PROMPT: continuation of chapter 4,8,11,12. Bonnie and Damon deal with the aftermath of the car crash.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries or the characters, I make no money from this.
Black and white flutters dance in front of her.
Voices murmur, high and low. Beep. Beep. Bonnie tries to wiggle her fingers but it doesn't work. There's something attached to her. Beep. She can't move properly. Beep.
She blinks and squints at the harsh lights gradually sliding into view. Where the hell is she?
"Bonnie?" a voice says hesitantly and her eyes flit upwards to see Elena with tears brimming in her eyes. "Bonnie. You're okay…"
Her and Damon on the couch. Elena walking in. Running out to find her. The car spinning out of control. Bonnie tries to say something but nothing comes out. Caroline pops up next to Elena, her hand over her mouth and there are tears in her eyes, too.
"Bonnie," she cries, "Oh, thank god…"
"Let's give her some room," an unfamiliar voice says, "We need to check her vitals."
Bonnie can feel the bed rising beneath her until she's nearly upright and scans everyone in the hospital room: a doctor and nurse, Elena, Caroline, Jeremy, Matt, Tyler and Damon. All her friends except the latter seem teary and bursting with relief, the grit of Damon's jaw the only indication he's also affected.
"Bonnie?" the doctor asks kindly, "Do you know where you are?"
She tries to nod but she can't move her head. She clears her throat but it hurts and she somehow rasps out: "Yes."
"Do you know who this is?" he points at Elena, who's watching hopefully.
"Elena," Bonnie manages to choke out, her throat burning, "My friend."
"Do you remember what happened?"
"Driving in rain. Car…crash."
"Good. Good, your memory seems to be intact. How do you feel?"
"Hurts. Everywhere."
"That's about as expected," the doctor turns and murmurs something to the nurse, "Bonnie, we're going to give you some morphine to help with the pain."
"Okay. Thank you."
"Just try and get some rest," the doctor turns to her friends, "and I suggest the rest of you leave her to do that."
They all nod; Tyler and Matt come up with warm smiles, squeeze her hand gently and promise to visit her soon. Jeremy's eyes are soft as he tells her to get better and he rubs her wrist.
Caroline comes up but there's something strange in her gaze and she leans in close. "Bonnie. I can give you my blood. You'd be healed. It doesn't have to hurt."
"No," Bonnie whispers and Caroline looks shocked.
"But-"
"No. I don't want it."
"Okay," Caroline tries to smile but it comes out jerky and sad, "I'll be outside - we're here if you need us."
She leaves the room as Elena comes up, not a trace of resentment or malice in her expression. "Bon, you'll be okay. Just sleep. Don't worry about anything else. Everything's good. Just rest." She smiles and gets up to leave the room but stops in the doorway, her voice stony. "Damon. Are you coming?"
He looks at Bonnie and she can't tell what he's thinking. She doesn't know what he'll say to her - and she doesn't know how to talk to him. He leaves silently and Elena shuts the door behind him, leaving Bonnie alone.
Everything still feels a bit numb and disjointed, but there's a bud of relief somewhere inside her. Because she's alive. She isn't dead.
It's a strange feeling - but not an entirely unwelcome one.
Damon watches the slow rise and fall of Bonnie's chest, her heart monitor machine beeping in sync with the rhythm of her body. Her whole body looks immeasurably tiny in the hospital bed, thick wires surrounding her and her neck brace seems to swallow her whole.
He isn't entirely sure why he's here. He doesn't have anywhere to be - still, he could be home, sound asleep in his bed.
But here he is, standing guard over Bonnie's bed as she sleeps.
Elena raged at him earlier, pulled him aside and he'd never seen her so furious - how could you let her go out there, she could have died! Don't you care about Bonnie at all, what sick game are you playing?! He stood there silently at the time and let her get it all out. He had nothing to say in terms of defending himself.
There's a change in Bonnie's heart rate, a slight uptick in speed and the bed moves up slowly. Damon gets closer and he can make out her eyes blinking in the dark through the dim hallway light.
