Nine layers of Hell

by fvdv123

ROB, the Random Omnipotent Being, is pissed off at the Fan Fiction Authors for using and abusing his name in their stories. So, when I died, I got His revenge. Forced to live through my favorite stories, I have to avoid ending up in Hell. M for a reason, all the tropes will get their turn and there will be girls eventually. You know me, MR Cringe and Gary Stu are supervising.

36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer:

Mrs. J.K., Have you ever tried to swim in your money? Like that uncle from Donald Duck? I bet it is hard to do, it used to be gold, then it was paper money, now they are some bits on a PC. Still, it is more than I have. So I write for free.

Previous:

And Mr. Black left the office. I felt him brush my defenses and made it the reason for my escape. It will also let him know I am not in his corner. My best defense against Dumbledore is to stay out of range. Hmm, what is my first class… Potions, crap, now I have to run up to my dorm and back down… where does Slughorn teach his class?

More important, I forgot my shoes on the train!

36 Classes.

Damned, the elves probably put them in the Room of Lost Things… I doubt Accio shoes would give satisfactory results, maybe Accio My shoes? I'll try if I have time.

First things first, I took a shortcut to my dorm and put my trunk in my pocket. Hah! Featherweight and shrinking Charms rules! Next, to locate the classroom, I went down to our common room and asked a senior who had a free hour for directions. I knew it! Slughorn teaches on the first floor, why Snape is skulking in the Dungeon… ah, yes, Dumbledore needed someone to sabotage future Potion Masters.

Well out of time I reached the classroom, "Sorry for being late, sir, the Headmaster had some questions." I said when I entered the room.

"That is quite alright, Mr. Black." Slughorn chuckled, "I can imagine what questions he asked, can you perhaps share some of the answers after class?"

I smiled: "I can tell one right now sir. It was to keep his nose out of House Black's business. Lord Black doesn't like it when his Heir is being questioned."

The chuckle faded from the Chuckler, "I see," he said with a frown, "Take a seat and set your cauldron up the same way as the student next to you. I will continue my lesson."

That was my message to him, no old man is allowed to suck up to me, apparently, Lilly will do the sucking in this Layer. I just have to wait so bloody long for it.

Lilly saved me a spot next to her, when I set my cauldron up she asked: "Making friends already, Siri? First Dumbledore, now Slughorn?"

I glanced at her: "Are you so eager to be one of his Slugs again? Be my guest. I have to keep up my Heir Black act. Anyway, what potion are we brewing?"

Yeah, right, this is the fucking third time we are in our first year, I can bloody teach it. It was no surprise we brewed a perfect potion. Lilly got all the glory, Slughorn praised her over the Moon, my potion got a Well Done at most. I had to give Lilly the glory, I stole it from her when she was Hermione in our sixth year, doing it again will get me in the dog house I'm sure.

I silenced our surroundings, grinned at Lilly, and asked: "How does it feel when an old Slug is sucking up at you? Is it fulfilling? Are you going to be his new Pet Slug?"

She slapped my arm, "Do you really think I need that club? We have been killing those Zombies for more than a year, before that, we got up to our sixth year before we were sent back. All I need is some time in the RoR to get my skills back up. So don't brew up a storm too soon."

"We can show enough to be labeled as protegees, Lilly." I said, "But you are right, they can take it out on your folks. We need to set wards at your home first, then we kick up a storm. What do you think? Will the Soulbond still work? We never kissed on the last Layer."

"We were little kids, then and we are little kids now, Siri." argued Lilly, "Besides, I am not giving my first kiss to an eleven-year-old brat."

"Alright, I'll save the kisses for Second Year? No? Third Year? I am not going to wait until I bloody graduate, Lilly! End of Third Year, give it or I steal it, either way, I am going to have my snog." I told her.

History was boring, Binns recited word for word from the textbook each year. Why on Earth does someone think Dumbledore is a great Headmaster is beyond me. He allows Slughorn to do politics in school, he himself is more into politics than education, an Acromantula colony in the forbidden forest with his blessing tops it all. But, that is me ranting about it.

Xxxxx

At lunch, I seated myself next to Bellatrix, I asked: "Trixy? Did you tattle on me to the Hag? Was it fun to hear that Howler humiliate House Black?"

