A/N: this was cowritten with fanfiction author Terreri and also for all of yalls (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) that are writing reviews saying I'm a troll, I do not appreciate you spreading lies about my work, this story was Beta read by multiple people and they said it was fantastic. I only had one person say they couldn't read no more after the first chapter I can't imagine why though. This is a serious Fanfiction if you couldn't tell, and I am not a troll! Ok yall enjoy
"Oh fuck!" Harry Thotter yelped.
"Mind your language," Whoremione said.
"Oops, I mean dippity do," Mr. Thotter corrected. "Are all the thots safely in the Chamber of Thots?"
"They are, but they don't have enough stripping poles for all of them."
"Rip, Whoremione, poop yourselves to the Chamber of Thots and add more stripping poles." Whoremione ripped out her wand (which was a long frozen turd) and pooped herself and Rip to the Chamber of Thots. Harry Thotter turned to Dumplewhore.
"Help me get rid of this degenerate."
"Rip already pooped himself away, though."
"I meant Voldewhoret." he said as(s) they walked over to Voldewhoret's dumb little face.
"Unhand the Thot Stone and the Big Blue Bippy Brick!"
"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry Thotter said. "Oh wait, yes I do." Harry Thotter whipped the Big Blue Bippy Brick out of his Big Blue Bippy Backpack.
"Could it be… *sips milkshake*... a-this?"
Harry Thotter unveiled the Big Blue Bippy Brick from under a giant sheet.
"I must have it! I'll never get my ass back if I don't!"
"Well too bad!" said Thotter.
Voldewhoret yelped as(s) he threw a butt bomb at Harry, making the brick suspend into the air. All eyes were on the brick as gravity started pulling it back to the ground.
Voldewhoret was fast, but Harry was faster. For he was able to grab the brick with his bippy cheeks. He stood there victorious clenching the brick with his bippy cheeks, and he and Dumplewhore escaped.
"You haven't seen the las(s)t of meeeeee" Voldewhoret yelped as(s) he was yeeted away from Thotwarts.
Harry Thotter shoved the Big Blue Bippy Brick into the Big Blue Bippy Backpack which he placed in his Big Blue Back Ass Pocket.
Harry Thotter and Dumplewhore pooped themselves into the Chamber of Thots, where Whoremione and Rip were tending to the thots, Rip unhinged his jaw like a snake and ate ten whoreburgers at once.
"Delectable!" Rip said like that one fish after being offered a Bon Bon.
"How many thots do we have in our thot army?"
"215 thots" one thot said.
"How do they know how many thots there were?" Dumplewhore asked.
"It's the Thot That Counts," Harry Thotter said. "They always know. Dearest Dumplewhore, why does Voldewhoret want the Thot Stone and the Big Blue Bippy Brick?"
"Voldewhoret wanted the biggest dumptruck ass in the entire universe. The Thot Stone belonged to Hogwarts but Voldewhoret stole it so that he could have the biggest, juiciest ass in all the kingdom. The Thot Stone gave him some of that power."
"Then why does he need the Big Blue Bippy Brick?"
"I was getting there, Harry, shut your stupid ass mouth and let me finish. Voldewhoret's big juicy ass derives its power from seven Whorecruxes, only when he has all seven and shoves them inside his bippy can his ass inflate to its true potential."
"We need to collect all seven and merge them together to become 1, for then it shall become the Fat Fanny which possesses all the power. Then Thotwarts can be the sluttiest school in the world and all the students shall harness its power equally."
"If Voldewhoret gets all the Whorecruxes, his ass will be unstoppable."
"That is why we must not fail to get the Whorecruxes. Everything depends on it. What exactly are the seven Whorecruxes, Dumplewhore?"
"The Thot Stone and the Big Blue Bippy Brick are two, there are five more. The next one will be in Azkabang Prison. When you are ready, find the Head Whoremaster at Azkabang and ask to speak to the prisoner Serious Black Ass. I could tell you where the rest are, but I'm late for the Harvest Quilters sew-in, later nerds," Dumplewhore said as he pooped himself away.
Just then, RIp flew over on his stipper pole right in front of Harry Thotter. His face was covered in shit (because he had been eating so much (because he had a shit addiction (because it tastes good (because of all the Vitamin P)))).
