A/N: A special thank you to my beta McIlwain for standing by my side through this emotional turmoil that has left us drained, tear stained and emotionally raw.
This is rated MATURE for a reason: language and sexual content
Jax settles Tara in her wheelchair; he grabs his hoodie for Tara in case she gets cold. Jax asks her, "Is there anything else you need?" Tara meekly shakes her head. Tara's opting for comfort, wearing one of Jax's SAMCRO t-shirts and an old pair of his sweat pants. She needs to engulf herself in Jax's scent to gather strength for the long day ahead of them. Jax loves the thought of his wife wanting to be reminded of him constantly. It does things to Jax he can't describe, and Jax likes being engulfed by Tara's scent, too. It always warms his heart to feel like Tara's close by.
Jax wheels Tara out of her room, down the long silent hallway towards the NICU. The time has come to say goodbye to their youngest son. Tara and Jax move slowly-a walk neither wishes to make but can't be ignored, it has to be done. Tara pitched a fit when she was told her dying infant son couldn't be comforted during his last breaths. Tara would not accept the possibility of her baby dying anywhere other than in her loving arms even if she needed to kidnap him. Tara told them she didn't give a fuck about their hospital policy-she's a doctor for fuck sake. It became so heated at one point Jax seriously considered hiding under a desk before Tara exploded. Tara would've signed her life away after missing so much of John's life. Tara be damned if she was going to miss this. Jax just did what's best in this situation, let Tara handle it and get out of the way. Tara can talk her way around all the other doctors and make it look so easy, like she didn't do a thing, but that's Jax's old lady. Tara isn't a shrinking violet by far she has an innocence about her that still turns Jax the hell on. That innocence, combined with her being a doctor, after all these years still makes Jax rock hard when thinking about his wife. Tara's a respected doctor who can stand on her own two feet, but Tara chooses to stand beside Jax. Jax knows that he's one lucky man.
Being an outlaw you live in the moment, you have to: make every minute count, never waste a minute. Jax wants to spend every moment he can with his family. Especially his young dying son no matter how long or short his life may be. Jax and Tara are treasuring every minute they have with their baby. They can't miss these moments because there won't be anymore. Jax knows without a doubt he will love Tara and his sons for the rest of his life; until the end. The affect Tara has on Jax is like air; he has to have her. He can't survive without her. Their boys can't survive without her. Through happiness or pain it doesn't matter Jax simply has to have his family. He has lived without Tara before, and he was miserable until the day she walked back into his life and he's going to make sure she and his children never; he can't live without them.
The only thing left for Tara to do now is mother John while his life is ending, to give him comfort and show him love. Jax is a devoted father and he's been there when John needed him most, when John was starting his life. Jax welcomed John with loving arms and now John's mother will keep him in her loving arms until the end. As parents Jax and Tara have done all they can do for their son. They love him wholeheartedly and have since they first learned of his existence and they couldn't love that little boy any more than they do. John had a life, he was supposed to live a long full life, at least that was the plan. It was never supposed to be like this; John was never supposed to leave like this, no, not like this.
Jax speaks his doubts, "I'm not so sure I can handle this."
Tara gently reminds Jax, "You already have been handling this. I don't want our baby to die alone Jax. Someone should be holding him when he takes his last breath, so he knows and feels how much he's loved." Jax can't argue with her. He doesn't want John to die alone, either, so this is something they will do together, just the three of them. This is the calmest Tara's been in the past twenty-four hours. She feels like she is in control and Jax knows this is something Tara needs to do, something they needs to do as a family.
Jax and Tara continue down the hall heading towards the NICU with Tig in tow. Jax is frustrated to say the least; there hasn't been any sign of Gemma or Nero since they were seen at the cemetery. Jax is worried; he doesn't like knowing they were around and no one knew. Even with the extra charters roaming through Charming no one saw them and that doesn't set well with Jax. As much as he wants to ignore it, the truth is SAMCRO has a rat somewhere amongst the ranks. Jax can't take any chances on something happening to the boys or to Tara again. To be completely honest with himself, Jax doesn't feel safe from his mother either. Jax knows his senses are off-he's had so much on his mind someone could be following him now and Jax probably wouldn't notice. Jax doesn't like not being in control and by the looks of things Jax hasn't been in control for quite some time. Jax wouldn't be surprised if Gemma didn't jump out from behind a pillar or something. Jax knows Gemma is desperate, and when she's desperate it's not a good thing. Jax doubts being the Queen to Nero's little gang is satisfying Gemma so she'll be want her old position back as SAMCRO's Queen. Jax doesn't know if Gemma's aware that Tara's alive. With the little flower escapade Jax feels Gemma has to know but Jax still hopes not, at least not until he can get Tara and the boys home under one roof. Then Jax can rest easy but he won't; he won't rest easy until he knows his mother is dead. Jax knows it sounds cold, but not as cold as throwing your pregnant daughter-in-law down a flight of stairs and killing your grandson. Now that's cold.