She hissed: "You should have been sorted in Slytherin you traitor!"

"Why should I, Bellatrix?" I shot back, "What is so bloody special here that you put this crap school above our family? Do you get extra education compared to the others? Or do you really think this is the best school in the world?"

She glared at me: "We should be together, Siri, instead you went to Gryffindor. Blacks should be in Slytherin, Siri."

I shrugged: "Well, I have some information for you, yesterday the Hat told me that he was glad that the Blacks returned to their roots. He said that in the beginning, the Blacks sorted in Gryffindor."

I turned to her and asked: "What might have changed that? Some propaganda from the Gaunts? Those idiots were so obsessed with being Purebloods that they fucked their own sisters and ended up as batshit crazy half-squibs. Is that our future, Bellatrix? Do you want to keep the Black line pure? Do you want to marry me? You could have a daughter as crazy as her Grandma Walburga."

Our discussion drew a lot of attention, Bellatrix scoffed: "What does a kid like you know about the pure blood cause, you just got out of the diapers little kid. You don't realize that the Mudbloods are stealing our Magic and taking our world over."

I laughed, "This little kid knows more than you, ignorant fool, the pure-blood cause is not a cause but a curse! In-breeding too many times harms your Magic! And what idiot claims that Muggles can steal Magic? If they can actually steal Magic from us proves that they are better at Magic than us!"

I grinned at their angry faces and continued, "Tell me, O wise Pureblood, where do you ban your Squibs to? Where do the criminals go when their Magic is bound? And, My dear Trixy, those Pureblood males that say Muggles are animals, they sure have no problem to go and rape some of them. What do you think their offshoot is going to be? You call yourself the House of the Cunning and Ambitious? Hah! The House of the Stupid and Brain Dead."

I stood up and said: "The Pureblood cause is just a flimsy reason to go out and act like rabid dogs. Torturing, killing, and raping Muggles for a sport. All in the name of saving the Wizarding way of life. Am I wrong, Trixy? In the end, what are you? A noblewoman who is fit to be a leader of our Nation or a lunatic who wallows in violence and blood? I bet your leader isn't a pure blood either."

And Sirius finished his rant! See him stand proudly among the ignorant, he seeded the seeds of doubt into the brains of the sheep. If there was wind his hair would wave in it, if there was sunshine in the Hall a radiant glow would appear around his body, proving his divinity, but first, he has to find a toilet to take a dump. Life can be harsh, can you believe my shit stinks as bad as those from the commoners? It must be those blasted pumpkins, those elves put pumpkins in everything.

Xxxxx

Well, I gave the Snakes food for thought, I doubt it will do much good, once they are convinced of something and someone is hammering it in, it is hard to change their mind. Human nature dictates that, people prefer to stay wrong in a cause they believe in rather than change to a just cause they hate.

On another note, it was hard to shake Lupin and Potter off my tail, Lilly got her own posse, Alice Brown, Neville's mum, Mary MacDonald, and Marlene McKinnon, they followed her around like ducklings, part of it was our use of advanced Magic, after learning a spell, we did some the normal way, then we did them silently, followed by reducing our Wand movements. Lilly pretended to have it copied from me. That got me in the hot seat and her comfortably riding along.

On the weekends, Snape was following Lilly as a lost puppy.

I got my cousins thinking, and questioning their cause, I helped a bit, I whispered in Narcissa's ear that Lucius prefers boys over girls, and to Trixy that the Lestranges come in pairs and share everything. Most of all, I sent out a letter to Grandpa.

Xxxxx

Dear Grandfather,

There is a movement in Slytherin that is getting out of hand. Someone named Voldemort claims to be the Heir of Slytherin because he can speak to snakes. He is quite powerful though.

I did some research and found out his real name and origin. He is the son of the Squib Merope Gaunt and Tom Riddle a neighbor from the Gaunts. A Muggleborn, almost a half-blood. I found out because there was an award in the trophy hall for Tom Marvolo Riddle, Marvolo Gaunt was the last Lord of the Gaunts.

Also, if you rearrange the letters from his name you get: I am Lord Voldemort.

