A/N: As my beta McIlwain and I wrote chapters 9 and 10 they have been the easiest, hardest and most exciting of all chapters we have done through the whole Unmarred Soul series. Sometimes the emotional pull would get us down but together we were able to pull through and bring this to you. We've been waiting to share them with you since early summer hoping that you enjoy them as much as we do. These two chapters define the love and commitment of Jax and Tara to their young family and themselves.

This chapter will be similar to the journal entries taking you inside the private feelings and emotions of Jax and Tara as they go through this final step with their son and family.

This is rated MATURE for a reason: language and sexual content.

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John's Scroll

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Your angelic face will forever be imprinted in our eyes

your tiny heart always beating with ours

the weight of your small body will always lie in our arms

you will always be our little SON.

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There's a light knock at the door, it opens as Abel walks in holding Thomas' hand. Both boys are decked out in matching dark jeans and baby blue plaid flannel shirts looking so much like Jax. It still amazes Tara how much her three boys look just like their father and each one has something so specific of Jax's that's their own. Abel has his smirk, Thomas' has his twinkle and mischief dancing in his eyes and John has Jax's strength and determination. The sight of their two precious boys brings smiles and tears to Jax and Tara's eyes. Abel and Thomas are so glad to see their mommy. They just saw her yesterday for the first time since the accident and neither one of them wanted to leave her side as matter of fact they had to be pried and bribed in order to get them loose from her grips, yes she was pried and bribed too. It took Abel awhile but he finally warmed up to his mommy and became less afraid of her. Tara didn't want her babies to leave but she knew she needed to go see John and be with him. She could see the boys every day for the rest of her life but she's not allowed that luxury with John.

Tara's glad to see her boys but they don't know what to think about the baby. They have seen John through the glass window but this is different, they can actually 'see' him now. Thomas is really confused he just looks up at his parents with his little eyebrows burrowed. Tara smiles at him. This must be Thomas' what the fuck look that Jax was talking about. Jax can't help but laugh at him which makes Thomas smile at his daddy as he slowly walks to one side of Jax while Abel goes to the other they each receive a kiss from their parents and Thomas peeks slowly around Tara stretching his neck trying to see the baby in Tara's arms. Thomas starts giggling, dancing with his feet in one place pointing at John while looking wide eyed up at Jax who can't help but to laugh at his young son.

Abel's more serious asking questions about the baby. Jax and Tara try to keep the conversation short and simple knowing the boys don't fully understand and they don't really want them to right now. But they don't want to lie to them either so they give simple explanations the boys can understand, for now. Later in life they'll answer all the questions they have but it's just too much for them at this age to understand. It's too much for Jax and Tara to understand. Abel has already seen too much and been through too much with the attack. Jax and Tara don't want to act like it didn't happen because it did and it happen to Abel but they don't want it to impact his life any more than it has.

After a few minutes there's another knock and it's the hospital photographer here to take a few pictures so Jax and Tara will have some pictures of their young family while they still can. Any pictures of SAMCRO and the young prince will have to wait and be taken after John has died. Jax and Tara can take solace in these pictures here; the pictures of their children are taken while John's still alive. After pictures of Jax and Tara and their boys, the three boys together, Tara and the boys, Jax and the boys and then Jax and Tara with John all the pictures are taken. It doesn't take five minutes but they don't have a lot of time. Jax and Tara just want to make sure they have something commemorating this event in their lives other than the Polaroid picture one of the nurses took in NICU. The NICU makes sure you at least have a picture of your baby in case it dies. Jax and Tara wanted more pictures than that and are lucky enough they could make that happen. Just something to back up their memories when the day comes they can't remember all of it like they used to. Right now at this moment that day doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem possible that a day will come when they don't remember every second of this, or every inch of John's body. That day will come whether they want it or not. A day will come when it won't hurt as bad as it does right now. That day will also bring a realization they can't remember parts they thought they never would forget. That's the day they don't ever want to come.

