A/N: Thank you to my beta McIlwain for making time in her busy schedule to be there when I need support.

Thank you kiara8921's Heart of the Lioness for sending her Fresno Charter to Charming to help SAMCRO when the mother charter is in need of their help.

This is rated MATURE for a reason; language and sex.

At the big shiny stainless steel sink Tara reaches for a prepackaged plastic bristled brush. After slathering her arms with the antiseptic soap Tara starts scrubbing elbow to fingertip two minute scrub on each arm carefully moving over her bruises with the plastic brush. This ritual is instilled in Tara's mind she's done this thousands of times but not like this time; never like this time. She's not a doctor now; she's a patient's mother.

Beverly meets Jax and Tara as they first enter the NICU. Tara exhales in relief; Beverly is her only colleague other than Margaret who knows and understands her life. Beverly arranges an IV stand for Tara as soon as she arrives. "Hey, there; you had us so worried. Come on back and see your son. We've all been fighting over who gets to monitor him."

All the strength Tara has developed as a young confident pediatric surgeon has left this high skilled and respected doctor in shambles. Now she's just a frightened new mother seeing her new born infant for the first time. Taking a shaky and hesitate breath Tara looks up to Jax for guidance. Jax kisses her temple as he puts a comforting and helping arm around Tara. "Come on babe." Jax Teller is protective of all things he loves and his wife is the thing that he loves the most. Jax will protect Tara from anything and anyone that will cause her any undue pain. That includes all these pricks staring at her now. Jax and Beverly maneuver Tara as quickly as they can to avoid any small talk with her colleagues.

Tara feels like all the eyes in the room are on her making her feel self-conscious. As Tara tenses up and Jax feels it, he can feel their eyes on them too. Jax turns back looking around, giving the glare that he hasn't shown anyone since they pulled him off of Clay Morrow when Jax wanted to kill him with his bare hand for the wrongs he had done. Jax is still capable of being an outlaw but chooses not to be. You can see by the looks on their faces, the people receiving his glares; they can see it, they see the outlaw he is. The one he has buried under the layers of a loving family. Jax still has the outlaw persona; he can still make someone piss in their britches with just a look, make a chill run down your spine with a look and a history to back it up. They all quickly turn around going back to what they were doing before Jax and Tara entered the unit.

Tara sags, in Jax's arms, looking at the baby, her baby, their baby lying motionless in the isolette before them. She just stands there looking at the baby, taking him all in. Tara looks him over from head to toe, even with his dark hair he looks so much like Jax, even more than Abel does. Tara didn't think that was possible until now- why do all of Jax's boys have to look exactly like him? Tara thought that maybe Thomas wasn't going to but as he's gotten older his hair's gotten lighter and now he looks just like him, too. Tara takes in his little hands, fingers and toes and does a mental count. He has all them she thinks. Then Jax brings her hand up to his lips, kisses it then places her hand over their baby's heart. She can feel it beating, this IS real; she isn't dreaming. But this isn't supposed to be happening yet; this is too early. She looks up at Jax with a look that he can only described as lost. Jax takes the stool that Beverly brings over for Tara and he helps Tara sit and get comfortable. Jax tightens his hold around his wife and squeezes her and kisses the side of her head, "His lungs aren't developed enough so he's on the ventilator, he lost some blood so they had to do a transfusion." Tara is looking at Jax with pure panic written on her face as he continues, "The transfusion worked so his blood pressure's up. The baby had some trouble with his lungs, though, he needed to be put on a ventilator. The ventilator has blown a hole in one of his lungs, they put a chest tube in, and they think it should heal."

Never taking her eyes off of their baby she asks, "Is that all?"

Jax sighs. "No baby, it isn't. The vessel from his heart to his lungs didn't close they have been giving him medicine for that if that doesn't work then Dr. Nameeb is going to just go in and fix it. And he's having trouble with his kidneys now." Jax is not telling her they don't think he will live much longer that things just keep stacking up against the baby and his chances for recovering are slim to none. No. Not when she just woke up from a two day coma and found out she was attacked by her mother-in-law, and their child was been born prematurely. Tara's a doctor, she's smart, and Jax knows Tara will figure it all out in due time but just not right now. Right now Tara needs to be a mother, a mother seeing her small baby boy for the first time. "Are you okay babe?"

Tara slowly nods her head never taking her eyes off of their son. "How big is he?"

"He weighs 4 pounds and is 18" long."

