Seven Sins

by jazzywazzy08

When Bonnie Bennett attends her first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting, the last person that she expects to see is her best friend's boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore. Stefan's recovery and Bonnie's commitment to the program quickly goes off the rails when the two hook up that same night and begin an enabling secret relationship that leads them down the spiraling path of obsession and sin.

1. part one: lust

Title: Seven Sins

Pairing(s): Bonnie/Stefan (Main), Stefan/Elena, Bonnie/Jeremy, Bonnie/Tyler, Stefan/Katherine, Stefan/Bonnie/Tyler, Stefan/Bonnie/Katherine, etc.

Summary: When Bonnie Bennett attends her first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting, the last person that she expects to see is her best friend's boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore. Stefan's recovery and Bonnie's commitment to the program quickly goes off the rails when the two hook up that same night and begin an enabling secret relationship that leads them down the spiraling path of obsession and sin.

Warnings: Sexual Content, Explicit Sexual Content, Language, Addiction, Obsession, etc.

Author's Note: This fic is in part inspired by Shame and in part inspired by Thanks for Sharing. But also, just because this muse wouldn't go away. I am not in any way trying to glorify sex addiction or infidelity. I am mostly just interested in seeing two moral characters spiral down into immoral behavior. I feel like Stefan and Bonnie are both extremely repressed characters and so I like the idea of them going the opposite direction. I do hope that you all enjoy this fic. It will be seven parts total. I am just posting the first two parts just to see how it will go over and will get the next parts up depending on the response. Hope everyone is well and taking care of themselves! No time edit to excuse the errors!

part one || lust

lust—an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.

"Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst."

― Frederick Buechner

The last person that Bonnie Bennett expected to see when she walked into her first Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting was Stefan Salvatore. Her therapist, Camile O'Connell, had told her that seeing someone that she knew would be a possibility when she referred Bonnie. If Bonnie were being honest, she knew nearly every person in the room. Mystic Falls was a small town. Too small. She'd figured when, not if, she did see someone that she knew, they were there for the same reasons, and it would go without saying that they'd respect one another's privacy. She wasn't all that surprised to see the likes of Viki Donovan or Kol Mikaelson, or that the facilitator was her wayward mother's former lover Jonas Martin. However, even with the forewarning and the expectation of running into someone she'd know, seeing Stefan Salvatore threw Bonnie off. She'd sooner expect to walk in and see his older brother, Damon.

Stefan Salvatore was too perfect to have a vice or to struggle with any kind of addiction. Her best friend, Elena Gilbert, told her as much often. Not the part about the addiction, but the part about how perfect Stefan was. He was loyal, protective, kind, confident, a dutiful son, and a loving boyfriend. Good looking and on the fast track to becoming a doctor. He was the wet dream of the straight female population of Mystic Falls. He was everything Elena Gilbert had ever wanted for herself. He wasn't supposed to have flaws, but then again, neither was Bonnie.

Bonnie had her own image that she wore like armor to protect the damaged person she hid underneath it all. Dutiful granddaughter, understanding daughter, loyal friend, hard worker, diligent graduate student, and doting girlfriend. Strong. Caretaker. Always giving and giving of herself but never ever expecting anything in return.

As Stefan's green eyes locked with hers, she felt as if he saw right through her. Like they had a sort of affinity for one another. Like she was looking at a mirror image of herself. It wasn't something that she had ever felt when looking at him before. She wanted to run. But she couldn't, the group was her last resort. So, instead, Bonnie sat down in the chair across from Stefan's in the circle of addicts and pretended to be perfectly composed as Jonas started the meeting.

Still, Bonnie couldn't stop staring at Stefan. His face was blank, unreadable. His eyes were dead. Empty. She'd never seen him look like that before. He was always sincere. Seemingly open even when he had his guard up. A little brooding maybe. But never so closed off and expressionless. She'd known him over a year. That was how long he and Elena had been together. A year. About as long as Bonnie had been back together with Elena's brother Jeremy. Does Elena know, Bonnie thought. Jeremy didn't, and so, she supposed, she couldn't blame Stefan if this was a well-kept secret even from her best friend.

If Elena did know, Bonnie knew that the other girl would never let on. Would never do anything to ruin their image as the picture-perfect couple. Elena was like that. She liked things to stay in their place, to live up to her expectations. Her family. Her friends. Her boyfriend. Her parents, even in death. Which was why no one had ever found out about the millions in malpractice lawsuits Elena's father had had to pay before he and her mother died. The only reason that Bonnie knew was because Bonnie's father had helped the Gilberts out of debt a few years back. The only thing Elena didn't hold to an impossible standard was herself. She always got the free pass, whether it was enabling Jeremy's less than stellar behavior, using the deaths of her parents as an excuse for her own shortcomings, or making "fuck me" eyes at Stefan's brother, Damon, when he wasn't paying attention.

Bonnie was brought out of her thoughts as Stefan opened his mouth to speak. To share.

"Hi, I'm Stefan and I'm a sex addict," Stefan started, his jean clad leg bouncing up and down where he sat in the chair across from hers, "I've been on edge lately. I'm always on edge when I feel like I'm in this for the wrong reasons. When it's less about staying sober for my own sake, so I won't hit bottom again and more about living up to other people's expectations. I..."

He paused and his eyes met Bonnie's, still unreadable. Jonas placed a hand on his shoulder and Stefan took a breath. Inhaled. Exhaled. His eyes never left Bonnie's. "Take your time," Jonas said.

"It's exhausting," Stefan continued, "Trying to live up to this image. Having to be careful all the time. I was out with my best friend Lexi. We were playing pool. I was fine until my brother showed up. He had a girl with him. Some blonde. He probably didn't even remember her name. And I felt...jealous, I guess. Not of him and the girl. But because he has the freedom. To indulge. To fuck anyone he wants, without not being able to stop. Without the excess. I'm not supposed to have those thoughts. I'm supposed to be the good brother. And I've been good. I can control it most of the time. Even when I'm with Elena. My girlfriend. She's good for me. She keeps me on track. She doesn't push. But lately I've been having these thoughts..."

Stefan finally looked away from Bonnie and somehow that was more unnerving than the staring had been.

"Like the ones you had about your brother?" Jonas pushed gently, "The jealousy, when you see people that you perceive as having more sexual freedom? Or is it something else?"

Stefan's leg stilled. He clenched and unclenched his fists. "Something else," he muttered, "I saw something I wasn't supposed to."

Bonnie raised an eyebrow, her curiosity peeked. There was something fascinating about watching Stefan unravel. About seeing the man behind the façade. He seemed more real to her somehow. More human than she'd thought he was.

