If it wasn't initially obvious from his earlier comments, Quattro wasn't exactly stoked about this plan.
Far from it.
Simply wandering around Splatsville aimlessly questioning every Octarian they come across about the nature of their most taboo cultural subject was the Sisyphean equivalent of trying to squeeze blood from a stone; a harsh lesson in futility. Nevermind that it was poorly thought out and driven by a knee-jerk emotional response rather than anything even remotely resembling logic.
If it were him, he'd take a step back and carefully survey the situation before figuring out the best possible course of action to take. That would've been the most prudent thing to do. Unfortunately for him he had neither the context behind why the suckling was so dreaded to Octarians nor the time to dwell on it.
Loathed as he was to admit it, Tres's half-cooked plan B was their only viable option given the current progress of the investigation, or lack thereof.
A flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of approach was more his style anyway. In the time he'd known the guy he made himself out to be an impetuous ruffian who was prone to listening to his heart rather than his head even when it landed him in hot water. Though that was largely offset by this irritating habit he had of somehow making things work, even when they shouldn't (something that Marina has had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing firsthand).
Maybe that's what made him so effective in braving the dangers of the Alternan Depths, that wild and unchained spirit he carried in the depths of his soul. Being tough as a steel beam and hitting just as hard probably helped too, he supposed. It really is quite sad how many issues in life can be solved through liberal application of brute force.
"And where exactly are you leading us to, rookie?" Quattro queried, raising a brow towards Tres. The boys were once again on the move, this time towards the rougher looking part of Splatsville past the shopping centers. Gone were the many glittering high rises and multi-tiered commercial plazas of the main square, now they were surrounded by verdant parks, homely apartment complexes and quaint mom and pop shops.
"The Xtapodi district," replied Tres. "Home to the largest concentration of Octarians in Splatsville, possibly all of the Splatlands. It's a far cry from the main square, most folks here try to live a quiet life amidst the chaos. Some of the best restaurants can be found here, they're usually tucked away in an alleyway or crammed tightly between two buildings like a panini. We'll have a large pool of candidates to question there and better places to grab dinner at later."
"Waah!" Little Buddy chirped happily as he rubbed at his belly, salivating at the brief mention of food.
"So, what you're saying is that we're walking straight into enemy territory," Quattro snorted. "Hmph, the last time I was surrounded by this many Octarians they'd fishnapped the great zapfish a second time, Marie had just recruited some random squid off the streets of Inkopolis Square in a desperate bid to save her cousin and I got cheated out of a doctorate degree. Had to repeat a whole year of university because of that debacle. Makes my trigger finger itchy just remembering."
"Oi, oi. I'd hate to interrupt your pleasant little jaunt down memory lane but if you keep talking like that we'll be up to our pointy ears in irate Ocatarians looking to kick our schnooks in before we even get a chance to ask them about the suckling," Tres quipped as he casually jabbed an elbow at Quattro's side. "Honestly, it's a miracle you Inkos were able to foster peaceful relations at all with our round-eared cousins after driving them deep underground."
"Hey, give credit where credit is due. We've gotten a lot better about it in recent years," Quattro muttered, folding his arms.
"You know, our mutual acquaintance Octavio would disagree," Tres couldn't help but flash him a cheeky grin.
"Waaah!" Little Buddy nodded along.
"Alright, fine. Maybe not years. Maybe, more like... months," Quattro grumbled, rolling his eyes. He remained silent afterwards choosing instead to focus on the new surroundings the team had crossed over into.
The Xtapodi District was once one of three small villages early Splatlandian Octarians had settled in that would later form the foundation for Splatsville. So old is it that it still retains many of its original architecture from eras long since past.
Eroded stonework columns, ancient structures that had been renovated countless times over and beautifully carved statues were intertwined with modern steel, rubber cables and flashing neon; the resulting anachronistic mish mash of old and new lent the district a strange air of charm, a trait its denizens shared.
The Octarians living here were a proud and passionate people, never one to back down from adversity and facing all of life's challenges with a spring in their step and a song in their heart. They expressed that love for life by treating everything as if it were a turf war, always putting their best foot forward whether it was something as mundane and laborious as construction work to more intricate and nuanced professions such as practicing law.
