A/N: This chapter is a long one and my devoted beta dredged through the flu to get this chapter out on time, only to be held up by me down with my back. I will never understand her devotion to me or this story but I accept it and will never take her for granted.
Thank you kiara8921's Heart of the Lioness for sending her Fresno Charter to Charming to help SAMCRO when the mother charter is in need of their help.
This is rated MATURE for a reason; language and sex.
The hospital is starting to come alive in the early morning hours but in room 212 things are quiet. They seem like any other young loving couple lying there. A husband sleeping with his wife in his arms, a wife that has recently blessed her husband with another baby boy. They are anything but a happy couple celebrating the birth of another son. And they're not like any other young loving couple. He is the president of a local motorcycle club and she's a doctor but that's not what sets them apart from any other young couple in the hospital. No, their baby boy was a victim, an innocent victim, a victim of hate. Hate thrust upon his mother causing him to be ripped from her loving protective womb by someone whose heart is so marred that she would kill her own flesh and blood.
Jax starts to stir as the early morning noises of the hospital become louder the hospital slowly comes to life. Before opening his eyes Jax instinctively pulls his wife to his chest, enjoying the feel of her warm body lying in his arms. Jax holds her tight against him before he becomes fully awake and just in those few hazy moments between sleep and the illusion that all things are right in the world. Regrettably that isn't the case and it doesn't take long before reality slaps him in the face. Jax slowly opens his eyes letting them focus while looking at the beauty lying on his chest- the woman he loves, the woman he would give the world to if he could, the woman that holds his heart in her hand and has since they were too young to understand how truly unique and powerful their love really is; a love that's lasted years apart. Jax can feel Tara starting to stir but he holds her close and tight to him, he isn't ready to lose the contact, wants it just a little longer. Jax wants to lie there and enjoy what little solace they have before their day takes off and controls them. He just wants five minutes, that's all he asks, just another five minutes to enjoy the warmth of his wife's body close to his. Jax kisses the top of Tara's head. "Good morning."
Jax can feel Tara's closed eyes and sleepy smile on his chest. "Morning, can we stay exactly like this? I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want this feeling of being here wrapped in your arms to go away, I don't want to have to get up and face today, I just want to stay right here where I'm safe. It feels too good to move. Just us here in the bed all day with no one to bother us, no one wanting anything from us. This feels so good."
With his eyes closed like Tara's, Jax doesn't want this to end either. He wants to be able to hold her and keep her safe from the world. Keep her here with him so he can keep an eye on her to make sure she's safe and that no one hurts her. That can't happen again; he can't bear to see her hurt again or have something happen to his other boys. Losing one is horrifying enough but for something to happen to one of the other's, too? No, Jax can't bear that it would kill him, destroy his life, and it would crush Tara. Jax doesn't know how he's going to bring her back from this heartache. He doesn't know how he's going to bring himself back but this can't ever happen again. Jax's family has to be safe he'll make damn sure of it.
Like an alarm clock buzzing in their ear telling them it's time to get up the door flies open and a nurse pushing a cart comes barreling in the room. Tara groans silently wishing she'll just go the fuck away. "Good morning Mrs. Teller." Jax holds onto Tara tighter now, not wanting her to be ripped from his arm not just yet. It's still early; maybe, just maybe, they can get a couple more hours of sleep if this bitch would just leave them alone. "Did you sleep well, Mrs. Teller?" Jax is considering throttling this bitch but he figures that'll require too much energy and wake him up more and he doesn't want to do that. So he keeps his eyes closed. When the nurse sees she isn't getting any cooperation out of the couple she hurriedly moves on to a different room to spread her morning cheer.
Jax and Tara continue to lie there with their eyes closed - if they don't open them, the world isn't really out there and everything is good. With a voice filled with hope Tara asks Jax, "Is she gone?"
"I don't know, I think so. I don't want to open my eyes and see. We can pretend she's gone and we can go back to sleep for a little while before Tig comes in with breakfast. What do you say let's try."
"Sounds good to me." They stay as they are, with Jax still hugging Tara tightly to his chest. Her head is over his heart and Jax caresses Tara's back until they fall back to sleep for a couple of hours - until a more respectable time for a biker to be waking up and getting out of bed and on with his day.
A couple of hours later the sun peeks through the windows as Tig knocks on the door and comes into the room. "Good morning children time to get up and eat." With some slight grumbling Tara sits up and smiles at Tig. Tig studies Tara, looks at her, trying to see if there's any of that young beautiful girl that wore her heart on her sleeve and was crazy in love with Jax Teller and would kick anyone's ass who stood in her way of being with him. Is she still in there? Tig needs to see some of that girl so he knows she's going to make it through this mire and come out whole. If she doesn't two families will fall apart – blood family AND club family. SAMCRO can't get through life without her, Tara doesn't know it but she's their heart. She has risked so much for them. Then for something like this to happen to her right under their noses when they all knew what Gemma was capable of. Especially him: he of all people should have known what could happen. If Tara doesn't get better Tig will never forgive himself.
Jax kisses the top of Tara's head and squeezes her tight one last time before they get up and face the day. Who knows what obstacles are going to be thrown at them today? "I sure am glad tonight is the last night I have to sleep in this damn bed. I've only been here six nights but it feels worse than being on a month long run sleeping on a bed roll."
Tara feels guilty that Jax has been living in the hospital with her and not at home. "Baby, go home and get a good night's sleep. I'll be okay. Nothing will happen to me and you need to get your rest."
