Maura was waiting for Jane to return to normal. Her new normal. The normal Maura had become accustomed to. The normal that meant that Jane stopped touching her, the normal that meant Jane found alternative arrangements to sharing a bed. But even going through the catacombs Jane was attentive, shielding Maura from the crowds with her body pressed behind Maura's, the jostling cushioned by Jane's slight frame, guiding Maura around obstacles with her hands on Maura's shoulders and hips. It was everything she'd wanted for two years; why, then, did it hurt so much?

To know Jane had been capable all this time of the kind of affection she'd used to give Maura was painful. Was Jane so confident now in her new relationship with Agent Davies, so confident that whatever moment had induced Jane to kiss Maura, whatever temporary insanity, had been assuaged? Had she convinced herself, finally, that she wasn't attracted to Maura? Maura sighed and looked back at the pile of nearly arranged bones in the catacombs. She'd always loved it down here, the damp, dank smell of earth and rock, the skilful preservation of ancestry. Jane by her side shivered. Jane wasn't squeamish around bodies, but a dozen empty eye sockets staring her down had her unsettled. Maura reached out and took Jane's hand, and Jane didn't jump or move away, just clasped Maura's hand in hers. Maybe now that Jane was moving away to DC the distance between them could finally be breached. Jane's hand stayed in hers for the rest of the tour, even out into the daylight, Jane looking over with a shy smile as she took back her hand to check her phone, letting it land on Maura's back a few minutes later as they strolled down to a nearby riverside for lunch.

Maura tried to buy Jane a dress for dinner that night - she had a reservation at her favourite restaurant, booked months ago - there hadn't been an issue with the extra seat at the table because Maura had had to break that date. At this rate of cancelled dates, all the women in Paris would soon be mad at Maura. But Jane never would commit to anything, especially not a dress.

"I don't need anything," Jane insisted, and Maura's mouth quirked. "I have everything I need." And Maura remembered that Jane was moving, going to live in another city, another state. Where she had someone waiting for her. That's probably what she meant when she said that; that she expected her new life - one without Maura - to fulfil all her needs in a way Maura never could. When Jane had been pregnant with Casey, she'd asked Maura if she'd take care of the baby if anything happened to her. But Jane was moving; if she got pregnant with this Agent Davies, Maura would never see Jane, would never see the baby. Well, she would, but nowhere near as much as she'd want to. Nowhere near as much as she'd been ready to be involved with a child of Jane's. Jane didn't need anything; not from Maura. Maura looked away, not seeing how Jane gazed at her like she was everything she needed.

"At least take the dress. You'll be expected to dress up on occasion in DC. And it looks - it looks -" Maura's voice cracked a little and she swallowed. "It looks so lovely on you. You've allowed me to indulge myself all day; please allow me to indulge you." Maura looked up, uncertain. "Unless you don't like it?"

"I love it," Jane admitted, admiring herself in the mirror. "You always know what looks good on me," she said wistfully. "But it's too much. You bought me a dress yesterday."

"Jane, do you know how long the waiting list is for this restaurant? Do you know what kind of favours I had to pull to get a reservation? The only thing that will make it better is to have you at my side, looking like this," Maura's eyes welled and she looked away, feeling weak. She wanted these memories to keep; a time when someone loved her. She was aware that crying could be manipulative but she was unable to ebb the flow. Jane came over and held Maura, heedless of the dress.

"I guess I have to take it, now you've cried on it," Jane muttered gently, seeing the salesperson hovering. Maura drew away and held herself, face tilted down to hide her tears.

"You don't, I just..."

"I do, Maura. Anything for you," Jane's smile when she tilted Maura's face up to look at her, was soft. "You know how I am about money. I've already taken so much from you."

But Maura had taken so much more. Not of monetary value, sure, but she'd taken Angela, and Tommy and TJ, and Frankie. The Rizzolis were worth more to her than her entire fortune. But Jane had freely given - freely shared - Maura had taken nothing away from Jane, they'd shared - it was so confusing. Jane's thumbs were wiping Maura's cheeks and her hands were so soft and her smile was softer still.

