A/N: To my devoted beta McIlwain, we did it! I couldn't have done it without you, thank you loving and believing in this story as your own and for sticking by my side through it all. Thank you to all my followers, reviewers, the PM's, the ones who have made me your favorites you will never know how much it means to me that you took your valuable time to read my story. I have kept my nose down and haven't looked up until the end. I had to do that to get through the emotional parts of this story. So when I got to the end I was stunned at the amount of followers, reviewers and favorites there are. I never thought anyone would want to read this story. It was originally a type of therapy for myself and it grew into something so much bigger than I ever expected.

Thank you HGRHfan35 for your support and encouragement.

This is rated MATURE for a reason; language and sex.

The early sun-kissed morning found Jax and Tara standing in the plush, green meadow glistening from the morning dew. The wild flowers are in bloom with butterflies flitting around them; blue skies have white clouds floating like cotton in the cool, gentle, autumn breeze. The sound of the river's water and birds chirping are in the distance. To some this looks like an average morning in Charming but it is not - it is the day that the Tellers lay their baby boy to rest.

Jax and Tara have driven to the meadow to seek solace in each other while getting ready for what's ahead today. They walk hand in hand to the big tree that was their favorite place to hang when skipping school. They could hang out here all day long and never speak a word. As long as they were together that was all they needed. They came out here to read and discuss literature; no one would have ever thought the big bad biker boy was an avid reader. This spot has other sentimental memories as well that include a whole lot of firsts in their lives together. This is where Jax took Tara during her first motorcycle ride. The meadow is the first place where Tara drank alcohol, got drunk and got high. It was at the meadow where Jax first kissed Tara, and felt her up. It was also the first time Jax Teller made love to Tara Knowles - right here in this meadow under this tree. They made memories that will last forever.

This time they have a first that will outweigh the others. It is a first they never thought they would experience during their life. This is the first time they will lay their child to rest. After today it will no longer be 'their place'; it will be forever 'John's place' and 'their family's place.'

Tara looks at Jax and gives him a small sad smile. She wraps her arms around him and looks into his eyes, "Thank you for buying this place Jax. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that we would own this one day. You know how special this place is to me, to us, and our young love when we first starting dating. I can't think of a better place to bury our son."

"Hey it's just as special to me too. All of those firsts we shared were firsts for me too. I never thought we would own it either, baby. I wasn't looking for anything like this, I wanted something we would use for a memorial garden or something like that. When Juice told me about this place my legs almost buckled from under me. I couldn't believe it, and after I made sure this was really the property for sale, I didn't care how much they wanted for it. I asked their price and just gave it to them no counter offers or anything. I just wanted it and wanted it quick, that was all that mattered. By that afternoon we were owners of 'our meadow.'" Jax puts his arm over the top of Tara's shoulder and looks out towards the river. "I love you baby, I always will." Pulling her in tight he kisses the top of her head and holds her there. He rests his chin on the top of her head and looks out down at the river. He can't count the days he has sat here quietly watching the river and enjoying the peacefulness, the flow of the water brushing against the rocks. A small smile creeps up on Jax's face as he closes his eyes and listens to the sounds of the water flowing down the river splashing against the rocks. It reminds him of nights spent here just absorbing the calm. Jax wonders if it's still going to be a place of solitude or if he's going to hear too many voices in his head now each time he visits? Jax hopes to hell this place stays a meadow of firsts and not a field of nevers.

Tara's starts to get tired so he takes her over to a big rock and helps her sit down. She leans back and looks at the clouds. They have laid on this rock while high too many times to count and argued over the clouds. "That one looks like a rabbit."

Jax starts laughing, "No, babe it looks like a cow."

"Do you remember all the times we would come out here skipping school? How we used to get high and watch the clouds go by? We would talk about anything and everything under the sun. Oh God, Jax, what I would give for it to be that way still. Instead, we're here for another reason.