Jax turns to Tara in full disbelief. She can't possibly think that he'd leave her here by herself. There's no way in hell he's leaving her here, he doesn't care who's watching her. "No, I'm not leaving you here. We'll be home tomorrow I can wait until then. But I'm warning you now, I don't plan on getting out of bed for any reason, anyone or anytime soon because I will have my wife in my arms and I'm not letting go of you. I'm all yours and nothing will be able to get me out of bed when we're home.
With a look that Jax could only explain as hurt and sorrow with misty eyes she replied. "Yeah, it takes this, us losing a child, to get you to stay in bed with me."
"Shit." Jax grabs Tara quickly "Oh baby I'm sorry. That's not true I always want to just stay at home in bed with you but our life, my life didn't allow for that and I'm sorry. But I promise you that there are going to be more days spent in our bed, just the two of us. I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. That I hadn't taken the time to stop and spend a day with you because I was always counting on tomorrow. This whole nightmare has shown me we can't wait for the tomorrows because we're going to live for the todays."
Tara gets up from bed and looks up at Jax. "Don't make me promises because you never keep them." She walks to the bathroom and shuts the door. Leaning against the door in the bathroom Tara feels like shit. She didn't mean to lash out at Jax; it just happened. She couldn't stop it. Why did she do that? Why, after all Jax has done? Tara crumbles. Her head drops and her shoulders slump, and her tears are flow freely, racing each other down her checks. Tara closes her eyes. All she can see is her baby, her baby boy whose now dead. Dead and she will never see him again, never hold him, never get wet sloppy baby kisses from him. This causes a whole new set of emotions Tara hasn't experienced. Gut wrenching sobs begin, sobs coming from deep within her soul, the soul that has been ripped apart. They're coming out and there isn't anything anyone can do but let them come and they do. They take over her body and she sinks down the door until she lands in a big heap on the floor. Tara just lies there beating the floor sobbing. "No...No...why? WHY...WHY? Why did this happen? Tara's fists slam on the floor until she can't move. All she can do is lean the rest of her body down because her energy is gone. Tara's ribs hurt. They've been hurting constantly but she has suffered in silence. Tara feels like she does that a lot now – suffer in silence. Her head is splitting but what good will it do to say something? Her doctors will just her to stay longer. Tara just wants to go home. She would leave now but they would find her. Tara knows she sounds crazy and she is starting to think she is. Tara feels the cold tile floor beneath her as she cries silently. Tara has been numb for days, just going through the motions that she was supposed to go through; what was expected of her and not feeling anything. But now here lying in a heap on the tiled bathroom floor she can feel, she can feel this cold ass floor she's lying on. It's so cold it hurts and it awakens a new flood of emotions that are starting to over her body; despair. Tara starts drifting off to sleep feeling exhausted and tired. She hurts but she can't move and honestly doesn't want to she needs to hurt, she wants to hurt, needs to feel pain. It isn't fair that her baby had to endure so much. Tara should have protected him. She should have kept him safe but she failed, she failed her baby. What kind of mother fails their child like that? She doesn't deserve to call herself a mother. She feels so alone, so empty as she lies there holding herself trying to calm down. She deserves to hurt, she needs to hurt.
Jax is pacing back and forth in the room. He stops momentary to look at Tig who just shrugs his shoulders. "Well you're no fucking help," Jax snaps. He takes a deep breath and faces the door. He doesn't know what to do, does he knock? Does he talk to her? What does he do? What the hell does he do? Jax wants to act like he doesn't know what happened but he does - he does he made her a promise and his promises don't mean shit with Tara now because he's made so many and they've all become empty, just empty promises. Jax takes a deep breath and lightly knocks on the door "Tara?" He doesn't hear anything and he listens to see if he hears the shower but he doesn't so he knocks again. "Tara?" Nothing. Jax closes his eyes and breaths deeply then opens his eyes looking at the door head-on. He knocks louder. "Tara" again nothing. "Fuck this shit," Jax snaps as he starts banging on the door. "Tara, answer me baby please. Please open the door. Tara? Tara, please open the door, are you alright? Baby, are you alright? Please." Jax is starting to get desperate he looks back at Tig who shakes his head and Jax just nods at him. Jax turns his attention back towards the door and continues. "Tara open the door, please baby. OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" Still nothing. Jax puts his ear to the door and still hears nothing. He looks at Tig and this time they both shake their heads. Jax takes a deep breath "Tara open the door. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR NOW... OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR TARA!"
Tig brushes Jax aside and pulls out a little pouch from his pocket and starts working on the lock. Once it clicks Jax swings open the door. Jax was full of dread and worry before and now seeing her lying crumpled on the floor causes his heart to fall. He doesn't know what has happened to her his mind is racing and he doesn't know what to do so he bends down. "Tara?" She doesn't react when Jax places his hand on her back she but then he notices it very faint tremble. When he begins to feel little quakes through her he's pretty sure she's crying. Getting down on his knees he gently and carefully rubs circular motions on her back. "Tara, baby look at me, Are you hurt? Are you hurt anywhere?" Her sobs start back and her body starts to shake. Jax looks up and Tig walks out into the hall and shuts the door, Jax turns his attention back to what is in front of him on the bathroom floor. Calmly and patiently "Baby are you okay? Are you hurt?" Finally she shakes her head. Jax lifts her head to inspect her face and it is tear stained and red. He looks her over and he doesn't see anything. "Baby I didn't mean to hurt you." Tara looks at Jax confused she knows that Jax wouldn't hurt her. "Are you sure you aren't hurt?" Tara nods as Jax swoops her up in his arms and carries her out to the bed and sets her down. Jax inspects her from head to toe while holding his breath. Jax can't see anything wrong with her and that's what scares him the most. If it was something he could see then he would know what to do but this pain like this is invisible and you can't see it, but it's there and just when you least expect it, it attacks and you have no control over it. He's surprised Tara's held up this well. Jax knows she's tired. No, more like exhausted and overwhelmed and just plain tired of this hospital and wants to go home. Hell so does he. "Are you alright now?" She just nods and clings on to him. It isn't much but he'll take that. It means no matter what she'll hold on to him, no matter what pain she's in she'll hold on to him and that's what really matters. That she'll let him love her pain away and that's all he asks.