"Damon?"
"It's me, I'm here."
"Okay," she replies hoarsely, "Why are you here?"
"Because - because I need to know - was someone out there?"
"What?"
"When you…was there a vampire? Was there someone on the road? Did someone do this to you?"
"Damon-"
"Tell me the truth, Bonnie. If someone was there, I don't care who they are, I'll rip out their heart, I'll snap their neck, I'll do whatever-"
"No! God, no one was there."
"Did…did you do it on purpose?"
"No," she whispers softly, "it was an accident. That's all it was." He can see dull regret in her eyes but it doesn't feel very comforting. "Has, um…has Elena said anything? About what she saw?"
"No," Damon admits, "nothing about that. I don't think she's said anything to the others either. She just chewed me out for letting you drive alone."
"I asked you not to come." This is the part where he would say he should have gone with her anyway. But he doesn't. "Does my dad know?"
"The hospital called him yesterday. Apparently he couldn't get a flight out, so he's driving back."
"Okay. Good."
Damon steps closer and speaks softly. "Bonnie. You don't need to sit in this. I heard what you said to Caroline, but we can fix you. I can make you better." He lifts his wrist, prepared to bite into it. "Just let me."
"No."
He bites into his wrist, blood already in his mouth. "Come on. Just a little."
"No. Damon, stop."
"It's for your own good," he moves closer, his wrist hovering over her mouth.
"I said no!" he's thrown back into the wall by her magic, damaging the wall; he can hear footsteps getting closer to check the noise and so he vamps away silently.
Bonnie frowns. "Who recommended this?"
"Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to divulge such information," Dr. Machado says smoothly, "it's only one session with a psychologist. We want to be sure we're covering all our bases and you're coming out of here with the best care."
"So, tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow at noon. We have Dr. Penn coming in, she's one of our best. Just a one-hour session."
"Okay," she relents reluctantly, "I'll do the session."
"Wonderful," he smiles just as Elena comes in with a wheelchair, ready to take Bonnie outside for a little bit. "I'll leave you two. Call if you need anything."
"Thank you."
"Thanks."
Elena moves the wheelchair next to Bonnie's bed and smiles. "Ready?"
"All good." She's lifted up easily into the wheelchair and Elena makes sure her IV drop is properly attached. "Where's my dad?"
"Rudy said he was picking up some stuff from the house, he'll be back in half an hour."
They move quietly through the hospital and take their usual route down to a small garden in the back; Bonnie shivers a little at the cool fall air as Elena settles on a wooden bench and adjusts the blankets around her.
"You warm enough?"
"I'm good, thank you."
"Good."
Bonnie can't keep in her question any longer. "Are you going to ask about Damon?"
Elena freezes. "We don't have to. You're still recovering, Bon."
"I know you probably want to talk about it. I'm ready. I won't slip into a coma if we hash this whole thing out."
"I'm not mad," Elena says finally after a moment, "I wasn't mad, really. Was it…upsetting at the time? Sure. But it wasn't the sleeping with Damon part that hurt. It was that I didn't know - because lately, I don't know what's going on with you."
"You're not mad?" Bonnie asks dumbly, "Elena, I slept with your ex-boyfriend. Multiple times."
"We've all done a lot worse than that. I'm over Damon. I still care about him...maybe not that much right now, but I do. He's still important to me. He's just not it, you know? Learning to be a vampire, the sirebond, turning my humanity off, it was a lot. It was confusing and I didn't handle it well. I can't change that. But I know I've messed up. I haven't been the greatest friend to you these past couple years, I see that now. And I want to change that, if you'll let me. So, honesty time: I'm worried about you, Bonnie. How did this thing with Damon even start?"
"It's a confusing story," Bonnie answers haltingly, "I still don't get most of it."
Elena nods slowly. "I know that feeling…he seems to care about you, in his own way."
"Maybe. But I'm not sure I want him to."
"You gotta let someone take care of you sometime, Bon," Elena smiles sadly, "I know we've dropped the ball more than once - but we're all here now. No more slacking."