Lyla's back with Kenny, Piper and Ellie giving them time to be with the baby and get their picture taken with him too. Unfortunately Kenny and Ellie know death too well. They know what happens to families after death but with the love of family and friends they're doing well Better than anyone ever expected. That's all due to the love they get from their extended family. Ellie and Kenny are still SAMCRO and always will be. Lyla is a devoted mother to the two orphaned children she was left with, a damn good mother. Ellie and Lyla both get a chance to hold the baby then Ellie, Piper and Kenny have their picture made with their cousins. Lyla takes Thomas and Abel down to the cafeteria for ice cream with her kids. Yes, they have to bribe the boys again but they go more willingly with the promise they will be able to see Mommy and Daddy after their ice cream so they don't pitch a fit... this time.

With everyone gone it's back to just Jax, Tara and John settling back down in the recliner. Tara sits across Jax's lap leaning back against his muscular frame with John in her arms and Jax's arms wrapped tight around Tara as she lays her head back on Jax's shoulder. "Tell me that it's going to be alright Jax. Tell me that we are going to make it through all this shit and the shit that's going to be coming our way."

"We will Tara it's not going to be easy but we'll get through it we have each other and we have Abel and Thomas we'll make it, our family will get through it." They spend the rest of the time just touching and loving their son, gently stroking his head, his arms, legs any part of him they can touch they do. They're trying to remember every inch of him because they know with every beep of the machine it is one beep closer to the end. It's happening too fast it's almost over and they can feel it and they can see it his heart is getting weaker and his color is turning too this's something that Jax isn't prepared for not the change in color not the look of being dead he isn't ready for that not yet; not ever. The time has come Tara jumps in Jax's arms when John's heart monitor alarm is sounding off and in the next room Jax can faintly hear 11:41 over and over again he holds Tara tighter and tighter he doesn't know if he is hurting her he hopes not but he has to hold something as he gently touches his now deceased son's head.

Dr. Nameed comes in and takes the baby out of Tara's arms she doesn't want to let him go. Dr. Nameed firmly and patiently looks her in the eyes and tells her, "I'll bring him back I just need him for a few minutes." Jax and Tara watch as Dr. Nameed walks away with their baby in his arms to pronounce him dead. He brings him back and places him back in his mother's arms and walks back out without a word and then Tara falls apart.

Tara starts crying, crying so hard she can't hold John. Jax takes John and holds him in one arm and Tara in the other while Tara tries to pull herself together. Jax watches Tara with a careful eye she still hasn't healed. She has just had surgery 3 days ago and hell just woke up from being unconscious for two days. Now all this... Jax knows this isn't good for her. She almost died but there's not anything they can do. This can't wait, won't wait, this is something they have to do and do it together. Tara's exhausted the black circles under her eyes are darker than they were two hours ago and she is still pale. "Babe, do you need to lie down? I know you're exhausted. I'm exhausted. Are you okay to do this? I can take you to your room."

"NO... Jax I am fine. I really am. I can do this. I need to do this. Please Jax... I have to do this, I have to finish this. I wasn't here in the beginning I have to be here in the end."

"You were Tara. You were here in the end. You need rest you need to get better so we can get you outa here and home. I need you home; the boys need their mommy home. I miss you so fucking much baby I need you. So please, please take care of yourself, I need you."

"Okay Jax I will. I'll watch it. I need to get through this and then I will do everything you want me to do and tell me to do. I promise I just need for you to let me get through this."

"Hold on," Jax grabs his phone with one hand and flips it open with his mouth. "Yeah? Okay we'll be down there shortly, the boys are with Lyla in the cafeteria. Okay, Yeah, I got her. Sure see you in a bit." Flipping his phone closed Jax looks at Tara. "Everyone's in the emergency room whenever you're ready."

"I'm not ready yet Jax. Just give me a few more minutes."

"Tara, we won't ever be ready to let him go but you know we're working with a time schedule here Babe so we need to get going."

"I know."

"Are you ready?"

"No... but let's go." Jax helps Tara stand up off his lap while she holds John. Jax carefully sits Tara in the wheelchair as she holds their baby swaddled in his SAMCRO blanket close to her breast.

"Okay then hold on tight."

