Chapter Seven
I love you. Adrien and Cat Noir. I love you. He carried those words in his mind like a shield as he approached his home. It's Marinette…Marinette loves me…both sides of me. His body automatically arched as he dropped through the open window, his knees automatically bent to absorb the impact as he landed on his floor. But as he straightened up, the shield vanished, and he was raw.
Marinette loved him. But he…doubted himself. I never even realized that my own father was Monarch. How? How could I have missed that? He was the one that nearly akumatized Marinette…akumatized my friends, forced me to fight them to free them, forced them to do terrible things…to claim something from me. And from Marinette.
The first time he'd returned home after the new Monarch had stolen the Miraculouses, he always remembered the memories that had plagued him. Felix's taunts…Marinette imploring him to do what was right for him…
That night, his bedroom had become the least like a sanctuary. It'd taken time and exhaustion to will himself to sleep for many nights after that.
This time though…the lies had gone deeper. My father was Monarch. Hawkmoth. Shadowmoth. He felt every akumatization run through him like a rain of blows …Nino …Alya …Juleka …Chloe …Rose … Natalie… Miss Bustier…Alix… Luka… Kagami … his body started to shake. He didn't even remember de-transforming as his knees hit the carpet.
"Adrien…" Plagg's worried voice. Too worried even to make an allegory about cheese… he just hovered in front of Adrien.
"I can't stay here," Adrien said hoarsely, forcing himself up to his feet.
"I need something to eat," Plagg said, looking sorry. Adrien forced himself over to the fridge drawer. He took a chunk of camembert out, held it out to Plagg. Looked at the stash in there, then took out the whole tub of it, closing its lid. He took it to his made bed, put it there. Plagg sat on the bed, eating the camembert silently, watching Adrien intently as his holder started packing a bag.
Plagg swallowed the last bite. "What're you going to do? Run away?"
"I just can't be here tonight."
"What're you going to do?" Plagg asked again.
Adrien spread his hands out in a don't-know. "I'm sorry, Plagg." He started folding spare clothes into the bag. Grabbed his pile of school paperwork…new classes to choose for the next year… "I'll get back before morning. I just can't sleep here."
Plagg sighed, zooming up to eye level. He nodded solemnly, waiting.
Adrien's bag packed, he transformed. "Claws out."
Cat Noir leapt from the window, out into the night, Adrien's bag in his hand. Into the rooftops. He bolted across Paris, losing himself in the rush until his body was spent and he landed, and collapsed, falling forward with a groan.
For a few minutes he lay there, sprawled out.
His mind was blissfully empty.
Wherever he was, whichever rooftop, it was quiet.
The quiet soothed.
He gazed up at the stars, then rolled over, to see where he'd landed.
It was a small rooftop garden, a broom leaning against the door, and flowerpots of herbs perfumed the area. There was a small metal table and two small chairs opposite each other. He imagined what kind of people could live here, with a little table for two.
He thought of the date he'd set for him and Marinette.
I'd better clean it up, he thought tiredly, and looked out, working to recognize where he was. Once oriented he launched himself, pelting steadily from one roof to the next until the streets grew familiar. He landed, swaying with tiredness.
Most of the candles had gone out. Only one burned. He blew it out, and gathered up the rest of the candles, putting them in the box he'd brought them in, all but the one which was still warm. The last candle quickly cooled and he added it to the box. He gathered up the pillows and blankets, tying them into a smaller bundle and slung them over his shoulder, carrying it down into the house. Before he left the rooftop with the last box, he cast one last look at the rooftop.
The empty roof looked bereft. The rooftop door clapped shut behind him with finality.
The stairs creaked under every footstep.
His eyes wandered…
The wallpaper was faded, mildewed, with a cold, dank smell. The floor, bare wood, was clean though, unmarked. He saw faint patterns in the wallpaper. He stopped, and traced a finger along one whorl of vines and leaves. Unbidden he thought of the wallpaper in Marinette's home, of the times he'd climbed up the ladder. He looked down at the bare wooden floor, imagining a carpet there. He turned, seeing an ajar door, and went towards it, pushed it open.
The room inside must have been a bedroom. He imagined a small desk against the wall, or a dressing table, and a bed. He froze as though he heard a ghostly dash of laughter, of voices. His heart beat faster. He backed out from the room.
There was a small bathroom. A small room as though it could've been a study. Or a child's bedroom? He wondered about the people who'd once lived here. A family? Why had they left?
Slowly, laying a hand against the wall, he felt a connection. He was like this house…alone. There had been love in his life…his mother and father…and then his mother had left. And now his father had left. He had his aunt, and his nephew…and Nathalie, and his bodyguard…but it was different. He was like no one else…like this house had lost the people who were meant to love it…
He descended the stairs to the ground floor. In the family room, a small fireplace seized his attention. He wandered to it, and traced his fingers along the brick, and then along its mantel, seeing faint marks in the wood as though there had been framed pictures before. He imagined them…growing up, he'd only ever seen the posed pictures of himself and his parents. He imagined the pictures in Marinette's house, of natural moments caught of her life. He thought of the pictures she'd had above her bed…and under it. Unbidden, he laughed suddenly. He thought of the fight with Troublemaker, of that time in Marinette's bedroom…Ladybug's words ran through him like a ghost… "We'll take the tour later…" he suddenly wanted that tour, but wanted it to be something more.
He released a slow breath, withdrawing his fingers from the dusty mantel, and wiped his fingers down his suit. "Claws in, Plagg."
The kwami zoomed free, twisting to take in their surroundings. His large green-yellow eyes were shrewd. "What're you thinking, Adrien?"
Adrien shrugged, his eyes taking in the stained wallpaper. No one had lived here for a long time. Like a ghost he saw himself sneaking in here, transforming and dashing up the stairs to join Ladybug and help her defeat Gorizilla.
"Are you going home? You know, this is the time we usually sleep…" Plagg wheedled. Adrien suddenly yawned, and glared at Plagg. Then he looked down at the pile of cushions and blankets. The idea of going home to sleep…
"Ew," Plagg muttered, seeing the thoughts in Adrien's eyes.
"Just tonight," Adrien lied.