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After a long day at the hospital, Arizona, Sofia and I eventually get to go home. I have booked the tumour removal for tomorrow morning. Arizona and I had decided to alternate who takes time off to be with Sofia meaning the hospital isn't down either a neurosurgeon or a paeds surgeon for the full two weeks. After the walk from the car up to our apartment, it is clear to both Arizona and myself that Sofia is struggling. I offer to help her, but she shakes her head indicating that she wanted to do this on her own. Once she is in the apartment, she walks to the couch and flops down a little less carefully than Arizona or I would have liked. Arizona's breath hitches at the harsh movement, but she chooses not to comment. Instead, my girlfriend leans into my arms, pulling me into a tight embrace.

"We promised Sof that she could watch a movie." I tell Arizona into the embrace. She nods but doesn't move. "Why don't you go sit down and get comfy? Do you want a drink?" I continue and Arizona nods, eventually releasing me from her embrace.

"Coffee would be great."

"Can I have cocoa please?" We hear Sofia shout from the living room and we both laugh a little.

"I'll make drinks, go sit with her." I instruct, placing a kiss on my girlfriend's forehead.

I am grateful to be home with my family. I somehow managed to get through the last few days, but I am surviving on very little sleep, and that didn't work out well for me before. I decide to make myself a cup of my night time tea, the one I usually drink when I can't get to sleep. If I fall asleep during the film, so be it. I know Arizona would be there to wake me up before a nightmare got too bad, and I would be surprised if Sofia doesn't fall asleep too. While I am waiting for the water to boil, I get changed out of my jeans and into sweats.

After several minutes, I find myself carrying multiple hot drinks to the living room. I place them all on the coffee table in order to get a better grip, before lifting up the cocoa and passing it to Sofia. Arizona instructs her to be careful, telling her she does not want to have to get chocolate stains out of the couch again and Sofia nods, recalling the event that Arizona is referring to. Sofia has set up the TV and has the little mermaid ready to play, so I pull out a couple of blankets, laying one across Sofia and the other over myself and Arizona before she clicks play.

The little mermaid is one of Sofia's comfort movies. She knows the film by heart and is able to finish the characters' lines for them.

"Mom, would you give up your voice if Ursula could give you your leg back?" Sofia asks her mother and I choke back a laugh, not having expected to hear such a question.

"I can truthfully say that I have never thought about it." Arizona tells Sofia with a grin and it is clear that she is attempting not to laugh too.

"Think about it now." Sofia instructs, pausing to give her mother time to think. "So…Would you?"

"I don't think so. As much as I miss my leg, my voice is much more important. I have a prosthetic so I can still function fairly normally without it, but I need my voice for my work as a surgeon, you can't use sign language with your hands inside a body. Plus, I want to be able to talk to you guys, and tell you how much I love you."

"That's a good answer." Sofia tells her mom but I shake my head.

"You disagree?" Arizona asks, looking mildly irritated.

"If the spell is the same as Ariels, then you just need to make somebody fall in love with you and then kiss them. I'm right here, I'd kiss you to get your voice back." I explain, pulling her in to kiss her lightly. "I don't care whether you have one leg, but I bet you'd like not to have your leg hurt after a long surgery." I continue, not wanting her to think what I said is due to my preference, wanting her to know my thoughts were prioritising her comfort.

"You know, I agree. I think you're onto something. Now where do I find a sea witch?" Arizona jokes.

"Does your leg hurt after every surgery, Mom?"

"No baby. It just aches when I've been standing for too long."

"You never said that it hurt. You told me it's just a bit uncomfortable." The concern on Sofia's face is evident as she looks at her mom's leg, then back to her face.

"Most of the time it is fine or a little uncomfortable, but it can hurt too sometimes. On the days where it hurts, I take it easy and try not to wear it."

"Why does it hurt?"

"You remember how when you had those roller skates that you loved, but sometimes they would give you blisters?" Arizona asks, and Sofia nods, her eyes open wide. I make a mental note to ask Arizona about this, and whether she thinks Sofia would like a new pair as she seemed so happy.

"Yeah, they were awesome."

"Well, imagine that you didn't have any other shoes, so you had to wear the skates all the time. So sometimes they're okay, and they're fun to move on, but sometimes the temperature or over use makes your feet swell a little and you'd get blisters."

"And when I got blisters I couldn't wear them for a few days." She nods, understanding where her Mom was going with the story.

"Exactly. So sometimes my leg swells a little and gets blisters, and that's usually after a long surgery so I come home and I only use my crutches for the night to let it rest." She continues explaining, drawing a connection between her daughters experiences and her own.

"I'm sorry it hurts."

"It's okay. I wouldn't change what happened, you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I was really sick, and if they didn't remove my leg, I probably would have died, and that would have meant I wouldn't be here with you, or with Amy. I would never change what happened because it gave me the opportunity to love you both." Arizona wraps her arms around me, placing a quick kiss on my lips before turning back to Sofia and placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you Mom, and you Amy."

"I love you guys too. So much."

"Amelia, wake up." Arizona whispers softly, placing her hand on my shoulder to pull me out of my slumber. "Shh" She whispers, tipping her head toward the sleeping ten year old.

"What's wrong?" I ask through a yawn.

"Can you carry her to bed? I don't want to wake her, but I used my crutches to get over here." My girlfriend explains. I stand up, walking around the back of the couch to the side where Sofia is seated. I slide one arm around her back and another under her legs in order to carry her without putting pressure or friction against her stitches. Her sleepy arms wrap around my neck to hold one while I transport her to her bedroom. Arizona follows me on her crutches, pulling back the duvet on the bed to allow me to place Sofia down before pulling it back on top of her. She stirs a little, and we wait to see if she is going to wake up, but she eventually settles back into her deep sleep.