As they get closer they can see Happy standing guard at the NICU entrance. Each step is filled with dread; this is a time where Jax and Tara would rather be anywhere else but here. They can't run from this, there's nowhere to hide, this is going to happen whether they like it or not. The closer they get to Happy the closer they get to the final act for their son, for themselves. It's like walking in knee deep cement: it's getting harder and harder to put one foot in front of the other until they finally reach Happy. Happy opens the door for Jax and Tara and says nothing, there isn't anything to be said besides Jax and Tara don't feel like talking they have a mission to accomplish. Jax feels like he's walking through the gates of hell as he walks through the doors he's burning up, burning up with anger, anger directed at his mother. Jax believes he can kill his mother, not only for all that she's done to Tara through the years but also for what she's done to his son. Jax could slowly torture her in ways that would make Happy proud. Jax has a message to send; you don't fuck with his family or he'll fuck you up. He would've felt guilty for feeling this way a week ago but now the only regret he has is not doing it sooner. Jax should've known not to trust Gemma, not after all she's done, but he did trust her and he will forever blame himself for that.
Tara stops and looks at Jax. "I don't care what you have to do but when you come back tonight you have to let all this guilt go. We can't make everything work if you're walking around harboring guilty feelings. Jax I'm just as guilty; I should've stayed away from you and then she wouldn't have seen me as a threat. Honestly I never ever thought she would do something like this. I should've told you she was threatening me but she has done that off and on since we first started dating. I didn't know this time would be different. I didn't even consider the threats while I was pregnant. I mean there was so much going on. I just did't know Jax,,, I don't know if I know anything, anymore."
"Hey, look at me." Jax tilts Tara's head back, making her look him in the eyes. "We're going to get through this babe. I love you and both of us need to lay our guilty feelings down. Both of us Tara. We aren't the guilty ones here and we know that, and you're right we need to quit blaming ourselves."
As they approach the sinks for washing their hands and changing into scrubs Jax gives Tara a bewildered look. "You've got to be kidding me-you want to stop and change and wash my hands?"
"No we don't have to change; we aren't going into the nursery but we still need to wash our hands. Jax we don't want carry any germs in the lounge and make another baby sick because I would never forgive myself." Tara sighs and Jax knows she's right.
Jax knows his Tara, and she'd be paranoid the whole time in there so Jax agrees and helps Tara out of the wheelchair as they scrub their arms and hands well and then dry them. Tara even wipes down the wheelchair's seat, arm rest and handles while Jax looks on shaking his head at his girl. When they finish Jax and Tara continue down a small corridor into one of the private suites for sick infants and their families. They're already expected so all they have to do is go in the suite and get comfortable. They know the only thing they'll be doing is sitting down. They'll be far from comfortable.
Jax starts fiddling with everything in the room while waiting for them to bring John. They're told the doctor has to do some things and they'll bring the baby to them when the doctor finishes. Tara's nerves are on edge. Watching Jax have to touch and pick up everything in the room is grating on Tara's nerves... bad, their one- year- old behaves better than he is. "JAX stop." Jax snaps his head around to look at Tara and just as he begins to say something the door opens and Dr. Lewis comes in cradling John.
Dr. Lewis tenderly lays John in his mother's waiting arms. Jax realizes this is the first time he's seen John being held since the first time Jax saw him when Dr. Nameed was holding him. Jax walks over to Tara. They both thank Dr. Lewis as she hooks John up to the heart monitor and they agree if they need anything, anything at all, they will let her know. They both stand in the middle of the room staring at the near lifeless body of their youngest son. A son who will die soon, a son that is dying too soon, a son who has been ruthlessly ripped from the comforts of the cocoon of his mother's womb. After a few minutes Jax speaks up, "I heard him cry."
Tara looks up at Jax with concern on her face. Either she has gone deaf or Jax has gone crazy. "Baby he didn't cry."