Tara holds John as Jax pushes her wheelchair followed closely by Beverly and Happy through the unusually quiet and empty halls of St. Thomas Hospital to meet the rest of their family. As they approach Margaret, who's been a regular visitor to see John, is waiting for them and directs them where the others are waiting. Immediately Tara hears "Mommy" and Thomas runs just as fast as his little toddler legs will carry him yelling "ice keam" with Abel running behind him "me too." Tara can't wipe the smile off her face; she loves her boys. Tara's laughing at both the boys and their excitement over ice cream but mainly because Abel looks and acts like his normal self; excited and smiling.

Jax takes John from Tara arms as Thomas looks on watching his daddy take his little brother so their family can get a chance to see John. For some it will be the first time and for others it will be the last. Jax stands back silently; watching how Tara interacts with everyone. Chibs stands beside Jax holding John, his namesake. "Jackie you'll never know how much it means to me that you would want to name your flesh and blood after me boy. To consider me in the same light as John, Piney and Opie... thank you brother; it's an honor." Chibs follows Jax's line of sight. "You know she's going to be alright Jax. It'll take some time but you both will be alright. She loves you and your boys just remember that." Chibs passes the baby to Fi as he grabs his brother into a hug.

After a group picture with the baby, there's one of John and Chibs, one of SAMCRO with Jax holding John, one of SAMCRO surrounding Jax holding John with Abel standing on one side of him and Thomas on the other side, one with Kenny and Piper beside Abel and Thomas along with the brothers of SAMCRO then finally one of the King and Queen of SAMCRO with their Princes surrounded by their Knights.

Tara's sitting in her wheelchair with Thomas in her lap trying to stay focused on the person in front of her talking but she can't take her eyes off of her baby watching him being passed from loved one to the next saying their own final goodbyes. Jax comes and kneels down beside her. "Hey beautiful you alright? Do you need anything?" Jax kisses Tara's temple and the top of Thomas' head. Jax smiles at his little boy when Thomas looks at his daddy and shows him the biggest, brightest smile he has. Thomas looks back to something across the room. Jax marvels at his son with all that's going on in the room Thomas is sitting quietly taking it all in watching everyone while keeping an eye on his mother and baby brother. Thomas turns back do his father and reaches up with one hand while pointing to his baby brother with his other. Jax picks Thomas up and walks over where Tig's holding John. Jax holds Thomas tight against him as Thomas reaches to touch the baby's arm and then Thomas lays his head down on Jax's chest before locking his little arms around Jax's neck hugging him tight while kissing Jax's cheek. Thomas pats Jax's back as he hugs Jax letting his daddy know that it will be alright. Tears form in Jax's eyes as he kisses the chubby cheek of his son. "I know Buddy it will be alright I promise. Come on let's go see Kerrianne for a few minutes." Jax kisses Thomas' head before leaving him with Kerrianne. Jax looks around and sees Abel is with Kenny, Piper and Ellie. Jax takes John from Bobby and nods at Happy who quietly nods at the brothers and they start filing out of the room leaving Jax and Tara alone for the last time with their infant son. Jax walks over to Tara leaning in placing John in Tara's arms for the last time. Jax tells Tara, "It's time."

With tear glisten eyes Tara nods her head holding her son closely. They sit there for a few minutes quietly just the three of them taking these last few moments for themselves. Tara scans her baby from head to toe his little body's starting to feel cool. It seems like it has been a life time since they left upstairs but it's only been fifteen minutes. Tara knows the time has come, the time to say goodbye for the final time.