Tara begins crying and Jax gets up and carefully helps her up to her feet. He tenderly kisses his wife while holding her in his arms. He gently leans his forehead onto hers and looks straight in her eyes as tears drop down his face as well. He can only say one thing to her. "I love you."

They stand there quietly, forehead-to-forehead, gathering strength from each other. Then softly, just above a whisper, Tara asks him, "Jax did you ever bring anyone out here after I left?"

"Never. This is OUR place babe. Sometimes I would come out here with a bottle of Jack and a joint alone but never a girl." It never felt right. This was the place for the only girl he loved. He remembers the first day he brought Tara out here. She was fifteen and he had finally talked her into skipping school. He and Ope skipped more than they went by then but Tara always went to class. One day Jax managed to talk Tara into it and for the life of him he doesn't know why she finally said yes. That was also Tara's first time on a motorcycle but after that day she always had her chest plastered to his back, not that he ever complained. Jax brought her out here so they could be alone so he could talk to her. Talking with Tara was all he had wanted to do at that time, another first on his part. He wanted to know what was going on in that head of hers. If you knew Tara as well as Jax did you always knew something was going on because her brain never stopped. You could just see the wheels turning by the expression on her face. You could always tell when she was deep in thought. He fell in love with that brain, that big beautiful brain of hers first. No, he never brought another girl here. He could never bring another girl to their place. It was the place he always came to when he needed Tara after she was gone. This was their place and it still is but now they are sharing it with their beautiful baby boy.

Jax tells her, "The guys will be out here soon setting everything up. How about I take you home so you can get some rest before this afternoon?" She agrees and they head back to the car, but before Tara gets in the car she turns around and looks at their special place one last time. This morning it's just theirs but this afternoon it will become John and their family's. She looks up as Jax and bends down and gently brings his mouth down on hers. Their lips part slightly and as he deepens the kiss their tongues slowly entwine. Tara smiles at Jax and knows at this moment her husband truly loves her. Jax carefully helps her get in the car so they can head home to get ready for the rest of the day.

When they arrive home Bobby is there watching the boys. Bobby gives Tara a hug and kisses her on the cheek. He doesn't need to say anything; Tara knows how Bobby feels. She knows how all of the club feels. They're her family and they love her. Abel has fallen asleep on the couch and Thomas is nodding off.

Jax takes Tara and Thomas upstairs to their bedroom so they can rest. Tara asks Jax to place Thomas down in the bed with her so they can both take a nap. Jax gets her medication and some water then asks her, "Is there anything else you need?" She just shakes her head. He kisses her forehead and does the same to Thomas before he closes the door. Jax tells her he'll be back later to lay down as well and then leaves the room.

Thomas gives Tara a kiss and tells her, "Wuv ew."

She kiss him and tells him, "I love you too baby." Tara and Thomas close their eyes and drift off to sleep.

When Jax gets back down stairs he sees Bobby has taken Abel to his bedroom and tucked him in. He asks Bobby, "How were they this morning? Have they been acting confused with everything going on?"

Bobby tells him, "They were fine. They're used to all of us being around here now and picking them up from here and there for the past three weeks. I don't think it's much different from their normal but they do miss their mommy, you know how 'attached' they are to her."

Jax just laughs. "Don't I know it. No matter how much I try I could never match the attachment they have together. I know we all tease her about how she spoils them but you know I love her for it, she wouldn't be Tara if she didn't. They deserve a mother who loves them the way she does."

Bobby tells Jax, "The guys are getting ready to take everything out to the meadow. We have some lounge chairs we're taking for Tara so she can lay down if she needs to. The rental guys are bringing the tent, table and some more chairs out so we have some shade for Tara and the boys. Lyla has made arrangements for the food to stay cold until we decide to cook it."

Jax hates to ask his next question. "Who has his ashes?"

Bobby takes a deep breath. "Chibs still has them. They're at the clubhouse and he'll bring them when we meet here before heading to the meadow. He won't trust anyone else with them." That's the reason Jax entrusted Chibs with his son's ashes in the first place. Jax knows Chibs will personally take care of them himself and Jax won't have to worry about them. "Have you decided if you're going to ride or go with Tara in the car? Skeeter said that we can use the limo if we need it."