"No, not now when John was born. I just remembered that in that flash of seconds from the time John was born until he was rushed out of the room and then on his way to NICU I heard him cry, a strong cry. It sounded funny, it wasn't a cry like Abel or Thomas' but it was a cry. I had forgotten until I remembered the last time I saw him being held."
"Jax, have you forgotten how Abel cried after he was born? Remember the sound of it? You were scared that he wouldn't be able to talk because it sounded like he was squeaking."
"I guess I did forget. It seems like I've forgotten an awful lot because this all feels so new and not like I've done it before. This time it's been so different mainly because I didn't have you. I knew Abel was in good hands and I took advantage of you. I knew you loved him and would do right by him; I just wasn't prepared for how much. You did so much for him when he was still in the hospital."
There's a light knock on the door. Jax gets up and opens it; Beverly walks in with a bag she takes over to Tara. "I think I got all the things you wanted and there's a pair of scissors in there for you too. Here's a warm wash rag for you and if you need anything else let me know."
Tara looks up at Beverly with a tired weak smile. "Thank you I really appreciate it. How long before they get here?"
"I talked to Fi a little bit ago Lyla is coming with the kids early so Abel and Thomas can spend some alone time with you, Jax and the baby. Then they can spend a little extra time to spend with Kenny, Piper and Ellie. They should be here in about an hour. I also talked to the hospital photographer. He said he's here and ready just let him know when the boys get here."
Jax turns to Beverly. "Thank you. If you don't mind just have Lyla come on back when they get here. Is everything else set up?"
"Yes, I talked to Margaret a few minutes ago and she confirmed the emergency exit will be clear and Skeeter can meet us there."
Jax notices right away that Beverly stumbles over Skeeter in her haste not to say 'hearse,' which is probably for the best. Jax doesn't know if Tara can stand that. "Thank you Beverly." Beverly slides quietly out the room.
Jax looks at Tara curiously. "What's in the bag?"
"Just some things I had Neeta pack from the house for the baby."
"Oh yeah, like what?"
"Well let's see here: we have baby powder, lotion, a diaper, white socks, a white SOA gown with matching hat and blanket, some scissors and ribbon."
Jax eyes her suspiciously. "Where did you get the white gown with matching hat and what's this about the photographer?"
Tara sighs and takes a deep breath, "I had Fi call in a special rush order to the company I order all of our SOA baby clothing from and had them rush it to us. Remember Bob the salesman? His company, actually he drove it up here." Of course Jax remembers Bob the guy Tara thought Jax was going to let her met at the hotel in Lodi by herself. "I didn't want him wearing one of those cheap impersonal hospital gowns and I didn't think it was appropriate for him to wear one of the boy's old SOA onesies. I couldn't think of any color other than white, like you said before, he's pure and what better color than white. That's why I told Hap that the coffin had to be white instead of black. I just can't put my baby in a black coffin, Jax, I just can't. He is far too innocent for black."
"I agree babe, I didn't think of that. I can't either now that you mention it. I don't want any color around him but white, just the thought of anything black touching him just makes me sick, I can't explain it. What are the scissors for?" Jax began thinking of the last time he held scissors was to cut John's lifeline from Tara and brutally thrust him into a world all alone.
"So I can cut a lock of John's hair," Tara said with tears in her eyes.
Jax kisses the top of Tara's head and with a smile, "And the lotion and powder is so he smells like our boys?"
Tara grins shyly. "Yeah." They lay their baby on the couch and start the process of bathing him and dressing him.
Jax' begins to see the depths of the attack and the loss of their baby on Tara. His Tara, Dr. Tara Knowles-Teller is a strong, strong- willed, confident woman who's been lost this past year. She was just beginning to find herself again, just beginning to enjoying life again, but here she is broken again at the hands of his family. Jax can't lose her, and he can't let Tara lose herself. Tara's so broken. Tara's never been one to lean on someone but she's going to have to realize if she leans on her husband then all of these open wounds will heal. If Tara tries to do it herself and push people away like she did with her hand then she won't ever heal. Jax has to remind himself to be patient but Lord knows Tara doesn't have a patient bone in her body unless it pertains to the boys. Then Tara has all the love and time in the world and that's what makes this so hard. Her boys define her, and now she is losing one she didn't get the chance to know. Tara doesn't have to tell Jax how it's killing her that she missed those two days with John, those two days Tara will never get back when she was knocked out. Tara doesn't have to tell him; Jax knows.