Tara starts to get more comfortable with the baby and begins looking him over. She gently picks his tiny hand in hers and caresses it lightly. Tara checks each finger looking at them like she has never seen fingers before. Tara touches his foot and lightly caresses the bottom of his foot where there are pin pricks from a needle. She lightly kisses the tiny foot. Her mind drifts back to Abel and how she would secretly kiss his little foot when no one was looking, and now she doesn't have to hide it. Then Jax spoke to her. "It makes me sick, I hate to see them come in here and stick him all over like he's a goddamn pin cushion. Can he feel any of this pain Tara? Can he hear us when we talk to him?"

This seems to bring Tara out of her trance and wakes her up a bit. She slowly goes in her 'doctor mode.' "No, baby. He can't feel anything. He's heavily sedated so he won't be moving around and pull his IVs out and fight the ventilator. I don't know if he can hear us, but that is a possibility. Some people can hear when they're in a coma and some can hear while they're sedated. We just don't know with babies; they can't talk and tell us but talking to him will make things better for you and for the baby if he can hear us." Jax can't keep from smiling. He knows that he looks like an idiot, especially with the situation they're in but he's beyond happy right now. Jax is happy that his wife, Dr. Knowles-Teller, is back and he can't keep from smiling.

Tara watches the way Jax interacts with the baby Tara has never seen Jax like this. He knows everything that's going on with his son. Jax understands all of the machines and what they do and what they are doing. He knows all the other babies in the unit: their names, their histories their diagnoses. Jax knows their parents by name. Jax has always been friendly, admitted a little friendlier with the females than males but Jax talks to these people like they have, known each other for years. Jax knows how many children they have, their ages, what their names are. Tara realizes Jax has spent most of his time here with their son. "Jax have you stayed here the whole time?"

Jax looks at Tara puzzled. "Of course I have. I couldn't leave you and John here by yourselves I had to be here in case you needed me."

"Yeah, I went home for a couple of hours yesterday. We had church and I played with the boys and then we took a nap together. Then I dropped them off at the clubhouse on my way back here to the hospital."

"Oh, the boys! I forgot about them. Are they okay? Is Abel really okay? He wasn't hurt was he? Oh God! How could I forget about my boys?"

"Babe you've had a rough time. As soon as you woke up I told you about the baby. You haven't had time to think about shit. They're fine; they're at the clubhouse with Bobby, Phil, Juice, Maxine. Vivica's there, she's helping with the clubhouse. They're in good hands. Abel wasn't hurt; he was just a little scared." Jax hasn't mentioned anything to Tara yet about security, he'll do that later. Right now, Tara needs her time with their baby. Jax can't make up for the time Tara's lost with her son but he can make sure Tara doesn't lose anymore.

"Oh Jax, he's so beautiful he looks like you and Abel. Oh God, Jax, he's so perfect." Tara gently holds her baby's tiny hand and then she lovingly strokes the back of her fingers across his cheeks. "Why Jax? Why does our son have to pay? He didn't do anything. He's so innocent and yet he's paying the price for our sins?"

"Tara we haven't done anything that's caused this. This is all on a crazy ass loony bitch that only cares about herself. She doesn't care who she harms, innocent or not, even her grandchild. This isn't on you or me- we didn't do anything, you didn't do anything, the baby didn't do anything."

"I just don't understand, I don't understand what happened or why." Tara looks at Jax pleading for him to explain why this happened. How could this happen. Tara sees the strain from the past two days, hell, the past year, on Jax's face. Jax has aged so much since he went to prison. He's changed too; he isn't the same man. Tara knows that she still loves this man, loves him with all of her heart, but he isn't the same person that she fell in love with all those years ago, not even the same one she came back to Charming for a couple of years ago. Jax's outlaw biker life has taken a toll on his soul but this particular toll isn't from Jax's outlaw biker life. That could be accepted but this is due a greedy conniving bitch who proved Tara's point after years of dealing with Gemma Teller-Morrow. "Jax, what do you think Gemma would do to you if you stopped her from getting 'her' club back?" Tara turns to him wanting to see what his reaction's going to be.

"Without a doubt Tara, Gemma will kill me if she has the chance but I won't let that happen. What she's done to you and our son is unforgivable; not even our worst enemy would do what Gemma has done. This isn't outlaw Tara, this is a personal vendetta brought on by a greedy bitch." Jax gets a faraway look on his face as he gently strokes his son's head. "I am going to kill her Tara. Gemma has to die for what she has done to my family. Death is too good for her but I can't take the chance of Gemma hurting anyone else that I love. I don't know when, and I don't know how but I won't rest until she's dead. I can't leave it to chance. If something were to happen to me then Gemma would be free to do this again to my family."

Jax turns his attention back to his young son. "Yeah he does look like me, doesn't he?" Jax says this with pride, his heart swelling. Jax stands up straighter as his chest puffs out.