When we leave our daughter's room, Arizona instructs me to leave the door open, wanting to be able to hear if Sofia needs anything during the night. I head to the kitchen to take my pill before going to my bedroom. Evidently, Arizona has the same idea as me as she is already under the blankets by the time I get to the room. "The photos, can I look at them?" Arizona asks, nodding toward the images of Ryan and myself that I had gotten out a couple of days ago at my mother's request.

"Sure, not really much to see though." I shrug, walking over to the drawers to find a pair of pyjama bottoms. I place them on the bed while I get undressed. I sit on the edge of the bed, carefully removing the dressing from the cuts. It has been four days, and they are beginning to heal. One of them had required a couple of stitches, but it appears to be closing well.

"You okay?" Arizona asks, seeing that I have stopped moving.

"I'm debating whether I need to put a dressing over these. They're mostly scabbed but I don't know."

"Can I look?" She asks, not wanting to invade my privacy, she never looks at them unless I give her permission to do so. I nod my head and shuffle back a little on the bed and turn to rest against the headboard. "These are from Friday, right?" she asks and I nod, yes. "And the stitches were done on Friday too?"

"Yeah, a couple hours later."

"I'd give them another day in the dressing, remove it when you take the stitches out."

"Yeah, okay." I agree, taking an antiseptic wipe and carefully cleaning the healing wounds before placing another dressing over the top. I put my trash in the can in the corner of the room before putting my pyjama bottoms on and climbing into bed.

Arizona pulls me into her arms, kissing me gently. I kiss back for a few moments before pulling away and resting my head on her chest. I do not want the kissing to go any further.

"So I'm presuming Hailey went to NA with you?"

"Not exactly, we were in rehab together. We shared a room."

"Oh." Arizona nods, taking a moment to acknowledge the new information.

"She was only a kid, she was eighteen, but she was the only one willing to stand up to me, tell me the truth, no matter how much it hurt. She forced me to deal with my issues, and made me let Sheldon in so that I wasn't alone when she left. She was the first person to tell me Ryan's death wasn't my fault."

"I'm sure you helped her too."

"I tried. I guess I failed though because it took her years to get clean."

"Maybe she just wasn't ready, but that's okay. You helped her today."

"I hope so."

"You looked different." Arizona says, and I roll to see she is still holding the pictures of Ryan and I.

"It was ten years ago, I was probably high and drunk and god knows what else."

"It's not just that. Like I can see you look younger and a little high, but it's the way you smiled. It was different. It's like your mouth is smiling but it doesn't meet your eyes."

"My best friend had just killed herself and I was getting high and having sex with a guy as a means of forgetting. Don't get me wrong, I liked him, loved him even, but a part of me thinks I loved him because he helped me forget."

It is clear that my girlfriend senses my hesitation so she changes the subject. "Where are you here?"

"Addison's. We were out on the deck."

"The view is incredible. I know you said you lived right on the beach, but I didn't realise it was like this."

"Yeah. It was pretty cool." I nod in agreement.

"I'd like to go one day, if you would let me."

"Hmm. I mean, It's not that I don't want to go, It would be great to see them, especially Addie and Charlotte, but there are so many memories there."

"I'm not saying it has to be soon, I just, I love you no matter what. I would like to know the people that helped you before me. But until then, you know your friends are welcome here."

"I know."

"Does Sof have a follow up appointment to get her stitches out and stuff?" I ask, laying down to get ready to sleep. Arizona understands my hint and puts the photos down before laying back next to me.

"Alex offered but she asked if we could just do it here. So on Wednesday we will take them out and check everything is healing properly and if not we will take her to see Alex. It's not like we aren't qualified."

"Ah, I didn't know if they would let you."

"I mean, if Alex said I had to take her back, I would've, but also I'm his boss so I'm kinda more qualified than him." I laugh at Arizona's statement. Although she is being truthful, she is Alex's boss, it's rare that she bringsit up. "Was your Mom okay on her way back to the airport? I didn't ask how it went." She continues.

"We were fine. She said some things, not bad, but it made me question some stuff."

"Like what?"

"She said I should let you in, that I'm letting you get close but I still have my walls up, that I've not actually let you all the way in." I know my response is vague, but I'm not sure what else to add. Truthfully, I'm not even sure if I want to talk about it yet. Yet, I know that talking to Arizona is good for me, I know that it helps.

"She is trying, but she doesn't know what we share. I know that you trust me."

"I do trust you, but I also think that maybe she's right. Like I know there are things I haven't talked to you about, things that I've barely admitted to myself. I'm just not sure how she knew that."

"I don't know how she knew, but what I do know is that I'm here if you ever want to talk about those things. There isn't anything you could tell me that would make me stop loving you."

"I know. I just, I spent the drive back to the hospital and I had time to think about it. I think maybe the reason I've kept stuff to myself is because I'm scared."

"Of what?"

I pause to attempt to figure out a tactful way to convey what I am thinking. "If something ever happens between us, I need to have some stuff that's just mine. I know it sounds stupid, and I know that I'm learning to trust again, but in parts of my past, the only person I've been able to trust is myself and I need some things that are just for me."

"Okay." Arizona nods but her facial expression is blank.

"Okay what?"

"I'm not going to pretend I understand your logic, but I love you regardless. If you need to keep some stuff to yourself, I respect that, and I trust you will come to me if you ever decide you need to talk."

"Thank you."

"And for the record, I don't see anything happening to break us up, okay? But if it does, as long as I'm around you can still come to me. I wouldn't turn you away if you were hurting."

"I don't want to think about us breaking up." I tell my girlfriend, curling up into her arms and resting my head on her chest.

"Me neither."