His followers call themselves death eaters and are sowing terror in Britain.

The sad part, Grandfather? Mother and Father support their group, so do Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella. Grandfather, they plan to sell their daughters off to Malfoy, the Lestranges, and some others I could not find out. They all follow that Riddle, the sad part? Riddle is just after our money.

Grandfather, they let themselves be branded like cattle, I suspect it is some kind of slave brand because they are fanatical followers.

I would find it a bad deal to sell Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa off to rejects from France. They got kicked out of France during their revolution for a reason, I think it is ridiculous to force them to marry that kind of people.

Grandfather, if no action is taken, then our line will end in my generation.

Thank you for taking Regulus to your home.

Your Grandson, Sirius Orion Black.

Xxxxx

I hope I can save my cousins with this.

Wandless became easier with practice, Lilly and I used the RoR three times on weekdays for an hour, and two hours before breakfast on Saturday and Sunday. By December I spammed that nifty spell Tom showed Harry in the Chamber everywhere I could. The words Tom Marvolo Riddle changed into 'I am Lord Voldemort' every four seconds in fiery letters. They suspected me, but my wand was clean, no matter how many times they checked.

No doubt that Tom found out about it, I bet he Crucio'd a few followers in a tantrum already.

Bella was in her last year and getting more nervous by the time of Yule break, I bet she will meet her fiancee.

I did have fun with James and Lupin, although Lilly and her fans always tagged along. I meant to hook Snape up with Narcissa, but that bint is still smitten with her albino, as I said, some don't want to be saved. It would not work, Narcissa is in her fourth year, and Snape is a black-and-yellow ratty first year.

Anyway, we had a lot of fun, discovering the kitchen was a big part of it. I made my speech: "Hogwart Elves! We must compliment you! We thought that only our family elves were loyal hardworking parts of our family, but here at Hogwarts are loyal hard-working elves too! The food you serve is of the best quality! Our rooms are spotless! And our clothes are clean and smell fresh! We, the first years are thanking you for your great service to us! We consider you as our family away from home."

It worked every time, the elves hugged our legs for five uncomfortable minutes and served us tea and cakes. By chance, I had my trunk with me and one of the compartments had stasis Charms on it, so we could store the excess of cakes and pies the elves served us, and boy, after that speech there was a big pile of it on the table.

James said to me: "This must be one of your best ideas, Siri. Now we must convince those girls to share with us."

I whispered in his ear: "Tell them it makes their ass look fat!"

Slowly, James turned to me: "Man, do you think I fall for such a cheap trap? Let Remus say it."

"You know I can hear you, right? And forget about letting me do that, I am not tired of living," remarked Lupin.

Damn, if Pettigrew was here we could have tricked him into it. We can't have everything, but we strive to have a lot. The rat is doing fine in Hufflepuff, he is not overshadowed by us, and he has a relative in his House, more so, the Puffs have most of their classes with the Claws, there is not much interaction with the Snakes.

Maybe it is time to do another stab at Tom's source of power. I know! A letter will do the trick.

Xxxxx

Dear Algernon Croaker,

You must know that you have someone in your department who speaks to others about things that should not be spoken of outside that department nobody speaks about. Augustus Rockwood is more loyal to Tom Marvolo Riddle, AKA Voldemort than to his work, the work he isn't supposed to speak about to strangers.

Maybe you should research Soul Magic. If Herpo the Fool is a standard for naming people, then Tommy Voldemort should be named Tom the Fivefold Fool, if you get my drift.

You should also do a study on that brand he puts on his slave… followers, I bet there is a bit of Soul Magic in it too.

You can also ignore the signs and let Tom and his merry band of killers and rapists do whatever they want, that is clearly up to you.

FYI, that Merry band is very capable of the Imperio spell, detecting it must be a priority, Ministry workers are easy targets after all.

I hope I woke you up from your slumber party and you can see the treat for what it is.

Best regards… I better not sign this or you would not believe me.

Xxxxx

That will shake things up.

To relieve my boredom, I did my first prank. When the students came into the Great Hall, some of the upper years experienced a Marilyn Monroe. Now, don't get on your high horse, and let me explain a bit. I put detection spells in the corridors to the great hall to mark my targets.