Tara whispers into his ear. "I am sorry, Jax... "
He pulls back from Tara to look into her eyes. "For what?"
"This." Tara motions to herself with her hand. "For that." Tara motions to the bathroom with the dip of her head.
Jax gives her a knowing look. "You've been hurting haven't you? Your injuries- your ribs, your head, hell your whole body are hurting aren't they? You haven't been telling anyone when you're in pain? Tara you can't do that and you know it. You have to get well enough so I can take you home."
Tara exhales and looks at Jax trying to smile. "I know, I want to go home too. I want out of this fucking hospital so bad. I just want to go home so we can start to heal. I need that, Jax."
Jax rubs circles in her back trying to calm her. "I know, baby we need to start. And you're right it isn't going to start here -we need out of here. Just one more day and I promise you I'll take you home whether they like it or not. Bottom line: you're my old lady and I have the say so on what happens to you and I'm taking you home tomorrow." Jax means it; he'll carry her ass out of here if he has to because his wife needs to be home with him. They can't get better unless they're home with their boys. They need their boys to love that hurt and pain away. They need that; they need them.
At that time the door opens and the nurse comes in. "Good morning Mrs. Teller how are you this morning? Are you in any pain today?" Jax nods at the nurse and she nods back. "I'm going to go get you some pain medicine and I will be right back." She breezes right back out the door and within a few minutes she's right back in with a small paper cup with Tara's medicine and a new pitcher of water. Pouring her some fresh water for her pills the nurse tells Tara, "This is something for your pain and something else to help you rest for a couple of hours. If you need anything else just give us a buzz." She leaves the room quietly as Jax silently thanks Tig for sending the nurse in.
A small voice draws Jax out of his thoughts. "Jax, I want you to leave."
Jax looks at Tara like the air has been knocked out of his lungs. "What?" Jax looks at her like she's grown two heads.
"No I didn't mean it that way. I mean I'm going to be asleep for a while so I want you to go get out of this hospital, get on your bike and ride. Go to the clubhouse or just ride as long as you want to, I'll be fine. Please baby, do it for me. I need for you to go ride, I know you don't want to leave me but believe me I'll knocked out for a least a couple of hours, Tig's here he can call you if you aren't back when I wake up. I feel so bad you haven't been out of this hospital and that you haven't taken a ride. I know you want one, need one even." Jax gets ready to refuse but she stops him. "Do you know how much I love you Jax? You've taken care of me and our son for 6 stressful days without any regard for yourself. I think you need a little decompression time before they let me out tomorrow. Please baby for me?"
Jax can't believe his ears because everything sounds all screwed up. Tara is begging him to leave her so he can go ride his bike. Jax needs to and wants to but he wants to be here for Tara as well and he wonders, most of all, why does Tara want to get rid of him? Jax stands there watching her. He's worried about leaving her. Jax has a strange feeling that something's going to happen and doesn't like that. Something just doesn't seem right. Tara looks at Jax again. "Please, Jax, for me."
"Why are trying so hard to get rid of me?"
Tara is as contrite as she can be. "Baby I'm not trying to get rid of you! I just thought since I'll be knocked out most of the day you would want to ride your bike that's all. I know you miss it and how it grounds you. Besides, you need to take your bike and switch it out with the car. It would be nice if the boys could come and eat with us in the cafeteria downstairs or maybe you could pick something up on the way back. But we'll need the car for tomorrow regardless. Unless you had planned on getting a prospect to drive me home?"
Jax realized what Tara had said is true. "You're right; I hadn't even thought of that. I do need to switch vehicles, I need to check on the house and see if Olivia has been there, and if not, I need to get her there before you come home. I need to send her grocery shopping and the refrigerator needs cleaning. You're right, I need to get things ready for you to come home."
"Baby that's not what I meant. I can help you do that when I get home. I just want you to ride right now. Ride the stress away."
"Tara you're not doing a damn thing but resting and cuddling up to me when we get home. The boys and the other kids will be leaving for the beach with Chibs and Fiona after the wake for four days. It wouldn't do to bring them home for half a day and a night just to take them away again so their staying at the clubhouse. They aren't coming home until they get back from the beach and there is nothing we have to do but be with each other. You're mine, all mine and I'm not letting you out of my sight. IF I have time after I get things straight at home then I'll ride a little. I'll bring the boys back and we'll decide what we all want to eat later. I'll call you close to dinnertime. How about that?"
Tara takes a deep, calming relaxing breath, "Okay if that's what you want to do that's fine. I'll spend the day resting and trying to feel better if you promise you'll bring the boys so I can see them before they leave after the wake. If I need anything I'll ask Tig."
