Hermione's notes: It's all happening so fast, Ron. It's coming. The war. We're going to be in the thick of it, and soon (if you believe what Mcgonagall says, and i certainly do).
Who could have imagined we would spend the majority of our summer at school, after Dumbledore died? I know it made Harry miserable. I can only hope everything we found in the library might make a difference for the Order.
I'll be the first to admit it. I was not on board with the Slytherins joining the Order's cause. I couldn't shake the feeling they weren't really on our side. Then Malfoy had to go and tell us about the Greengrass sisters, and well that changed everything didn't it? Malfoy's a right nasty ferret isn't he? Except when it comes to Daphne. He'd die for her, i've always thought that even when we were all little first years.
I used to think Malfoy was a prejudiced, arrogant, arse, but it turns out he's also not so bad. Well most of the time he's not so bad, he did after all laugh at the dress your mum gave me over the summer. You know the purple and orange frock Fleur called 'The beast' when she owe-led it back your mum?
Draco Malfoy. It's hard to wrap my head around the thought of him still. He's on our side. Working with us. Helping us. Ron. Dare i even say we might call him our friend someday? Can you imagine a future we might share a cup of tea, and biscuits with him? Friday evenings at his manor even?
Anything's plausible at this point.
Missing you and Harry both is all the worse because Neville and Ginny are gone to.
Ginny writes, she's working hard. Trying to memorize every healing spell she hears. My hope is when we start the hunt for the horcruxes, her skills won't be at all needed. Merlin. It's my worst fear right now, that one of us might get hurt.
Ron. We'll make it out of the war. We will i know it. We're to golden not to.
I love you Ronald Weasley. Do you know that? I swear i'll tell you someday.
I wish i could see you right now.
I hope you're okay.
Take care of Harry.
Chapter warning: This chapter contains mentions of unwanted sex. It was not rape necessarily but they were consenting to the sex for information. (Think Finnick Oddair) This chapter will give many answers but will also force you to ask more questions. In this chapter Hermione gets various memories back. There is a distinction between the memories i have numbered (these are ones she views in the pensieve) and then there are the memories that Draco unlocks for her which are just labelled with the month and year. If by the end of this story Draco Malfoy isn't your favorite character idk what's wrong with you. All jokes. Enjoy!
Chapter 9.
Kitty and the ferret
June 1997
(Memory #3)
.
.
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The dawn is only just breaking in the memory. The swirling colors of a new day can be made out through the castles window. There are mugs of coffee on the tables next to her younger self and Draco Malfoy.
"Did your muggles buy you that thing?" Draco Malfoy taunts her in the Hogwarts library. It's only the 2 of them, the rest of the castle was probably still sleeping.
Hermione's ghostly specter stands behind her younger self as she rolls her eyes at the Slytherin, she's eager to digest another lost memory.
"It's just a dress, Malfoy, and no." Hermione buries her face back into the book she was perusing.
Hermione is wearing a purple and orange frock dress. Hermione remembered Molly had given it to her after she tried to gift it to Fleur who immediately sent it back via owl, with a terse note attached. Hermione had thought the dress had character, and she liked it even more when she discovered it came with rather large pockets. Hermione vaguely recalled the dress met it's end in a battle, or a fight, or had she spilled a potion on it? Another of her mementos lost to time.
"Fish it out of the bin at some sort of 'Donate and help the muggles' shop? My mother avoids those at great lengths."
Hermione scoffs. "I'll bet she does." She runs a fingertip across one of her cuticles. Malfoy always knew how to get under her skin. "Maybe it's not the prettiest dress there is, but I didn't grow up around high society fashion."
"Neither did Scarhead and he manages to dress well enough." Malfoy points out, then he pauses as if it's suddenly registering what he's said. "Don't you dare tell him i've said that."
"Of course." Her younger self smirks, and Hermione smiles despite herself. It's just one insignificant sentence, but it speaks volumes.
"I'm really not trying to offend you, Granger. Really. If i was i'd come up with something better than having a laugh at your dress. That's just lazy. That dress is far to easy. If i were going to mock you i would go in a whole different direction." The blonde says.
"Oh is that so?" Hermione can see her younger selves fingers tense up around the edge of the book, her cuticles looking horrid.
"Yeah." Malfoy smiles and its his superior than everyone else smile. Ugh. "For example. Mcgonagall had Weasley and i working together in here last night. We were kind of bored, we ended up swapping some stories." That bastard keeps his smile in place. She knows he's baiting her to ask.
"What kind of stories?"
"Ones about you and scarhead of course. It's all Weasley talks about, you two."
"Hmm."
"Yeah he gave me a good laugh, told me all about the time in second year they made it into the Slytherin common room as Crabbe and Goyle."
Dreadful. Absolutely dreadful, she briefly envisions strangling whatever version of Ron Weasley she can get her hands on. Of all the things to tell, Malfoy.
"I was curious. Did you really mistake a cat hair for a human one? Come now aren't you top of our class?" Malfoy leans closer across the table. "No way! I told Weasley, not Hermione whatever your middle name is Granger. Not the golden girl." He chuckles. "Admit it Granger, you mixed the hairs up on purpose, you were dying to see how much better your existence would be as Mrs. Norris. Right? Kitty." This must have been the first time he called her Kitty, her younger self is properly outraged by the nickname. Malfoy said the last word like a slur, exactly how he always called her mudblood, it makes her angry.
"I'll kill him." Hermione hears herself say, and she knows back then it wasn't half as serious as she was currently about Ronald Weasley's demise.
Hermione's younger self slams her book, and begins to shove things in her bag at break neck pace. She's furious and embarrassed. Malfoy watches on quite pleased with himself. Then when she's almost at the exit he calls out to her.
"And that," He shrugs his shoulders. "is how i would offend you if i wanted to. Kitty."
Hermione spins around and her purple dress is a blur as she chucks a heavy tome across the room at Malfoy. It lands with a piteous thud only having made it halfway to it's target. Malfoy snorts, and makes his way to pick it up. He flips it open at random, and he's browsing the page as he walks toward Hermione. His brow knits together, and he pauses.
"Give it here, Malfoy." Hermione crosses her arms. "I'll be asking Mcgonagall to put you with anyone else. I refuse to work with you again. You ass."