"It was offered. All of it was offered," Maura said, seeing Jane freeze, knowing that Jane was probably thinking about the kiss she'd stolen in the night, that Maura had returned until she remembered it didn't belong to Jane. Maura swallowed, and Jane's hands retreated, her smile lodged a little more stiffly on her face.

"Then thank you for the dress, Doctor Isles," Jane said, and her smile relaxed as Maura did too.

Jane was so relaxed in Paris. So much more free with her shoulders, like the stress had melted off of her like a layer of wax, leaving her nearly weightless. She laughed at Maura's jokes again, and let her hands brush Maura's across the table at dinner. She looked gorgeous too - at some point over the last few years she'd made an effort to learn how to use eyeliner and the effect was phenomenal with those dark curls falling over her shoulders, the deep blue dress that Maura had chosen for her with the cheeky neckline showcasing her shoulders and clavicle to perfection. Maura was in a green and gold dress, the metallic highlights matching her hair.

"I always knew you'd get me to eat frog's legs one day," Jane chuckled, patting her mouth with a serviette.

"And?" Maura asked, giving Jane a questioning look.

"You were right," Jane sighed. "They're amazing. They're no steak, but neither is ravioli, and they're both still good." Jane's hand hovered at her hip.

"Do you miss your gun?" Maura asked concerned. Jane looked down at her hand, eyebrows furrowed.

"Huh, guess I do," Jane said, mouth twisting with bemusement.

"Do you get one at the academy?" Maura asked, and Jane stopped mid-chew, looked over at Maura with anguished eyes. She chewed hurriedly to answer quickly.

"Can we not talk about that? I don't want to think about it, not now. Not here, with you."

Maura waited until Jane started eating again. She could ask now about the kiss, now that her mouth was full, but it felt underhanded somehow. Jane already looked hurt enough by Maura merely mentioning Jane's new job. Maura reached across the table, and a moment later Jane's hand covered hers the way it used to, the way it hadn't lately. Jane's hand turned to hold Maura's over the table, and Maura blushed a little in the candle light, the russet hues of Jane's hair shining to perfection. She'd wanted a date with a woman in Pairs, and it looked like this time this was the closest she would get.

"Are you okay?" Jane asked, looking up at Maura. Maura felt a smile graze her lips, knowing it didn't reach her eyes.

"You look nice," Maura said instead.

"I have a really great fashion consultant," Jane said, winking. Maura chuckled, and some of her regrets faded away. She could date when Jane was gone. For now, she could just enjoy her company.

Maura took Jane to a villa in Italy for a few days. She'd asked Angela where they came from, if they had family. It was hard, after the wars, to hunt people down, but Maura did harder things every day. The American Rizzolis and Angela's family - the Morettis - had tried to assimilate as best they could, and a lot of that came with some measure of culture erasure. Kids trying to fit in at school, embarrassed of their parents' thick accents, trying to sound American. Generations of that until only remnants remained.

Jane looked good in Italy. Italy looked good on her. Maura had worried that she'd pass as a citizen, that what made Jane special to her would fade away against her homeland, against people her own nationality. But it hadn't faded; it had made Jane stand out even more. Jane knew only bits and pieces of Italian, meeting her family, handing them her phone to meet Angela and Tommy on Skype. Maura translated, and they asked Jane 'moglie lesbica?' and Maura just smiled at Jane's confused face, shrugging, a moment later taken into arms and having both cheeks thoroughly kissed to welcome her to the family.

The villa Maura had rented had many rooms, but Jane came in and flopped on Maura's bed after her shower, reaching for Maura's laptop. She pulled up a streaming service, started a show and lay down as though she'd decided to stay. Maura lay down too, fitting between Jane and the computer, feeling Jane's arm reach over her to use the trackpad to select the next episode before settling on Maura's hip, pulling herself in tight behind Maura, fitting against her like the contours of her body were made to be moulded against Maura. The way they used to fit together. For such a long time Maura had felt like half of a whole, and now she was complete. For now. She sighed, and Jane's arm tightened around her, Jane's head on her shoulder.

