Red River Blue
Chapter 23
Harley's stomach still felt like it had a big bat flapping around down in the pit of it. The singing went better than she thought it would. After dinner, which she had only picked at because she had been too nervous to eat, everyone had gathered around outside and listened to her and Beth play and sing. Harley was grateful to her mom, who must have known she was scared and trying not to show it. Her hands were shaking. Before Harley started playing, her mom took her guitar and strummed out the only song she knew, Wonderful World by Sam Cook, singing the words in her soft throaty voice. It had only sounded okay, but Harley could tell people were still enjoying it. Her mom wasn't much of a singer but she was seasoned when it came to performing in front of a crowd. It broke the ice and made Harley feel a little less nervous. Her hands stopped shaking.
They played longer than Harley thought they would, until the shadows lengthened and the day gave way to the dusk of the evening. After she was done, people were smiling at her and telling her how much they enjoyed her music. Asking if she took requests and if she had any of her own songs that she wrote that she might be willing to play for them next time. Harley made every attempt to stay hidden behind Beth during this activity, which was harder to do than it sounded since she was at least a foot taller than the other girl. Finally she gave up and just accepted the compliments and smiles, feeling grateful for once that her father suddenly appeared at her side, his arm hanging loosely around her shoulders. Most people instinctually gave Merle a wide berth, and since he was standing next to her that meant they stayed out of Harley's personal space as well.
Once they were away from the small crowd, Merle removed his arm from her shoulders, leaving some of the warmth from his touch behind. He walked her back to her room, with Wren bouncing around next to them, chattering at him and trying to get him to get him to hold his arm piece up in the air and let her hang from it like a monkey. He let Wren hug him instead, reminding her she was getting too big and too heavy for games like that. Harley got a gentle squeeze on her shoulder. Her father looked at her like he had something to say, but ended up just offering her a slight dip of his head before walking away and heading inside the room he shared with her mother.
His face had been almost sad, and it occured to Harley that before tonight, Merle had never heard her play or sing before. Never been to one of her basketball games or seen her kicking other girl's asses out on the hockey field. He had missed so much, and in that moment she felt a pang of sadness and regret for the man. The empathy she suddenly had for her father felt odd bouncing around inside of her. Most of her life the only emotions she had allowed herself to feel towards the man that fathered her were hate and anger. She didn't act on the impulse but it was there. The urge to chase after her father and hug him tight around the neck as if she was still a dumbass little kid like Wren instead of a nearly grown woman. The overwhelming desire to have him love and accept her.
Wren was already under the covers on the bottom bunk by the time Harley was pulling her nightshirt over her head. It was warm inside the prison and there wasn't much of a breeze. So she had taken to sleeping in one of her mom's old bakery tank tops and a loose fitting pair of pajama pants. They fit her in her slim waist, so that meant they were way too short and only fell to just below the knee. They also had pictures of a cartoon skunk on them. But function prevailed over fashion. The sleep pants were comfortable and that was all Harley really cared about. She didn't have anyone she needed to impress when she was climbing into bed at night.
Her hair was still damp from the shower she took earlier that day. Harley pulled it down from the tight bun it was tied up in and combed through it with her fingers. A few loose strands came sliding out and she held her hand away from her, shaking them off and letting them drift to the cement floor of her cell. Harley laid down in her bed, but her mind was still racing. She was not only keyed up with nervous energy from the music performance, her mind was also racing with thoughts about her father. Feelings she had been pushing and holding deep down inside her for years were bubbling back up to the surface. The desire to have him there and present. Involved in her life. She remembered the sad and lonely feeling she would get when she was the only kid at a game that didn't have a parent there cheering her one because her mom was too busy working and her father was too busy drinking.
Harley tossed her blanket off and swung her legs down from the bed, landing soundlessly on the floor next to the bed. She slid her bare feet into the cheap plastic flip flops her mother insisted she wear in the communal shower room. Harley didn't know where she was going, she just knew she was going to go crazy lying in her bed with her mind racing. She thought about going outside, maybe siiting up a while with Daryl since he was on watch, but at this time of night after the rain they had she knew the mosquitoes would eat her alive. So she grabbed a flashlight from the kitchen and headed down into the tombs instead. Not all the way down, just into the hallway that led to the library.
The selection of books in the library was pretty pathetic. They were all either books Harley had read before or books she had no desire to read. She was so bored she had even tried reading one of her mom's romance novels. That had been a mistake. But Harley shuffled down the hall just the same, telling herself that there was always a slim chance that someone had returned something good, or maybe brought something new back from a run that she hadn't read yet. Her plastic shoes made little smacking noises against the hard floor as she walked. The air was colder away from the cellblock and she wrapped her arms around herself, feeling her nipples pucker up and go hard against the thin material of her tank top.