"Jax!" Tara looks at Jax trying to get his attention but he is deep in thought, just staring at John. You can see it in his face, he's lost in his thoughts. "Jax... JAX..."
He looks up. "What"?
"You have that look on your face, Jax. You aren't responsible for this-there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. This isn't your fault or mine; this is all on Gemma. Do you understand me? I can't lose you in this, I need you. You can't do this to me, and the boys need you too. Don't do it to John-you can't just throw away this gift he's left us. We can't do that, Jax. Promise me, please promise me." Tara's tears are streaming down her face.
Jax looks at Tara, taking her free hand in his own, and places his other around John's little fingers. "Oh I know whose fault it is, believe me, I know. Tara, you don't have to worry about losing me; I'm not that man anymore. I know this isn't going to be easy for either one of us but we're going to have to rely on each other to pull us through this, I get that. I know where all the blame lies for this and you're right, it doesn't lie on either one of us, I get that, I really do. I don't want you worrying, thinking I'm going to go off on one of my depressive self-pitying episodes, making some kind of dick move destroying our family like I did when Abel was kidnapped. Babe when you forgave me for the awful things I did to you, and you still loved me after all that I knew that I will never hurt you again. This is my second chance and I'll do nothing to mess that up. I love my family too much.
"Tell me about John."
Jax's already starting to get lost in his thoughts again when her voice drags him out. "What, babe?"
"Tell me about John, Jax. You've been with him for two days. Tell me about him please."
Jax grows thoughtful. "First off I was scared with everything going on like it was I didn't know what to do. Everything around me was going so fast. I was rushed in the operating room, one minute I'm watching the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life and then the next scissors are thrust in my hands and I was told to 'cut the cord' then I was whisked away into another room where I was standing in front of Dr. Nameed holding a baby."
"Tara, something happened, I can't explain it. When Dr. Nameed brought John to me before they headed to the NICU I touched his head. John made a face like he was asleep and pissed off that I was trying to wake him up. It took me by surprise and I couldn't help but laugh. I touched John's little hand, this hand right here, not even big enough to wrap around my pinky. John grabbed my finger and I mean he grabbed it and shot his eyes open looking at me. Tara, John's expression was just like one of yours only his eye color was different, blue-green. He just stared at me like he was cutting right through my soul. John's eyes were boring through me and I've never had anyone look at me with such intensity or clarity. I've never felt that exposed before, I felt naked, like I needed to cover up. Then John let me look into his soul, and it was pure, a pure unscathed soul. It was like John cleansed me, he took away any doubt that I had in life about myself. John did something to me that I can't explain; he wasn't going to let me destroy myself, you or our family." Jax's looking at Tara with such conviction on his face she believes what Jax's saying. Tara knows that something has happened to Jax, he isn't the same Jax as before. Tara doesn't quite know where he's different, he just is.
"That's the only time I've seen John's eyes, I never saw them again. I never saw John move again either. Once John was on the ventilator he was sedated and they never took him off. Then the rest of the time I'd come and talk to him, touch him, just be with him. Anything I thought I could do to let him know that he wasn't alone, that I was here with him."
"Tara, I'm not a fool; I know this is going to be the hardest thing in our lives that we've had to overcome. All of our dreams for John are breaking but he'll still be in our hearts. We'll live a lifetime of 'what ifs'; we'll look at Abel and Thomas and wonder if John would've been like them, wonder what he would have looked like, what would he be doing? It's going to be hard and at times depressing, so damn depressing that we'll feel like we can't get up. We both have been through those kinds of feelings before but this is going to be so much worse, so much stronger. We can't just curl up and lie down-we have two little ones at home that need us and they're going to be confused as shit. I know that you're going to need me more than you ever have before and I want you to know and believe that I'm going to be here right beside you, holding both of our ends up until you're able to start holding up your end and then we'll walk through this together. Until that happens, Tara, I'm going to be here right beside you. Don't ever doubt my love for you; we can survive this together. I need you now, more than I ever have before. There's going to come a day when we're able to get through this without being sad, depressed or tearful. I won't let Gemma mar the memory that we have of our little angel here. Do you hear me?"
Tara smiles softly as she looks into the depths of Jax's blue eyes. She sees all she needs to. Tara's looking straight in to his soul and she sees nothing but pure love and understanding. "I believe you. We will get through this somehow, I know we will." Jax smiles at her, knowing that she believes in him, that she sees it in his eyes. He can see it reflect in hers. That's something that they've always been able to do, look right through each other and know what the other's thinking without saying a word. "I can't imagine what this is going to be like Jax. Right now I feel overwhelmed, like my feelings are about to burst."