Stefan cleared his throat and Bonnie scooted to the edge of her seat as he continued. "It doesn't matter what it was," he said, "Ever since I saw it, I've been having a lot of lustful thoughts. I haven't dealt with that in a while. They're different this time. Targeted at someone. I don't really know what to make of it. I mean. Most of you here know my history. The one-night stands. The prostitutes. Compulsive lying. Juggling women. Drinking away the guilt. But I've had it under control for over a year now. And if it was more of the same, I think I could handle it... but this...it's another animal. It's like I'm fixated. And I don't...I'm right back where I started not knowing how to stop it. Except this time, it's on one person. Someone I have an emotional attachment to. Which, it's never happened before. Never been just one person and I've never been able to have both things. Feel both things at the same time. Lust and emotional attachment."

Bonnie held her breath. Crossed and uncrossed her legs. Swallowed. Wondered who had broken him if he had made so much progress. Wondered if what he was saying was true. If he always kept emotional and physical attraction in separate boxes. If that meant that he and Elena had never had sex.

In some programs sobriety just meant abstaining from sex outside of a committed relationship. However, Stefan seemed to be the type to take things to extremes. He'd spoken of guilt, and she was sure that meant that he didn't just consider abstaining as a necessary evil, but also as some form of atonement. While Elena had bragged about Stefan's sexual prowess before, that could've been some part of the image she was trying to build around their relationship. So, it was a toss-up. One of them had to be lying and despite her friendship with Elena, Bonnie was more inclined to believe Stefan.

Jonas spoke in what Bonnie knew he thought was an encouraging tone, but to Bonnie it felt more than a little patronizing. "That's one of the goals you set for yourself, isn't it? To be able to have both. To have a healthy sexual relationship with someone that you're emotionally attached to. To maintain a monogamous relationship. Maybe it just feels uncomfortable because it's something you're not used to."

"It's not," Stefan sighed, "I mean...that is the goal I had. It's just not the reason I'm uncomfortable. If I thought this seemed healthy it wouldn't concern me. And while it's one person. It's not, the person I should be having these feelings about."

"Then, I'm assuming this person isn't your girlfriend," Jonas said, "being able to sustain a monogamous relationship would be considered progress. But you seem more panicked than relieved."

Stefan's fingers drummed a sporadic rhythm on his knee before he spoke, his eyes on the far wall. "No," he said, "It's not my girlfriend. And it's not like the thoughts are romantic either. Not in the long walks on the beach or candlelit dinner sense. Far from it. It's more along the lines of the thoughts I would have before. About other women. Sexual. Dark. Except now it's just the one. It scares me. Every time I try not to think about her, I think about her. I haven't told anyone. But I feel like... like I might relapse."

A list of names of who it could be ran through Bonnie's head as everyone thanked Stefan for sharing. Rebekah Mikaelson had been practically throwing herself at Stefan since she and her family moved to town. Or perhaps it was his ex-girlfriend and Elena's defiant twin sister Katherine. He'd been dating her before Elena. Now that Bonnie thought about it, Katherine must've been with Stefan during his addiction if he was being honest about the timeline. Bonnie wouldn't have been surprised if Katherine had encouraged him to overindulge. Had herself been a part of the cycle. Katherine had always been upfront and unapologetic about her sexuality. She'd even been fucking both Salvatore brothers at the same time at one point. Bonnie had assumed that'd been the reason for their breakup but perhaps there was more to it than that.

Maybe that was what Elena was, a do over. A test of wills with Katherine's face. Proof that he could resist temptation even while being with someone that was the exact picture image of someone else who was likely his trigger.

"Would anyone else like to share?" Jonas asked.

Bonnie's hand went up on impulse. Something about Stefan being so open making her want to do the same. She admired that he could be so honest and raw even knowing that there were so many people in the room that knew him and Elena both as a couple and individuals. Knowing that the image he had so carefully cultivated was peeled back little by little the more he revealed.

Stefan was right. It was exhausting. Having a secret. Hiding behind the mask. Living a double life. Having a dual self. Bonnie wore hers well. Sweet Bonnie. Loyal best friend. Strong and willing to bear the brunt of everyone else's garbage because she always took care of everyone else before herself. Her friends. Her dad. Her Grams. She'd mastered wearing the mask of the prude who'd never been open about exploring her sexuality. The faithful girlfriend that was so in love with Jeremy. One lie over another lie over another lie. Maybe it was cathartic, peeling back the layers. There was only one way to find out.

"Hi, I'm Bonnie," she began, her voice a lot less strong than she wanted it to be, "New to the program. I don't know if I'm ready to call myself a sex addict. To put any sort of name to the impulse really. For me...it's not about the sex per se. It's...I don't really know how to explain it except that all my life I've felt unwanted."

Bonnie paused and bit her bottom lip. She looked across the room to see that Stefan's eyes were finally on her again. She saw a flickering of something. The detached mask he wore slipping slightly. He nodded in encouragement and Bonnie swallowed.

Bonnie took a deep breath and continued. "My mom left when I was about ten or eleven," she said, "No warning, she just walked out. I always blamed myself. I felt like I did something wrong or wasn't good enough. Or maybe she just didn't want me. Ever since she left my dad has been distant. Always out of town. It's been almost eleven years since she left, and I still feel like I don't even know my dad at all. Like maybe he didn't want me either. Like he just got stuck with me after my mother left. It just reinforced everything. And I... I feel like I attract certain kinds of people and I don't know why. No one ever really pays attention to me unless they need something from me, except my Grams. Not my friends. Not my boyfriend. With my friends it's usually being a sounding board or them needing a favor. Which would be fine if they ever returned the favor but most times it's them taking and then disappearing when I need them. With my boyfriend it's usually attention from me and sex that he wants. We don't really talk though. Or rather, he talks. I listen. He's lost a lot of people so I'm usually the outlet for his grief. Sometimes it's too much. But I feel guilty when he wants to see me, and I don't want to see him because he's lost so many people already. When we're together I feel like I'm not there. Being with him was like a last resort because no one else ever took notice of me. I... when he touches me sometimes, most times, I just feel hollow. I've wanted to break up with him so many times. I have broken up with him so many times. But I don't want to be alone, so we always end up back together."

Bonnie looked down at her hands where they twisted together in her lap. She felt pathetic. But somehow free at the same time. She'd never admitted that. That Jeremy wasn't a first choice but her only option at the time. That sex with him was empty. It was always more about his pleasure than hers. He was always quick and in search of instant gratification. She thought maybe it was some remnant of his own addiction. When he'd been using drugs in high school before she'd even considered him anything other than Elena's kid brother, he'd always go looking for that instant gratification. That high. When marijuana wasn't enough, he'd gone with prescription pills. He was clean now, had been for years. But Bonnie felt like he'd never stopped chasing what made him feel good without any regard for anyone else's feelings.

He was still close friends with both his exes despite Bonnie's insecurities after all. It didn't help that one of them was sitting in the same room as Bonnie now. Vicki Donovan's presence making Bonnie doubt that friends was the right word for whatever Jeremy still had with Vicki and Anna, not for the first time. She was being a hypocrite she knew. It wasn't like Bonnie was faithful to Jeremy, despite what she'd have the world believe.