"Tara told me to do what I wanted and what I thought was best. I think I'll ride and let Fi, Kerrianne and Lyla and the kids ride with her and the boys. Go ahead, call Skeeter, and tell him yes we need the limo; the girls and kids can ride in it. The boys will love it. I want to be the one leading our son to his final resting place. There's no reason not to do it like we did when we took his body to the funeral home. We just need to do it on a smaller scale; I need to do it. The boys, they might not remember anything when they're older, but if they do, I would want them to remember how we honor our loved ones. I think this is the best lesson I can give them, Bobby."

Bobby nods and understands. He isn't surprised at Jax's statement; he knows Jax and knows what kind of man he is. He's a father who loves Abel and Thomas and he's going to lead the way to the final resting place of his youngest son.

"You do know Tara's only request?" Jax asked.

"Yeah no black, the guys know that too."

"I know it means no cut, but her request isn't about the club it's about the color. Tara and I had decided before John died that there would be no black."

"No problem man. We all understand."

Bobby takes a call as Jax goes to get him something to drink. "Yeah, okay what time? What about the tent? When? Alright I'll tell Jax. I'll be back at the clubhouse in a few. Hey have you talked to Skeeter? Tell him that Jax does want the limo and he'll be riding. As far as I know SAMCRO and Fresno are the only ones still here. Okay, see ya."

Bobby tells Jax, "That was Chibs. I told him to call Skeeter. We're going to meet here at three and plan on being at the meadow by four. That will give us plenty of time to kick back."

"Good, that gives me time to kick back with my old lady."

"You think she'll be okay?" Bobby's concern is evident. "That she'll make it through this alright?"

"Yeah she's a tough ol' broad."

"Don't let her hear you calling her that."

"She has family to get her through this so she should be fine. I don't know what she'll do afterwards; hell, I don't know what I'll do either. There won't be anything left for us to do for John. It'll all be over with except for the memories and we'll have those for the rest of our lives whether we want them or not. Of course we still have all those fruit trees the boys want to plant here at the house but after that there will be nothing to do. They loved planting the oak tree for John and want to plant more," Jax laughs.

"Have you talked anymore about the blood drives or charity runs in his name?" Bobby asks.

"I thought we would do it after all of this died down some and when we have time to devote to it. Everything is too unsettled right now. Next month when we have our annual meeting I'll bring it up then. I can't believe the amount of flowers we've received since this happened; it's been ridiculous. There needs to be something set up for when things like this happen. Or the widow's fund always needs money and it is never enough. Look at Lyla - she barely makes it but is too proud to let us know that, so we give her a job, not every old lady has the opportunity to do that. Maybe we need to start a separate children's fund for things that they need along the way like computers and shit, hell, college if they want a chance to make a difference and give back."

When Jax finishes with the things he needs to handle he heads upstairs to lie down with Tara. He feels the need to be next to her, to hold her. After a short nap they wake to get ready for the upcoming event. Jax goes and checks on Abel, Thomas is still asleep in their bed while Tara gets ready. After checking on his oldest Jax comes back to their bedroom. He stands in the doorway watching Tara finish getting dressed. When she's finished Jax walks across the room towards her and takes her in his arms. He brings her flush to him and hugs her tight. Breathing deeply Jax pulls her back a little and takes Tara's face in his hands. Jax tilts her face up until he's staring into the green depths of her eyes; the eyes that are the crystal ball into her soul. Not saying anything, just looking at her with her face gently resting in his hands. She looks back into Jax's eyes and nods, no words are needed; all is understood. Jax finally speaks, "You own my heart, always have and always will. You are my everything." He bends slightly with his mouth barely brushing against her lips but close enough that he can feel her breath and taste her lips. He softly brushes his lips over hers and Tara parts her lips for him as he reverently kisses her. Not a hard kiss, not a soft kiss, but a kiss that means everything. It's an old familiar kiss; a special kiss they have shared since they were sixteen. Jax draws her back against his body so he can feel the heat off her body. He needs confirmation that she's alive and well.