"Tara, in the past twenty-four hours your world has stopped making sense to you and you haven't been able to control it. You are a person that has to be in control and there isn't anything you can do about this. You can't stop this heartache and pain we're going through, we're just going to have to work through it together. The boys will be here in a little while and once you see them you'll feel a little better."
"They're going to have so many questions Jax, I don't know if I'll be able to answer them day in and day out. I know they don't understand; hell, I don't understand myself, but I do have a person to blame and for some reason that seems to make it better."
"Gradually they'll start forgetting about him and not constantly ask questions. As they get older and understand more, things will start making sense to them and they'll know how to comprehend everything."
"Jax what if we start forgetting?"
Jax's voice is stern as he replies. "Hey, Tara, look at me. If you are worried about me forgetting him then quite that because that isn't going to happen either. It won't be as painful, but this, our baby boy here, he will always be imprinted in our hearts and that will never change. Have I forgotten about my brother? There isn't a day that goes by where I haven't missed him or thought about him. If you're worried that when you move on from this trauma you'll forget him, that isn't going to happen babe. You're his mother, so you won't ever forget.. Let go of the accident Tara, and I promise he'll still be there. Just because you are able to get over the accident doesn't mean you'll forget him." Jax knows that's the truth and knows Tara knows it too; she just wants and needs reassurance that Jax won't forget. Jax will gladly reassure her all day if he needs to. "We will never forget John. There will be a time we won't be constantly consumed by him and our memories of him AND the accident. Tara, it isn't just him that you are going to have to come to terms with, you still have the accident to deal with. You have so much that you're going to have to handle but I am here. I will always be here. We have so much to do with the Women's Center opening and all of these 'projects' that we have going on. We have the boys to keep us busy. There will come a time when we can manage to make it through the day and not be reminded of what has happened and when it does you can't feel guilty about it. Do you understand? You can't feel guilty for being able to pick yourself up and move on. That doesn't mean you don't love him or that you are disrespecting him. You won't be; you'll be honoring him. His love has made you stronger and made you more open to love. I wish there was something I could do that would take away all of this pain but this is just something we are going to have to work through together. Together Tara, you and me."
Tara's voice is almost playful. "When did you grow up Jackson Teller and become so wise?"
"I told you babe, when I looked into our baby's eyes and saw the soul of my dying son."
"I'm sorry Jax, I don't mean to sound so damn needy, I've never felt needy in my life until this past year. Now I just feel lost. I always thought I felt lost when I left Charming and went to school, but now I know it was loneliness; I wasn't lost. I knew who I was and what I was doing, I was just all alone. When you were in prison it was just Abel and I, and then we added Thomas. I needed you here with us but I couldn't have you. I was lonely then, too. Now I just feel lost."
"I love you Tara now and always." Jax reaches out and kisses Tara properly. The type of kiss they haven't shared in months. Jax wraps his arms around Tara and whispers in her ear, "I'm right here babe; I'm not going anywhere." Jax knows he treated Tara wrong when her hand was mangled. If Jax is honest with himself he'll admit he felt guilty every time he looked at Tara and even now can't bear to look at her hand without seeing all that she lost because of him. Now Jax sees he's going to have to be the fire under Tara. He will have to keep her moving forward and not let her sink back into that pit of despair. She might not be Dr. Tara Knowles, Pediatric surgeon anymore but there is nothing that's going to stop her from being Dr. Tara Teller, any kind of fucking doctor she wants to be, not even herself.
Jax kisses the top of Tara's head. "What's the photographer for? I know they've already taken pictures of him because I stopped the photographer the other day and asked him about taking pictures. He told me Margaret and Beverly had already approached him about it."
"He's going to take a few family pictures, the Teller Family and the SAMCRO family. Just so we have something we can look back on."
"I like that idea, babe. Are you going to leave that bandage on your head? I thought you're going to have them take it off and try to cover some of your bruises so the boys won't be scared."
As if on cue there was a light rap at the door. Jax gave Tara a look like let me guess and sure enough it's one of Tara's nurses. She's come to take the bandage off and clean the blood out of Tara's hair. Jax holds the baby as the nurse takes Tara into the bathroom and tries to cover up some of her facial bruising and pulls her bangs down over the stitches.
