Red River Blue

Chapter 65

Carol climbed onto Daryl's bike, unable to smell anything but smoke even after he sped up and the wind started whipping past them. She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding on with the last bit of energy in her small body. After a morning of hauling in giant nets full of wriggly fish, an afternoon of sex and the intense emotions that came with it, and an entire night of fighting a raging forest fire, Carol was spent. She didn't even realize where Daryl was taking her until she saw the metal walls of Alexandria looming up in front of her.

"What are we doing here?," she asked, feeling a knot of anxiety already forming in the pit of her stomach.

"We live here," Daryl huffed, steering his bike through the gates and pulling it up next to Merle's bike. The older of the two brothers was already parked and letting one of the people on guard duty know that they managed to put the fire out. Merle ticked his chin at Daryl as he passed by them on his way home.

As he swung his leg over the bike, Daryl was knocked back a step. His body bumped against Carol's as a large dog leaped up, putting its paws on his chest and licking his face. Carol's first assumption was that the dog was Daryl's dog. They were the same breed. But once she swung herself off the bike and got a better look, she realized this dog had slightly different markings.

"Piper!," a woman ordered with an authoritative snap of her fingers. "Down."

The dog immediately dropped to its feet, heading towards the woman. The animal circled her before taking up its trained position to her left, staying close to the woman as she approached them. Carol only met the woman once before. And their interaction was brief. If she didn't have the dog with her, Carol wasn't sure if she would have recognized the woman as the same one that sold her Daryl's puppy last summer. Carol observed that she still had a bit of an ex-military vibe about her. Mostly in her stance and posture. But instead of fatigues, the woman was now wearing a few layered tank tops and jeans under her utility belt.

"Hey stranger," she said, her face lit with a smile as she wrapped her arms around Daryl. From how casually and confidently she entered his personal space, Carol could clearly tell this wasn't the woman's first time touching him. Daryl patted her on the back, his body stiff and awkward as he tried to extricate himself from her embrace as quickly as he could. His eyes flicked nervously towards Carol as he took another small step back.

"Who's this?," the woman asked, gesturing towards Carol. "A new recruit?"

Daryl was never one to fill an awkward silence with words. And this was no exception. He stood mute as the woman extended her hand towards Carol and offered the woman her name.

"Leah Shaw."

Carol took Leah's hand, looking her up and down as she gave it a brief shake.

"Carol Dixon," Carol said, putting clear emphasis on her last name.

Carol saw the little flicker of shock that rippled across the woman's face. Leah glanced at Daryl, who was still standing nearby with his tongue glued to the roof of his mouth. Then she looked back at Carol and smirked. She fucking smirked. That's when Carol realized the woman was sizing her up and trying to decide if she was worthy competition or not. Carol lifted her hand, resting it on the hilt on her knife. Other women looked at Daryl sometimes. But this was the first time Carol ever felt like another woman was openly competing with her to have him. After Sam died Carol was numb for so long, the jealousy that instantly started burning hot inside her belly almost felt good. And Carol suddenly realized how naive she'd been to take off for as long as she did and expect Daryl to just wait around for her with no idea of when or if she was ever coming back. Just because he was oblivious as to what an attractive man he was, didn't make the women around him blind or dumb.

Carol was eying the other woman when the sad broken voice inside her suddenly spoke up, telling her that Daryl was better off without her. That she ought to leave for good and let him move on with his life. But those ideas were easier to stomach and believe when Carol was far away on a fishing boat without the competition standing directly in front of her. Daryl wasn't some fling she was having. He was her husband. They'd been married for almost eight years. And Carol would rather die than let this little dog snapper push in and take what was hers.

"I'm tired," Carol said, covering her exaggerated yawn with her hand. She reached for Daryl's hand, smiling when he grasped it and pulled her closer to him. "Let's go home and get some sleep," she suggested.

"Nice to meet you," Carol chirped, giving Leah her biggest and fakest cookie baking smile as she headed down the street with Daryl.

Carol didn't have to look back to know that Leah was watching them. She pulled Daryl closer, tucking herself into his side with her arm around his waist. He was quick to sling his arm around her shoulders, leaning down to press a kiss into her smoke scented hair.

Most of Alexandria's residents were still on their way back from the fire. But Carol noticed that those who stayed behind looked surprised and excited to see her. She'd been so lost in her grief, she hadn't spared much time to consider who was running the town in her absence. Or if they were doing a piss poor job or not. According to Alexandria's council rules, as her husband, Daryl would have become the de facto leader of the community while she was gone. But with Merle and Rick around to bark over him, she doubted that lasted very long.

"Aren't we going home?," Carol asked, hesitating on the sidewalk outside River and Merle's house. Daryl nodded.

"Been stayin' here," he said, not offering any further explanation at the moment. "I gotta get my shit." He didn't need to get all his things right now. But he at least needed a change of clothes. He reeked of smoke so bad he could smell himself.