"I just started to think that maybe if I made other people happy then I'd be happy too, you know," Bonnie sighed, "But I still felt like no one really saw me even when I worked and worked to make them happy. Then one day, my first year of college, I went to this frat party. There was this guy. I barely remember what he looked like now but, he looked at me. Really looked. Not at my friends or any other girls at that stupid fucking party but at me. He sought me out over everyone else. It felt good. So, I followed him into this bedroom, and we had sex. I felt seen. When he touched me, I felt wanted. Even if it was some stranger. Even if it wasn't real. Even if he wanted my body and not just me. So, I kept doing it. With different guys. Never the same one twice. Just, almost anyone that showed me interest. Anyone that saw me. And it was easy. It shouldn't have been. I'm in a relationship. Have been on and off since high school with the same person. But he doesn't...he doesn't look at me. Doesn't touch me in any way that isn't really about him. About what he likes. What he wants. I feel we're just comfortable. Like I could be anybody or nobody and it wouldn't matter. Like it doesn't have to be me. And it's not enough for me. But I can't bring myself to leave him and so I keep doing this and I can't stop."

Bonnie knew she would have to talk about when she'd hit bottom or there would be no point in coming at all. Even though it still didn't feel like she'd hit bottom to her. It felt more like losing a bit of control over the situation. Before that night she had only slept with strangers. Men who couldn't be tied back to her or her friend group. It was easier to keep things separate that way. To keep them secret. But then Jeremy had pissed her off and she'd gone to that stupid rave looking for someone, anyone. She'd run into Tyler Lockwood, fresh off a breakup with her other best friend Caroline Forbes. He'd asked her to dance. He'd looked at her like a man starved. Gravitated toward her like he couldn't help it, even though they both knew it was a fucking horrible idea. Then she had done the dumbest thing she'd ever done since the whole thing started.

Bonnie ran a hand through her hair and frowned slightly. "Last week I got into a fight with my boyfriend and ended up at this rave. While I was there, I ran into one of my best friend's ex-boyfriends," she said, "He's a part of my friend group too. But he wasn't...we haven't been close since we were kids. Not like I am still with her. We danced. We started talking and he kept saying that he always thought about me. That he'd wanted me for a long time now. I... he's an asshole and before that I barely called the guy a friend. But I...it felt good that he didn't want her anymore, but he wanted me. It felt good that he'd wanted me even while he was with her. That he was willing to risk whatever relationship he could've still had with her just for one night with me. I felt powerful, having that kind of hold over someone. It was like he couldn't help himself. So, I fucked him in one of the bathroom stalls. I thought I'd feel guilty. During or after, maybe. But I wasn't thinking about my friend at all or what I could lose. I loved it. I wanted to do it again. Not just because the sex was good but because it felt good to not have to think about the consequences. To do something reckless and hurtful and not have to held accountable for it. Not have to think about making someone else happy and only thinking about myself. It felt good to do something selfish at all. Despite my recent activities, it's not usually like me."

When Bonnie made eye contact with Stefan again, she expected to see judgment, but she just saw understanding and something else that she couldn't name.

"He's been calling a lot," Bonnie went on, "And I want to answer and keeping doing it. Keep seeing him. Not because I like him. Maybe I could. I don't know. And that scares me too. Actually, being with someone who wants me and sees me. Because what if we get together and they see more of me and they realize I'm not worth it and what I've always thought was true, I'm not the one you stay with but the one you leave. So, yeah, I don't want to keep seeing him because I like him, I'd sooner run because of that. I want to keep seeing him because I like how being with him makes me feel. I like that he wants me so much. A part of me thinks about what would happen if my friend found out. If my boyfriend did. But a part of me doesn't care. I hate it because I've never been that person. I've never been selfish. I've never been willing to hurt the people I care about on purpose. Yes, I've constantly cheated on my boyfriend nearly our entire relationship. I've lied to people I've cared about. But at the very least I always felt guilty about it this whole time. Until now. Which is terrifying. If I stop feeling guilty, then..."

"Then what kind of person are you," Stefan interjected, "I've been there. I clung to the guilt in the beginning. Still do. It makes me feel like there's hope. That I could be better and do better if for no other reason than to make the guilt go away. But I never really know if I really want it to go away. Because without it...when you stop feeling it or caring about making it go away, I mean, or even if you stop feeling it at all without atoning first, if you just stop caring..."

"There's a chance you'll become someone you don't recognize," Bonnie finished. Of course, he understood. Everyone always teased them about being the martyrs of the group. Bonnie just had never known that she and Stefan had always been suffering in the name of atoning for the same sins. "I'm starting to not recognize myself. Starting to think that I shouldn't have to be held up to some standard and maybe I should stop caring about hurting other people. Just do what I want. Maybe I'm right but I don't trust myself to not destroy myself if I go down that road. To not become self-indulgent to the point of self-destruction. But I figured there's got to be a middle ground, right? So, I'm here, trying to figure out another way."

Bonnie swallowed as she met Stefan's gaze. Somehow, his eyes were now more emotive than she had ever seen them, a stark contrast to his earlier lack of expression, and yet she still couldn't read what he was thinking. "Keep coming back," he chorused with the rest of the group, but Bonnie heard his voice above all the others.

:::

After the meeting Bonnie found Stefan standing outside of the facility staring out into the night, one hand stuffed inside the pocket of his leather jacket and the other holding a cigarette between his lips.

Bonnie frowned as she came up to stand beside him, wrapping the cardigan she wore over her green dress tighter around herself to ward off the chill of the night air. "Since when do you smoke?" She asked.

Stefan shrugged. "You give up one vice, you usually pick up another." He gave her a sideways glance as he blew out smoke. "You want one?"

Bonnie shook her head. "Still too early in the process of giving up my vice to handle another one," she muttered, "I'm so repressed that I can't indulge in anything without doing it in excess, I guess. If I start smoking now, I'll probably end up with lung cancer within a couple of months."

"I'd be right there with you, so at least you wouldn't be alone," Stefan said, on a dry laugh.

She'd always thought him handsome. Dreamy even. But knowing what she now knew somehow made him even more desirable. Knowing that he was flawed. That they were more alike than she ever thought. That he had the urge to let go. That he enjoyed sex as much as she did even if it was for different reasons. That he didn't actually hold Elena above all women as she would have the world believe. That he could be tempted. It made him sexier. Made her want to try her hand. Made her want to see if he could want her for just a moment. If she could get him to blow up her phone the way she'd gotten Tyler to after she'd let him fuck her in the bathroom at that rave. If she could take him from Elena. Prove in her mind, the way she had done with Caroline when she'd let Tyler touch her, that she could be just as desirable. Just as wanted.

She wanted to feel his hands on her. She wanted to replace the cigarette between his lips. Feel the warmth of his tongue. Let him fuck her hard and fast. Hear him moan her name.

These were dangerous thoughts for her. She should go to her car. Go home. Call Jeremy. Make an appointment with Camille to tell her about her first SAA meeting. But Bonnie didn't do any of those things, she just stood there as Stefan took another drag of his cigarette.