"Oh, don't look so proud over there, Teller, just because all of our boys look like you."

"I'm proud of all my boys, Tara, but it's not just looks. It's just our youngest is different-he's been through the most and I'm proud of him. The first time I saw him, really saw him they were getting ready to put him in the capsule. Dr. Nameed held him in front of me and I touched his little hand. The baby grabbed hold of my finger, he has a grip on him for a little guy. Then his eyes flew open Tara and he looked me right in the eye, like he was saying help me Daddy. I can't explain it but he's special, he's a special child, Tara."

Tara watches Jax as he talks about their youngest son she sees nothing but love when he talks about him you can see it all over him. This makes Tara jealous. Jealous that Jax had two days with him. Tara has missed the first days of his life and she won't ever get them back.

Jax looks over at Tara, "Well, are you ready to start discussing names for this little hooligan?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Do you have any in mind?"

"I do, but I don't want you to just agree with me. If there is a name you like or want tell me." Jax feels a strange vibe coming off of Tara and he isn't sure what it is. "But there is a reason for the name I want; he has had such a hard battle. I think he's a brave little warrior so I feel that he should a name that reflects that. I was thinking about the warriors that have come through my life and yours. I know things have happened in the past two years that have changed my feelings towards my father. But when I look back he couldn't have been a better father to me in the fifteen years he was my dad. He really tried. He taught me so much and he loved me and Thomas. I might not have liked his reasons for going to Ireland but he still loved me and I still love the father I knew. I want to name our son John if you don't mind. Then I would also like to name him after the other strong warriors in our lives. John Filip Winston Teller," Jax turns toward Tara expectantly.

Tara sat there thinking about what Jax had said and remained quiet, Jax could see the wheels turning in her head. Jax still feels there is something off, something just not right with Tara. "I loved JT as well; he was good to me. I have to love him. After all, he taught you how to love, so how could I not love him? But I really wish he hadn't taught you how to love a woman's physique as much as you do." Jax laughed at that and kissed Tara. Jax made it a long, loving, tender kiss so she would know he loves her and no one else and only wants her physique. "I can see Filip, Chibs has done so much for us and he'll come to us whenever we need him. He was with me throughout my pregnancy with Thomas when you couldn't be, so yeah I like Filip. How could I not like Winston? Opie and Piney were my heroes growing up and they saved me more times than I can count. Opie was our best friend. Of course I want to honor Opie." Tara smiled quickly. "I had considered his name too. And Piney, he was a father figure to me and I got him killed." Suddenly Tara burst into sobs. It startled Jax he immediately wrapped Tara in his arms and held her. This is the first time Jax has seen Tara fall apart about Piney's death. But stress from her injuries, from seeing the baby, were taking a toll on her emotions.

"Tara it's not your fault that Piney's dead. That blood is on Clay's hands and Piney's responsible, too. Piney went down protecting the club that he helped start. Protecting his best friend's daughter-in-law. Piney taunted Clay and that's on him. Piney knew JT had his other family in Ireland, he also knew that he wanted out of guns; they both did. He also had his suspicions about Clay and Gemma being responsible for JT's death. He knew all that and Piney knew one day it would come to a head. You didn't cause his death Tara."

Tara sniffled and took in Jax's statement. After a while, she murmured, "Yeah, I like those names too. He looks like a John."

Jax looks at Tara closely, can feel her closing herself off to him. Jax decides to ignore it now but if it happens again he's going to call her out on it. But Jax couldn't help smirking, So he looks like a John Filip Winston Teller, huh?"

"Well, it's a huge name for such a little guy but I think he's strong enough to carry it." Jax brought Tara's hand to his lips and kissed it. They sat there just watching their son, John Filip Winston Teller.

After a few more minutes Jax notices that Tara's beginning to tire. "Come on babe; I'm afraid you've over done it. We need to get you back to your room; you need to rest a little bit so we can come back and see John again."

"I don't want to leave him Jax. I don't want to ever leave him. He's already been taken away from me once I'm afraid if I leave he won't be here when I get back. I can't leave him."

"I know Tara, I know exactly what you mean. I hate leaving him too but you need your rest. The doctor still hasn't had a chance to thoroughly exam you yet. We will come back as soon as you're able, I promise. Let's go." Jax puts his arm around Tara and leads her back out to her wheelchair and gently lifts her down in it like she's going to break. "Your chariot awaits you my dear." After Jax helps Tara sit down in her wheelchair he puts her IV bag back on the wheelchair pole. Tara's sniffles are fast becoming sobs again, so Jax stoops down in front of her and carefully hugs, her mindful of her bruises. Jax doesn't know what to say, can't imagine how she feels. It has to be so much worse for Tara to have missed out on the birth of her son plus the first two days of his life. Then there are her physical injuries plus the hormonal flare-ups he has been warned about. So Jax does the only thing Jax knows to do; he kisses Tara's cheeks, her lips, her eyelids, her nose and then her forehead. He leans in, touching his lips to her ears. "I love you, babe, and we are going get through this, I promise." Jax kisses Tara lips again, stands up, then pushes her up back to her room.