Jax isn't happy with having to negotiate with his wife but he does need to go and make sure things are ready for her to come home. He also needs to make sure there're no baby things just lying around out in the open. They'll deal with the nursery later. Now isn't the time for that. They'll do it together, it's something they need to do together as a couple, as parents. Dismantle the nursery they both had painstakingly started putting together. They had been looking forward to this baby so much - he was going to be the one that redeemed Jax from his previous mistakes as a father. Jax would be the perfect parent right from the beginning. The way it should've been with the other boys. Jax closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, "We agree then. Good. I need Olivia's phone number so I can get her to do a few things and pick-up some things we need. Is there anything you need?"
Tara smiles at Jax, "Yes but I'll talk to her personally about getting me some supplies. I know you don't want to know about them." Scrolling through her phone she finds the number she's looking for and Jax programs it into his phone. Then he walks out into the hall to make some phone calls. First to Olivia and then Fi to see if she can check on Tara today. Jax tells her that Tara has finally cracked under the pressure, which is a relief because they'd been worried because she hadn't. Jax then calls Chibs to check in with him. Jax needs to meet with him sometime so they can start on the hunt for Gemma but not now. There'll be time and just as long as his family is safe for now that's all that matters. Jax will have plenty of time to worry about Gemma after he and his family starts the healing process but only then. It doesn't matter when because she's dead anyway. You don't fuck with his family and get away with it. That drags him into the memory of Gemma being raped. How he'd done everything he could to avenge Gemma because he had considered her his mother. All Jax knows now is that Gemma tried to kill his old lady, his pregnant wife and instead she killed their son which without a doubt Gemma was trying to do too. Jax informs Tigs of his plans as he shoves his phone back into his pocket. "Man I'm sorry to leave you here with her like this but I'd completely forgot about getting the house ready for her Tara. It never really crossed my mind; it just didn't seem like she wasn't ever going to make it home."
Tig gives the younger man a hard squeeze on his shoulder. "Jax, don't worry about it man she'll be fine, we'll be fine. If anything happens I'll call you. She'll feel guilty if you're here and she'll fight it and won't rest. The nurse said she would be out for the better part of the day so take your time. I'm not going to waste my breath and tell you not to worry because I know you will. We knew she would crash at some point, she had to. Better she do it now than when you get her home. She's exhausted, you can see it in her eyes and if you're not here she will sleep better."
Before walking back in the room Jax turns to his fellow brother. "Thanks man." Tig just shakes his head, there's no thanks needed. Tara's an old lady, the resident doctor of the club. But more than that she's a friend and Tig will do anything for his friends, especially Tara. Jax looks at Tig and nods. "Yeah you're right. Thanks man."
Hearing the door open Tara turns to see Jax coming: defeated, broken, torn, determined and worried. Tara doesn't like seeing her big strong biker like this. Jax is her hero. He has been since elementary school and always will be. She doesn't like the look on his face, or the way he has been carrying himself lately and there's only one person to blame and Tara could actually kill Gemma with her bare hands. Choke the life right out of her body for what Gemma has done to her baby, her family, to Jax. But what worries Tara the most is what Gemma has done to Jax. Just for that alone she could kill Gemma but for her baby she WILL kill Gemma. Sometimes Tara lies there silently at night while Jax sleeps just thinking about Gemma, about finding her and killing her, and all the different ways she can. Tara knows it isn't healthy but living with this isn't healthy and she knows Jax is thinking the very same thing even though he hasn't mentioned it. Now isn't the time for that. There will be time later when they're finished with their son's arrangements for their family. Gemma will get hers, get what's due, her time will come. "Did you talk to Olivia?"
Somberly Jax nods his head. "Yeah she's going to head to the house now and see what needs to be done then head to the grocery store I sent some prospects to help her. I told her you would be calling her for the things you need her to pick up. Are you sure about this? I don't have to go right now. Olivia can do it and I can have someone bring the boys over later. I just hate leaving you Tara."
Sleepily, she smiles at him and yawns. "I am fine, I will be fine. Tig's here and I can call you if I need to hear your soft, sexy voice. Now will you lie with me until I fall asleep?" Tara scoots over so Jax has room.
Jax goes to lie down next to his wife and wraps his arms around her. He doesn't know what he would do if something had happened to her. He was so close to losing her too. Jax kisses the top of her head and pulls her in tighter. "I love you Tara. Always remember that, always remember that I love you with all my heart. I would do anything for you, anything at all, as long as you never leave me again."
Tara looks up at Jax with confused hazy eyes, and as her lids droop more she tries to focus on him. She mumbles, "I will never leave you Jax. I love you too much." Her eyes close and after a few minutes her body relaxes, melting into his. Jax doesn't move. He wants to lie here and enjoy her for just a few minutes before he leaves. This is the most relaxed Jax has felt Tara since she's been here, which tells him how bad Tara really has been hurting. It scares Jax to think what Tara has been doing to herself; accepting the pain she's in as a punishment. Jax knows Tara better than anyone and now that he understands how much pain she's been in he realizes what she has been enduring. Jax holds Tara in his arms and lies there, staring blankly at the ceiling. Jax breathes deep and looks down at his wife while stroking her hair. He doesn't want to think what he would do if something worse had happened to her. After a few minutes he needs to go so that he can get everything done so he can get back to Tara. Jax can't stand to be away from her for a few minutes and he's afraid something's going to happen to her. He doesn't want to be away from her. He just wants to be with her all the time. What the fuck is he going to do about that? Jax sighs deeply, kisses Tara's head and carefully slips out of bed. Tara mumbles, "love you always," then goes right back to sleep. Jax looks at her with a smile and chuckles, shaking his head. Jax turns and leaves for home, a tiny voice inside him admitting he can't wait to get on his motorcycle and ride, just ride.
