A/N: COWRITTEN WITH AUTHER TERRERI

Harry Thotter was just being a lil' twerpy fool when Whoremione and Rip flew up to him on their stripper poles. They looked ugly as always, and Whoremione was wearing her sluttiest apparel, while Rip was wearing the most thottish outfit he could find. At first, Harry thought they were runaway sex slaves from the local strip club, but soon saw that they were in fact runaway sex slaves from the local strip club that happened to also be his friends. Then Mr. Thotter pooped himself into a thot.

"Et thotis!" Harry Thotter screeched like a banshee.

"What in the world of poop did you just do, Harry Thotter?" Rip asked.

"I just pooped myself into the biggest thot at Hogwarts, can't you tell, Rip? Did you fart so hard your eyes popped out again?"

"Oh sorry, I haven't been to Thot Identification Class in a while," Rip answered.

"Are y'all coming to the stripper club in principal McGangbangs office at Thot pm?"

"I'm not free at Thot pm. Can we go at Thot pm instead?" said Whoremione.

"Yes. We can go get some whoreburgers in the meantime," said Harry Thotter. They all crop dusted all the way to the Whoreburger place, called Harrod's Holy Whoreburgers.

"Oh that was a good one!" said Whoremione. "I can tell because my nose is literally numb right now."

"Three Whoreburgers, please," Rip asked Harrod, who was standing behind the Counter of Gas Clouds. "Extra thotty, if you please."

"Thottiness costs extra, bucko," Harrod reminded. "Y'all better pay up if you want that thot juice on it."

They all looked over to the strippers who were swinging on their poles and raining shit on everyone.

"Delectable!" Rip called with his mouth open. "Over here! Fire your poop nuggets in my direction, daddy! Your turds taste so wonderful and juicy!" Rip called desperately. Harry Thotter and Whoremione looked at him strangely. "Didn't I tell you I have a shit addiction? The doctors are worried but I'm not," Rip said as he was slapped in the face with a wet turd.

"Eat that," the thot said.

"Surely," Rip said, taking big bites. Harry Thotter and Whoremione ignored him."So, what's it like to be a thot?" Whoremione asked Harry Thotter.

"It's wonderful! I love being a thot. Pretty soon we're going to turn everyone in Hogwarts into a thot," Mr. thotter said as his whoreburger arrived. "AW! Rip! There's shit on my burger!"

"HAND IT OVER!" Rip yelled ravenously, his mouth watering as if he had Rabies. "I need to have 30 grams of shit a day unless my Blood Shit-gar will be too low for me to survive! It's what powers my wand!"

"Fine, take it, Rip!" Harry Thotter said as he threw the whoreburger at Rip's other cheek. Then Rip stood up and put his buttocks back down. "You're so weird, Rip."

"Not Rip! Reek!"

"Harrod!" called Whoremione.

"Yes" he responded.

"Can I please have some laxatives" Whoremione asked politely.

"Of course! They're in every bathroom" said Harrod.

"Oh. Can you point me to the little ladies room?" said Whoremione.

"Yeah, it's the hole out back that's filled to the brim with shit," Harrod said, pointing to the HUGE hole outside that wasn't even a hole anymore: it was a hill that stuck out of the ground. "You may have to use the ol' shovel to clear a spot for you to.. ahem.. drop the load, y'know? Or you can do it in the stream back there," he added, pointing.

"The one that's brown or the one that's yellow?" Whoremione asked.

"Either one should do, they both lead to the public water system anyway."

"Okay, thank you Daddy Whorebucks."

"My name is Harrod and I told you to stop calling me that you little twat."

"I'll be right back Harry Thotter," Whoremione promised, leaving. Harry Thotter waved goodbye to her as she studied his Book of Wizarding Shit (literally) and Rip still ravenously ate through his shitty Whoreburger.

"Hey, Rip, did you know that wizards used to just magic their shit away before toilets were invented?" Whoremione heard Harry Thotter say before walking down the hallway and out to the shitting hole. She didn't want to use the ol' shovel, because it was covered in fecal matter. Whoremione decided to use the brown river, and sang Down By the Riverside as she made the brown river even browner. I hope the people of Hogwarts enjoy drinking from this here river, she (tho)ugh(t). When she returned, Harry Thotter was still reading from his book.

"Et thotis!" Harry Thotter yelled yet again as he pointed his wand at Rip, who was turned into a thot. "Congratulations, Rip, you're a thot now! Dobby is free!" He performed the same spell on Whoremione, but nothing happened.

"Harry thotter, Your spell cannot work on me because I am a Whore," Whoremione explained. Harry Thotter nodded, knowing that a whore was just a leveled up thot. Any wizard who was a thot for more than a year was upgraded to a whore. Rip finally finished his Whoreburger.

"Hey, what's this shiny rock inside my Whoreburger?" Rip asked. "This isn't shit! What a rip off!" Harry Thotter snatched the rock from the Whoreburger.

"OMG! This is the legendary Thot Stone!" Harry Thotter explained excitedly. This is the very stone Voldewhoret lost when he took an extra spicy shit here all those years ago before getting expelled from the smell that simply wouldn't go away."

"Oh yeah, what were Principal McGangbang's words?"

"I think they were 'Voldewhoret, you better remove thyself from my presence and never return, especially not with a buttocks like that, and if I ever catch you laying butt bombs on Hogwarts property again I'll throw you in the Booty Dungeon for the rest of eternity,'" Rip said.

"What can the Thot Stone do?" Whoremione asked.

"It can turn people into thots," Harry Thotter said. "Voldewhoret misused the Thot Stone though so the gods took away his ass. Now he has to fart and shit through his butt chin."

"Well, we should see if this can turn people into thots," Rip said. Harry Thotter held the Thot Stone up where everyone could see it.

"ET THOTIS!" Mr. Thotter yelled so that everyone could see and hear it. Everyone was then spontaneously turned into a huge thot. "Wow, the Thot Stone sure is spiffy!"

Everyone ran out of the establishment and whipped out their broom sticks but they were turned into stripper poles.

"Nooooooooooo!" everyone yelled.

"Y'all are now part of my thot army!" said harry thotter. "Let's all go to McGangbangs (Sears)!"

"Wow, the thot army is growing stronger every day!" Rip complimented as the trio head to McGangbangs house. The party was the wildest sex party the group had ever seen. There was so much sex magic in the air that even Dumplewhore was surprised, who was partying in the back with the wizarding prostitutes he had ordered. Harry Thotter was unsurprised.

"I'm gonna go over there," Rip said and pointed to the bathroom.

"You mean the latrine?"

"Because you have to shit, right?"

"Right…." Rip said as he ran to the bathroom at lightning speeds. Whoremione followed Harry Thotter as he held the Thot Stone up to the room, replacing the Disco Ball with it.

"ET THOTIS!" Harry Thotter yelled, and the entire room was added to the thot army. Their wands were replaced with stripping poles immediately.

"Boooo! Hissss!" the crowd yelled.

"I hate being a thot!"

"You're gonna be a thot and you are gonna like it!" Harry Thotter screeched as all the thots tried to run out of the room. "Whoremione, help me herd the thots into the Chamber of Thots!"

"Okay, loverboy," Whoremione said as she pooped all the thots into the Chamber of Thots with her spell. All the thots yelled in pain from the Chamber of Thots, which they could hear from across the campus. Rip returned from the bathroom, and only the trio and Dumplewhore remained in the room.

"Wow, this stone is great!" Harry Thotter yelled excitedly. Just then, a man with a nose and no ass entered the room with a menacing cape.

"It is I, Voldewhoret!"