"Your share was good," Stefan commented, "Raw. Honest. It took me five meetings to even talk. The first one was the hardest."

"Seeing you helped," Bonnie confessed, "Not at first. I was surprised. But after you talked, I felt seen. Not like...not like when some guy is giving me attention because they want to get laid. Not like when I let it happen or I feel like I need it. Like I'll disappear if someone isn't inside of me...that's not...what I mean," Bonnie shook her head as Stefan cleared his throat. "I just meant. I felt seen in a way that mattered. Like I finally found someone who understood. I felt like I wasn't alone."

"I get it," Stefan said, his voice gentle, "If anyone else that I knew had walked in, I probably wouldn't have been able to be honest. I probably would have been horrified. I probably wouldn't have talked at all. I felt...when I saw you, I felt like you'd understand even if no one else would."

Bonnie looked at him in surprise. "Why? You didn't even know I had issues before tonight."

"Because you always understand," Stefan shrugged again, "In all the time I've known you I never have to explain myself. Or justify anything. You just get it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because some of those same expectations people put on me, they put on you too. But it's always been easier with you. To just be. To not hide in the shadows. Everything is easier with you. Except maybe, lying. I can lie to everyone else, except Lexi. I can pretend. With Damon. With my father. With Elena. Even with Caroline. Arguably, we're closer friends than you and I are but Caroline expects things just like everyone else. Especially, since she and Tyler ended things. She wants me to be the one to make things better for her. Even if I wasn't with Elena, I couldn't do that. I'm one person. I can't be everyone's hero. I can pretend, though. Keep my guard up. But my guard comes down with you."

Bonnie nodded. Realizing she felt the same way. "Because you feel safe. Because I've never expected anything of you, right?" And she hadn't. Not really. Though, she had in a way bought the image he and Elena sold before tonight, she'd never expected anything from Stefan where she herself was concerned. She realized that he never played up that image with her because she never really fed into it the way Elena did. The way Caroline did. At least not in a way that led to her projecting anything beyond how she felt due to how he treated her. He was always gentle towards her. Protective. Respectful. No one ever treated her like that. Not really. It made her feel at ease. Always had.

Stefan frowned and looked down at her. "How'd you know?"

"I feel the same way about you," Bonnie admitted, "I mean even now, after you heard all that back there, you're not looking at me differently. Or treating me differently. Not judging. I can't say that anyone else wouldn't. You've never expected anything of me either. And I know even if you weren't keeping the same secret, you wouldn't tell anyone. I trust you. I don't trust myself right now, but I trust you."

"You probably shouldn't." Stefan warned taking a long drag of his cigarette.

Bonnie shrugged. "Can't help it. You're one of the few people who's never given me a reason not to."

Stefan was silent a long moment, and then, "I trust you too. I can probably name the people I trust on one hand. A couple fingers even. I'm not one of them but you are."

Bonnie rocked back and forth on her heels, not knowing how to respond. "It's getting late."

Stefan flicked his cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under his boot. "You want to get some coffee?"

Bonnie raised an eyebrow. "It's after nine o' clock at night."

"Yeah," Stefan nodded, "Is that a, no?" He edged slightly closer to her, and Bonnie felt unsettled all over again.

"It's probably not a good idea." She commented. She looked across the parking lot at her Prius and thought again about just going home.

"Probably not," he agreed, and then, "So, you're probably going to turn me down then."

Bonnie's eyes drifted to where his motorcycle was parked on the other side of the parking lot. "Probably not."

:::

Stefan knew it was a mistake to invite Bonnie Bennett out for coffee after she'd shown up at his SAA meeting. Knew it was a mistake to encourage her to climb on the back of his bike even before the ride had gone straight to hell.

A part of him knew exactly what he was doing. How could he not have known. It had been a long time since he'd had a woman on the back of his bike, but it hadn't been the first time. He knew the effect it could have, straddling the seat, the leather warm, and the machine vibrating between her legs. He'd used the bike to his advantage enough times and Bonnie was particularly susceptible given their mutual affliction.

Bonnie didn't disappoint. Not even the sound of the motor or the wind whipping past them could drown out the sound of her moans. Her grip around his waist was tight, her hand slipping just beneath the hem of his shirt sliding over the taunt muscles of his stomach as she squirmed behind him. He had wanted it. Invited it. Even if, as they came to the stop, he tried to ignore it. Tried to pretend that whatever this was, could still be labeled as innocent. Tried to pretend that his sobriety wasn't shot to hell the moment he laid eyes on her in that chair across from his at the meeting.

They ended up at Mystic Grill. Bonnie looked embarrassed as she climbed off the bike. Ashamed. She wouldn't meet his gaze as she smoothed one hand down the front of her dress and gripped the helmet she'd been wearing with the other. "I'm sorry. I'm usually more in control," she frowned, "I didn't mean to..."

She trailed off and Stefan reached out and touched her face. Another mistake. "Don't worry about it," he said, "I wasn't exactly in control either. I just know how it hide it well." Bonnie's eyes widened in surprise as he kissed her cheek and took the helmet from her hand.

They walked in together, Bonnie tensing when she saw Vicki Donovan behind the counter. "It's alright," Stefan leaned down to whisper, "She won't say anything. I'll talk to her. Go and find us a table. Somewhere secluded. I'll be right there."

Bonnie nodded and hurried away, glancing around warily as she did.

It was late. After ten now. Stefan having taken a few back roads to make the ride longer. It was a weekday, so they were spared the usual weekend night crowd. The place was dead, and Stefan was grateful for it. The town was too small. Everyone was always looking for the next piece of gossip.

Stefan stepped up to the counter and wasn't surprised to see Vicki scowling at him. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" She snarled lowly as Stefan approached. "What the hell are you doing, Salvatore?"

Stefan shrugged, played for nonchalance. "Having coffee," he said.

"Bullshit," Vicki frowned, "I know you. You've been doing good. Been my sponsor for the last fucking six months. Been sober for over a year. Maybe you don't want me to look out for you, but you've done it for me enough times so that's too damn bad. And Bonnie, she's a good person. I've suspected she might have issues for a while now. I mean, Jeremy is the source of a lot of my issues too, so...I'm not that surprised. Do you really want to tempt her right when she's seeking help?"

Stefan sighed. "Who says I want to tempt her?"

"Does she know that the last time you almost fell off the wagon was when you caught her blowing some guy at a movie theater three months ago? You were supposed to be on a double date, but Jeremy and Elena bailed. You came to see if she showed up and you saw her on knees in front of some rando and ended up jacking off in the bathroom and calling me panicking afterwards." Vicki said, pointedly.

Stefan winced and looked around to make sure no one had overheard, before leaning in closer. "Keep your voice down."

"So, she doesn't know," Vicki glared, "She's the one you were talking about at the meeting, isn't she? The one you've been fixating on. What did you see that you weren't supposed to? Was it her again?"

Stefan sighed. Hesitated and then nodded.

"Who was she with?"

Again, Stefan hesitated. "Tyler."