"Grang-" He tries to pull her attention to the book.
"Honestly. What do you think your mother would think, if she knew about Daphne? Here you are picking at me, and yet you're in love with Daphne Greengrass!"
"Old habits die hard. Granger." He sneers. "Just shut up for a second i just found-"
"Shut up? Shut up? Now you're telling me to shut up?!" She rages.
Then Malfoy is shoving the book right into her face. "Read that!" He demands.
"What..Sineanimatus..what is that?"
The 4th unforgivable curse Sineanimatus. That was the word she'd seen written on her papers when she'd seen the first memory. When Inner Hermione told her there were 4 unforgivable curses. In latin it translates loosely to soulless Hermione knows.
"Aren't you reading?" Malfoy slips beside her and they are holding the book together, both of them pouring over the contents of the book with fervor all of a sudden, their spat was completely forgotten. "The book says it's a 4th unforgivable curse."
"There's only 3."
"You don't think i know that?" He fires back. "But according to this. Somehow there's a 4th, or at least there was."
Hermione and Malfoy exchange a look that lands somewhere between dread and elation. Hermione sees her own eyes light up, she knows there must be a million thoughts going through her head.
Dammit. The fucking pensieve. She'd give anything to hear what her thoughts had been in that moment. Then she realizes this memory had been the moment they came across the 4th unforgivable's existence for the first time. This was from before the memory when she found herself and Ron chummy with the Slytherins in the library.
Ron wasn't giving the memories to her in order.
The scene in front of her freezes. The air around her shifts, and everything is deftly quiet for a few moments.
'He's doing that on purpose. Not giving the memories back in order. To keep you confused, and to drag things out as long as possible, i imagine.' Her inner self pops up to share. Her black dressings reflect against the light filtering in. Her inner self is somehow much prettier than her she thinks, she looks like some kind of greek goddess, she hopes the thought goes unheard by her inner self. Inner Hermione winks. A sure sign she had in fact heard the thought.
Hermione follows her other self into the recess of their mind leaving the memory behind them for a moment.
'No he doesn't seem like he has much time to spare to me, but he can't give them all back at once. It would be to dangerous. The trauma could shatter our mind.' She tells her self. 'He might not realize they aren't in order.'
'Oh. Believe me. He knows they aren't. It looks like Ron's been veering off from our plan for a great while now, Hermione.' Inner Hermione inspects her fingernails.
It's a jarring slap to her face. It can't be. The woman who smokes. Astoria- she was- she made the pla-she was the mastermind behind Ron's orders. Wasn't she?
'Our...plan?' Her mouth hangs open. 'You don't mean i'm- that we're the one who orchestrated the things Ron's been doing?' The murders he's committed. The horrors the Red Baron has unleashed into the world just by existing. Hermione cannot be responsible. 'But I don't- we don't smoke' she finishes lamely. 'Did we smoke?'
'It's true We are the ones who orchestrated most of what he's achieved. Like him using the Slytherins, right under Voldemort's nose, to find the silly old horcruxes. That idea was one of my favorites.' Inner Hermione practically purrs.
Her cuticles. In the memory she just stepped out of they had been wrecked. She must have actually taken up what Astoria had advised her to do. Hermione had begun to smoke at some point. She really was the woman who smokes. But the assumption she'd made about Ron being in love with the woman, well that was clearly wrong. Ron could never have felt that way for her.
Oh Merlin she realizes at the thought of horcruxes. Had she actually given up back then? On saving Harry.
'We didn't tell Ron to kill Harry, did we?' Hermione winces.
'No. Like i said he's gone off course. Harry Potter was meant to live, that was always a big part of our plan. Why do you think i was- displeased when tall, red, and barbaric gave you the damn glasses?' Inner Hermione spits. 'That bastard is trying to ruin all of our plans.'
Hermione is trying desperately to make sense of these new revelations. But her mind just keeps stalling out.
'Wait but why would Ron even want to drag things out? Why isn't he following our plan? What does he gain from stalling? What about Astoria? I thought she was the one in charge of things? I don't understand!' Hermione cries at her more informed counterpart.
'You don't understand because you're a fool. It's pathetic what you've become, really. You can't see what's right in front of your pointy little nose. You let that deatheater scum bat his blue eyes at you, and you turn back into the simpering little school girl you were before i showed up. You can't seem to mark him as your enemy no matter what he does to you. Kills all of your friends? Oh well, best to let that go, at least Ron's dreamy. Right?' Her inner self shoves at her. 'I wish i knew what he's planning. Your guess is as good as mine. What he gains, by stalling to return your memories, is time. He has all the time in the world to ruin our well laid plans right now. Time is dangerous. There isn't a thing we can do while you're this useless. You've no idea how the box works right now!'
'No! You're wrong! He is. Ron is my enemy! I want him dead! I'll never forgive him for Harry!' She implores, but her inner self ignores her. 'Just tell me, explain what i'm missing-'
'And as for Astoria Greengrass, she couldn't come up with a plan like ours if she lived to 1000. She was a pawn in our plan, nothing more.'
A pawn.
Ron was always good at chess.
Is that what they'd been doing for 3 years now? Playing a game with each other?
Death eater Ron versus a clueless Hermione. It seems hardly a fair game.
'Astoria. She was our friend.' Wasn't she, it looked as much in the memory she saw.
'She was your friend.' Inner Hermione corrects spitefully.
'How can you dismiss her like that- i- we must have cared for her- the memory in the library we looked friendly.' Hermione's voice breaks, then inner Hermione scowls at her. 'Did we kill her? Did we kill Astoria?'
'Pathetic.'
'That's not an answer.'
'May as well have killed her.' Inner Hermione says finally.
And was it really any wonder why Draco Malfoy despised Hermione? It was entirely warranted she decides.
'Look.' Inner Hermione says flipping her well managed curls onto her back. 'You can't remember anything useful. I do. From now on. I'm in charge. We still have a chance to see our plan through to the very end, the Red head be damned, but only if i'm calling the shots for both of us.'
Hermione has nothing to say. It's logical. Before Ron killed Harry she hadn't a reason to protest or fight back against Ron. If nothing else she could stop whatever he had planned just for revenge for Harry's sake. She had a reason to fight the Red baron again.
