A/N: I have to thank my beta Mcllwain for making time out of her busy schedule to be there for me.
Thank you kiara8921's Heart of the Lioness for sending her Fresno Charter to Charming to help SAMCRO when the mother charter is in need of their help.
This is rated MATURE for a reason; language and sex.
Jax calls Chibs and tells him, "Meet me at my house in two hours. We're going to have Church and I need you to bring the boys with you. Send the Nomads to the hospital to stay with Tara and the baby so Happy and Tig can come too. Get Lyla or Fiona to stay with Tara while I am gone, whoevers free. Lyla was there earlier and I don't know if she can come back but if Tara wakes up I don't want her to be alone."
Jax takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh. "The baby is not doing well and Tara is having tests done so I can't be away for very long. This shit is taking away precious time from my family but the sooner we get this done the sooner I can get back. We need to step up the security around my family, I need to keep them safe, the thought of something else happening to them... I can't let that happen." Jax's voice turns bitter. "I can't let anyone else I love get hurt by the woman I once called mother."
Jax decides to check in on his son before he leaves. He just looks so pale now with and the tube sticking out of his chest and with most of his tiny body covered in white medical tape. He looks so helpless it just makes Jax sick and breaks his heart beyond any pain imaginable. Jax never felt this type of pain before seeing his youngest son like this. He never experienced pain that could cut you so deeply and hurt you so badly and not leave a physical scar. No, a physical scar Jax can live with but this type of scar will never heal. Sometimes he can barely look at his son; it's impossible to stand there, knowing his son is in pain all because Gemma, his very own mother. How can Tara ever forgive him? This has topped any shitty thing his mother has done to anyone. Jax's worse enemies wouldn't even consider touching his children nor he theirs.
What little bit of weight the baby had on him has melted away he just looks so frail. Jax is out of his head with worry; it kills him, knowing there is nothing he can do in this situation. He can't intimidate, fight or kill his way out of this and he feels helpless, a feeling he doesn't often. Each time Jax has to leave the baby he feels so guilty, not knowing if he will ever see that sweet precious face again, not knowing if his son will still be alive when he returns. But what worries him most, what he is the most remorseful for- other than his mother possibly killing his son-is that Gemma may have caused his wife to never see their son alive or possibly at all and that rips Jax's heart out.
Before leaving the unit Dr. Nameed catches Jax in the hallway. "How's Tara, Jax? My schedule's been packed and I haven't been able to step away. Any change in her condition?"
Jax shakes his head. "They're giving her an MRI and some other tests now."
Dr. Nameed gives Jax a small smile. "I know I don't have to inform your of the baby's condition. The nurses tell me you've barely left his incubator.
"Unfortunately I have to now. I have some business to take care of and it'll probably be for a little while. It anything happens, any change at all with the baby, call my cell." Jax nods his head in emphasis. "Any change, call me, and I'll return as soon as I can." Dr. Nameed nods his head in agreement, and with a hard pat on Jax's shoulder, the two men leave to their respective duties.
Heading home, Jax can barely concentrate on club business. All of his business demands are at war with his personal business. His number one priority is getting back to the hospital as soon as he can. Jax's made plans to spend some quality time at home with his boys-the half of his family that isn't unwillingly trapped behind the walls of St Thomas Hospital, before rushing back to St Thomas to spend time with the half that is. Not always knowing which half needs him the most. All Jax knows for sure is his two older boys are being taken care of and are safe and that is the most important thing to him. As long as they are safe then everything is fine. The ones that aren't safe and who are hanging on to life by a thread they are the ones that need him the most right now and he is going to be there for them.
As Jax walks through the door of their new home he can smell Tara all throughout the house. They have only lived in their new house for a month but in that short time she has made it into their home. Unpacked boxes are still littered throughout the house; the dents show that Tig and Juice have been using them for furniture. Jax doesn't care if they get unpacked or not. With all the things going on right now he knows that Tig and Juice will continue to have their seats for quite a while. The deafening silence surrounding Jax has him craving the noise of his boys running around playing. His two rambunctious boys underneath Tara's feet while she tries to make dinner. Usually when Jax walks through the doors his boys come running and squealing and jumping into his arms but his arms are empty today. But not for long: in about an hour he will see his little ones and he desperately needs to feel their little bodies in his arms jabbering all about the things that they have been doing at the clubhouse. Jax had gotten pretty good at tuning their voices out while smiling, but he knows he'll listen to every word they say this afternoon.