Jax saunters out the hospital doors. The sunshine hits his face as the gentle, late morning breeze runs through his hair. Putting on his sunglasses, Jax heads towards the trusty steed that's calling his name. His Dyna is just waiting for him to climb on so it can take him away, so Jax can feel the wind from the road wash over his body and cleanse him. Jax throws his leg over the steely beast while adjusting his torso. He secures his helmet, fires up his motorcycle, feels the rumbling beneath him and actually feels like he's home. Finally, something he can take control of. With his kickstand up he revs his engine and he's off, his wheels meeting the black asphalt mile after mile. Jax is beginning to feel more like himself, more in control. He needs to eat up some miles before he goes to the house to meet Olivia. This is Jax's therapy. The only thing that would make this better is if Tara were here with her tits plastered to his back, her arms wrapped around him tight, and her hands wandering over his body. The inside of her thighs rubbing against his, the heat of her crotch rubbing against his ass- Jax can practically feel it. Jax can't help but chuckle to himself; lately, just thinking about his old lady makes him hard - he figures that it has something to do with almost losing her. Jax makes a promise here and now that he'll take Tara riding more. Like they used to do when they were young and carefree and the only thing they had to worry about was when they could crawl into bed or just where they could be alone - they didn't need a bed. Jax misses that and he's going to make sure they do that, just them reconnecting with each other and keeping the lines of communication open. Not like the past year when he had so much going on he shut her out; not intentionally, but he did. Jax had so much going on in his head he didn't realize what he was doing to his one and only. The one person Jax should have been sharing everything with because he was doing all of that work for them. So they could have a better life and all he was doing was adding on more problems to their marriage. Jax swore he'll never do that again.
After riding for over an hour Jax's heads towards their house a new house they have barely been in. A house they built because their family of five was going to be too big for the smaller house they lived in. The house isn't familiar to him. Jax has only been here once in a week and only moved in a month ago. There are still boxes to unpack, things to put up, being pregnant Tara couldn't do it all AND work on The Women's Center but she didn't want the prospects to do it either. Tara wanted Jax to help set up their new home but they just hadn't had the time to finish everything yet. Jax promises he'll make the time after Tara comes home. They'll finish it together.
When Jax pulls up at the house he can see Olivia has the prospects outside cleaning something. Jax doesn't really know what they're doing but she has them out there scrubbing things clean so he isn't bothering them so he turns to go on in the house.
When Jax walks through the door into his house he realizes he's wrong it doesn't matter that there are still boxes that need unpacking or how things aren't where they should be. This is their home it smells just like their old home the same furniture, the same feel, the same pictures of their family. There are still unpacked boxes in every room they're climbing over and they haven't completely gotten everything set up but this new house is already their home. Then Jax realizes old house, new house it doesn't matter it's their home. Wherever Tara and his boys are that's Jax's home. Jax scans the pictures around the room he helped Tara hang the night before the attack. She wanted the house to feel familiar, to be home wanted to be surrounded by their boy's smiling faces. Jax immediately goes to the picture of Gemma and the boys and he quickly takes it down. Jax doesn't care how good it is of the boys this picture is going to be destroyed. Jax looks at it again then he decides he'll just take it to Juice and get him to do his magic and take Gemma out of the picture because it is a cute picture of the boys and one of Tara's favorites. Jax just wishes it was that easy to get rid of Gemma altogether. Then Jax's on a mission he goes from room to room making sure there are no remnants left of Gemma in their home. He's sure there are things he's missing and Tara will have to give it a good once over but for now there isn't anything that jumps out and screams Gemma.
Jax makes sure Olivia has everything she needs. Jax leaves the prospects there helping her before he leaves to go to the clubhouse to pick the boys up. Jax tells Olivia if she runs across any baby gear to place it in his room. He and Tara will go through it later. Tara has framed all of John's ultra sound pictures and Jax tells Olivia just to leave those, it will upset her more if they were gone than to look at them.
On his way out of the drive Jax stops in at the front gate checking in to make sure the security details are ready and all the systems that Juice has designed are working before he brings Tara home. There are only to be patched SAMCRO members along with only a selected few that aren't SAMCRO guarding the front and back gates. Jax isn't going to trust just anyone to protect his family he still has a nagging suspicion there is a rat among them somewhere. Jax's not sure where but someone has to be feeding Gemma information from somewhere within. Jax will be bringing Tara home tomorrow once she's home then he can work on that but for now he wants to make sure everything and everyone is ready for their return home.
Jax stops by SAMCRO's offices first before he goes into the clubhouse to hunt down his sons. Juice had called earlier and told him he had some new info about property listings for sale. Jax stops by Juice's office and tells him, "I'll be back in just a minute." Jax walks into his office and lays some things down on his desk, checks his mail, turns around and heads back to Juice's office.
Jax stops in the doorway. "What you got for me?"
"I've been looking through the listings for empty lots like you want but I can't seem to find anything that resembles what you're looking for. One thing I found is three acres that has trees and flowered landscaping but there's a house attached to it." Juice sighs in frustration. "The only other thing close to what you're looking for is twenty acres on the river. It has an open meadow, about three to four acres clearing and the rest is woods and shrubs. The whole property runs along the river. But there's only one big tree and they're making a big deal about this tree in the open meadow. The rest of the property needs major landscaping before you can do anything with it. The owner said it will take a lot of time and that there was no way it could be done any time soon."
This gets Jax's attention. "Where? Where did you say this is?"