There is a knock at the door Jax looks to Tara and she nods her head. Jax opens the door for his brothers as they push a gurney holding the small coffin they made sitting on top. As they push the small pristine shiny pearly white coffin in they can hear Tara gasp at the beauty of it. Tears pool in her eyes as Tara tells them, "It's so beautiful... oh guys it's beautiful, thank you." Tara hands Jax the baby as Phil helps her up and she slowly walks over to the coffin amazed at the beauty of it. It's perfect just like she'd asked Hap, a powder blue and cream Panhead Harley on it, a replica of JT's motorcycle and in the same blue simply 'SON' is written above it. Tara runs her hand across the top of it. "It's perfect," and shiny she knows someone's waxed and polished it many times the way it shines and knows that someone is Happy. Tara grabs Happy and throws her arms around him with tears streaming down her face whispering in his ear. "Oh thank you Hap its beautiful it's just like I wanted, thank you." Happy nods his head. He doesn't need to say anything, everything that's felt is right there in front of her in detail and made with love. Tara slowly walks around the room hugging and kissing each one of the guys, one by one thanking them for the most precious gift of all. Tara couldn't love this group of ruffians before her any more than she does at this moment. The top of the casket is removed and set off to the side revealing a powder blue satin padded lining inside made by Ellie and Kerrianne. The satin lining has a matching pillow and blanket all in the same color blue as the lettering on the outside of the casket. Tara's shocked to see the elegant initials Ellie embroidered on the John's blanket. Tara has taught Ellie how to embroidery, she feels it's her duty. It's something that Tara and Donna had done together when they were young but Tara had no idea how talented Ellie is. It's just gorgeous she's in awe of the whole thing. Tara shouldn't be surprised though Donna was a talented artist so why wouldn't Ellie be?

Tara takes her place beside Jax who's holding the baby she kisses Jax's cheek and then the baby's one last time, taking a step back to let Jax have his moment. Jax gently hugs his son, the little one that will forever be etched in his heart and kisses his small head taking in the familiar scent of his boys, all of them, as Jax lies his baby down in his coffin he tells John. "I love you son, I always will." As Jax and Tara stand looking at their beautiful baby son for the last time saying their final goodbyes; Jax reaches into his cut and pulls out a small scroll that's no bigger than Tara's pinky. A narrow blue satin ribbon wrapped around it with a miniature bracelet like loop of ribbon hanging from the bow. Jax takes the small scroll; slipping the bracelet like ribbon gently over their baby's delicate hand then carefully putting the scroll in his son's tiny hand, the same hand that grabbed Jax's heart days ago. Jax steps back beside Tara wrapping his arms around her as they take their last look at their son before walking back to Tara's wheelchair.

Silently Jax helps Tara settle back in her wheelchair kissing her cheek before they quietly leave the room to wait in the hall for the brothers to finish and follow them out. Standing in the hall waiting for Jax and Tara are their boys, Fi, Lyla, Kerrianne and Ellie. Tara sees Ellie and starts smiling. "Oh girls you did such a beautiful job you will never know how much this means to me and your Uncle Jax we love you both." She hugs each girl and kisses their cheek. Seeing this Thomas crawls up in his mommy's lap he wants some of those kisses Mommy's been handing out today as Abel goes and stands beside her to get his fair share too. The boys aren't sure what's happening but they know it's big and important. SAMCRO comes out of the room following the gurney being pushed by Happy and Tig, Jax and Tara lead them out of the emergency room doors.

When Jax wheels Tara out through the emergency room doors with Thomas in her lap and Abel walking beside her holding Tara's hand. It's a hell of a sight before them; the walk on both sides all the way down to the parking lot is lined with the top ranking SONS from every charter on the west coast and beyond. You can hear the hitch in Tara's breath as Jax's heart swells with pride.

Jax bends down looking Tara in the eye cupping her face with his hand, resting his thumb on Tara's jaw stroking it gently Jax leans down tilting her head back kissing her deeply and lovingly a kiss that doesn't require words, a kiss that means so much more. Jax closes his eyes and allows his self to feel Tara to gather strength from her for what he has to do and give her strength too. They break apart and Jax rests his forehead on Tara's. "I love you," never in Jax's life has those three words meant as much as they do at this moment "I'll be back in an hour or two you get some rest."

Tara gazes deep into his eyes, "I love you."

Thomas starts pulling on his daddy's cut while Jax's leaning over, Jax looks down at Thomas smiling and kisses Thomas' head with a big smile. "I love you too buddy. Still smiling Jax looks at Abel and for the first time since all of this has happened Abel has a small smile on his face. Jax leans over and kisses Abel's head while smelling his boys for strength. "I love you too little man." Abel nods back.