"For fuck's sake," Vicki murmured and then whimpered despite herself, "God that's...so fucking hot to be honest. But that's, not the point. You have to stay on track. Because if you can stay on track there's hope for the rest of our sorry asses." Stefan opened his mouth to respond, to tell her that her recovery shouldn't be dependent on him. That he wasn't perfect. That he could be weak. That setting another expectation just made him want to break it even more. But she was talking again before he could. "Wait, is that what she was talking about during the meeting? She said her friend's ex. Holy shit, that was her low point and you saw, and it made you want to relapse. That's fucked up, Stefan."

Stefan ran a hand through his hair. "I know," he nodded, "I know. I'm just going to talk to her. Make sure she's going to keep coming back to the meetings. Let her know she's not alone. I can keep my boundaries up. It'd be weirder if I avoided her. Pretended I didn't see her." Even as he spoke the words, he knew they were a lie. The bike ride was proof enough of that. They could have easily taken Bonnie's car and left his bike instead. But he had wanted to see her reaction. Wanted to test her control because his was already slipping.

"Just be careful," Vicki warned, and then, "What do you want to order?"

"Coffee," he said, "a red eye for me and a mocha for Bonnie. Extra whipped cream. Use almond milk. And uh...throw in one of those double chocolate brownies. She likes sweet stuff when she's nervous." Stefan dug in his jacket pocket for his wallet, rolling his eyes at Vicki's raised eyebrow. "She's my friend, Vick, I know what she likes."

"Just make sure that knowledge stops at food," Vicki said as she took his card.

Stefan chose not to respond as Vicki rung up the order and handed him his card back.

Stefan turned and searched the diner for Bonnie and found her in a booth in the back away from the other patrons. Stuffing his wallet back into his jacket pocket, Stefan walked through the diner and over to the booth.

Bonnie looked up as he sat down in the booth across from her. Her hands stilled from where she'd been ripping a napkin into tiny pieces.

"Hey," he said softly as he settled back into the worn leather seat.

"Hey," Bonnie responded, and then, "You were talking to Vicki for a long time. Did she...I mean, was it hard to make sure she wouldn't say anything about seeing me at the meeting? She's still friends with Jeremy and sometimes I think she's still into him so...it'd make sense if she was happy to have leverage over me."

Stefan frowned. "She wouldn't do that," he assured her, "Not just because she struggles with similar issues. She likes you. Thinks you're a good person. As for Jeremy...his past isn't squeaky clean, so he doesn't really have any room to judge any of us. Least of all you."

Bonnie shrugged. "Doesn't mean that he wouldn't."

Stefan nodded. "You're right. But your secret is safe with me, and anyone present at the meeting. Vicki included. She was just...checking in with me. I'm her sponsor so...we've gotten to know each other a bit. She saw us together and with me on edge, and you being new to recovery, she's worried."

Bonnie bit her bottom lip. "She's worried that we'll do something stupid."

Stefan didn't want to lie and so he didn't. He could never manage to lie convincingly to Bonnie in any case. "Yeah," he admitted, "I'm not exactly at my best right now. So, it's not outside of the realm of possibility."

Bonnie looked down at the table again, her hands fumbling with the napkin. "You said that you're sponsoring Vicki," Bonnie said, in what Stefan figured was an effort to change the subject. It was a smart move on her part considering where the line of conversation had been going. "Is that why you asked me here. To offer or to sponsor me...or to suggest someone."

Stefan rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I wish I could say it was," he sighed, "I want to be honest, right. But um...if I'm honest one of two things could happen. Either I'm transparent and we make the mutual decision to stay away from one another or I tell the truth and exactly what I'm trying to avoid happening will happen. I can't even say that I'm honestly trying to avoid it. I want it to happen. But I shouldn't. That's how this thing works. Like I'm dying of thirst, and I ask for salt instead of water and the salt makes the thirst worse, but I like the taste of it on my tongue so it's a different kind of satisfying and I don't miss the water even if it's what I really need. I'm not making any sense, am I?"

Stefan looked up to find Bonnie staring at him. "You're making perfect sense, Stefan."

They stared at each other for a charged moment. Stefan's mouth went dry. He opened his mouth to say something inappropriate enough to ruin all image of pretense but stopped short when a waiter came over and dropped off their coffee and Bonnie's brownie. Just in time, Stefan thought, even if he didn't believe it.

Stefan thanked the waiter and then turned back to Bonnie just as she was taking a sip of her coffee.

As Bonnie pulled back from the cup and swallowed, she smiled. Her eyes were watery in a way Stefan didn't understand until she spoke. "It's perfect," Bonnie said, "No one ever remembers how I take it."

Stefan picked up a packet of sugar and ripped it open. "Being thoughtful and considerate is a part of the image. You know that."

He wasn't all the shocked that Bonnie caught on to the fact that he was trying to downplay his knowing little details about her. "Yeah," she grinned, picking up a fork and using it cut into her plated brownie, "But you also just care about people, so you pay attention."

Stefan laughed lightly as he dumped the sugar into his coffee. "I do," he admitted, "But I'm also used to downplaying my connections to other women for Elena's sake. So, she doesn't worry."

Bonnie perked up a bit as she took her first taste of the chocolate brownie. Stefan stiffened slightly as she closed her eyes and hummed in pleasure. He failed not to watch as she slowly slid the fork from between her lips. When Bonnie opened her eyes, she cleared her throat awkwardly as she noticed him staring. "Elena knows then," Bonnie said, the name bringing them both back to reality, "About your addiction."

"She does," Stefan nodded, "She didn't even get to find out from me. Katherine told her. Trying to break us up. This addiction, my issues, they started with Katherine. When Katherine and I were together, I was never enough for her. She always wanted to bring someone else into the picture. With or without me. I was young and inexperienced when we started and so I just went along with it at first. In the beginning it was just threesomes. Or just letting Katherine do her own thing. Even if it was with Damon. But then we started going to these sex parties that her ex-lover Klaus hosted."

"Rebekah's brother, right? The artist with the huge mansion, super rich family and oddly codependent siblings?" Bonnie asked, as she continued to eat her brownie. "Is that why she's been basically stalking you since they moved here?"

At Stefan's nod she frowned. "Rebekah and I have history stemming from that time period as well," Stefan told her, "So, it's less stalking and more trying to rekindle things. Klaus too, if I'm being completely transparent."

Bonnie nodded, surprisingly calm at the revelation. "Klaus is more than a little flirtatious with literally everyone he encounters," Bonnie mused, "I'm not that surprised. He's also invited me and Caroline to more than one party we've refused to attend. Didn't realize what kind of parties they were but given my current struggles it's probably for the best. Jeremy thought about showing some of his art at Klaus' gallery, but he said he got some weird vibes from the guy."