When Jane stopped selecting episodes because she'd fallen asleep, Maura shut the laptop and rolled over to face Jane. The night revealed so much of her; her softness, her kindness. Things she tried to hide. Maura let her hand wander Jane's flank, pulling herself close to Jane's prone body, letting Jane fall back against the mattress so she could use Jane's chest as her pillow, the familiar heartbeat comforting her in this foreign land.

When they went back to France, Maura went to her old boarding school and took a tour. It was school holidays, and it was a historical building, and she was an alumni. She'd given generously over the years, and she'd have been welcome even if school had been in session and closed to the public.

"Which one was yours?" Jane asked, looking through the empty dorms.

"Over here," Maura said. She'd felt so alone here, but less alone than she had at home. At least here people gave her the benefit of the doubt because of the language barrier. It was a small room with four beds. "My bed was by the window. There was a chest here for my things and I'd sit here and look out..." Maura looked out the window with a wistful sigh. Jane looked over at her, but she didn't fidget, waiting for Maura to finish processing. "I liked it here," Maura said finally. "I didn't fit here, but I didn't fit anywhere. I don't really belong anywhere. Constance and Arthur took me, but they never wanted a child, not really. And Paddy and Hope - so many things ruined by a love of money." Maura shook her head. "Even with Cailin, I never know what to say to her. I still see how mad she was when she confronted me, and Hope's face..." Maura trailed off, fingering the windowsill. She'd always wanted to carve her mark in the soft wood, but she never had. And now there was no trace left of her.

"You belong with me," Jane said. "You always will."

Maura shook her head, looking out over what should have been a familiar view. The landscape had changed, shifted into something foreign. The oval was gone, replaced by a gym. The stables had been moved away from the main gate. The building was the same, but everything around it had changed. It seemed she couldn't revisit the past, much as she wanted to. She shook her head again, gave Jane a dim smile and walked back to the common areas of the building. Jane followed, her smile slipping at Maura's response - or lack thereof.

In the cab back to the hotel room - once again a single hotel room, at Jane's insistence - for anyone else it would be weird to insist to share a hotel room, a hotel bed with an unrelated adult that they weren't dating, but Maura couldn't resist prolonging what was to be their last adventure together. There were significantly less dead bodies than usual, except in Maura's book. It was the adventure Maura would remember most fondly. She wondered if next year she could arrange that archaeological dig on their shared bucket list. She wondered if Jane knew that they were attending fashion week tomorrow; she must have some inkling, the posters were everywhere. But now, in the cab, Jane took Maura's hand.

"Arthur and Constance love you. They may not have chosen you, but they chose to love you. And Paddy and Hope - you saw the photos he carried around for thirty years. I don't know if you see the way Hope looks at you, like if she blinks you'll disappear. And Cailin loves you too, in her own awkward teenage way. You never have to worry about that."

"But I do," Maura admitted. The cab driver looked back at them; his English had been very good, but Maura didn't feel shy even if he was listening in.

"If you doubt that they love you, please know that you never have to doubt that I love you," Jane's voice cracked on the word love; she rarely said it, even to her family.

"But I do," Maura repeated. "The last two years I started to wonder if we were... if we were even friends sometimes." Maura looked out into the gathering dark of twilight; the restaurant tonight was more casual, and she almost wanted to skip it if she hadn't read about the duck a l'orange.

"Oh, Maura," Jane said, sounding as if her heart was broken. Maura looked up in surprise, catching Jane touching the back of her hand to her nose. "I'm sorry - I was going through some stuff. Still am. But not about how much I love you. I'd kill for you. I'd give you my kidney. I'd die for you."

"I'd rather you didn't," Maura said lightly as they pulled up to the hotel. Jane's hand didn't release her to let her get out of the cab.

"Even if you doubt me, you can't doubt Ma, or Frankie and Tommy."

And Maura thought back to a murder investigation, one she'd been on the wrong side of, and the only person who had stood by her, had believed she was innocent when even Maura wasn't sure she was. Well, Jane and Susie and Frost had believed in her, working together to exonerate Maura. But Susie was gone, and so was Frost, and now Jane was the only person with that much faith in Maura. Trusting her when she couldn't trust herself. Maura nodded anyway and extracted her hand. Every time they came closer, they ended up further apart, and Maura was sure this trip would be the death of her.

Notes:

Oops Taylor swift