Jax sinks down in their couch resting his elbows on his knees, head buried in his hands. His shoulders start to shake as he allows the tears to escape from his eyes. Grief rips through his tired body. Thinking about the past two horrible days he can't believe that this is happening to him, to Tara, to their baby, to his family. This affects his whole precious family and his family is everything to him, his reason for living and now two of those reasons are critically ill. SHIT. Jax knows that he has to pull himself together before Eli gets here but if anyone can understand Jax's and unborn child, Rita Roosevelt during one of Clay's home invasion schemes.
Jax had called Eli Roosevelt to meet him at his house around noon. Eli Roosevelt pulls past the SONS guarding the drive down to the Teller's house. Eli knows that if his wife and baby were alive today and were in danger, he would do exactly what Jax is doing, anything to protect his family. Eli is met outside by a broken man, a man that has the weight of the world on his shoulders a feeling that Eli knows all too well. Eli knows the pain this man has in his heart and he understands what he is going through. He also knows how much Jax Teller loves his family. Eli pats Jax on the shoulder with the words, "I'm sorry man," and Eli truly is. He doesn't have to say anything else; Jax knows Eli has gone through this pain before. He doesn't have to explain his sorrow to this man. Eli really likes Jax, and Eli has come to understand Jax better over the last few months. Hell Eli never thought it would be true but he admires and likes this young man. Eli feels Jax hasn't recieved the respect he deserves. Not everyone could take an illegal enterprise and turn it legit in six months' time. But still, Eli can't help but wonder if this would've happened if Jax had transformed the club earlier. Eli didn't consider himself to be especially superstitious but he did believe in karma. Still, if anyone could handle this situation, it would be Jax. Jax Teller is a one of a kind man and Eli is proud to call him a friend. But Eli also knows that Jax would have never gotten where he is without the love and support of Tara. Their mutual love, respect and understanding are the foundation for the new SAMCRO and their young family. Eli sees before him a conflicted man, a man that is dealing with the unfathomable: his mother trying to kill both his wife and unborn child. Eli knows these attempted murders can't go unpunished, and doubts that Jax will try to stop him.
Jax starts by showing Eli the letters Margaret gave him then he shows him the letters, documents and reports that Tara had hidden in their safety deposit box "I know that I've shown you some of these letters before, the others are originals and copies Margaret Murphy had. Evidently Tara had left them in her care when she knew Gemma was searching for the originals. Margaret was left with instructions to give these to me in case something happened to Tara. It seems that Tara was right to be fearful for her and the boy's lives if anyone knew about these letters. Margaret felt that now would be the best time to go ahead and give them to me. She thought that there might be something useful in them. We've seen most of the letter that are copies. Gemma burnt and destroyed the ones that incriminate her in my father's death. She burnt the originals trying to save face and not realizing that Tara had made copies of all of them and left them with Margaret. Then the original letters here I assume are the ones that Gemma never knew existed or else they would have disappeared along with the others she burnt. I was told that Tara had them in a safety deposit box but was informed by the bank that Gemma tried to get into our safety deposit boxes. Tara knew they weren't safe anymore and the only thing she knew to do was to leave them with Margaret. Keeping them safe with the other ones Margaret already had. From what Margaret tells me the reason Tara didn't say anything was to protect me. Not only was I betrayed by my stepfather but also by my mother. It might've been too much for me to handle at the time and Tara thought she would lose me. I can't say now what or how I feel about it I think I am still in shock. I don't know what to think other than my whole life I have been lied to. Every important turn in my life was influenced by my mother and Clay. I was robbed of my father, I was robbed of Tara for 10 years because of my mother's lies and now I am afraid it is going to cost me a son. There has only been one true thing in my life and I almost lost her for good this time. I can't lose her again, I need her and our boys need her. You also notice where Unser changed the accident report I don't know how deep he is in this he was trying to help Gemma he has been in love with her since she was a kid and he would do anything for her. I don't know how far Unser would go."