Bonnie stares at her friend, someone she's considered a sister for forever and she knows she cannot tell her about being at Peace. This will break both their hearts and Bonnie can't take anymore misery on her own.
Damon finds Caroline fussing over Bonnie, making jokes about the hospital and its staff; it at least seems to make Bonnie smile somewhat sincerely, which is better than nothing. He knocks on the doorway and both their amused expressions fade somewhat at the sight of him.
"Mind if I have a word with little BonBon?" he asks smoothly with a charming smile.
Caroline glares at him suspiciously and shoots a wary glance at Bonnie, who nods reassuringly. "Sure. It's okay, Care. We won't take that long."
"I'll get you something from the cafeteria," she promises and walks up to Damon, "and you, behave."
She shuts the door behind her, leaving the two of them in the room.
"How are you feeling?" he asks tentatively.
"Better."
"Good."
Bonnie stares at him, her jaw hard. "You were going to feed me your blood."
"To fix you."
"What if I ended up turning? What then?"
"You'd be alive. That's what matters."
"I don't need you to fix me," she grits out, "That's not how this works."
"Oh, there's a this now? Funny."
"We're not talking about us, we're talking about what you were going to do to me!"
"I know it was wrong!" Damon snaps, "Are you happy?"
"That's not an apology."
"What do you want from me, Bonnie?! What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know," she mutters, "I don't know what you want from me either." He can tell they're at a crossroads and they don't know how to proceed. She sighs. "I'm tired."
She's asking him to leave. He should say something else - he doesn't know what.
This was never supposed to mean anything anyway. They both knew that.
He walks out of the room and shuts the door.
Bonnie plays with the fabric of the blanket on top of her, stretching and squeezing it between her fingers. The psychologist that came in for the session - Dr. Penn, a willowy Chinese woman with purple glasses, is writing something down in her notes.
"So, Bonnie," she smiles encouragingly, "why do you think you're here today?"
"Because a car crash somehow equals a death wish?" Bonnie laughs weakly at her own joke but sobers up quickly under Dr. Penn's scrutinizing gaze, "I guess one of my friends is worried about me and told Dr. Machado. That's why they wanted me to see you."
"Do you think they have reason to be worried?"
Bonnie stares out at the bright afternoon sky. "I guess."
"How connected do you feel to the people around you? Tell me about the important relationships in your life."
"Well, um. My mom isn't around," Abby calls a lot but Bonnie doesn't answer anymore. "My dad - we've never been super close. He's better lately, but you know, better for us. There's my best friends, Elena and Caroline, they've been helping me out. Bringing my stuff, taking me for walks, getting me food."
"But do you feel you can talk to them openly and honestly?"
Bonnie opens and closes her mouth a couple times. "There's a lot. I have a lot that I can't always be open about. Or I don't want to say anything. So, sometimes it's easier not to talk to them at all."
"That must be lonely."
"I'm used to it."
"I want to put this on pause and move on if you're alright with that," Dr. Penn says gently and Bonnie nods, "What positive changes do you want to make in your life?"
"I…I haven't really thought about that."
"Let's make it a little simpler, then: on a scale of 1-10, how content are you with your life?"
"I don't. Um…"
"Why don't we just go with how content you are at the moment?"
"It's been rocky these past couple years. Really rocky, but there were still good moments. I kept moving, because I had to. But then, um, I died. And came back. Obviously. Except - it feels like only parts of me did. Like there are still pieces of me missing, that died when I did."
"Physical symptoms?"
"No injuries or anything like that."
"What about mental symptoms? Change in your mood, energy levels?"
"I sleep a lot. I used to do a lot of nature-oriented activities, but that's kinda stopped. It feels like a lot. Same with college. Most of the time I don't even have a handle on what I'm feeling. If there's anything at all. But the only time I really do feel anything is…I've been sleeping with someone who hasn't been very good to me in the past. I don't know what's going on there anymore."
"Perhaps a form of self-punishment? An outlet for you, even if it's a negative one?"
"I'm not really sure what it is anymore. I don't think he knows either."
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