The door to the library was cracked open. Harley let herself inside and clicked the door shut behind her. She headed for the only shelf in the room that contained rows of books and pointed her flashlight at the bindings. The tip of her finger traced along the row, pulling out books where the spine was too faded and worn so she could read the title on the cover. Like she had figured, there wasn't much to choose from. She managed to find one book she hadn't read before. The picture on the cover wasn't promising, but at least it wasn't a picture of two people with their clothes falling off looking like they were about to kiss. It was a black and white picture of a girl who's hair was turning into hundreds of flying birds.
Harley perched on the edge of the table, flipping the book over to read the description on the back cover. She only got past the first sentence before she was up off the table and backing towards the shelf of books. Her flashlight clattered to the floor along with the paperback book.
"Didn't mean ta scare you," Zach said. There was a slur to his words and the bottle in his hand was reflecting beams of light from her flashlight. The wine he offered to drink with her. He must have decided to drink it himself.
"You follow me down here?," she asked the boy. He laughed at the suggestion before he picked up the flashlight and shined it into her face, making her squint as her eyes struggled to adjust to the bright light.
"Just wanted to make sure you were safe," he told her. Harley leaned forward, snatching her flashlight out of his grasp and pointing it at the floor. The last thing she needed to keep her safe was a drunken idiot following her around with a boner in his pants.
"I can take care of myself," she informed him before she reached down and snatched up her book to keep it from being stomped on. Zach just smiled at her, his eyes roaming over her body and reminding her that she was braless and pantyless under her pajamas. She crossed her arms over her chest to cover her nipples and glared at him.
In Zach's drunken state, he had convinced himself that Harley had changed her mind about his offer and come down here hoping to meet him in private. She had walked right past his cell on her way down here, making sure he saw her. Now she was just acting shy. And there was no reason for her to be shy. He reached forward, putting his hand on the back of her neck and pulling her forward until their lips were touching.
Harley glared at the boy in front of her. One foot went back, her body adjusting so her balance was better. The book in her hand she tossed onto the table next to her. With her other hand, she fixed her hold on the flashlight so she was holding it more like a short baton than a sorce of light. Her body was humming with electricity, ready for the adrenaline release that always went hand in hand with physical violence. Her mother had encouraged her to channel her anger into sports, where it could be a positive outlet. But there wasn't exactly a field hockey team here at the prison. The closest she had come to any kind of release was stabbing walkers down at the fences. And that always left her wanting.
She supposed most girls in her postition would be scared. Alone in a dark room with a boy that had proven time and time again that he wouldn't take no for an answer. Another girl might scream or try to run. But not Harley. She stood her ground. Poised and ready. Ready and maybe even waiting for the young man in front of her to try something. And that's exactly what he did.
Zach took a drunken shuffling step towards her. He reached out and put his hand in her neck, his fingers tangling into her hair and pulling a few strands out by the root. She could smell him now, or at least smell what he had been drinking. His breath was sour and hot on her lips before he kissed her. The disgusting press of his mouth came first, followed by the wet dog lick of his tounge as he tried to shove it into her mouth.
Harley bit down on his lower lip with her teeth as she brought her knee up into his groin. The noise he made was like a scream and a grunt combined into one. This was followed by a rather high pitched squeal when Zach brought his hand to his mouth and pulled it away, seeing the blood there. He dropped what was left of the bottle of wine he had been drinking, the contents seeping out onto the rug. Harley gripped the flashlight, expecting him to come at her again. And when he did, he wasn't walking away with all his teeth. But Zach didn't come at her again. Instead he slumped to the floor, sitting in the expanding puddle of wine, and started crying.
"Why'd you bite me?," he whined, "I only wanted to kiss you." Harley rolled her eyes. This douche had to be kidding. Zach had been pestering her for weeks. He had followed her down her. Tried to grab her. And now he wanted to cry about it. Well boo-fucking-hoo.
Harley leaned down and grasped the sniveling boy, her hand fisting into his shirt. He put his hands up like he was surrendering. "Come near me again and I will fucking end you," she warned him. Zach nodded like a bobble head. He had no intention of ever going near her crazy ass again. That was for certain. He liked his private parts in one peice.
Harley dropped him back to the ground and picked up her book from the table. She didn't run from the room, she walked. Her shoes flopping against the soles of her feet. When she got back to her room, she climbed into her bed. Pulling the blanket up over her shoulders, she lay her head on her pillow. Within a few minutes she was asleep.
** The two books that are mentioned in this chapter and the one before that Carol was reading are Blackbirds by Chuck Wendig and Valley of the Horses by Jean Auel. I have a Walking Dead fic loosely based on the second one called Wild Horses if anyone would like to read it. It's not really a crossover, but more of a walking dead fic inspired by the events of that book. **