Jax mentions the security tapes that Eli has, "Juice told me you have enough evidence on the security tapes from the Women's Center to bring charges against my mother. Is there any way they can be held off for 2 more days until I can get Tara home from the hospital and where I can keep her safe and maybe not endanger any more lives than we have to? I don't like the idea of Gemma running around and us not knowing where she is."
Eli has already seen the security tapes that's when he tells Jax, "Gemma has now been charged with two counts of attempted murder I will try keeping it quiet for a couple of days. I will contact whoever is investigating the hit and run of the private detective and see if that takes us anywhere. See if there is someone in his office that might have been working with him or anyone else that would have known anything about the case. We won't mention anything to Unser, like you I don't know how involved he is in this. I know he thinks an awful lot of Tara, with trying to protect her with the whole Clay deal but we don't know how long his heart has been in the right place." Eli stands to say good-bye so he can get back to the station. "Good luck Jax. Let me know if there is something I can do." Eli bids his farewell and heads back to the station to see what he can find out about this private detective.
Jax's brothers arrive bringing his sons shortly after Eli leaves. Jax calls Church while the prospect takes the boys to their room to play. Jax tells the guys about the new letters and documents, the dead private detective and the whole mess that Clay and Gemma created. He tells them, "We need to go on lockdown at night keeping your families safe, I don't want what happened to my family happen to yours. The kids can still go to school, but security has to be set up. The women need someone with them and not some wet behind the ear prospect; the same with the kids. We know how crazed Gemma is right now and I don't know who else she might act out against. I've gotten reports that Gemma has been seen with Nero, so now we have to assume that they're on the run together. We need to add more security until Gemma and Nero are stopped. None of us should rest easy as long as my mother is out there alive." Jax gives a long pause "Things aren't looking too good for my youngest. His health just keeps getting more complicated. I need to make plans if something were to happen to the baby. My family doesn't need a big wake like my dad's or even Half-Sack's. I just want something small, and then when Tara is up and about we can cremate him and give him a SAMCRO farewell. Tara doesn't need a lot of outside charters roaming about expecting to party with crow eaters and disrespecting her home. And they sure as hell won't be disrespecting my son. I need Bobby to check on bringing in some more old ladies to help Vivica-she's been shouldering the entire load until now. I don't see any of this ending anytime soon and until Gemma is caught SAMCRO needs to be on lockdown." After discussing a few other things Jax bangs the gavel he wants to spend some time with his boys. Tig and Happy head back to the hospital to add more security on Tara and the baby.
Jax spends over an hour down on the floor wrestling and playing trucks, cars, motorcycles his old Transformers and He-Man action figures even with the boy's G.I. Joe collection. Tara would call them the boy's dolls. Jax is reminded of the "arguments" he and Abel would have with Tara over the term 'doll.' Abel and Jax were adamant that boys don't play with 'dolls.' Tara would insist that G.I. Joe was Barbie's military husband. Abel and Jax would protest until Abel was on the verge of tears. Then on one particular day Jax remembers... Thomas handing Tara his G.I. Joe then running from the room disappearing to god knows where. Only to return with one of Ellie's old Barbie dolls in his little hand. Thomas stopped and stood next to his mother while his father and brother stared at him as though he was a traitor. The thought that his son would play with a Barbie doll mortified Jax. He was so shocked he couldn't speak. Jax looked up seeing his wife smiling down on him, "He's just like you Jax."
Jax felt as though his wife's a traitor also, "No, no I... I never in my life played with Barbies or any dolls for that matter." How could she think that I, Jax Teller SAMCRO playboy ever played with dolls? If my brothers thought I played with Barbies as a kid I would never hear the end of it. Tara was there by my side, one of my best friends growing up. Hell, she didn't play with dolls why would I? Jax looked back at Tara shaking his head Jax turned to see Abel looking back at him with the same traitorous look Jax had given Tara. Abel was staring at Jax with his little mouth open like he was going to say something but was too godsmacked to speak. Jax looked at Abel shaking his head. "I didn't play with dolls."