There really was much about the Splatlands that is still being discovered, it truly was a whole new world for outsiders who've yet to experience it in all its splendor.
"Fascinating," Sheldon breathed, taking in the sights and sounds of the humble district with wonder in his eyes. "I've never been to this part of the city before. It never ceases to amaze me just how vastly different the culture of the people living here are compared to the ones back home. Seeing it all for the very first time is something I can't even put into words. We should snap a photo for posterity." He pulled out his phone and accessed its camera settings.
"If you're gonna do it, make it snappy," Quattro cut in. "Because as much as I'd like to take it easy and sightsee, once we start mouthing off about the suckling to the Octarians we're gonna find ourselves in a heap of trouble-"
"Say, cheese!" Sheldon didn't give them any moment to prepare before he started taking several selfies with the boys at every random locale of interest that they stumbled across, looking like a pack of bumbling tourists the whole way through. By the time Sheldon had his memories cataloged in photographic form everyone was seeing spots because he had left the flash setting on. "Ah, these are going in the scrapbook."
Blinking away the spots, Quattro gathered himself before speaking, "Alright, now that we've gotten that out of the way, who do we ask first?"
"Hmm..." Tres placed his hand against his chin as he looked deep in thought. He scanned the area around them, a humble row full of shops and various other mundane oddities, when his gaze landed upon a perfect group of Octolings to question. "Ooh, how about them?" He jabbed a thumb over yonder.
"How about who- Huack?!" Quattro choked on his own spit the moment his gaze landed on the group of Octolings Tres was pointing at.
Over by the corner of the row was an all girl biker gang consisting of several menacing Octolings and one, just one, equally as menacing Inkling.
They sported the quintessential look of sukeban bosozoku; face masks, sailor uniforms, long jackets, ripped jeans, chest wraps and other assorted fashion associated with their misbegotten ilk. Huddled around their oversized mechanically impressive motorcycles they chatted amongst themselves to the sound of heavy metal music loudly blaring from one of the vehicle's radios.
In the center of the group was who Quattro assumes is their leader and was perhaps one of the most physically intimidating Octoling he'd ever encountered in his long career as an agent. The murderous aura radiating off of her was palpable. It was enough to send his fight or flight response into overdrive, a feat that even the deadliest of Elite Octarians he'd encountered in Octo-Canyon were incapable of doing.
The Octoling in question wore a shredded white halter top with a black spike studded long jacket emblazoned with her gang's emblem along the back, a speeding sailfish gliding across the wide open seas, and maxi skirt. Her warty voluminous tentacles reached all the way to her back and were blacker than the oil that leaked from the motorcycles' engines, they pulsed and rippled with the same polychromatic sheen under the sunlight.
There was a stylized eyepatch over her left eye that served no other purpose than to make her look cool and intimidating. In her hands was a beat up looking kendo splatana that had seen more than its fair share of turf wars if the many, many notches on the hilt were anything to go by.
Perhaps the most terrifying aspect of all was her dreadful demonic visage, how her face seemed to be carved into this perpetual scowl with molten pools of dark amethyst for eyes that could make even the most stoic of souls shudder in its presence. Just having her gaze sweep in their general direction was enough to get Quattro and Sheldon to involuntarily wince as though they'd been scalded.
"Oi, slag! That's mah sweets ya keep gettin' yer filthy mitts on!" one of the biker girls snapped in a thick Splatlandian accent, baring sharpened teeth and a long snake-like tongue as she held onto her bag of gummy worms covetously. "Flak off en' getcher own!"
"T'aint mah fault ya sucha slow sea slug," the other girl replied, getting all up in the other's face with a sneer of her own. "Maybe that's why yer still single!"
"Are ya callin' me out?!" the first girl barked back, raising a fist in anger.
"I ain't callin' ya fer nuttin'!" the other girl responded by slugging the other across the cheek. Barely flinching from the sucker punch, the first girl started throwing hands and the pair quickly descended into a brutal bare knuckle brawl, tossing each other to the ground and ruthlessly pounding each other with their fists as the others looked on and cheered in amusement.