"On the outskirts off of route 8."
"Check on it and find me the address and see how much they're wanting for it. I should be around here for a little while. I'm going to get the boys cleaned up and take them back to the hospital with me to see Tara. If you can't find me call me." Jax's voice becomes more earnest. "Juice, this is important, and the sale has to been done quickly. If this is where I think it is then I want it."
"Sure thing, man. I'm on it."
Jax turns to leave but remembers something. "Oh, Juice. Can you fix a picture for me? Photoshop it and take Gemma out of the equation? It's one of Tara's favorites but it won't be any more if we can't get Gemma out."
"No problem it'll be easy. It won't take long."
Jax sighs in relief. "Thanks, brother.
I'll bring it to you later."
When Jax walks in the clubhouse he turns around when hearing Thomas squeal, a habit Thomas has when he sees his daddy. Jax gets down on one knee to welcome a running little toddler in his arms. When Thomas flies into his daddy's arms, squealing and throwing his arms around Jax's neck, Jax feels like it has been weeks since he's seen his boys. Jax misses them, misses the innocence they bring. It doesn't matter what's going on in the world to them the only thing they want and need are mommy and daddy and it feels damn good to Jax.
"Hey buddy did you miss me?" Thomas nods his head like a bobble head doll and that makes Jax hold him close again. "I missed you too. You want to go back with me to the hospital to go see Mommy?" The look Thomas gives Jax is a look Jax wasn't expecting. Thomas has his little brows scrunched together with a worried look. He's thinking about it, his eyeballs were moving side to side with his top lip puckered up and he's really thinking about it. This amuses Jax until he wonders if it's because Thomas doesn't want to see his mommy in a hospital again. What the fuck else could have him weighing out his options in his little head? Then Thomas shrugs his shoulders and nods his head and takes off running to the kitchen. Thomas is always the comedian and very loving whereas Abel is serious. But both of his boys are sweet and very kind- hearted. Jax insists they get that from Tara, but Tara is emphatic that they get that from Jax. Tara is the only person that has always believed in Jax's decency and kind-heartedness. Then Abel came along and those close to Jax got to see what Tara sees. Jax tries to keep those rare moments with his family guarded. Keeping them private, he doesn't need for just anyone to witness them. Jax always lives in the fear of someone doing something to his family to get back at him, to hurt him. Just like Cameron, Jimmy and Salazar did and now like Gemma's done.
Just then Bobby comes around the corner to investigate where Thomas ran off. "Hey Jax, didn't know you were coming by -is everything okay?"
Jax stands there looking at Bobby in his white chef's apron that reads "Cooking With Pot Means No Leftovers." "You aren't using that special ingredient in anything you're baking with my son are you?" Bobby chuckles and shakes his head. There's no doubt in Jax's mind that Bobby and Thomas are baking something sweet and that's why Thomas' loyalties were in question. Jax is relieved it's not because of Tara's injuries and decides that Thomas can have as many sweets as he wants today. "I am going to take the boys to see Tara; we talked about having dinner in the cafeteria but I don't think she can make it today. I'll just pick something up on the way back. Who's around that can pick them up and bring them back? It's three now, probably around six?"
"Daddy, I want pizza." Jax turns around at the sound of his oldest son walking in through the kitchen; he can tell Abel has been out in the playground area playing from the sight of him. "Can we Daddy? Can we get pizza?"
Then Thomas comes running into the room, "petzee, petzee."
Jax looks at Abel. Abel looks like his old self, more like the adorable little three-year-old that he is. "Yeah that sounds good. I think Mommy will like that don't you?"
With a huff Abel answers him, "Yes I do Dad, I think she would. And I think she would like some of the special cookies Uncle Bobby made, the ones that only the big people can have."
Jax can't help but be amused at first, but then as Abel continues talking about the 'big people' cookies and showing his obvious interest in them Jax knows some things are going to have to change. His boys are getting older and they're going to have to be taught boundaries around the clubhouse and the brothers are going to have to be taught boundaries around the kids. Gemma never cared what Jax saw or did around the clubhouse after JT died Jax had free rein of course no one could speak to him then or get him to do anything except for Tara. Tara was the only one who could get through to Jax not even Opie could, only Tara. But Jax loves his boys and wants them to experience childhood not see or experience the things he did at that young age. He doesn't want his boys to have the internal struggle that Jax suffers daily. "Okay little man then we need to get you and your brother cleaned up."
Jax finds Thomas sitting up on the counter in the kitchen supervising the baking of the cookies. Thomas can see the cookies baking through the oven window from where he's sitting. Jax tells Bobby smirking, "Hey, Abel suggests we take some of the 'big people' cookies to Tara. I think she would like that. Pack some for me, too, and some 'little people' cookies for the boys. I'll take them with me to the hospital." Jax grabs Thomas from the counter and heads to the back apartment to clean them up. Thomas gives Jax the same look he had when thinking about seeing Tara. Jax laughs at Thomas and decides this little monster just might be part cookie monster.
With the boys cleaned and changed, the pizza called in, cookies in hand, and Phil selected to pick up the kids, Jax loads up the car seats in the SUV so they can head to the pizza place. Abel's telling Jax all about his past two days. He's been playing on the playground, coloring and painting, and it seems like Vivica has been spoiling them. Well, maybe not spoiling them, just devoting a lot of time to them when she wasn't busy taking care of the brothers. This is no surprise Vivica doesn't have children and there has always been a special bond with Abel and Thomas.
