching out for her siblings."

"I guess that makes sense. Do you think she would be okay if I wrote her a letter? If I included some pictures of Derek?"

"I'm sure she would like that, but could you send it to my place? I'll take it over and be there when she opens it so she isn't alone."

"Of course, whatever you think is best."

When we arrive at the airport, despite my mother telling me she is fine to just be dropped off, I park the car so that I can walk her inside. I walk with her as far as I am allowed without a ticket. "I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you what happened. I was scared and I was hurting, but I should have come to you." I whisper softly into our embrace.

"You did what you had to do to survive. I'm proud of you for telling me now, and I'm proud of you for getting help." She must feel my shaking, so she releases me from her grip and reaches up to wipe the tears that are welling in my eyes. "You're so strong, Amelia. You've built up walls to keep people out your whole life, to protect yourself but you're safe now. You don't need them anymore."

"I know. I'm letting Arizona in."

"You're letting her peak over your walls, you've lowered them but they're still there. She's a good one, Amelia. Let her all the way in."

"I'm scared. What if she doesn't like what she sees?"

"That's the thing. She already knows exactly who is hiding behind those walls and she loves every bit of you. Arizona isn't going anywhere, Amelia. She knows you probably even better than you know yourself. You have built yourself a life, and you have a beautiful, caring family. You deserve every bit of love they give you. You're perfect as you are. Stop hiding yourself."

"I'll try."

"Take care, Amelia. I'll be in touch, okay? I love you."

"I love you too."

I arrive back at the hospital a little over an hour after my mother and I left. I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my chest and made it suddenly easier to breathe. All of the emotions and pain that I've been pushing down over the last few days are able to free themselves. I stay seated in my car for a few moments, I appreciate the silence surrounding me and let a few tears fall in the privacy of my vehicle. After a couple of minutes, I wipe my eyes, looking in the mirror to ensure I look respectable before getting out of the car and heading back to the paediatric floor where I'm hoping my daughter is being discharged. I remember to bring the photo frame that I had purchased on the way back to the hospital knowing Sofia will want to hang the image before we leave the premises.

Upon arrival back at her room, I see that everything has been packed up and there is no evidence of my family. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see a text from Arizona indicating that they're waiting in my office and that Sofia has found my snack drawer. I head upstairs, occasionally greeting the doctors and nurses that I know and make my way towards my office. Just as I am about to enter the room, I hear a commotion and I turn around to try and figure out what is going on. I see Arizona helping a woman up from the ground and taking her to sit down in my office, presumably because it is the closest office and my girlfriend has my keys. "Arizona, what's going on?" I ask and she indicates for me to follow her and the woman into my office.

"I'm Dr Robbins and this is Dr Shepherd, you're safe here, can you take a few deep breaths for us?" Arizona asks the woman who shakes her head no and refuses to lift her head to look up.

I see some of the signs of a panic attack that I have experienced before and begin to talk. I do for this woman what Derek used to do for me: I let her know exactly where she is, exactly what is happening, and I ensure her that she is safe."Okay, it's okay. Just listen to my voice, okay. You're in Grey Sloan hospital, you're on the neurosurgery floor, you're in an office, my office. There is a desk with a matching chair, you're sitting on a small couch. If you listen carefully, you should be able to hear the air conditioning blowing. You can smell cinnamon coming from the unlit scented candle on my desk. Feel your feet on the floor, feel the couch you are sat on. You are having a panic attack, and I know it feels really scary, like you can't breath, but we need you to try okay? Nice and slow, breath in... and out... You are here with us and you are safe." I finish calmly and the woman nods. taking a few extremely shaky breaths before lifting her head to look at me.

"Amelia?"

"Hailey?" I ask, shocked to see the face of a girl I haven't seen in almost ten years. Her arms wrap around my body and I immediately match her grip, holding onto her tightly. "You're safe. I've got you."

I continue holding my old friend until she has managed to calm down enough to pull away. "Hailey, this is Arizona, my girlfriend. Are you okay if I ask some questions in front of her?" I ask, and I watch the woman in front of me look towards Arizona and then back to me.

"She knows?"

"About me? Yeah. But if you want her to leave she won't mind."

"It's fine, I don't really hide it." She explains, using her sleeve to wipe the remaining tears from her face. "I'm clean."

"How long?"

"Six years, three months. You?" I smile. I'm proud of her. I hate that it took her another three and a half years to get clean, but I'm incredibly pleased that she succeeded.

"Nine years nine months." I answer her question before responding with my own. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?"

"It's not me, it's my son. He has a tumour. They said they're going to try to get the on-call neurosurgeon to do a work up but they're short staffed because the head of neuro is off or something. I don't know."

"Which doctor said that?"

"Dr Karev."

"Hailey, I'm the Head of neuro here. I'm technically not working today but if you're comfortable, I would be more than happy to give your son a neuro work up. If you're not comfortable because you know about my past, I can get somebody else for you, I wouldn't be insulted."

"You're the boss?" She clarifies and I nod in confirmation. "I trust you, Amelia."

"Az can you find Alex, tell him to hold off on calling Koracick." I ask my girlfriend. "Are you okay to move? Can you take me to your son?"