"Mika's living at home by herself?," Carol asked. Daryl's face darkened slightly. He lifted his hand, nibbling on the side of his thumb before he spoke.

"She's at the Kingdom with Henry," Daryl finally said. "She moved there last summer."

Carol's lips parted slightly. And she realized that Daryl had not only been trying to spare her from thinking about home and the son they lost, he'd been intentionally keeping things from her as well. Daryl obviously developed some sort of relationship with another woman. Their daughter moved away. Carol was scared of what she might discover next. The lack of sleep and the strong odor of smoke were already combining to make her head spin. She wasn't sure if she could take any more surprises.

Carol hovered near the doorway, almost hoping that her sudden presence might go unnoticed. When she climbed down from the fishing boat the day before, she had absolutely no intention of returning home today. She always knew deep down that she would come back to Alexandria eventually. But she thought she would have a little more time to prepare herself. Her nervousness was battling with her excitement at the prospect of seeing River again. Carol thought of her friend often. She missed her terribly. Maybe even more than she missed her daughter, though Mika consumed many of her waking thoughts.

While Daryl was dealing with his dog, River appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. From the shocked expression on her face, it was obvious Merle didn't warn her that Carol was back. Her blue eyes were wide, her lips slightly parted as though she was seeing a ghost. During her absence, Carol kept up a steady stream of internal self deprecation. She'd managed to convince herself that no one at home could really be missing her. That they were probably happier without her. It only took one look at the pain etched across River's features for Carol to realize nothing could have been further from the truth.

While she was still reeling from seeing her friend again, Lydia moved into the doorway and wrapped her arms around River. The girl filled out a little since Carol saw her last. Her cheeks were fuller and her long dark hair was now thick and shiny, held back from her face in little twin braids. She was still a little on the thin side. Except for her stomach. Carol's eyes widened as she took in the girl's large swollen belly. She glanced at Daryl. He'd been keeping a lot from her. But she really couldn't believe that he didn't tell her that Lydia was pregnant. Carol counted up the time in her mind, immediately coming to the conclusion that this baby had to be Sam's. He was gone. But a piece of her son was still here, growing strong and healthy inside the girl he lost his life to love.

"You're pregnant?," Carol asked, not really expecting an answer. "It's Sam's baby isn't it?" Like her first, the question was rhetorical. She knew Lydia was pregnant with her dead son's baby.

Carol didn't even realize she was lurching towards the girl until River pushed her back. Carol's head was swimming, unable to process so much new information at once. She could hear River yelling. But the noise was garbled, like it was coming from underwater. All Carol could see was the pain she'd caused everyone around her. She took one more longing look at Lydia before she turned, running from the house.

Instinct carried her across the yard and up the steps of the house she called home for the last seven years. She stepped inside, noticing the place had a strange empty feeling. No one had been inside in quite some time. Dog charged in behind her, circling her and rubbing his body across her legs. Daryl was right behind the animal, pulling her against his chest.

"It is too late?," Carol asked. "I stayed away too long to put things right."

"It's never too late as long as we're alive," Daryl assured her, rubbing his hand over her back. They held tight to each other. And as she felt his hard body against hers, Carol was slowly soothed by his embrace. Her heart calmed. And her rapid shallow breathing slowed.

"Aunt Carol!"

Carol turned, unable to hold back her smile. When the children were told that someone left or went away, it was almost always because that person was dead. People didn't just turn up again after so long. And it was immediately obvious that the children thought her sudden appearance was nothing short of miraculous. Axel got to her first, wrapping his skinny arms around her waist and holding tight. Judith and Monroe were close behind him, crowding Daryl out of the way so they could get to her.

"I told you she didn't get ate up," Judith said, directing her words to Monroe. While the other kids often accepted the stories their parents told them without much thought, Monroe was always skeptical. She was like her mother that way.

"I'm fine," Carol promised. "I was away on a fishing boat."

Upon hearing that, the kids began to hit her with a series of rapid fire questions. Why was she on a fishing boat? Did she bring them any fish? Why was she gone so long? Was she going to leave again? Carol just hugged them, unprepared to answer questions that she wasn't sure even she knew the answer to. Monroe got so tall since Carol saw her last. She was almost taller than Judith, despite the other girl being almost two years older. When Carol finally looked up from the kids, River was in her doorway. Her eyes were red rimmed and the color was drained from her face except for two large pink splotches on either cheek.

"I'm sorry," she gushed, crossing the space and smashing her son between them as she snatched Carol up in a fierce hug. "Please don't leave again because of me. I love ya so much!"

Carol hugged her back. There was really no reason for the apology. Like all of them, River was long overdue for a full mental breakdown. And with Carol gone, a mountain of extra responsibility had likely been heaped onto her shoulders. Caring for Daryl and Lydia. And helping with the running of the community, something River was never afraid to admit that she hated doing. Carol gripped River's hand in hers and made her a promise she wasn't even sure she meant to keep until that moment.

"I'm home for good. I'm not leaving again."