Jax notices there are more crow eaters around and he isn't happy about that with the boys running around. Of course Jax knows they have brothers in from different charters helping with the security of his wife, his kids, and the families of his other brothers who could be in danger. Not to mention the brothers trying to track Gemma down, so Jax knows he needs to cut them some slack, but that doesn't mean he likes the whores all over the place. Jax wishes they would take their horny asses to The Cavern; that's why he opened it in the first place. Jax doesn't like for his sons and the other kids to be around this. His parents might not have cared if Jax was around it but Jax cares if his sons are. Jax is determined to be a better parent than Gemma and JT but Jax has no choice right now.
But what disturbs Jax the most is what he sees as he's getting ready to leave the lot – Carrie. What is that fucking slut doing here? Shit she doesn't need to be here at all but it's going to be damn near impossible to get her away from here now. What the fuck is she up to? Jax immediately calls his Sargeant-at-Arms, telling Happy to get that bitch out of the clubhouse and away from SAMCRO and never let her back in. Jax doesn't care who wants to fuck her they can do it somewhere else but she's never to come back in the clubhouse. As a matter of fact, Jax wants her black balled completely from the SONS but he's afraid it will push her and he wants to know what she's up to first before it explodes all over everyone. Jax wants to find out what Carrie's game is and stop her in her tracks; that's the only way to get rid of Carrie's kind. Or else they'll just eat their way back in the middle of the night like a cockroach. Jax knows he can't allow her to be around his kids or Opie's for that matter. He has to find a way to get her away from Lyla and the store before something happens there as well but for right now his hands are tied. He has to worry about getting Tara home first. Jax tries to calm down after he hangs the phone up from talking to Happy. Jax needs to get his shit together, he needs to breath, and he doesn't want the boys to pick up on him being beyond pissed right now.
It's then that his son speaks up from the backseat. "Dad, what's wrong? Are you okay?"
Jax looks in his rear view mirror and sees Abel's worried face and he doesn't like it, not over some fucking slut. They have real problems they're dealing with as a family. "I'm okay little man; I have my two favorite boys with me." Jax can see Thomas trying to lean around the back of the driver's seat so he can see Jax and see what's wrong. Jax turns and looks behind him. "I'm fine, Buddy. Let's go get some pizza."
With cheers from the back seat they head to the pizza place and luckily they bring the take out to you because Jax doesn't want to have to lug the kids in. They get to the hospital Jax is stuck out in the parking lot- Jax with two little ones, a big pizza box, and no idea how to maneuver them all into the hospital. Jax assesses the situation for about five minutes and the boys start to get antsy. Jax thinks Tara would know how to do this. I can find ways to get out of the hold of the cartel but can't handle the big stuff like how to get two little ones and a big ass pizza in the hospital and up to Tara's room? Unbelievable. Jax thinks some more on it. "Abel, see if you can carry this box?" Well he can barely but there's no way he can see where his feet are. Jax doesn't want to let Thomas walk but it looks like the only way to do it. There was a time when Jax would have called a prospect to come and carry it for him. Jax thinks how ridiculous it sounds and he knows at one time he would have done it without thinking. But now he's a family guy and should know how to handle this stuff. Jax goes on with Thomas holding his one hand and then Abel holding Thomas' other hand with the pizza hanging in the balance. Jax is scared shitless that Thomas is going to run off. Or someone will snatch him. When they finally make it into the hospital Jax has to sit in the waiting room quick. He's about to be sick, he's having an anxiety attack and his heart is racing. Shit, this has never happened before. Jax looks up and his boys are standing right in front of him standing side-by-side. They're trying to figure out what's wrong with daddy. Abel and Thomas turn and look at each other and then turn back to Jax. They just stand there and look at him like he's crazy, even tilting their head in unison to stare. That's it, thinks Jax as he makes the call. After a few minutes that's how Tig finds them. Jax sitting there with a huge pizza box and Abel and Thomas standing in front of him with their heads tilted to the right looking at Jax. Tig can see the look of desperation on Jax's face. Tig has to laugh it's just too damn funny and he doesn't know what's funnier, the boys or Jax. He quickly takes a picture to show Tara. She'll love this, Tig thinks with a grin.
Tig tries to take the amusement out of his voice but it's damn near impossible. "Hey guys need some help?" Jax looks up at him and nods. Tig has a big smile on his face as he bends down, picks up Thomas and grabs Abel's hand. "Come on boys your mommy's waiting to see you." They walk off leaving Jax sitting there Tig isn't worried he knows his cool and collected boss will regroup and get himself together before coming on up.
Tara sits in her room totally perplexed. She doesn't know what's wrong and she's been waiting for over an half-hour. Waiting for the door to open she doesn't know what's wrong. Then Tig gets a call and said that he would be right back and just left. They haven't left her alone for six days so why now? Tara's trying not to get scared but she's worried; then the door opens and here comes her boys. Abel comes running to her and Tig has Thomas in his arms. She looks around and Tig then faces him. "Where's Jax?"
Tig just can't help his smile. "Oh he'll be up in a minute, just give him a few to get his bearings back." Tara looks at him worried and scared and then Tig has to tell her before he busts. "He couldn't figure out how to get the pizza and the boys up here. I found him in the waiting room freaking out with the boys. The boys were standing in front of him just looking at him and wondering what the fuck was wrong with him. I took a picture for you." Tig manages to get it out before he starts cracking up.
Tara's tries hard not to be amused. "How big is the pizza?"
"One of the giant ones from Sal's."