"Weird isn't the word of Klaus," Stefan glowered, "Klaus can be dangerous. Persuasive. Pull you down into the pits hell and make you think it was your idea. I got caught up fast. It went from me not being enough for Katherine to her not being enough for me. It got bad, started disrupting my life. Some of the women I was with got attached, Rebekah one of them.I'd feel guilty and start up relationships with them, juggling three or four at time. But it didn't stop me seeking out anything or anyone else I could in order to find some sort of release. One-night stands. Prostitutes. I started drinking to numb the shame, self-medicating for the guilt. By the time Lexi had enough and intervened to get me help, I had gotten bad enough that even Katherine couldn't take it anymore."

"Katherine wanted to be able to play around but couldn't handle it when you did," Bonnie commented, "That's a bit hypocritical, don't you think?"

"It is. But I don't know if that was it," Stefan said, "Not that I'm defending her. She loved me but couldn't be faithful. Didn't know how to put all her faith and love into one person. She needed the out. Tried not to get attached. Has a lot to do with her past. For whatever reason, Elena's parents only adopted Elena and growing up in the foster system before finding Isobel and John, who weren't much better than the fosters she'd ran away from, it did a number on Katherine. That's why, so long as I was in love with her, I could deal with it. In the beginning I was just doing what I thought would make her happy. When things changed, she felt like it was because I didn't love her anymore. It might've been. It was more than that though. It was a compulsion. The only way I could feel free. Everyone wanted something from me. Everyone needed me to behave a certain way. Needed me to be what they needed. I had to be the son Damon couldn't be for my father. I had to be Damon's punching bag and support system all in one. I had to love Katherine unconditionally even when she wasn't lovable. It took its toll. When I started running with Klaus and Rebekah and riding that never ending wave of sex and self-destruction, it was about me taking what I wanted, and not being what anyone needed. It felt good. But it also felt hollow because I was still so disconnected from everyone around me."

Bonnie reached across the table and touched his hand. He felt tethered to someone in that moment for the first time in a long time. She pulled her hand back just as quickly however and cleared her throat. Took a sip of her coffee. Looked around as if remembering where they were. "Then you met Elena."

"Not precisely in that order," Stefan said, as Bonnie took another sip of coffee. "I was in recovery when we met. A month or so in. Katherine saw us together and told Elena about my past in hopes of ending things between us before they even started. But Elena stuck by me. I don't know if it was to prove Katherine wrong or if she liked the idea of trying to fix me in the beginning. I know it's love now, but at first, I feel like maybe she liked the idea of being my savior. It's been hard on her though. She doesn't always understand how I was able to give so many people a part of myself that I'm still not able to share with her yet."

"So, when you said that you were sober...," Bonnie said, her tone leading.

"Abstinent. No sex. Not even with Elena. I know it's frustrating for her," he frowned, "It's frustrating for me. I just...I don't trust myself. And if I'm being honest, I'm there with her emotionally but physically, I'm not yet."

"She's said different," Bonnie revealed quietly, "Mostly, when Caroline brings up sex and usually it's just to have something to contribute to the conversation, I think. Or to one up Care. You know how they can get."

"I do," Stefan sighed, "I also know Elena likes to orchestrate a certain image around our relationship. Partially, because she feels like no one would understand the truth, but I also know that a lot of it has to do with her parents not being who she thought they were when they died and the image surrounding her biological parents not being much better. She wants to protect herself from ridicule and that comes with upholding certain standards which leads to her being placed on a pedestal and making the cycle worse."

Bonnie eyed him over her cup and shook her head. "You're good at making excuses for other people and justifying them placing blame and expectations on your head."

"I have to be," Stefan shrugged, "I'd go crazy otherwise. Or start to resent everyone I know. I got good at justifying my own actions when I was in the thick of my addiction, so I can't really judge anyone else, even if that means they get to take advantage of that refusal to judge."

Bonnie rolled her eyes but didn't comment further as she bit into her last bite of brownie. Chewed. Swallowed. Stefan stared at her mouth and tried to justify that but couldn't.

"You said before that you weren't able to have both a physical and emotional connection with someone," Bonnie mused, "So, is the whole staying abstinent even in a committed relationship thing? Or is it just that you're afraid that you won't be able to connect with her physically because you're already so connected emotionally?"

Stefan thought a moment before speaking. "A bit of both I guess," Stefan replied, "I mean I had the connection with Katherine in the beginning. I had both. But I don't know if that was more me trying to fabricate a connection between us because she kept her guard up around me so much and I needed love to be there to justify what she put me through or not. Then by the time she realized she loved me; I wasn't all in with her anymore. With Elena, she's been an amazing support system. A lot of my time with her has shown me that I'm still capable of emotional love. But when it comes to the physical stuff, I still have a lot of walls up. I don't think it's that I'm not attracted to her physically. It's just not in a way that isn't easy to control or ignore. My desire to cross the line with her just isn't there. The emotional stuff is enough for me most of the time, even though I know it's not the same for her."

They were quiet a moment and Stefan sipped his coffee. It was still a bit too bitter, not enough sugar, but he welcomed the acrid liquid on his tongue. It kept him in the moment. Present. Kept his mind from wondering. Fantasizing. Disrupting the calm and distance he had managed to keep between himself and Bonnie even with the ever-present tension and topic of conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" Bonnie whispered, breaking the quiet, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"You can ask me anything, Bonnie," Stefan said, even knowing that if it was something she had to give him permission to not answer, it was something she probably shouldn't have been asking.

"In the meeting you said that there was someone you felt an emotional connection with but there was also a sexual attraction," Bonnie said, slowly, "That...it wasn't Elena."

Stefan nodded, once. "Right. It's not Elena. But someone I'm emotionally connected to. A friend, yes. Though, my thoughts haven't exactly been friendly in nature as of late. In a platonic sense, I mean."

"Right," Bonnie swallowed, "So, it's probably not a good idea to bring it up. You probably have a lot of women in your orbit. A lot of friends. And it's not really any of my business but I was curious about-"

"Who she is?" Stefan finished.

At Bonnie's nod, Stefan downed the rest of his coffee. Wished that it was something stronger instead.

Bonnie let out an uncomfortable laugh. It sounded forced even to Stefan and so he wasn't surprised at the grimace that followed. "That was stupid. Never mind. I shouldn't have asked that." She backpedaled. "You already said that you were having a hard time. And that's my thing. You know. I see an opening and I poke at it. Like I'm poking at a caged beast and then I open the cage and let it maul me." She covered her face with shaking hands. "Because you know, pain, pleasure, whatever, I just want to feel something. I just want the attention. Good or bad. No one ever looks at me. No one ever pays attention. I feel like I'm nothing. Then someone does...and I just have to act on it to make it real. I'm...sorry..."

"You're not nothing, Bonnie." Bonnie moved to stand but Stefan stopped her with a hand on her knee under the table. Stefan couldn't take it anymore. "I was talking about you," he told her, "I see you. I pay attention. I haven't been able to pay attention to anything else. I've tried to. But I can't."

Bonnie's hands moved slowly from her face, and she placed them palms down on the surface of the table between them. As she stared at him, Stefan felt unnerved, as if his insides would burst out of his skin.