Once in her room the nurse comes to clean Tara up and to change her clothes. Jax uses this time to slip out and to see if there's any news on Gemma. Before he leaves Jax tells the nurse, "I'll put her clothes on, just clean her up. I'll be right out the door."

Jax returns when the nurse leaves the room. The nurse doesn't speak to him; she just looks at Jax like he's disgusting. It startles Jax because everyone has been so kind up until now. Jax just figures the nurse has a stick up her ass as he walks back in the room. He helps Tara change into one of the gowns Lyla brought her. Tara turns a bemused eye to Jax. "Where did these come from?"

Jax can't help but smile. "You don't recognize it?" Tara shakes her head. "Lyla brought it to you from the store, said you needed to feel pretty good. She also brought a new bottle of our favorite lotion. I've been rubbing it on you at night so you might feel better."

"This came from Leather & Lace? I didn't think we had anything in there as plain as this. Thank you for the lotion and rub downs, by the way I might not remember it but I'm sure I enjoyed it," Tara smirks at Jax.

Jax starts teasing her. "Plain? Sweetheart, there is nothing plain about this gown." Jax' is smiling thinking about how tight his pants are getting at the thought of seeing Tara in this gown again in a couple months. "Now that I think about it, I remember you promising me all the sex I want, anytime and anywhere. Of course your smile wasn't as big as mine but you were smiling."

"I highly doubt I was promising sex anywhere, anytime. Besides, since I don't remember it you can't hold me to it."

With a big smile Jax says bluntly. "Babe I am going to hold it to you, against you, and in you as soon as I can. I'm just warning you now that I'm craving you, especially after what happened last time I crawled in bed with you."

"What happened?"

As Jax tucks her in he tells her about the last time he climbed into bed to sleep with her. "Well I had been given the green light to crawl in bed with you. We were trying to keep you calm-you had started thrashing around in bed; you were getting close to waking up, and you were having nightmares. I was so excited; I was needed I could finally do something useful after not being able to do a damn thing for two days except wander around this hospital. So I rubbed you down with our favorite lotion and changed your shirt and snuggled in beside you. I was knocked out in less than 15 minutes I was so tired. I woke up a couple hours later with you close to me and the entire front of my shirt was soaking wet so I got up and took it off. I thought I must have been sweating or had gotten some water in my sleep and spilt it or something, I didn't know. I was exhausted and still too sleepy to really give a shit so I went back to lie down and pulled you close and you were soaking wet, too. I didn't know what the fuck was going on so I got your clothes off and then found the culprit; your breasts were flowing like a goddamn spigot I was shocked- I wasn't here when Thomas was born and frankly I didn't know or want to know how those things worked. When I got your clothes off I realized your tits had almost doubled in size and seeing them leak like that make me horny as hell, plus the fact that the closer I got to you the more milk would come out like I was the trigger that made them stop or start leaking. That really fucking turned me on. I was hard as hell because I had already caressed every part of your body earlier while rubbing on the lotion; it made me rock hard. I know it sounds sick but it's the truth. The nurse came in to give you your pain medicine and she laughed. I don't know if she was laughing at me or the situation but she came back with a box of nursing pads. Before I could ask she was telling me what they were for and how to use them. So now I am an expert on breast leakage."

Tara looks at Jax wearily "You didn't cum on my tits or anything did you? Or worse?"

Jax almost looks offended. "No I'm not Tig. And you're going to be awake when I cum on your tits. I promise you sweetheart. I slept face first in your tits. I woke up with you rubbing my foot with yours and I knew it wouldn't be too long before you woke up."

"God you're disgusting."

Jax lies down beside Tara, wrapping his arms around her carefully, pulling her over to his chest. "You can act offended all you want to babe but I know the truth. My old lady is sexy as hell. Even when she's knocked unconscious she can make my dick so hard it hurts."

"That's nice to know. Can I safely go to sleep now and trust that you won't molest me while I'm sleeping?"

"No promises here babe."

After a few minutes of being still Tara drifts off to sleep when all of a sudden Jax has a flash of fear. What if she doesn't wake up? Jax talks himself down and tells himself, she is just asleep that's all she'll wake up after a couple of hours she'll be fine.