Tara looks at the picture. She starts laughing so hard she starts snorting. "Oh, shit." She's trying to stop but when she finally gets close her laughs burst out again and she can't look at Tig or else she won't stop. This is too damn funny. "Is he okay? Does need help to getting up here?" Then she loses it again. "Damn." She tries hard to get under control. Tara fans her face with her hand trying to dry the tears and calm down. She and Tig are talking to the boys but they both keep looking at the door waiting for it to open and Jax to come in but nothing. They look at each other and notice the boys are watching them the same way they watched Jax. Tara and Tig just bust out laughing again. During all this laughter the door opens and everyone stops to see Jax walk in looking frazzled. He has the giant pizza in one hand and a big homemade cookie in his mouth and Tig and Tara can't help but lose it again.
Finally, when he can talk, Tig looks at him knowingly. "Bobby's?"
"Yeah, I forgot the cookies in the car and started having a sugar attack."
"I bet you were, boss," Tig smiles.
"How do you do it?" Jax asks Tara.
Tara's confused; she doesn't know how Bobby makes his cookies. "What, make cookies?"
Jax shakes his head in exasperation. "No, I mean how do you do anything with them?" He points to the two innocent looking boys who are giving him that confused look again. "How do get anywhere and manage to get anything done."
Tara took pity on her old man he's been trying and had been doing so well until the pizza broke him down. "Well first off I would have gone home and called in the pizza and had them deliver it," Tara quipped sweetly. If looks could kill Tara would be dead but she loves her old man anyway and smiles up at him. "Let's eat, I'm starving." Tara gets out of bed, walks up to Jax and places her arms around him. "I love you baby." He nods at her and smiles, then helps the munchkins sit on the floor with their pizza slices. Tig, Tara and Jax eat and talk until they're full. There's almost half a pizza left so Tig calls the members guarding the entryways and Jax drops his head in frustration. Tara looks at Jax and states, "You forgot about them didn't you?" He nods. Tara gets up and goes over to Jax, sits on his lap, and wraps her arms around him. She hugs him tight just as he's done to her. "Don't worry, they can order more if they want it." The boys recognize fun when they see it join in on the hugs and kisses and Jax feels his tension melting away. Tig grabs the pizza on his way out and leaves the little family of four alone. After they finish their pizza the boys have children cookies as they call them and Mommy and Daddy decide to eat their cookies after the ones leave.
Jax calls Bobby after the boys have eaten and visited and tells him the boys are ready to leave. Phil comes by to get 'his boys.' The boys love their Uncle Phil and he loves them; he can communicate with them on a level with them no one else can and Tara is thankful every time she sees them together. Phil had saved Tara and her sons' life more than once. He was a prospect when Jax went to prison; Phil and Rat stayed with her constantly during the Russian problem and then helped when Thomas was born. Phil was her hands after the attack on her life, not Jax. Phil stayed with her for two months while she recuperated. He took care of her boys and somewhere along the way they became his boys, too. With goodbye kisses and hugs the boys are ready to go off to the clubhouse, and really Jax and Tara can't tell any difference in them from before this whole unfortunate ordeal. The boys don't pitch a fit about leaving; they are happy to leave actually. It's movie night with Kerrianne, Ellie, Kenny and Piper and they're excited about that. They just want to know when Mommy's coming home which makes Tara happy; they haven't abandoned her completely. Jax and Tara tell the boys that after their beach trip with Uncle Chibs they will all be home together. Abel asks, "John too?" It's an innocent question. Jax and Tara know this is just the first of many questions the boys will have until everything settles down. They knew this was going to happen. Jax tells Abel, "John isn't coming home. He had to go away."
Abel hugs Jax's neck, "Don't worry Daddy he'll be back." Jax just nods his head and picks his son up kissing him and hugging him tight to his chest. Jax looks over at Tara. They both have tears in their eyes and nod to each other. Phil starts to get uncomfortable standing there, shifting back and forth from one foot to the other. Phil almost forgot Bobby had sent them some more 'big people' cookies and it seems that it's a damn good thing Bobby did because Jax and Tara are going to need them tonight.
The boys have left and Jax and Tara are ready to crawl into bed and relax. Jax has gone to get them some decent coffee from the doctor's lounge so they can eat their cookies and drink coffee. On the way there Jax wonders. Why haven't I brought a coffee pot to the hospital by now so I can make myself a decent cup of coffee? I could have had good coffee all along. It wasn't like I didn't need it especially the first two days. Why doesn't the hospital provide a coffee maker in the suites like Tara's in. Why am I thinking of all of this now? Oh yeah, Bobby's cookies. They'll do it to you every time.
Jax and Tara kick back in the bed eating cookies drinking coffee stoned as shit watching some stupid ass movie. They don't know what's going on when Tara asks Jax. "Did everything go alright today?"
"Yeah babe, we're all ready for you to come home tomorrow. Do you know what time checkout is?"
"I have to get examined by Dr. Johnson and Dr. Lewis, and Becky has to come by as well. She said that she'll be here between ten and eleven so I'm hoping to blow this joint by noon."
"Good I'm ready to get you home." And that's the truth. Jax is more than ready to get out of this damn hospital and get his family home where he can have them all under one roof.
Tara nuzzles up close to Jax, "I'm ready to go home." That's how they fell asleep just like that Tara woke up sometime in the middle of the night sore from the way she had been lying so she decides to go to the nurse's station and get something for her pain. As she crawls back in bed she snickers as she sweeps all of the cookie crumbs out of the bed. With the new medicine taken and a crumb free bed Tara climbs back in and falls back to sleep, dreaming about going home.