First was an age detection, fifteen years and up, next was a gender detection, only targeting males, third was a spell that detect the absence of pants. When all three triggers are attached, a spell is armed on their robes and activated when they enter the Great Hall. Yep, I was flipping skirts... Robes. The boys showed all kinds of underwear, some even went commando! It was hilarious to see them grab their robes and push them down.

Yes, the Potter movie costume department needs to be fired. They dressed their actors up like students of Muggle boarding schools. Hogwarts has ROBES! the ones monks and friars wear. There is so much wrong with the other costumes in those movies... That is me nagging, don't mind me, I do that all the time.

Can you believe they checked my wand again? I am a fucking firsty! I said to McGonagall, "Thank you for thinking so highly of me Professor. To believe I am able to pull something like that off with only three and a half months of education… write to my Grandfather and tell him that! I'll move up to be his favorite Black for sure! Can I tell him that at Yule?"

Lilly commented: "I hope you catch that culprit, Professor, some of us are mentally scarred for life. Have they never heard of underwear? And what they showed was tiny… I hope that is not a pureblood treat."

James added: "What worries me more is Malfoy's pink panty. Did you see the frills on it? The bow tie on the front?"

"Miss Evans! Mr. Potter! It is not proper to make those kinds of comments! Ten points from both of you!" said McGonagall.

I smiled at Lilly and said: "There is always the obliviate spell, Lilly, and I am considering it for myself after Malfoy's performance."

Alice sighed: "Thank Morgana! I am not the only one thinking to get obliviated! I have a pair of pink panties that look almost the same as Malfoy's. I can never wear them again without thinking of… Ugh!"

Xxxxx

On the train ride home, James invited us all to celebrate Yule at his place, I said: "Sorry, mate, I have to be with my Family. They are going to make some big decisions, and I have to be there."

Grandpa and I have been writing letters, he was first planning to hand the Lordship over to Dad, but he changed his mind after discovering he did nothing to stop Mother from using Crucio's on us. On the Yule celebration, we will discuss the future of House Black.

Lilly said: "That sounds like fun James, we only celebrated Christmas, I like to see what is different about it. Are you coming too, Sev?"

Snape is uncomfortable, a typical case of a poor boy visiting a rich classmate, he wants to be there to protect Lilly and stay away to not see the difference between them. Believe me, I know the feeling. Been there and didn't like it one bit. Yep, my folks were poor too, not much has changed though, after two divorces I was in the same boat.

"Severus, accept the invitation," I advised him, "Remember, what you are now can change in the future. There is no shame in the amount of money our parents have or don't have, what you do with it will define you."

Now tell me, that is a worthy quote, isn't it? I probably can't claim it, I bet a lot of parents told their kids the same. They don't know that, so I am the wise guy! The Sage! Follow my lead and prosper, ignore me and despair! You don't get it? Come on! it is obvious! He has to marry a rich girl! That way he will have... ok, the quote is crap, sue me.

Xxxxx

Home sweet home, Mum was waiting for me with her wand in her hand, I avoided her Crucio and disarmed her, "Hello Mother, what a warm welcome from you, Expeliarimus! You too Father? Are you insane? I am your bloody son! Wait, let me share the family love, how about if I practice that spell on you? Bloody pussies! It is only a few stinging hexes! Okay a few very powerful stinging hexes but still."

I waited until they recuperated and laid down the law: "If either of you ever try to Crucio me again, I will contact the DMLE. I have no problem sending you off to Azkaban. You are pisspoor parents, House Black may be a Noble and Ancient House, but both of you are far from Noble or pure."

Mother glared at me: "You dare to turn against us? I have you burned from the tapestry!"

I shrugged and gave her another hex: "Oh? Are you surprised by that? I learned that from you, Mother. Speak up against you is a Crucio isn't it? What about you Father? Did you enjoy watching your wife torture your sons? Did you get a kick from it? Don't pretend you are good parents, you are scum, even worse than the lowest Muggle."

Panting from the pain Mother screamed: "You are not my son anymore!"