"Are you saying that because you think that it'll get me to...that I'll fuck you if I think-" She started.

"No," Stefan said, quickly, "No. I'm being honest. I wouldn't lie about this. I can't say that I haven't thought about how being honest could work to my advantage but...I'm not lying."

Bonnie nodded once and glanced over Stefan's shoulder. Stefan didn't realize his hand was still on her knee until she went completely still under his touch. He frowned thinking that perhaps he'd said too much and read the situation all wrong but straightened as the waiter came back and offered him a refill of his coffee.

Stefan smiled at the waiter and said a quick thank you. He said nothing more until the waiter was out of earshot on the other side of the diner. Stefan shifted in his seat, slid around in the booth until he was sitting next to Bonnie instead of across the table. Bonnie stayed unmoving as he spoke, his voice low, his lips close to her ear. "The thing I saw that I wasn't supposed to see," he disclosed, "That thing I mentioned in my share. The one thing that made me want to relapse. It was you and Tyler."

Bonnie's eyes widened. "So, when I did my share earlier you knew what I was taking about. Why were you even at that rave?"

"Yes, I knew exactly what you were talking about," Stefan told her, "In very vivid detail. I went because Damon was there. Drunk off his ass and needing a designated driver for him and his latest conquest. When I got inside. It was claustrophobic. I couldn't find Damon. It was too much. Too many bodies. Too much temptation. I had to get somewhere I could take a breather. So, I found the men's bathroom. And there you were, in one of the stalls with the door cracked. You with your skirt hiked up. Tyler with his pants around his ankles. You were so responsive. So uninhibited. It's all I've been able to think about since I saw you with him. Even after he fucked you. You needed more. Touched yourself. He was willing to do anything. Just to please you. I watched as he pulled up his pants and got down on his knees even though that floor was covered in who knew what. When he fucked you with his tongue, I watched your face when you came. You were mesmerizing."

Bonnie closed her eyes and shook her head. "Stefan, we can't-"

"Then when he fucked you again," Stefan continued undeterred, "He was so rough. But you took it. You were such a good girl, Bonnie. You whined and you begged, and you loved it didn't you?"

Stefan watched the trail of Bonnie's tongue as she licked her lips. Edged closer to her in the seat. "Yes," Bonnie nodded, her voice barely audible, "I loved it. I loved that he couldn't help it. That he lost control because of me. That he didn't care about Caroline. That he didn't give a damn where we were or who could walk in. That he didn't' give a shit about his stupid designer clothes because he was focused on me. So, it was easy. To let him do what he wanted. To get lost in it. To love it. To be good because I needed it...because I wanted to feel good, and I wanted to watch him loose control."

"Would you be a good girl for me, Bonnie? If I let you see me lose control?" He didn't wait for an answer. Instead, he moved the hand on her knee upwards just beneath the hem of her dress.

"You've beat this before, Stefan," Bonnie said, even as her hips jerked forward, "Don't be stupid. Not when you know what's at stake."

"It's never been like this before," he whispered, "Only once and that was with you, too. I saw you three months ago. At that movie theater. On your knees. Blowing some asshole during the opening credits and all I could think was, what the hell could he have possibly done to deserve the feel of that mouth. The warmth of your tongue. I touched myself to the thought of coming down your throat afterwards."

His hand shifted higher, relishing the feel of skin-to-skin contact. Bonnie placed a hand over his hand, halted his movements. "Who the hell are you?" She asked, her voice full of awe and arousal. But not disgust as Stefan had expected.

"This is who I am, Bonnie," Stefan sighed, "I try not to be. I try so hard not to be. And I've been good. I've been so good for so long."

Bonnie turned her face toward him, her hazel green gaze searching. "You have," she nodded, "You've been good, Stefan. So, why now? You're willing to throw away your sobriety. To break Elena's heart. To hurt a lot of people. Why?"

Stefan felt the rational part of his brain trying to infiltrate his thoughts. But above all that was Bonnie's scent sweet and floral. Bonnie's voice soft and velvet. The warmth of her skin on his skin. Hand to hand. Hand to thigh. Teasing. "I don't hurt people anymore," Stefan swallowed, "I've been in control. But I'm slipping, Bonnie."

"You are. You're willing to hurt people," Bonnie pressed, poking the beast again, Stefan realized, "Not just Elena. But yourself. Me. This won't end well for us, Stefan. You know that. But you don't care. You're willing to give up that control you've worked so hard for. Why? Tell me, Stefan."

He understood what she meant now. That she needed to hear it. Needed to hear him say it before she let him out of his cage. Because she enjoyed it. The taunting. The unraveling. Being prey. "Because I want you, Bonnie. I want to fuck you. I need it. I need to feel what it's like to be inside of you just once."

"And it's worth it," Bonnie said cupping his face in her hands, finally leaving his hand free to move, to touch her through the fabric of her panties. To feel the tantalizing wetness. "You would jeopardize all of that just to fuck me."

If he gave in, there was no going back. But there was no going back even now. It was too late. They were in public. They could easily get caught. Bonnie was already leaning in, her thumb brushing over his bottom lip. Stefan leaned in, to close the distance and Bonnie pulled back. Grinned. Another poke. Another taunt. So, he told her what she wanted to hear, even though it was also the truth. Understood even more clearly how Tyler had gotten reeled in. Why he'd been so frantic and rough while Stefan had witnessed them coupling. Even after he'd already gotten what he wanted. It was this. This spell Bonnie seemed to weave so easily. "Yes, just you, it has to be you," Stefan nodded eagerly, feeling dazed now. He would say whatever she wanted. Do whatever she wanted if she would just... "I just want one taste. That's all I need. I just want one taste."

Finally, Bonnie closed the distance between them, and their lips met. He wasted no time invading her mouth with his tongue. He tasted the sweet chocolate of the brownie she'd eaten. The bittersweet of the coffee he'd ordered her that was just right because even before this attraction had taken hold, he couldn't help but pay attention to her. See her. As Bonnie slid her tongue over the roof of his mouth, he had no idea how anyone could not. Stefan sucked on her tongue until she moaned low a perfect.

He forgot where they were until suddenly there was a loud slam and they jumped apart. Stefan blinked coming back to himself as he turned to Vicki who'd popped up seemingly out of nowhere and had slammed her hand on the table to get their attention. "We're closed." Vicki said, simply, eyeing Stefan with disapproval that couldn't reach him in the state that he was in.

Stefan untangled himself from Bonnie. Removed his hand from underneath the skirt of her dress. "We'll be going then." He said, mildly, his tone more composed than he felt.

Vicki eyed Bonnie, probably already figuring Stefan to be a lost cause. "Where's your car?" Vicki asked.

Bonnie cleared her throat. "Still at the center."

Vicki nodded. "Matty is coming to pick me up," she said, "We can take you to your car. No judgment. Get you home safely."

She was giving them an out. It was what they needed; Stefan knew. A lifeline. Water for the thirst. Still, he wrapped a hand around Bonnie's wrist, determined to keep her from taking it. "She's fine. I can take care of her, Vicki."