'The blonde he's very clever.'
'Malfoy?'
'Obviously. I expect the unbreakable vow you took was his idea. He's every bit as clever as you right now, and as it stands he is most definitely a threat to our plans. You need to leave the pensieve. You need to convince him to unlock your mind, Hermione.'
'You want him to undo the obliviate that Ron cast? To speed things up.' That would be dangerous. Even if it was the actual wizard who cast the spell it would be dangerous to undo an obliviate. The trauma of getting her memories back that way could kill her if Malfoy bungled it. The pensieve was a much less jarring way for her to remember, it was why Ron must have picked it. Slow and steady. His steps and methods were calculated Hermione decides. He really had been playing one long game of chess. Could she beat him at his own game?
'Unravelling the obliviate will be quicker than watching the memories in the pensieve. Don't you want to remember your thoughts in the moment? I've overheard you fretting about the pensieve on numerous occasions.' Inner Hermione crosses her legs and reclines against a chair that's suddenly materialized in the white expanse of their mind. 'Once you remember the box...' Inner Hermione trails off.
'Fine.' She doesn't bother asking about what box, she knows it would go unanswered. Hermione simply agrees and she's about to pull out of the pensieve but her other self gives her one last order.
'Kill the blonde, as soon as you get the chance preferably the moment he's given you your memories of the night at the manor back. You'll want him dead then i promise.' She smiles wickedly. 'He's entirely to loyal to the Red baron he can't be spared.' Hermione has gathered as much. They've been working together for 3 years, and seem by her own estimation able to read each other's minds. Then it hits her. She's been so distracted by everything else she hadn't even connected the dots. She knows exactly how they've achieved the mind meld. Bill's gifts. The rings and watches. Malfoy was in possession of someone's gift.
Usually when she enters the pensieve she feels cold, and this time when she exits she feels even colder.
Could she kill Draco Malfoy? Can she hate him that much? She ponders this as she watches him. His jaw is tight, and his gray eyes are blazing. He's still at work on the journal, scribbling away notes or spells or maybe potions. She'd like to see what it is he's been writing, but was she curious enough to kill him for it? She tries to look at his hands but she can't make out any jewlery, but it didn't mean he wasn't wearing something with a charm on it.
It didn't matter for now. How could she make an attempt on his life after having made the unbreakable vow to Ron? Well there were ways she supposes, but that would be something she dealt with much later. When she wanted him dead like inner Hermione promised she would want.
"Malfoy." He looks up from his work.
"Granger." He spares one glance then turns away with a grimace.
"Unobliviate me." She doesn't bother with subtlety, Malfoy won't appreciate it.
"Ha." He barks out a laugh. "Good one."
Then his eyes narrow when he looks back up to find her face serious.
"You're mad, do you know that?" He sneers. "In the mood for a heaping helping of scrambled brains are you, Granger?"
She would never get the whole story from the pensieve that was obvious to her. The memories of using Bill's gifts would still be out of her reach if she couldn't know what she'd been thinking in that moment. Another reason Ron elected to let her use the pensieve, he might not want her to know about the memories when they'd used Bill's gifts. He was trying to keep some things hidden.
"Ron's giving me the memories back out of order. It's confusing. Plus the pensieve only shows me what happened. I need to know what i was thinking, what i knew in the moment. I just need you to-"
"Hell no."
"You didn't even let me finish."
"Sometimes I wonder what horror it was, that you made Longbottom witness for him to know about you."
"Know what?"
"That you have a death wish. He said that alot."
"Don't talk about Neville. Leave him out of this."
"Why? Why should i? Does it hurt? That i bring up your dead friend. Good i'm glad. Longbottoms rotting away like he deserves."
"Neville was one of the best people i've ever known."
"Hah." Malfoy laughs again. "If it's you saying that, it should tell you he was nothing of the sort." Malfoy rakes his fingers through his icy locks and he looks half crazed. His eyes are haunted like he's reliving something particularly nasty. "I told you. I told you not to trust him, and you wouldn't believe me." He pinches the bridge at his nose like he's trying to stave off a headache.
"You told me not to trust, Neville?" He ignores her.
"It was him? You know. Neville killed my Daphne. I exposed what he'd done and he killed her for spite." Malfoy clicks his tongue. "I would have done Longbottom in myself but the Red Baron took care of him before i got the chance."
Malfoy's pushing his work away from him.
Hermione's tongue is in knots, she can't speak. What had Neville done?
"Ron has his reasons for everything. You'll just have to manage with what he's commanding of you."
"But these were my plans, not his." Malfoy raises a brow. "Shouldn't i have some say?"
"He's only given you 2 so far, of the memories." She thinks he's more or less asking how she could know so much this early on.
"Are you still an Order member Hermione Granger?"
"Yes?" She asks unsure of what else she could say.
He nods.
"I won't help you screw up your already fragmented mind." Malfoy goes to stand outside the tent so he doesn't have to share her air any longer. She knows he isn't going to humor her anymore, and she doesn't covet the thought of him pulling his wand out.
Hermione goes back into the pensieve to finish out the memory, with nothing else to do.
She watches her younger self and Malfoy as they pull out any and every book on the unforgivable curses. She watches herself scribble out notes on papers. Malfoy shared her love of books. She must have forgotten that along with everything else. He is every bit as excited by their discovery as she is. They were a well oiled machine working together.
"This spell. It could change things. It's promising Granger." He beams at her. Draco Malfoy smiling at Hermione Granger, it looks preposterous. Especially after the encounter she just shared with his present self. Present Draco Malfoy is surly and he hates her. This young boy with his gray eyes, and love of literature doesn't seem to particularly like her but he doesn't hate her.
"Oh! Here! Look here Draco-"
They both tense at her slip. She hadn't been familiar enough with him to ever use his first name, or at least she thought so. Then he's smiling again.
"This book states that the 4th unforgivable curse was a self inflicted curse. Widely remembered in history for it's use in ancient civilizations. Remarkable."
"Keep going." Malfoy is right next to her as they pour over the tomes together. Hermione realizes this must have been it. The moment Draco had mentioned where they might have been friends. They had bonded over the discovery of the 4th unforgivable curse. 2 aspiring young scholars at work. She had always craved a friend like that. One that could appreciate this type of find as much as she. "What else does it say?"