"Yo, I'm hungry. Let's WhoreDash some Chipotle," said Rip.
"Fantastic idea," said Whoremione, "and make sure you order extra whorese radish sauce."
"Yo, this ain't the time to be eatin', we got bigger priorities, we have to train the thots. We need to practice with our stripping poles and practice launching our shit like cannon balls,"
said Harry.
"Well we need fuel to practice shit launching" said Whoremione.
"Ok fine, let's WhoreDash 220 burrito bowls with extra whorse radish sauce and a side of beans. Let me charge McGangbang's credit card. I acquired it when she was on the can and she left it in her office. I snuck in quietly with my battering ram made of Rip's shit."
"Time to eat some good ass shit!" said Rip. "In more ways than one, teehee."
"Now that we're all fed, we can practice launching our shit like pirate cannonballs."
"But(t) Harry, we just ate like 30 seconds ago," all 215 thots said in perfect harmony.
"A good thot can digest food and turn it into shit in half that time! Whoremione can eat food and launch it out at 200mph in the same breath."
"Let me demonstrate," Whoremione said, taking a big ass bite out of a burrito and shitting it at the wall seconds later, punching a giant circular hole in the chamber. The cannonball traveled around the entire circumference of the world and hit Rip in the face.
"Mmmmmm, it's like dessert," Rip said.
"Now you," Harry Thotter told the thots. He looked around the chamber at all the thots with concentrated looks on their faces while clenching their cheeks. Groans can be heard as they tried to have backend blowouts.
Suddenly, two hundred cannonballs of shit fired all at once like the Battle of Bunker Hill and two hundred holes were punched in the chambers walls. It rained poopoo over Thotwarts for ten hours thereafter. An innocent bystander was walking by and was covered in what he (tho)ugh(t) was mud. It sounded like a bunch of thunder and was heard for miles. It caused a Gustavo-like earthquake for all of Europe.
"Perfect!" Harry Thotter said. "Now we have to practice on stripping poles. Everyone whip out your stripping poles!" Everyone whipped them out of their back ass pocket and stood them up straight.
"Now since Whoremione is the most leveled up thot, she will be teaching you how to strip on the pole," announced Harry. Whoremione pushed Harry Thotter out of the way and stood at the front of the Thot Pulpit.
"Ok y'all, don your stripping apparel," she said as everyone ripped off their normal clothes and revealed the sluttest outfits ever. "Ok so i will teach you guys how to master the pole" She started riding the pole in a super elaborate manner, "Ok repeat after me" as(s) she did some more simple stripping techniques.
The thots spuns around the poles so fast that it generated enough electricity to power all of Hogwarts for the next few minutes, and charge the Butt Mobile to full capacity. They kept practicing for several hours until they all had to take a BR break. They all ran to the bathroom where there were 215 stalls and started firing away at the bowl until the bowl was brown and their bowels were empty. They all sighed in relief as their bowel pain subsided. Whoremione busted down the bathroom door with a swat team grade battering ram and announced that they have one final test to be ready to fight Voldewhoret. They all pooped themselves to the center of Thotworts.
"Now your final test is to climb the big flag pole that has a flag of bumcheeks on it and strip like there's no tomorrow."
All 215 thots climbed the flagpole and stripped on it at once. Passing students through so many dollar bills that Harry Thotter was able to buy Harrod's Holy Whoreburgers and turn it into Harry's Holy Whoreburgers. Ms. McGangbang thought it was a bank and tried to make a withdrawal. The GDP of Hogwarts skyrocketed.
"Now we're ready to find Serious Black Ass," Harry Thotter announced. "I hope he lives up to his name teehee, I could use a good piece of ass right now after all this boredom."
"Now we just have to get Flushed Away (2006) to Azkabang Prison," Whoremione said. "Rip, you have to stay here and train the thots and find more thots."
"That's fine because my Blood Shit-gar is low," Rip said. "I need to stay where the best whoreburgers are."
Harry Thotter threw the Thot Stone at him.
"Use it wisely, Rip, and make as many thots as possible. And if Voldewhoret shows up, hide it in your bumcheeks and clench like Patrick Star does with the IRON BUTT™."
Harry Thotter grabbed Whoremione and pulled her into the Mario pipe that led straight to Azkabang Prison.