Vicki ignored him. "Bonnie," she tried, "Please. For both your sakes."

Stefan knew that beyond Bonnie's impulse to give in to him there was also her impulse to protect. To do what was right. To do what was for Stefan's own good even if it wasn't what she wanted in that moment. An impulse that matched his own. And for a moment, Stefan thought that it would win out. But then Bonnie was standing, threading their fingers together and pulling him with her.

"Thank you, Vicki," Bonnie said, sounding tired, resigned, "But we're fine."

Sighing, Vicki nodded. She dug into her apron and took out two condoms. "I keep them on me just in case I slip," she grabbed Stefan's hand and stuffed them into his palm, "At least be safe." She turned to Bonnie. "I won't tell anyone." Then she walked away.

Stefan stuffed the condoms into his jean pocket. Suddenly, the situation felt more real to him. He hesitated. Thought about backing out. But as he looked down at Bonnie, he knew that he wouldn't.

Stefan swallowed. "Bonnie, I want you, I don't care what it cost but if you're not...if you can't..."

Bonnie stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. Smiled as she pulled back. "I've always liked the taste of salt," she whispered.

Bonnie was a willing partner down his path to self-destruction and Stefan wanted her even more for it.

:::

If the first motorcycle ride was a test of will that Bonnie had failed, the ride back to her car was an act of torture for them both. Bonnie didn't even attempt to hide her moans. Didn't pretend that there was any pretense as her hands drifted beneath the hem of Stefan's shirt as they rode. Stefan stayed unnervingly calm, steering the bike steadily even as Bonnie's movements became increasingly bold.

Stefan pulled up beside her car and backed the motorcycle into the spot next to it. Turned off the motor and kicked out the side stand. Bonnie climbed off the bike and Stefan followed. She'd barely pulled off her helmet before Stefan was there, his lips on hers, his arms around her waist, the helmet falling from her hand and landing on the asphalt. Bonnie opened her mouth to him, shrugged her cardigan off her shoulders and that fell too.

As her tongue slid over the roof of Stefan's mouth, Bonnie felt overheated despite the chill in the night air. Her hands found his hair as he hiked up her dress, gripped the backs for her thighs, and hoisted her up. She wrapped her legs around him readily, tugging on his hair as he lifted her onto the hood of her car.

Her hands fell to her sides as he tugged down the straps of her dress and pushed down the front of it baring her breasts. He mouthed down her neck, his tongue trancing her collarbone, then lower to the tops of her breast. When he sucked her nipple into his mouth, she was grateful that she hadn't worn a bra. Even though she had come out looking for help, she knew that there was always a chance that she would find something else, and she had. Or rather Stefan had found her.

Bonnie tugged at the hem of Stefan's shirt, forcing his head back as she tugged the shirt over his head. She wrapped her arms around him, tugging him against her, needing to feel skin against skin. Chest against chest. Breath against breath. She ran her hands down his back as he kissed her, his hands sliding down her body and underneath her skirt again.

She lifted her hips for him as he tugged at her panties, ripping them in an effort to remove them. Bonnie laughed into his mouth as she felt the lace disintegrate under his rough hands. Her laughter died a moment later when his fingers found her wetness. She had been worked up since she'd gotten on the back of his bike the first time and so Bonnie wasn't surprised when Stefan easily slid two fingers inside of her.

"God, you feel so good," Stefan murmured against her lips.

Bonnie felt the familiar need growing as Stefan worked her open. Felt like she would disappear if she didn't feel him inside of her. She felt restless. Hungry. Her hands fumbled down his body, seeking until she found his erection pressing against the zipper of his jeans.

"So impatient," Stefan grinned, his fingers slipping out of her a moment later. Bonnie moaned at the loss until she realized Stefan was moving to help her unbutton and unzip his jeans. He retrieved a condom from his pocket. Bonnie reached out and tugged his jeans down hurriedly shoving his briefs with them as Stefan ripped the condom wrapper open with his teeth spitting the access of the asphalt below. Bonnie watched as he slipped it on, his movements sure and quick.

Her mind wandered to his past. To the discarded condom wrappers. To the discarded women. She wondered if she would be one of them. Stefan was leaning over her body again a moment later as if he could sense the dark turn of her thoughts. He kissed her again before pinning her between himself and the hood of the car positioning himself between her thighs.

Bonnie reached between their bodies and held his gaze as she wrapped her hand around him. Rubbed his cock against her wetness, before guiding him inside of her. He watched her face as her body adjusted to him, lifted her hand up and sucked at her fingers. The chill of the night was all but forgotten as Stefan held her hips in place, pulling out and roughly plunging back into her.

She relished the sound of her name on his lips, closer to a growl than any other sound, "Bonnie."

Bonnie clung to him, her bare breast pressed against his chest, her ass sliding over the cold metal hood each time he thrust into her. She cried out as he angled deeper, biting into his shoulder, tasting the sweat salt of his skin. She loved the way he filled her. Loved the way their bodies fit together. Loved the bruising grip of his hands. The sting of his nails digging into her thighs as he lifted her to meet his thrusts again and again.

Stefan pounded into her unrelentingly, like a man crazed. Starved. Grunting, animalistic, and beautiful. She lifted her hips to meet his, leaned her head back so that she could look into his eyes. His green eyes were out of focus but seemed to glitter with life as they met hers. He kept them open as he kissed her, biting roughly at her lips.

She gave him everything he wanted. Her body submitting to his every whim. A good girl like she promised as she watched him unravel. Watched the expressions play across his face, so different than his normal calm brooding expression. She moaned and whimpered and begged as he buried himself into the heat of her body, the pace brutal as his hips snapped forward again and again. The pleasure building and building until finally she screamed out her release, sobbing and trembling against him.

Stefan gripped her hips, continuing to pump in and out of her spent body until he found his own release on the heels of Bonnie's second, her walls clenching around him. Stefan kissed her face. Her throat. Her jaw. Her eyes. Pulled out of her slowly. Wrapped his hand around himself discarding the used condom onto the asphalt. Bonnie laid back against the car and looked up at the night sky.

She waited for the hollowness to come. That emptiness that always followed. The regret. But it never came. Stefan wrapped his arms around her. Buried his face in her neck and Bonnie felt whole. Warm. Sated.

Bonnie wondered if Stefan felt regret. If he would feel guilt at sharing something with her that he hadn't been able to share with Elena yet. If he would shut down. Go cold. She didn't have to wait long for the answer. For Stefan's voice low and rough in her ear. "I know I said just one taste but, I changed my mind. I need to do that again."

And Bonnie laughed. Because the beast had come to maul her and despite all the progress she had made before tonight, she was prepared to let him feast.

End Notes: Funnily enough I used some of the dialogue from Stefan's earlier season relapse when I wrote these scenes and honestly thought it was just so strange how easily the blood addiction could just translate to something like this. Anyway, on to the next part!