"Sineanimatus or also regarded as the soulless spell-"
Fuck. That was it. Ron. Soulless. Had he used the 4th unforgivable on himself? It would explain so much. Hermione had guessed he no longer had a soul. He didn't seem to feel pain. His occlusion. Then there was his patronus. Yes. Ron Weasley had definitely used the 4th unforgivable. But why?
"was last known to be used in ancient Egypt during the siege of Alexandria."
"The spell went out of style or it was lost to time or something?"
"No actually. The spell requires a very specific object. The 'boite a bijoux' according to the french. It means jewel box. There's only one in existence, and the Egyptians were the last to have hands on it..." Younger Hermione picks at her fingernail in frustration, and her face falls. "No one's seen it ever since. That's rather disappointing, isn't it?"
"Oh." Draco deflates. "Not very promising if we don't have the bloody jewelry box for the spell then."
Hermione went to read over her other selves shoulder.
Sineanumimatus. The 4th unforgivable. Promised the caster power beyond ones wildest dream. It created the perfect soldier. Strong, intelligent. If she wasn't already convinced that Ron had done it, she would be now. This spell is what made him the Red baron. It's what made him Voldemort's greatest weapon.
"Maybe it's not worth our time, and for our purposes but it is fascinating. The Egyptians belived that there were 3 parts in a persons soul. Including the Ka the Ba and the Akh. The Ka was a persons life force or essence it was what kept a person animated so to speak. Then the Ba was a sort of token that allowed ones spirit to travel to the afterlife. The Akh was the part of the soul that showed their goodness or worthiness to be allowed into the afterlife."
"Souls huh?" Draco says. "What does that have to do with the spell?"
"Well some magic needs a payment of sorts to be done, right? Like blood magic? The payment is blood. With this spell if what i'm guessing is correct the payment would be ones soul in order to gain the powers promised."
"Steep price to pay." Malfoy loosened his tie. "How do you love without a soul?" He must of been thinking of Daphne.
"Maybe, but there's so much to be gained. Imagine if we could get just one of these super soldiers on our side..."
"Listen to what i've just found." His own book is slid across to Hermione for a better look.
"Oh, my." Hermione's younger eyes blink rapidly. "I had no idea. The greeks and the egyptians shared so much history."
"Nor i." He admits. "Granger this last part. About the-"
"Yes i see, i thought as much. The greeks referred to the box, as Pandora's box. It's had quite an illustrious history hasn't it? It's not likely to amount to much, since the box is long gone, but i still think we need to bring this to Professor Mcgonagall Immediately."
"A 4th unforgivable. It's insane. She'd probably think we've gone round the bend if it weren't for these books."
"Pandora's box i always thought it was just a myth." She says breathless.
Hermione watches them gather their books and she emerges from the pensieve as the memory closes. She's had an idea of how to convince Malfoy to help her. Love. It was the most powerful thing in the world.
The empty contraceptive potion lies empty on the table, and beside it is the last vial of her memory Ron had provided. Hermione drums her fingers against the table. She's still wearing Malfoy's old fit. She hates green.
"Draco." Hermione says and it feels foreign and familiar at the same time. He looks up from the entrance, one foot behind the other at his ankle. He's somewhat relaxed since their earlier talk.
"No." he turns away quickly.
"Where does she go? Fleur?" She means to ask who's bed is it that she shares, but she doesn't think he will appreciate it phrased that way.
He clicks his tongue. "Don't ask questions you know you won't like the answer to."
"Tell me. Please. Draco." What difference could it make? Hermione only had a passing interest in the matter, she just needed to talk to him about something that would rile him up. She had noticed the looks between the veela woman and Draco. Longing. Desiring looks.
He looks down at his hand or maybe his wrist like he's staring at something only she can't see it. She was right about Malfoy taking ownership of one of their gifts.
"Fleur's with the Dark lord." He sighs.
"That's disgusting." Hermione can't help the outrage, and she's already getting off task. "He killed Bill!"
"Yes. He did."
"How could she?"
Inner Hermione cuts in to say 'Fleur the whore' as she laughs coldly.
"You think Fleur wants to?" Draco sneers. "Judgy little thing aren't you Granger?"
"It's Voldemort."
"Yes that's right it's Voldemort she's seducing. It's Voldemort's confidence she's gaining every time she fucks him and hopefully she's distracting him well enough we might just have a chance. So we all might just live to see next year."
"Don't you care that she's sleeping with him? I get the sort of feeling that you might." Fleur made men fall in love with her by the dozens, and Hermione had noticed the way Malfoy's eyes seemed to track her in a room as she moved.
"Oh that's it? You think I'm jealous of him. Don't stand there and look down your nose at me Hermione Granger. You've done plenty worse than what Fleur's doing." Draco gets right in her face his hand twitching like he might want to slap her again. "I don't care if she fucks his entire army, to tell you the truth. I'd be a hypocrite for it. I can't pretend I haven't been on my knees in the pursuit of our cause. I let the werewolf have me. Then Umbridge. Whoever i thought could give me the best intel. I don't regret it, neither will Fleur."
Hermione sucks in a breath. She felt sick.
"So the both of you just- prostitute yourselves for the death eaters. That's despicable."
"I'll give you one guess who gave us the idea." He stares right through her into what ever's left of her after 3 years of hell.
Lying. He has to be lying. She wouldn't- she would never-no.
Get back to your task. Inner Hermione hisses.
"Fine tell yourself you aren't jealous of Voldemort, but you were always plenty jealous of Harry in school." Hermione prays her face is devoid of emotion as she tries to steer the conversation into a way that might still work for her. She needs to piss him off needs him to listen to her, to help her and the only way to get Malfoy's full attention had always been anger. That she has not forgotten.
"Me? Jealous of-" He starts incredulously then stops and can't bring himself to say his name.
"Scarhead." She supplies and it makes Malfoy flinch. "I know you didn't hate him. I think Harry knew that to. He didn't hate you either."
"Shut up."
"It's true maybe you weren't close to him like Ron used to be, but Harry never held your side of the war of against you. He understood, your family you had to stand with the deatheaters. Ron had a choice you never had." Malfoy's eyes drift shut like he's deep in thought.
