It was nice, in Paris with Jane. Maura had intended to spend time in libraries that first day, but she felt obliged to show Jane around instead. Show Jane her old stomping grounds, the places she'd been to in the city as a child and teenager. The memories associated with the city of Paris. They had lunch at Maura's favourite patisserie, the menu unchanged. They went through the city together and Maura did manage, given they had a free day rather than the one she'd planned, to drag Jane into a few shops.

When they came back to the hotel, Maura sighed with relief once the hotel door closed behind her. Jane had taken a few of Maura's shopping bags, but Maura had still overdone it. She'd book them both in for a massage tomorrow before going to the catacombs. Normally Jane fought Maura splurging on her, but it seemed like she didn't mind so much here and now; she'd used Maura's points to get here, and was staying in her hotel room as a plus one, both of which cost Maura nothing. But she'd let Maura buy her meals, eating from Maura's fork when she'd held out something for her to try. She'd let Maura pay for the cabs, and buy presents for the family, as well as some sunglasses, pants and a dress for Jane. Jane had whined the entire time Maura had made her try things on in the boutiques, but even Jane had to admit that Maura knew what suited her, and while her eyes had bulged when Maura breezily told the clerk to put it on her tab, Jane hadn't objected.

It was as though she accepted that there was a price to tagging along on Maura's holiday, and it came in the form of gifts and extravagances Jane would never afford herself. As though she finally realised the price wasn't the point, as though she realised her value to Maura wasn't measured in money. Jane let Maura shower first. The only thing Jane hadn't budged on was the room; a second had opened up but Jane had decided not to move out.

"We're outside all day anyway, it's not like it's anywhere more than somewhere to sleep," Jane had said, and Maura hadn't minded. Maura didn't push for Jane to move out; she'd only checked in case Jane was uncomfortable with sharing a room and a bed. Maura preferred having Jane close, although she wished she had a suite instead of a single room, just for the extra space. Jane in this mood was someone she didn't mind keeping close. And even if that mood soured, Maura didn't mind. She could always stay somewhere else. It was Jane, trying to save Maura's money, not realising that a month in Paris wasn't even a splurge for her, that would struggle to find somewhere else to stay. Jane with the language barrier. Maura'd had to move some money around to make funds available, but the percentage of said funds wasn't even a decimal point in her fortune. Maura was sure that Hope knew where the cheques were coming from. The thing about money was that once you had a lot of it, it always made more. Like the game of sardines Jane had tried to explain to her. Like attracted like; why, then, was she so enamoured of Jane?

If Jane had somewhere, anywhere else to stay, Maura would consider just kissing her out of the blue. Just surprising her so she couldn't turn away and hide again. But she couldn't, because Jane was reliant on her here, and it felt wrong to kiss someone unexpectedly if there wasn't a prior expectation of kissing. It might make Jane feel like it was an obligation, like it was a condition of staying, and perhaps it was. Perhaps it would be, if Maura did manage to kiss her. But Jane was wily, and she kept her mouth clear of Maura's, even with all this new/old closeness she was introducing to their dynamic. And even if Maura did manage, Jane would just leave again, probably physically as well this time. Just disappear into Paris, and Maura would never see her again. Jane clearly didn't want to talk about it, hadn't wanted to talk about it. But sometimes, usually at night when she was finally alone, Maura remembered how Jane had looked right before she'd leaned in, how vulnerable she'd been, how soft her lips were, how sweet she had been in that moment.

Maura shook her head, turning off the shower. She'd come to Paris to start thinking new thoughts, to have new ideas. To get over the idea of Jane moving. Not to work over the old thoughts over and over again. There was no changing the past, and the future she wanted didn't match the future Jane wanted. That was that.

Jane showered next, and Maura started typing on her laptop, her brain full of ideas from the thoughts she'd had all day from the sights they'd seen and the people they'd overheard. Jane came out in her sweatpants and tank, sat behind Maura on the bed, reading over her shoulder. As if out of habit, Jane started rubbing Maura's neck and shoulders. It wasn't a habit they'd ever had, but Maura didn't mind starting now. Jane's thumb was delicious where it dug in carefully next to her Chiari scar, and she let out a breathy moan when Jane brushed it.

"He could've been a murderer," Jane pointed out where Maura was describing someone they'd seen that day on her laptop. "What he said was probably innocent, but he easily could have been talking about having his partner killed."

"I didn't know you understood French," Maura said in surprise.

"I understand people. I understand body language."

"Well, here's what he was saying," Maura said, pointing to the conversation she'd typed. Jane's fingers dug into a knot, and Maura decided not to book them in for a massage. No one she paid could ever do this as well. Jane's hands drifted down Maura's back, working around stiff vertebra. Maura sighed again. She'd thought a few times today about her ruined itinerary, her ruined plans, wondering what she'd have been doing if Jane wasn't here. Right now she wouldn't change Jane even for a laminated, colour coded binder of plans.

"You really do have a knack for this," Jane said, scrolling back down, turning her full attention to Maura's back now. Maura hummed noncommittally and leaned back against Jane. Jane paused, removed her hands, a moment later sliding them around Maura, one hand on the trackpad, Jane's head tucked over Maura's shoulder to keep reading, the other settling on Maura's waist to support her. They'd never quite been like this, but if Jane had figured out she was straight and was comfortable being physically affectionate with Maura again, then Maura was going to eke every moment of that affection from Jane that she could. And if this wasn't about Jane finally being comfortable with her sexuality - whatever her sexuality happened to be - then Maura would be selfish enough to drink in whatever confusion Jane was going through as long as Jane kept holding her like this. Maura started typing again as inspiration hit her, and the usually active Jane sat still, holding Maura against her, simply watching as Maura backspaced some words she then replaced with synonyms and made notes for further research.

"They say that most people who write a book, their friends and family never read it," Maura said conversationally.

"Yeah, well, depends on if they're the target audience, I guess. And I am, for this. It's murder, what's not to like? Besides, Lane is clearly based on me. I want to make sure you do her justice."

"I mean... thank you," Maura said quietly. "For the support. For reading my work. For coming with me to Paris. For..." Maura trailed off and let her left hand cover Jane's. "For being with me these last seven years."

"We've known each other nine years," Jane corrected her.

"Not like this," Maura said quietly. "Not as... not as friends."

"Remember when Ma came to visit me and Frankie at work and you were delivering a report? She just about adopted you then. I didn't have any say in it. Never did."

"But if you'd had your choice?"

"I'd have invited you myself. To family dinner. You were so... alone. I wouldn't change much. I wouldn't change anything about you." There was a moment of hesitation, where Maura wondered if Jane was going to say 'except kissing me back' or 'except you not being a man' or something else, something she wished was different about Maura, something worse, but Jane just held Maura tighter. "I don't know how I'm going to survive without my best friend," Jane said sadly, and it was something Maura had said before, and Maura wondered if Jane too was using those words as a shield.

Notes:

Quick little cameo of Lane Nizzoli of Nizzoli and Styles aka Sizzles