On the way out of my office we see Sofia sitting at the nurses station. She stands up and walks towards us, putting her hand in mine. "I need to see a patient before we go home, are you okay to hang around a little longer, Sof?"

"Okay, but can we put the little mermaid on when we get home?"

"Sure thing. Thank you, baby."

"Are you Amy's friend?" Sofia asks, looking at Hailey who appears to be surprised by the question.

When she doesn't reply, I reply on her behalf. "Hailey was my friend in LA, I haven't seen her for a long time."

"Why not?"

"Because we didn't have each other's phone numbers so we didn't have a way to get in touch."

"That's sad. You should give her your phone number now in case you don't see her again."

"I completely agree, Sofia, especially since I know she lives in Seattle now." I tell the girl as we arrive at the intended hospital room. "Are you going to wait outside with your mom?"

"They can come in, it's fine. You said your girlfriend is a doctor too?"

"She's head of paediatrics here. You managed to find the two doctors most relevant to your Son's case." I joke lightly before continuing. "We are going to take good care of him."

When we enter the boys room, Arizona directs Sofia to a seat to sit down. Although she has been cleared for walking, we don't want her to over exert herself and pop the stitches. I introduce myself to Luca, he looks much like his mother except his eyes are a deep green, a trait he must have inherited from his father. He doesn't respond much verbally, but he complies with my physical requests, following my finger with his eyes, testing his movement and grasping and such. "When was the tumour diagnosed?"

"I brought him in last night after he had a seizure. They did an MRI and found it early this morning." Hailey explains and Arizona has already left the room to get a tablet device for me to look at the scans. My girlfriend arrives back a few moments later having already retrieved the images I require.

I study the images carefully before looking up and explaining my findings.

"The bad news is that you're going to need surgery, little man. The good news is based on his lab report I doubt it's cancerous. I could book him in for surgery first thing tomorrow morning. I would like to get a CT angiogram to ensure the tumour isn't feeding on any major vessels, but I'm confident I can remove it."

"That's it? You can just take it out? Isn't that risky?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, all neurosurgery comes with major risks, but at his age, with the location of the tumour, surgery is his safest option." I reassure her, allowing a few moments for her to absorb the information. "We can get the CT now and then I can book the surgery for either me, or another neurosurgeon if you prefer."

"Why do you keep offering somebody else? Aren't you the boss? Aren't you supposed to be the best?"

"A few years ago, a woman from NA outed me in the ED. She announced that I wasn't allowed to touch her mother because I'm an addict in front of everybody. Since then, anybody who knows about my past, I give them the choice."

"That's awful. I don't know what I'd do if that happened to me. If you're confident you can do the surgery, do it. You're clean, it's fine."

"Of course. I'll get him booked in for a scan ASAP." I explain to Hailey before turning to the young boy in the bed. "Do you have any questions, little dude?"

"Can I take my monkey to the scan?" He asks softly, holding out a stuffed animal. "My daddy gave it to me before he died." the five year old continues and I give him a sad smile.

"I think that is an excellent idea, your monkey can stay with you the whole time."

I pull Hailey to one side before going to book the scan, I can see her shaking and I want to prevent another panic attack happening before it has time to get too bad.

"You okay? What do you need?" I ask softly, careful not to get too close due to the knowledge of my own panic attacks being triggered by contact.

"He means everything to me, I can't lose him."

"I'm going to do everything I can for him. I promise. His prognosis is good." I state truthfully. I want to tell her that everything is going to be alright, that the surgery will be easy, but that's a major no-no in our field of work. Never promise a patient or a family member things are going to be okay. You can't control everything. She is nodding in acknowledgement but doesn't respond to what I had said. "Have you been going to meetings?" I ask quietly, not sure how much her son knows and not wanting to over share in front of Sofia. Hailey's personal medical history is private and it isn't my place to share.

"Not as many since Luca's dad died a few months ago. I don't have anybody to watch him unless he's at school and then I'm normally working."

"How long?"

"Over a month."

"You need to go to a meeting. We will get Luca's scan, and then we are going to go. There is one over the road in 45 minutes." I inform her truthfully, looking into her eyes to let her know it is non-negotiable.

"I don't want him to be alone."

"Sofia and I will stay with him." Arizona jumps in, attempting to resolve the issue in the easiest way.

"Hailey, look at me." I instruct, taking her hand in my own and squeezing lightly until she looks into my eyes. "Your son is sick, you've experienced a major loss, and you're experiencing a lot of pressure right now. You need to stay clean, for the sake of your son. Come to a meeting with me so you can stay clean for him. He needs you."

"Yeah, okay."

"Do you have anybody in Seattle to help you out? Friends or family?"

"Not really. We didn't move here that long ago and since Matt died, it's just been one day at a time."

"Hey, you've got me now, okay? You're not alone in this."

"Thank you."

Note: If you haven't watched private practice and don't know who Hailey is, all you really need to know is that she was Amelia's room mate in rehab. They went through withdrawal together and Hailey stood up to Amelia, giving her some harsh truths that Amelia needed to hear. You don't need to know much about her and she isn't going to be in a tonne of chapters, I just didn't like how the writers gave her so much character and so much potential and didn't follow through. Anyways, hope you enjoyed.