"Shut up. Shut up." Malfoy backs away from her as far as the enclosure allows.
"Ron chose to betray Harry. That means no one's off limits. Don't you see? He'll use you and toss you away like he did Harry."
Hermione stalks forward, her gait reminiscent of her animagus.
"Ron would let Fleur die for his cause." Malfoy squeezes his eyes tighter. Hermione leans up and whispers into his ear the phrase she knows will put him in the palm of her hand. "Ron would let Cassi die for the cause." Malfoy's eyes burst open, and his hand is around her throat in a single effortless motion.
"We could work together you and i."
"I said shut up!"
"Help me." She wheezes. "Help me, and i help you. I won't give him the chance to betray you." She lies, it doesn't matter what she promises, she just needs him to concede. His grips tightens.
"It's to dangerous to undo another wizards Obliviate, it might kill you. Then he will kill me for even trying."
He lets the pressure off her throat significantly. She coughs.
"It's worth the risk. The sooner my memories are whole again, the quicker this war will finally be over. I'll play my part in these plans i created, and i can ensure Ron follows them to the t. No more veering from the course, Harry wasn't supposed to die. Right now i'm only Ron's pawn the same as you."
Malfoy begins to laugh, and releases her entirely.
"Don't laugh at me you- you fucking ferret!"
"You? His pawn?" A gale of laughter and Malfoy clutches his side. "You really don't know shit right now do you?"
Hermione glares at him, she contemplates grabbing the last vial and just viewing the last memory, but she waits until his laughter dies out.
"We're all playing chess then i guess, each of us trying to checkmate the other but I'd be willing to bet every last galleon in my family's vault Ron considers you nothing less than the queen on his board." It sounds like a threat. "Everyone knows you don't sacrifice the queen."
"He killed his best friend, Draco." He winces.
In a time far gone from now Hermione cradled Ron's head in her lap, as Harry skipped stones across the black lake. It was peaceful there. The taste of burnt sugar lingered on her tongue. An empty bag that once contained marshmallows lied abandoned near her feet. The sun was waning, a gentle breeze blew around them. The moment felt like it might last forever, it was perfection frozen in time like a fly in amber. Then destiny was calling out to the trio, but they didn't hear it, they were young and golden. They didn't understand how quickly things could change. No one was dead yet, and they were the happiest they would ever be together, and the most tragic part of that is they didn't even know it.
"He said he didn't have a choice, Ron doesn't lie. He couldn't help Harry by that point." Draco says and she wonders if he's trying to convince himself or her.
"He's given his soul away, how can Ron love anyone without a soul?" No one could be spared by the Red Baron.
"Even so, if we lose you, it's all done. Granger. If you die i can't imagine what Ron will do then, but it'll be worse than anything Voldemort ever had in mind. You are the only reason he's done any of this. You're the reason he's working against Voldemort."
"What promise did he make to me, before he took my memories?"
It didn't matter. He wasn't that Ron anymore. She hates Ron and the Red Baron both, but she can't help but wonder.
"You made him promise," Malfoy starts then pauses gathering his thoughts. "the next generation would never know this madness we've grown up in."
The conversation had done her in as much as Malfoy. The both of them knew exactly where to hit to cause the most damage to the other. The only thing that makes the effort of the conversation worth it, is Malfoy's agreement to unobliviate her.
"Granger. You didn't listen to me about Longbottom, this time around please listen. That voice, that woman running about in your head. Don't listen to her. She's not you."
Hermione's reality tilts. What did he mean the woman's not her? How did he know there was a voice in her head?
The final vial of memories for the pensieve is still sitting there.
Before she has a chance to even go further on what he's said, his wand is at her temple and her head feels like it's burst into a ball of flames.
...
Memories come to her rapid fire. One after the other, Hermione clenches her teeth so hard she's afraid she might crack a tooth.
...
June 1997
Malfoy and Hermione tell Professor Mcgonagall about the existence of the 4th unforgivable, and all they had learned so far.
Mcgonagall allows that the information is interesting but there's nothing they can do with it, without the box. She advises them to continue their research.
Like her Malfoy spent his summer going back and fourth from his home to the castle when he was needed. They begin to write letters to each other. In secret of course, they use pen names in case their owls are intercepted. Their pen names are Kitty, and the ferret. Malfoy is unsatisfied that their find has come to a dead end. He tells her he thinks his family's library could have answers.
For weeks they continue on with other interests, and many times meeting with the others in the library that the Order has selected from their school year for the task of research.
There are 7 of them in this group. 4 Slytherins and 3 Gryffindors. Draco Malfoy, Theodore Nott, Astoria Greengrass, Daphne Greengrass. Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger.
Sometimes Mcgonagall has them all working together, sometimes in pairs. Hermione likes it best when it's all of them. She finds she likes the Slytherins quite alot after having gotten to know them.
The first time Harry and Malfoy were paired to work together Hermione had worried over it, but all that came of it were some insults exchanged and a mangled notebook. Other than some unresolved tension between the two of them, their work was done on fairly friendly terms.
Sometimes they share snacks, and swap stories or jokes. They get to act like teenagers. Their burdens were few to this point.
There's even a night where the 7 of them end up staying overnight in the castle. Little cots spread out around the room. Some of them have drifted to sleep when Hermione hears Draco whisper out to Harry.
"Potter."
Harry ignores him at first and then breaks when Draco says. "Scarhead."
"Now, Malfoy i am trying to go to sleep. I've got to be on the quidditch pitch in the-"
"Oh sod off with the quidditch already." Malfoy sat straight up in bed, and if the lights weren't out she was sure she'd see him glaring. "If i have to hear about one more try out i swear i'll-"
"You'll what?" Harry intercedes.
Someone grunts as their sleep is disturbed. Was it Theo?
"See here you prat, i knew you were still awake from the way you roll around your cot with all of the grace of a hippogriff, i'd have rather amused anyone else but options were limited all i was going to ask is how do you think they do it? How do they make the jelly bean that tastes like vomit?" Draco hiss whispers.
"What's wrong with you?" Harry deadpans and Hermione hears him as he rolls around his cot much like Draco accused. Malfoy loses his chance to answer.