Jax stands and turns but feels a small tug at his hand he turns looking back and Tara pulls him as he gets close to her Tara speaks in his ear just above a whisper. "Do right by him Jax. Take your time, do what you have to do." Tara looks over the multitude of SONS in front of her before meeting Jax's gaze.

"I will babe, I promise," with a squeeze of his hand Jax turns and walks over to the gurney that has been rolled out my Tig and Happy, Jax picks up his son's small coffin carrying it to the back of the hearse with his brothers following by rank with Chibs to his left and Happy to his right with the others following behind them. Jax set his baby boy John's coffin down in the back of the hearse taking a minute to breathe and say a silent goodbye Jax closes the doors to the hearse. Tears roll down Tara's cheeks freely as she's flanked by Fiona on one side and Lyla on the other they squeeze Tara's shoulders showing their support. Jax knows he can't look back at Tara he's not that strong, Jax knows he'll break; fall apart right here if he looks at the hurt and pain in his wife's eyes.

Tara watches as Jax approaches his bike with a purposeful stride, the way he throws his leg over his black machine putting on his helmet then snapping it into place, then his gloves clenching his jaw whilst waiting for the rest. They all get on their bikes and wait. Then with the roar of a single beast the rest fire up with a loud rumble as they come to life. The sound jolts through Tara causing her heart to sink. This is it, this is the end; he isn't her baby anymore.

The procession is led by Jax following then in twos Chibs at his left and Happy at his right, behind them Bobby on the left and Tig on the right with the hearse following them. The hearse is then followed by Juice and Phil leading thirty of the top ranking Sons of Anarchy officers with the remaining charters following suit in a motorcade of 100 strong.

As the procession of black and chrome pass in front of Tara, she has tears rolling down her cheeks watching the grand sight before her. There was nothing in this world more heart wrenching and breath taking as the sight of a Sons of Anarchy funeral procession. A sea of shiny black bikes with the sun gleaming off them, moving slowly forward inching along for you to understand the purpose and meaning of what they are doing. They want you to take notice that this person was someone, someone important, someone important to them therefore they should be important to you too. They demand for you to look at them; dare you to look away. They demand your respect for them and their dead; and you give it to them. Tara hears Kerrianne gasp she's never seen a sight like this before and you can see the appreciation in the young girl's face along with pride as she stands taller.

As the motorcade passes in front of Tara, Jax can see his boys waving bye and it wrenches his heart as tears start spilling from his eyes down his face. Briefly being able to see Tara and she too has tears spilling down her face but she's sitting up straight with pride swelled through her body, the pride of his Old Lady; Queen of SAMCRO, but more importantly John's mother; his wife. Jax wants nothing more than to hop off his bike and comfort her. To throw his arms around her and hold her tight while they both cry and wipe each other's tears away. To gather her in his arms and stay that way, holding on to each other sobbing, and mourning the son they've lost. But Jax has a job to do, and he'll do it while letting the wind in his face dry his tears instead. He'll do it for his son.

What Tara doesn't realize, besides her family and friends now surrounding her, the main entrance in the front of the hospital is lined with her fellow co-workers, patients, and other on lookers paying their respects. Watching in awe at the breath taking sight before them, the sight itself is chilling and heart breaking. No one expected there to be a crowd in front of the hospital this is a private affair. Jax is taken aback by their presence. That Tara's co-workers would drop what they are doing to pay their respects. Jax isn't a fool and figures over half of these people are just being inquisitive.

SAMCRO doesn't have the reputation like it used to thanks to Jax's hard work but the fine citizens of Charming are intrigued as to what SAMCRO really is and what they're about. They're still a legion around town and anything SAMCRO has them curious including the untimely death of the young son of the National President of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club and his doctor wife. They want to see what a MC sendoff looks like especially one; for their youngest SON.

There are so many people milling around no one could notice anything unusual or suspicious with this crowd not even the Nomads or prospects that are on high alert. Especially unnoticed is the lone figure off to the side, standing in the shade of the shaded elm waiting and smoking a cigarette and tapping their heel watching with such intensity, inspecting the accuracy of the performance at hand. Finally with a scoff they turned on their heel and quickly leave, the performance is over now on to the next scene.