At the sound of Tara's laugh Jax and Abel both turned to look at her. It was then Jax noticed Thomas was in his own little world not paying any attention to them he just kept on playing with his doll, no correction Ellie's doll. "He's just like you Jax. Like father like son." Jax looked at Tara questionably wishing the hell she'd shut up. Then Jax looked back at his youngest son and for the first time Jax paid attention to what Thomas was doing. A smile blossomed on Jax's face, a smile that was so big it almost fell off.
Jax looked at Tara nodding and smiling, "Yeah he is just like his old man." While looking back at Thomas who was enthralled with the now stripped naked doll in his little hands as he admirably traced the outline of her body with his small finger with a look on his face that Jax was sure he himself has had while admiring a woman's physique. Thomas looked up at the quietness in the room with everyone staring at him. Looking back at them he smiled real big then turned his attention back to the doll. Thomas wasn't bothered by them, he didn't have time to mess with them he was busy.
Tara broke through Jax's prideful moment. "Thomas' been 'admiring' the Barbie dolls ever since he was able to walk and go where Ellie's dolls where on his own he would bring one back to me with half her clothes off. "He's definitely your son Jax," Tara said with a smirk.
Jax grabbed Thomas in his arms bringing him to his chest kissing him on his head before hugging him. Thomas smiled at Jax and held up his naked Barbie doll for Jax to see. "I see that Buddy and your mama's right you are just like your old man, god help us all." Jax set Thomas down then turned to look at Abel. Abel Teller sat there watching his family with confusion written all over his face they've all gone crazy. Jax couldn't help but laugh at Abel, "I promise you will understand one day son." Abel doesn't believe Jax he's crazy.
Hearing Tara clear her throat Jax looked up at Thomas starting to undress Barbie's military husband. Jax grabbed Thomas, "What do you say boys, let's go outside and play?" Both boys squealed with excitement as Jax took the male doll out of Thomas' hands placing it in Tara's with a we're fucked look on Jax's face. Jax thought as he took his boys outside knowing that they are indeed just like their father.
Jax is brought back to the present remembering the relief he felt when he realized Thomas was actually admiring the Barbie doll instead of playing with her, and that makes Jax sick. Jax admitted to himself; he had only been fearful of what his brothers would think about Jax himself, instead of Jax caring about his son. Jax knows that he will love Thomas no matter if he wants to play with dolls or admire them just as long as Thomas is happy and healthy, that's all Jax wants for his boys. After everything Jax and his family has been through the last couple of days, hell the last couple of months, all he wants is what's best for his family and that is for them to be happy and themselves. Jax's boys can be whatever they want to be and whoever they want to be just as long as they are happy and aren't hurting themselves. Jax's not going to interfere in their lives, not like his mother did his. Luckily Thomas had no desire to play with Barbie today and was satisfied with the 'male dolls' and wrestling with his brother and his daddy.
Being with his boys is exactly what Jax needs rough housing and playing with them while stealing hugs and kisses and tickling them to hear their laughs and giggles. After wearing them and himself out Jax lies Abel and Thomas down on his and Tara's bed so he can take a shower and change into clean clothes while the boys nap. After his shower Jax actually is able to get a little nap himself and feels like he can get through another day when he wakes up. Jax hates that he has to leave Abel and Thomas at the clubhouse but he has to get back to the hospital, Margaret called and told Jax that Tara has been moved out of ICU and into her own room after Tara's test results were cleared. Margaret tells Jax that there has been no change in the baby's condition as far as she knows.
On Jax's way back to the hospital he drops the boys off at the clubhouse and checks on the nightly lock down, making sure that everything it is taken care of. Jax scans over his mail taking care of some odd and ends that need to be done making sure there is nothing that requires his immediate attention. After taking care of what needs to be attended to in his office Jax goes in search of Juice.