"We need to get going. Are you ready?"

"I'm ready."

The boys wake up shortly and it isn't long before Tara has them getting dressed. Everyone from the SAMCRO family has arrived along with their honorary members, Chucky and Unser. It means the world to Unser that he's included in today's celebration; he thinks of some of these people as friends and some as family. Jax thought long and hard about inviting Unser but finally relented. He doesn't know for sure if Unser has helped his mother but he needs to find the man innocent until proven guilty. He does know Unser thinks the world of Tara and tried to help her when Clay was out to kill her. However if Unser had told Jax what was happening Tara's hand would not be destroyed. The limo arrives and Jax helps the kids, Fi, and Lyla get in. He takes Tara into his arms before helping her in. "Are you alright? Are you ready to do this?"

Jax notices Tara looks strong, the strongest she has looked in weeks. "Yes. Yes, I'm ready. Let's do this."

With a quick kiss goodbye Jax says, "I'll see you later." Without another word he helps Tara in the car and gives her a faint smile before closing the passenger door. The mood in the limo is somber but the feeling of strength transforms them into the women of SAMCRO. Women of strength, women that get things done, women who unconditionally love or loved their husbands. They don't have to look at each other; they know what is expected of them. They know their roles, and when that door opens up again they'll be ready to stand tall and be united. They are The Women of SAMCRO.

The procession is led by Jax, Chibs and Happy. The limo follows, SAMCRO and their friends bring up the rear. This precession is not as grand as the first but it is just as meaningful and important. Abel and Thomas are excited to be in the limo and the whole time they keep their eyes on their Daddy as he leads the way. They don't understand but they know this day is important. They know they need to behave today without being told. Well... Abel might have mentioned it to Thomas that something was going down and they need to behave because he was pretty sure there is cake involved. So they don't say a word and are little angels.

Tara looks around the site after arriving at the meadow. She sees the white tent and the white linens, as well as white chairs and baby blue balloons all over the place. She smiles as she turns and looks down the meadow; Tara sees the tree that Jax, Abel and Thomas planted - a good-sized young oak tree that has a big, beautiful white ribbon around it with two bouquets of the baby blue balloons attached to it. Yes, this is right... it's perfect.

Jax walks up behind Tara, wraps his arms around her, leans his head over her shoulder and rests his chin. "How do you like it?"

"Everything is perfect. Just like it should be." She turns in his arms and kisses him and then they head back to greet their guests arm in arm.

As Jax looks around he sees the members of SAMCRO, Chucky, Unser, and Alvarez and his wife. Tara insisted on inviting them and Jax didn't put up a fight. He knows how close Tara has become with them and they have children themselves. The Fresno chapter is enjoying this beautiful day and they have done so much for SAMCRO. Vivica has practically run the clubhouse, taking care of all the patches and prospects. Her husband, the president of the Fresno chapter, has taken care of security for SAMCRO as well. Roosevelt has come to pay his respects – he was sent an invitation but no one knew if he would show up. Margaret, her family, and all of Tara's colleagues from the Women's Center are here. So many have come in support of Jax and Tara and to pay their respects to their young son.

Jax and Chibs walk down the meadow and stop beside the young oak tree Jax and the boys planted a week ago. The men need to dig a hole using the white shovel with the white bow attached for the little white box with his son's remains. Once Jax digs the hole Chibs places the box inside and he covers it up. Jax just can't do it.

After they finish Jax and Chibs take a moment to pull out a cigarette and reflect back on the past three weeks. Finally it's Jax who speaks first. "Do you think there can be anything else that's white? I've never seen so much white in my life. I didn't even know Port-a-Johns came in that color." They both chuckle.

Chibs responds. "Tis strange to us because we live in a world of black. For the life of me I can't recall seeing anything white in the clubhouse unless a girl's sporting it.