The ground shaking and the rumble like thunder alert the good people of Charming that the Sons of Anarchy are on their way long before they're actually seen. People stop what they're doing. Everyone wants to get close to see the glorious sight before them; the glistening black Harleys of a SAMCRO funeral procession coming down the street toward them. The sights and sounds of Harleys roaring as the procession moves sleekly winding through their quiet neighborhood streets with ease; everything stands still as they command the roads along their way.

As Jax leads his dead son's body through the streets of Charming to the funeral home on the other side of town Tara's at the hospital tired, more than exhausted. It's been a long grueling day she's been left in the care of a prospect and two patches from the Fresno Chapter who she's acquainted with. The young prospect asks Tara if she's ready settling Abel down to sit on her lap and holding on to Thomas tightly she simply nods. He then wheels them around the back towards her room flanked by the two young patches. They make their way to her room followed by Lyla and her kids, Fiona with Kerrianne then trailed by Wayne Unser.

Wayne has always tried to protect Tara since she was a child but he found out a long time ago that sometimes you can't always protect all things and Tara always seemed to be the one that fell through the cracks. Once the patches check Tara's room they come out and help her inside with the boys she thanks them and they tell her they'll be right outside the door if she needs anything. They know to make themselves comfortable that it will be a sometime before Jax returns.

Jax had rather be anywhere else in the world doing anything else than what he's doing right now. He doesn't want to be away from his wife and boys but this needs to be done, it has to be done. As a father, the father of the young baby boy they are leading Jax has to be the one who does this. Jax loves his brothers, trusts them with his life. He trusts them to keep his family safe, but this what he's doing now, Jax doesn't trust or want anyone else to do it but himself.

Jax and Tara have loved their son as they do their other two boys. For three days they could not have loved or wanted this little boy any more than they did or do. John is loved and protected and he has parents that want him. Parents that had a future planned for him, they had a home for him. He is their life. John has parents that would have moved heaven and earth to have saved him; to take away his pain. They would have done ANYTHING for their son but there wasn't much they could do, but they did all they could.

In his short 84 hours John Teller taught his parents so much. How much he loves them. How much they love each other. How much they need each other. He showed them how hard he was trying but he just couldn't do it. John just wasn't strong enough but he fought a hard battle, a battle that was impossible to win. John showed his father his strength and determination, and then demanded it back. John allowed his father to look down into his soul and heal himself. John was up for the fight, he was at least going to try. After all he is a Teller. Just because John is gone it doesn't mean he isn't loved more today than he was yesterday; and more tomorrow than he is today.

The shiny brigade of Harleys stopped in unison behind their fearless leader and his fallen son as they roll up in front of the funeral home. Jax feels some comfort in knowing they made it here in one piece because he can't remember one bit of it. Jax's a little weak at the knees as he climbs off of his bike and Skeeter comes around and opens the doors to the hearse. For the first time today Jax allows himself to look at the coffin in front of him his brothers made. The pearly white coffin with a replica of his father's Harley on the front. Jax kisses his finger tips and presses them against the coffin in a private silent goodbye to a young baby that has forever changed his life. Jax takes a second to draw strength from his son's memory and pull himself together before stepping back and allowing Chibs to gather the small coffin of his name sake in his arms and carry the body of his godson, flanked by Happy and Tig into the crematory. Jax had gone to Chibs before hand and asked him for his help with this part. Jax told Chibs that he is the only one that Jax truly trusts and Chibs readily agrees. Chibs wouldn't have it any other way. It's an honor to do what Jax has asked him and needs him to do.

Jax climbs back on his bike and leads the bikers back through the streets of Charming on their way to the clubhouse to have a drink. Jax stays greeting his brothers and thanking them for coming he drinks to toasts made in honor of the youngest SON. When everything settles down Jax sees Chibs come through the door Jax meets Chibs back in Jax's office to make sure things went as planned. Once Chibs confirms everything went accordingly Jax slips out of the clubhouse and heads back to the hospital to be with Tara. To the only place Jax truly wants to be; in his wife's loving arms.