Jax uses this opportunity to spend some alone time with his son. "I will always remember and love you son. You will never be forgotten by your family; you will always be in our hearts. Your mother loves you so much. You have to know that she would do anything, anything at all to keep you here with her. We both would give our lives for you if we could but it seems that's not the plan, so we will go on loving you and wanting you until our dying day"
The nurse finishes cleaning the blood out of Tara's hair and she puts the finishing touches on Tara's face before she silently leaves the room. When her nurse leaves Tara turns to Jax. "How does this look? Doesn't it cover some up."
"You're fine, babe. They'll be fine; it looks a whole lot better." There's so much more Jax would like to say. They both would and they will, just not right now. Now the only thing they need to talk about is their son. They need to concentrate on him; there'll be plenty of time later to talk about the rest.
Tara starts humming lightly as she takes John in her arms and gently lies him down on the couch. Jax just sits there watching her, never questioning her, just watching. Tara carefully and lovingly starts washing their son. Jax looks at her quizzically, raising his brow but remaining silent. He's watching her closely and for the first time ever he sees a glimpse of things Tara has described her mother doing when Tara was young. Jax has never noticed before and wonders if Tara knows that she's doing them. She starts singing a lullaby he's heard her sing a couple of times since he got out of prison. Tara sang it to Thomas but Jax hasn't heard it for months now. Tara takes the lotion she's always uses on Abel and Thomas, gently glides it over her infant's skin, imprinting every inch of him in her mind and heart. Jax continues watching this precious, private moment between mother and son. Jax almost feels like an intruder spying on something sacred. He can see the bond forming right before his eyes, the bond between mother and child, an unbreakable bond. A bond Jax thought he had with Gemma. You can tell him all you want that his son doesn't know what is going on but Jax feels it, feels the love generating between a mother and her son. Jax glances slightly at the heart monitor. The doctors were insistent that John remain attached to the machine and Tara didn't argue, didn't say a word. Hell, that was the only thing she didn't argue about. Argue isn't the word, what she did would make Gemma Teller shake in her boots. Tara had the whole hospital hopping. Once Jax felt like crawling under a desk himself and he's glad he wasn't on the other end of that rant. But Jax did notice the small smile that formed on Dr. Nameed's face. That made Jax proud of his wife. Jax knows that frantic rant was Tara trying to take control of a situation she had no control over.
Tara's singing to John as she and Jax continue to dress their son; his family is eager to meet him. Jax is amazed at John's size. "These damn socks go up to his hip, just look at it. John looks like Thomas when we put him in a pair of my riding boots." Tara can't help but laugh at Jax. Sometimes he does things and he gets an amazed tone in is voice and you see it dancing in his eyes like when he was a kid on Christmas morning. Tara can't help but laugh and it really does feel good to laugh.
"I know... they didn't have preemie socks, just preemie clothes. I guess preemies don't get cold feet. Abel was wearing newborn clothes when he came home so we didn't have to order any special clothing for him." Jax looks at Tara and sees a smile on her face, a real smile. Tara has bruises on her face, a bandage on her head, and there is still a little blood in her hair where the nurse couldn't get it all out. Even with her body bruised all over and wearing one of Jax's SAMCRO t-shirts and a pair of his sweat pants, his girl is beautiful when she smiles. He makes a silent oath to try to keep a smile on Tara's face at all times.
Jax looks at Tara like he's seeing her through different eyes, like he's seeing Tara for the first time. The way Tara's interacts with John, the way she tenderly touches him, looks at him with such love and devotion. You can see the love in her heart like it's been cut open and you're looking in. Jax is mesmerized. Jax loves Tara, knows her from the inside out, knows everything about her, how much she loves him, how much she loves her boys, but now it's like he has never known her at all. Inner strength is shining through this woman, his woman, his wife, his old lady, the mother of his children. She has been hurt and hurt bad, physically and emotionally, but right now, in this minute, Tara is strong. Strong for her family, her husband, her club, but most of all for her dying baby boy.
When Tara is finished dressing the baby Jax looks over at the heart monitor. He can see John's heart is getting weaker so Jax heads over to the recliner and sits down patting his lap. "Sit down in my lap and let's just hold him together before the boys get here. Let's just take a minute for ourselves." That is what they do; three-fifths of the Teller family cuddle together in the corner of a private suite. Physically that's where they can be found, but mentally, emotionally, they are in their own world, wherever that might.