Jax is silent for a moment. "Chibs I don't want my children growing up in the world of black they need some white in their lives."

"They do Jackie, they do. You and Tara make sure of that, look at the change around you. This club wouldn't be where it is today if not for you. You've done what you set out to do all on your own and you've changed the club around. Well, with the help of a good woman who has been through hell."

"Yes, I did have the help of a good woman and still do. If it hadn't been for Tara's support none of it would have been done. It wouldn't have been possible without her. Yeah, you're right... Tara's the best woman I know, especially to put up with me and the shit that has happened to her. I'm lucky that she's still here. But you don't have a clue how good. You know what they say behind every man is a good woman." Unfortunately, the man doesn't realize how good the woman is until she almost dies, Jax thinks with a twisted smile.

Chibs notices a change in Jax's face. "Is there anything I should know?"

"No... Not today, another day maybe but not today." Jax thinks back to the letters and other information he hasn't even told Tara he has and knows about. "No, today isn't the day for it. Today is about my son." He smiles at Chibs with a clear mind back on today's celebrations.

"Let's go join the party." Chibs slaps Jax's back and squeezes his shoulder as they start back to join the rest.

When they get back to the tent Jax looks around for Tara and he sees her talking to Lyla and Marcus's wife, he can't remember her name. He heads that way but doesn't want to cut into their conversation so he stops and joins one in progress with Marcus and Eli.

"Well Teller you must be doing something right if you can get a Mayan to your son's burial." Eli looks at him.

Jax is quick to reply. "He's not a Mayan. He's Marcus a friend of mine and Tara's, he and his wife both are." Jax gets a nod from Marcus.

They continue to talk about mundane things when Jax sees Tara walk away from the group she's with and heads towards him. He excuses himself as she walks up to him. "Hey."

"Hey how are you feeling? Do you need anything? Where are the boys? I haven't seen them or heard them come to think of it. Are they here?" Jax rattles off all these questions.

Laughing, Tara tells him, "Well I think Abel heard us talking yesterday about the food and heard cake so this morning I would bet he filled Thomas in so they've decided to be good and behave because look over there."

Tara pointed back behind her and sure enough there are their two little angels sharing a chair watching the other kids play. One set of eyes are on the kids playing and the other set is staring at the cake table. Jax laughs, "They're cute but I want them playing I don't care how loud they get or dirty I want them to remember they had fun today. Not a day they couldn't do anything because they wanted cake."

Tara smiles at him and gives him a quick kiss on the lips. "Go talk to them and then tell them what you want them to do." He turns around to walks off and Tara slaps his ass. Jax turns around, wide-eyed, looks at her and remembers last night. With a smile spreading to his ears, he winks at her as she smiles back at him.

Jax finds his little angels almost drooling to get down and play. He bends down in front of them and has a serious conversation with them and tries to tell them this is a special day and they can play. That he wants them to play and have fun, then cake and homemade ice cream after they eat what's on their plate. Abel asks some questions about why they're here but Thomas sits there nodding his head as Abel speaks. Jax wonders if Abel and Thomas have some kind of secret language because Thomas has a limited vocabulary and Abel always seems to be talking for both of them with Thomas agreeing. Of course Jax was in prison when Abel started talking so he doesn't know when Thomas should start talking but he has a sneaking suspicion that Thomas talks more than they know, especially to his older brother. Jax thinks back to when he was an older brother; he's glad that his boys have each other, everyone needs someone and they are lucky enough to have each other. Without further coaching Abel hops down and runs off as fast as he can while Jax helps Thomas down from the chair. Without further ado Thomas takes off as fast as his little legs can go. As Jax watches Thomas run off he remembers it was just two months ago that Thomas waddled and couldn't run and Jax sadly realizes his boys are growing up fast right in front of his eyes. He's going to have to spend more time with them; before he knows it they won't be little much longer. But that's already his and Tara's plan, to start spending a whole lot more time together as a family. They're even planning some small trips for the boys. Jax turns around but already knows Tara's watching him, he can feel it. And when his eyes meet hers they share a knowing smile.