"Merlin would the two of you just kiss or do us all a favor and shut the hell up?" Theo sits up on his cot. "I'm not going to quidditch in the morning or doing what ever it is Malfoy does in his free time. I'm just an ordinary bloke who enjoys his beauty sleep."
"Here. Here." Astoria calls out from another part of the room.
It's entirely quiet in the room except for Ron's snoring.
Then Hermione hears Harry whisper. "How do they make them taste like vomit?" In a suddenly horrified voice.
The room erupts into laughter and Theo throws his pillow at Harry.
Their group supplied the Order with potions for healing, and spells meant for a quick escape. Their time in the Hogwarts library was meant to give the Order any number of tools they could to their new recruits. People who would be on the front lines, and see battle. They were helping to combat life and death for people they had never met but for who's cause was the same as their own.
Finding the 4th unforgivable hadn't been what anyone expected. These barely 17 year olds weren't meant to have much of a part in the Order proceedings other than the menial task of bookwork. Finding the 4th though changed everything.
Draco Malfoy became obsessed with it. He would ask Hermione about it every time he had a chance whether it was in person or by owl. "I'm still combing through the archives." He told her after Mcgonagall had all but put the spell aside as useless. Hermione told him not to bother. There was no way to know where to start looking for that box, it wasn't like they could search every grain of sand in Egypt for it.
The thing was is Hermione underestimated Malfoy. When he put his mind to something, he was going to see it through.
On a day when all 7 of them are sorting through burn guides, and latin dictionaries in the library, Malfoy swaggers in with a book that was barely hanging together by it's spine.
"It's there. I've found it." He says almost as much in disbelief as he was in awe of himself.
"Shove off Draco." Nott said using his wand to slide a pile of books back onto their shelf.
They had all been excited about the prospect of a 4th unforgivable ever since Hermione and Malfoy told them about it.
Everyone thought Malfoy was having a go at them, until Hermione took a look at what he'd marked in the book. She had gasped. "Merlin. I think you have. You found Pandora's box."
June 1997
Suddenly Hermione's in another memory in a different room she's just explained Pandora's box, and how the 4th unforgivable can't be cast without it to Commander Moody, and Bill Weasley.
They sit across from her in a room she recognizes as Moody's office at base camp, there is an ornate table between them. To her left and right are Professor Mcgonagall and Neville. Malfoy's there to looking out the window, looking far away in his thoughts.
Moody hadn't wanted to entertain anything Hermione said. He had told Bill she was a useless little loudmouth a summer ago. Then Bill told Ron, who told her. Moody never liked her. Anytime they ever interacted in the years previous he made his dislike of her plainly obvious. 'Thinks she's more clever than she is. The Order has no use of a girl like that.' She heard him tell Lupin in a meeting that should have been private, but Hermione and Harry had used the invisibility cloak to listen to. Only at Mcgongall's persistent urging had he finally relented and given them audience. The commander's time was afterall precious, he was mounting an entire war effort.
Moody called the Egyptians and their magic hogwash when they first sat down. Then halfway through Hermione saw the exact moment Moody understood how this could help the cause. The moment the gravity of the spell went into his head. An elite soldier on their side of things could be very good for the Order.
Hermione picks at her cuticle until it bleeds. Being under Moody's scrutiny feels like having a spotlight on her at the theatre only also being entirely naked. It's uncomfortable, and makes her want to hide. She wishes he would ask Draco some of these questions. He's the one who found most of their information, Hermione had already counted this plan out. Moody wouldn't though, he had taken a clear stance of the Slytherin recruits. Commander Moody didn't speak to them or even acknowledge their presence, he treated them worse than Hermione.
It's decided Neville will undertake the mission of locating Pandora's box. Draco's done all the leg work. From his family's archives he found enough evidence to suggest Cleopatra had been buried with the box. It's only a matter of opening the tomb. Hermione didn't like the idea of Neville going alone, but the Order is already stretched thin Bill tells her. Hermione wants to volunteer to go with him herself but she knows she can't the Order won't let her. If there's one thing Moody did like about her it was her brain. He valued her intelligence and nothing more as the meeting went on he wasn't as cold towards her as usual. She figures she had pleased him with the information she provided.
"Brightest witch of the age." Neville says fondly after his mission directive is stamped and finalized. She hugs him tight. Draco's still staring out the window.
Professor Mcgonagall pulls open a drawer and hands Neville a small silver thimble. There are hundreds, and Hermione wonders how Mcgonagall tells them all apart.
"This will take you straight to Cairo." Mcgongall tells him, and pats at his cow lick lovingly. "Owl us immediately if you've gotten into trouble, or find anything. Do take care."
When Neville's gone it's Moody who speaks next.
"Well done girl." Moody barks at her halfheartedly and takes a long dredge of his hip flask.
"You've done very well Hermione." Bill smiles at her genuinely and in part she feels to make up for Moody's outward dislike of her. "This could change the outcome of the war. If Neville finds that box it could change everything."
"Minerva." Mcgongall looks to their Commander who's popped his top button, and leaned back in his seat as far as he can. "You'll take her in August, train her along with the Greengrass girl. I think Miss Granger would benefit from it greatly. She's a sharp mind, i feel the Order will have alot to ask of her in the coming months, and if she comes across a threat she should know how to defend against it."
Mcgonagall raises an eyebrow at him, but nods her head. "Yes, sir."
"Astoria?" Hermione stops picking at her cuticle. "You're training her professor?"
"Yes."
"In what?"
What could Astoria possibly need to improve on? She was already an excellent duelist, possessed a fair intellect, and was a skilled Legilimens at their age. Hermione's self doubt rears it's head.
By the window Draco looks positively glum...Somethings going on there. Moody ignores his presence all of the time, what was eating at Draco?
Mcgongall gives her a knowing smile. "We all have things we can improve upon Miss. Granger. You and Miss Greengrass will learn plenty from me in the coming weeks, i hope. If you feel up to the task that is?"
Moody snorts as if to say 'of course she isn't.'
"I am Professor." Hermione's voice is suddenly fierce and full of the conviction of a Gryffindor.
"Good. I expect nothing but perfection out of you." The Professor marches over to her and places her own green hat onto Hermione's head. "We can't have a Slytherin outdoing a member of our own house can we?" She smiles and winks.