"I never was one, Walburga, in your eyes I was an animal that you tried to tame. It is sad that you are domesticated by that Muggleborn Voldemort. Well, if you need me I'll be with my Grandfather, Lord Black. Father, I advise you to get your priorities straight."

I flood to Grandfather's house. I was glad I could take my revenge for the old Sirius, that crazy bitch almost broke his spirit. The memories from my childhood here are almost as dark as Harry's.

Grandfather came into the floo room, "That was fast, I expected you tomorrow, what happened?"

"She welcomed me with a Crucio," I told him, "I let her experience what that feels like in return, don't worry it was with stinging hexes. I am done being the target practice of that woman. Can I stay here, Grandfather? Or do I have to ask Uncle Alphard?"

He studied my face: "You changed a lot, boy. A lot for the better but some of it for the worse. We will straighten this out the day after tomorrow at the Yule celebration dinner. Dinkle will show you your room."

Xxxxx

Reggie entered my room, "She kicked you out, or did you leave on your own?" he asked.

I shrugged: "Left on my own, the Hag tried to Crucio me, I disarmed them both and gave some Stinging Hexes in return. The pussies screamed as if they got Crucio'd. I am done with both of them."

"Grandpa invited the whole family to Yule, there are going to be major decisions made. Oh, thank you for getting me out of there." said Reggie, "You were not an hour gone and she started her lessons."

I sighed: "Mother is so obsessed with being a pureblood that she acts as a lunatic. Her way or no way, and Father is so submissive that he allows everything. We are truly blessed with our parents are we."

Reggie shook his head: "Forget about them, what did you learn in Hogwarts? And how did you know how to send a Howler? Did you know that Grandpa was there to pick me up when it arrived? Mother raged on and on about kicking you out. Grandpa forbade her to send any more Howlers before we left."

"Hmm, I wondered why she never returned one." I said, "Enough about them, I found some awesome Druid spells, Reggie. We are going to amaze the old folks at the celebration. Here are three acorns, try to feel which is the best one and push some of your Magic into it, every hour you push some in it. We are going to make our tree log the ancient way."

Xxxxx

The family gathered, most of them are old fossils like Pollux and Cassiopeia, some could not come like James' Mother Dorea or the cast out Aunt Lucretia. Walburga and Father arrived, she clearly must have been told to shut up, and Uncle Cygnus and his wife Druella were there with the not-so-small kids.

I nudged Reggie, "Showtime, bro." and led him to the treeline of the forest at the back of the house.

I pumped Magic in my acorn for the last time, planted it in the soil, took some steps back, and said: "Grow."

I turned to Reggie pointed to a place and said: "Do the same there, so they won't bother each other when they grow, hurry."

While I was talking, my tree already sprouted and was growing rapidly, the old folks were watching the tree go up. Reggie planted his Acorn and stood next to me, amazed at how fast and big the oaks grew.

Bellatrix came over; "Which upper year spelled those acorns ickle Siri? It is more powerful than mine."

"All done by me, Trixy, I found some old druid spells and gave it a twist. Do you like my tree?" I grinned.

Andromeda said: "Morgana! It is at least twice as big as a normal one and is still growing! Ah, it stopped. Yours isn't as big, Reggie, why?"

"I gave him that acorn and spelled it," I answered in his place, "His Magic is a bit different than mine, so when he pushed his Magic in it the effects were not that good. Now stand back, I am cutting them down." I herded them away.

With a few flicks of my wand, the trees came crashing down, a few flicks more got rid of the branches and roots, one last spell drained the water from the logs. I levitated the two logs and walked past the girls.

I stopped next to Bellatrix and gave them three acorns: "Try for yourself, push some Magic in it, plant it, and say Grow."

I walked with the logs to the bonfire and put them on it. I know, I am showing off to the crowd. The wind was blowing through my hair, the sun was setting so there was a nice orange glow around me, almost a Halo, too bad Lilly isn't here or she would swoon over me, nope, I don't need to do an Nr2.

"Impressive Magic for a boy his age." I heard a man's voice say.

I turned around to see who was praising me… Hmm? "Tom?"

Xxxxx

AN: I changed the pedigree of the Blacks a bit to suit my story, so don't bite my head off if some of them are not according to Canon.