After all the guests arrive they gather around the tent and have a drink. Then they proceed to the meadow where Jax had been previously, the spot that's his son's final resting place.

Jax walks under the tree where he just buried his son and starts to speak to their family and friends.

"Tara and I would like to thank you for coming and helping us honor our son's life. The pure and innocent soul of John Filip Winston Teller, our little warrior who was strong and fought a hard battle, who will live in our hearts forever, he might be gone but he will never be forgotten. In the short time he was with us he touched our hearts and will forever have a place there. He is greatly loved by many and will be missed by all."

"Our sweet innocent little boy whose life was cut way too short has made me a better man than I could ever imagine. His spirit will be forever with us in our hearts and in our souls. We will take his love and keep it with us; we'll always see his angelic face."

"My son has touched a place in my heart that I wasn't aware I had. He has taught me what it means to be a man, how to take care of my family under undue pressures and I have discovered there is no pressure too great when it involves my children. That it's alright to show love: love is not a weakness, but an attribute of manhood. If I doubt myself I will think of him, and gather my strength from him to become a better father and a better man."

Margaret stands and walks over to the tree and recites an Indian Prayer.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there... I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow

I am a diamond glints of snow

I am the sunlight on the ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you wake in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circle flights

I am the soft stars that shine at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there ... I did not die

Chibs stands in front of everyone; he's emotional and his accent gets thicker as he speaks. "I just wann to say what an honor it is to have the young lad, my godson, named after me along with men I admire. I could never imagine anyone would honor me in this way and I am deeply and forever touched. Jackie and Tara, I love you both." Then he recites an Irish blessing.

"Oh wee lad,

Deep peace of the running waves to you

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the smiling stars to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the watching shepherds to you.

Deep peace of the Son of Peace to you."

Tara takes Abel and Thomas over to the tree and gives them each a bouquet of balloons. She nods at them and smiles as they release their balloons letting them drift high up in the clouds. The boys stand there watching the balloons with their heads thrown back and Thomas clapping until they are out of sight and they can't see them anymore. Then they run off to play in the meadow with their family and friends.

The sun shone brighter after the blessings were read. The birds started chirping as if they just awoke. As the sun gets brighter the birds get louder. Jax and Tara stand looking out across the meadow, a meadow that was once just theirs, their special place. With butterflies on wild flowers that blanket the meadow, it is the first time Tara looks around her and notices the beauty of the day, the peacefulness that surrounds her. Tara sees her boys running through the meadow happily chasing butterflies and trying to catch them. Tara realizes she feels an inner calm. It's in this moment Tara realizes they'll be alright, they'll get through this. They're far from okay, but they will be at some point. It won't be easy but they can do it. She is actually happy, something she never would have thought possible again. As Tara leans back against Jax's hard chest, he wraps his arms around her, whispering, "I love you," in her ear as she relaxes against him. For the first time in a long time Tara feels safe... even if it is just an illusion.

A/N: This ends "The Unmarred Soul" the next installment in this series will be the prequel "Working Through the Mar." I will start on this soon and hopefully start posting around the first of April. My plans are to either post the whole story at once or in clusters of chapters. As a reader I don't like waiting around for an update therefore I don't want you to either.

"Working Through the Mar" picks up at the end of Season 5 and turns in a different direction than the show. It is a lighter story not as emotional as "The Unmarred Soul". Tara is still facing going to jail how far will Jax go to keep her from serving time? Jax is trying to get his club legit and keep his family together. He doesn't know who he can trust to help him accomplish his goals. Lee Toric is still lurking around wanting to making sure someone will pay for his sister's death. What finally sends Gemma over the edge causing her attack on Tara and John. A situation from Jax's past is trying to come back and ruin all he has accomplished.

For Carolina, like John F. W. Teller's voice, will never be heard.