It feels like a torch has been passed between them. With the simple gesture of a hat on her head, Mcgonagall was putting so much more on her shoulders. Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but they do. Hermione has always known that. She's always known Mcgonagall favored her. Mcgongall was placing her very own hopes and dreams into Hermione's hands, Hermione hopes she is capable enough to see them through.
August 1997
August comes. Astoria and Hermione share a room at the castle. In the mornings they work on assignments and literature set by the Professor. In the evenings they work on spells of differing difficulties. Some are intricate and require entire monologues of latin to be memorized, some are lazy and only need a single word to be uttered.
Hermione is conflicted by Astoria. She likes her alot. She's as kind as she is beautiful. But. It makes Hermione self conscious. Beside Astoria she never feels confident in her own work. Astoria is always just barely exceeding her, it's maddening. Astoria isn't competition Hermione knows, they are on the same side. But all the same, Hermione finds herself staying ip later, pushing herself to the absolute maximum in pursuit of being 'Perfection.'
For a time Astoria is leagues ahead of Hermione, and then before she knows it she's catching up.
'Well done.' Astoria tells her. 'You've improved so much.' It's a compliment and Hermione tries not to let her frustration show. Hermione Granger is not used to being the most improved in anything. Most of anything she's ever tried she excels at immediately. In her life only quidditch and divination have confounded her. Hermione grits her teeth as she imagines Astoria riding atop a broomstick reciting astrological charts, and flinging out spells. Astoria was already perfect.
Then one night Mcgonagall tells them it's time to begin their real training. She sets a tray of biscuits out for her students.
"Animagi." The Professor says. "Are supposed to be registered. So technically this is illegal."
"Animagus? You're going to teach us how to-" Hermione gasps. "It's wrong. The rules."
Hermione gapes between Astoria and Mcgonagall.
"Yes. Miss Granger. Godric forgive us, but the war is coming. It will be here before you know it, and the day will likely come you'll be glad i've given you this opportunity." She frowns. "It may well save your life someday."
Hermione has taken to wearing the purple frock dress, and Mcgonagall's green hat at the same time. Fleur would probably have an aneurysm but Hermione likes that she's carrying these tokens with her. The dress of the mother of the boy she loves, and the hat of her most revered and respected teacher.
The professor slides them each a mandrake leaf.
"Are you ready?" Astoria asks with bright eyes alight. "We'll be doing this together Hermione." She smiles like it's the most wonderful thing in the world.
Later that evening Astoria tells Hermione in the cover of darkness how glad she is that they're close, and how they've become friends. Hermione's tongue feels odd with the mandrake leaf hiding under it.
"Me to. I'm glad we're friends."
...
Hermione misses them. Ron and Harry. She almost breaks and uses the ring Bill gave to her to talk to them.
No she can't. She stops herself reminding herself they said to wait. They all needed to focus. She needed to pull her weight. She needed to learn as much as she could from Mcgongall during this time, who knew when she might have the chance again?
She hopes the boys are at least taking care of each other. She wonders what they are learning with Shacklebolt.
She writes to her parents, and to Draco to pass her free time. She wonders about the way Draco acted in Commander Moody's office weeks back. She had asked him of course but he wouldn't say anything of it. He acted as if there wasn't anything amiss of the way he had been in the Commander's office. Hermione couldn't put her finger on it, but Draco had been upset by something. Like he'd just been given bad news.
Most of her nights she falls asleep thinking of Ron, Harry, Neville or Ginny. Wondering where they are, and what they're doing.
...
"It's to hard." Hermione wails into her pillow, not having heard Astoria coming back to their shared room.
"Here." Astoria tries. She spells the book Hermione tossed back into her hands. "What part are you struggling with?" Her voice sounds wet with the leaf still under her tongue. They've managed to learn to speak around it but it is a bit comical. Harry would laugh.
Hermione swallows at her pride. She could ask for help. She's asked for help before. From other people. "It's not the incantation, i know latin. It's the movements i keep bungling."
Astoria grabs her hand to inspect it. She narrows her eyes. "I told you already. Hermione. Look at your hands."
Her cuticles are scraped and bloody where she's worked them raw. "So." Hermione defends. "I get anxious sometimes."
"Clearly. It's effecting your wand waving." She gives Hermione a look like duh. "I told you to find another vice weeks ago."
She had hadn't she?
Astoria leans back and settles on the couch. She pulls 2 cigarettes out of her robe. "Here." She extends one with her long manicured nails.
"Um i don't-" Hermione looks around.
"Weasley's not here to spoil our fun, come on humor me. Just see if this helps."
Hermione hesitates again, but accepts it.
"I have no idea how."
Astoria laughs, and shows her.
When Hermione takes her first drag she about coughs up a lung, but then Astoria asks. "Better?"
Hermione does feel better. Lighter. Less anxious. She takes another drag. "Oh that's good."
Astoria smokes a second, and Hermione watches her from the corner of her eyes. Damn it. She really did like Astoria Greengrass. It was annoying. Hermione had enough friends, and Astoria was so perfect. It was bizarre to be friends with someone you were also insanely jealous of.
"Thanks." Hermione tells her.
She tries the spell again, and her hands move exactly in the arc she wanted them to. It's perfect. Smoking made her perfect.
"Astoria. Why are you doing this?" Hermione motions around at them. Their books sprawled out.
"Haven't you guessed?"
Hermione frowns.
"I'm their lamb."
"Excuse me?"
"I'm the Order's sacrificial lamb." She smiles and it's lacking any humor. "Moody decided. Voldemort has plans to decree a repopulation effort sometime in the future regardless of how the war goes, even if he's winning. Moody's putting me up to pair off with the Dark lord."
Hermione feels ill.
"Opening the box, and casting the 4th unforgivable on myself. I might be the only one who could be a match for him now that Dumbledore's dead, and he won't even see me coming. I play the doting pureblood daughter awfully well, as does Daphne. Voldemort won't think much of me except a place to stick his cock." She blew a ringlet of smoke out.
"Your parents what will-"
"I love them. They adopted me raised me as their own. But.. they're wrong. They think the more they rally for his cause the more he may be merciful should he ever find out about us. He wouldn't be though would he?"
"No." Hermione agrees. Hermione guesses she knows now, what had been eating at Draco in Moody's office. He must have been told about the plans for Astoria.
"Eventually. It could come out that the Greengrass sisters are muggleborn. I don't want to live with that over my head. I don't want Daph to live with it over her head. So. That's it. That's why i'm here."
"You're giving up your life potentially you realize?" There were other stipulations they had discovered about the box. Other things apart from ones soul, you had to sacrifice to use the box.
"I never wanted kids anyways." Astoria kicks at the rug at their feet, and Hermione doesn't believe her. "Not in my cards Professor Trewlawney would say. All the other stuff. I don't really care. So long as Daphne can live in peace. They would have asked her next if i said no."
Even if Astoria lived passed killing Voldemort they both know she won't be the same. She won't have a soul.
Hermione writes to Draco after to tell him she knows Astoria will be the one to cast the 4th unforgivable curse. She tells him how awful it is, and asks what they should do, she gets a single sentence in response. 'Trust the Order.' Hermione supposes there wasn't anything else they could do was there?
...
Something snaps into place. Like a rubber band around a ball. It's tight, and flexible. Hermione surfaces from the work Malfoy had done on her mind. He had unraveled layers, and bits of memories. His first attempt to un obliviate her mind hadn't killed her. Miraculously.
...
"Fucking ferret." She gags, and a line of blood drips from her nose over her lip. "That was to much, that was to many." Hermione holds her head as a migraine begins to press in behind her eyes, and it feels like her eyes might even burst from the pressure. She's on the ground, and warm fingertips glide over her head.
"Trial and error. Kitty." Malfoy answers.
"Don't touch me you whore!" Hermione wrenches her head out of Fleur's grasp even though her entire body protests.
"If that iz wat i am? Wat i theenk does tat make you?" Fleur fires back.
"I'm a virgin is what i am." Hermione says defensively while she sprawls across the cot.
"Is that right?" Malfoy scoffs.
Malfoy exchanges a look with her, and she shrugs her shoulders unsurprised to find yet another thing out that she forgot. Annoying.
"Don't even want to know." She admits. "Everyone just shut up so i can bloody sleep."
She drifts off and she hears voices or maybe it was a dream.
"I told you. That voice in her heads polluted her. She's to far gone to be salvaged."
"She isn't gone. The voice can be dealt with. Hermione is in there Draco. Look at her. She's in there fighting. Can't you see it?'"
When she wakes up again. There's a drink at the table next to her. She sits up and picks it up, her hand tightens around the drink. Cold, smooth glass against her palm, slippery with condensation. It grounds her, helps her to find her centre while her head is spinning.
Something makes a noise, and she looks across the room. There's Ron balancing his chair on it's back legs, like he hasn't a care in the world. Like he isn't a friend killer or the Red Baron. He lets the chair drop back down when he sees her looking at him.
"Where's Malfoy?"
"Who would want a ferret when you could have a king?" Ron remarks. For a single moment the light softens his face, and she sees him. Her Ron, under all the death and deceit, and the strain of occlusion.
"Funny, i thought you were a Baron." Hermione quips back at him.
"It's going to take more than a few rebellious words to turn Draco against me, you realize. He's been my right hand for 3 years now. I have everything set up perfectly, so long as you don't start meddling."
So Ron knew what they had attempted. He didn't seem cross. Didn't seem like he would try to kill Malfoy over it at least.
"The voice in my head told me to have Malfoy unobliviate me. The voice thinks you're trying to drag this out for some reason. It knows you're not sticking to our plan. It's angry."
Ron's face darkens, and he gets out of his chair to stand above her at the cot.
"It's to dangerous. It's a bad idea to unobliviate someone."
"Even so. It's what i have to do." She takes a sip of the drink. "If you're changing the plans then so am i. I made the plans after all didn't i?"
He grimaces.
"You can't trust that voice Hermione."
"I'll trust the darkest version of me, over the nicest version of you any day."
"Is that who you think the voice is? You think she's you?"
Hermione bites her lip as she begins to rethink all of her interactions with the voice in her head.
It had never crossed her mind. That inner Hermione might not be her. But Hermione did recall a time when the inner part of her mind hadn't been there, before the war...
"Who else would it be?" She asks when she can't come up with any anything.
'She's not you' Draco had said before his spell hit her.
She flinches slightly when Ron brings his hand up to her face. He swipes at the dried blood on her lip gently, she feels it flake and fall away.
"Are you sure you want them back like this? I'll do it myself if you're sure, but it's still not going to be painless by any means."
"Just like that?" Hermione is surprised.
"Yes."
The question that hung heavily on her then was who did she trust more. The best friend, turned traitor that was Ron Weasley? Or the voice in her head that was possibly only masquerading as her?
Neither of them gave her much hope.
Author's note: Okay so what happened with the delay guys is i had chapters 9 and 10 entirely written and ready to go. Somehow my 3 year old deleted chapter 9 and i got entirely frustrated with having to rewrite it. Additionally my twins died in April, i'm battling depression on the daily, and writing certainly helps. But I can't swear on an update schedule. Also minor mention i realized that the pensieve would not be sufficient for Hermione to get her memories back, since she can't know what she was thinking in the exact moment, so yeah that's why i had to overhaul that part with Malfoy's assistance. Typically i have a song in mind that i listen to on repeat when i write, for this chapter i have 2. The first was from the original draft and guys i am a huge nerd for Code Geass if you know you know. The song was continued story of course. This story WTTS has bits that were partly inspired by code geass. (In alot of my works i tend to throw in things to honor other works i enjoyed) The second song is Taylor Swift's Death by a thousand cuts. To me death by a thousand cuts is Hermione's mindset during the story. She's struggling to piece her memories together, and also come to terms with everyone she loved being gone. Each death of a friend she endured was a small cut but when combined it feels like death to her. Well i hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did leave me a comment to let me know. Additionally i would especially love some feedback on the revelation about inner Hermione, how you guys feeling? Alot to take in right? To be fair the tag TRUST NO ONE also applies to Hermione. She's like John snow. She knows nothing. Your encouragement keeps me coming back to work on WTTS with fervor! Thanks!