"What are they feeding the women in this city..." Quattro whispered beneath his breath before swallowing the lump that formed in his throat.
"Now there's a spirited group of Octarians if I ever saw one," Tres commented. "I'm gonna go talk to them."
"H-hey, yo, hold on," Quattro hastily latched a hand over Tres's shoulder right as he was about to walk towards the gang's direction, his expression grim. "Here's an idea; how about we don't confront the gang of aggressive biker chicks about their most taboo ritual?"
"I'm going to have to agree with Quattro's assessment on this one, Tres," Sheldon gulped. "Those girls look particularly prickly. Perhap it would be wise not to set them off."
"Guys, come on. It'll be fine, I know what I'm doing," Tres assured, casually peeling Quattro's hands off his shoulders.
"Do you really?" Quattro raised a brow.
"Look, have some faith in me. I saved the world, you know. Well, technically it was me, Little Buddy who turned into a frickin' kaiju, Octavio in his giant mecha suit and Deep Cut, though they weren't in space with me, but my point still stands. If I can handle battling my former mammalian employer in the cold uncaring depths of space then I can take a few lumps by a group of speedfreak Octarians, it'll be fine," Tres assured the pair. "In and out. Just like that."
"Waaah!" Little Buddy chirped, waving his fins and jumping up and down vigorously as if to say 'believe in him.'
"Tsk. Fine, fine. Just go ahead and get it over with already," Quattro conceded, throwing his hands up in the air. "But don't come crying to us if their boss decides to give you a colonoscopy with that splatana of hers."
"The two of us will be observing the situation to pick up on anything that you might have missed during the questioning... from a safe distance, of course," replied Sheldon with an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Wouldn't want to get caught in the crossfire now, would we?"
"Boy, you guys are just a regular ray of sunshine, aren't you?" Tres disregarded the warnings as he began marching towards the biker girls, girding himself for what came next. It didn't particularly matter to him if the Octarians got violent with him. He can handle a bit of pain, he was used to it, and in the grand scheme of things it was a small price to pay to ensure Shiver's well being. His heart ached again, with resolve and something else...
Upon approaching the gang they took notice of Tres's presence and trained their gaze on him, the brawling having stopped as a result. They sized him up, looking him up and down like a predator surveying potential prey. Quattro, Sheldon and Little Buddy carefully observe with bated breath from behind the corner, unable to take their eyes off of the scene as though witnessing the prelude to a disastrous trainwreck.
"Uuuuh, hey?" Tres started awkwardly with a raise of his hand, causing Sheldon and Quattro to facepalm nearby.
"He's doomed," Quattro muttered.
The leader, the Octoling with the warty black tentacles, rose from her spot on the corner and confronted Tres as her underlings observed with amused smiles, the splatana resting lazily over her shoulder. She was half a head taller than he was, which to any outsider would make her imposing, though as a native Tres was used to the sporadic difference in height and size that the Splatlands seemed to produce.
"...What? Ya lookin' fer trouble, ten-arms?" The Octoling growled, grip tightening around the handle of her weapon.
"Well, er, I was just in the neighborhood and I was just curious, you know, with all the hubbub about this and that... Uh, what I mean to say is, ahem, as a majority of you are Octarians I was wondering if you'd all be willing to share details about what the suckling is? I-if it's not too much of a bother that is," Tres concluded with a sheepish grin on his face.
There was a bout of silence after. Slow, grinding, uncomfortable silence so stark you could hear a pin drop. It felt as if the world stopped turning. What he said had clearly resonated with the Octolings, though they weren't quick to react as Gigantianna was. Rather they seemed trapped in shock, their leader especially seeing as her hardened attitude was dropped in favor of something akin to embarrassment.
Of course, the sole Inkling of the gang was confused about everything but joined in on the shenanigans anyway because she didn't want to feel left out.
Then, after what felt like hours, the leader finally reacted, albeit involuntarily. Her oily black tresses blossomed into a bright fiery nova orange that glowed and pulsed uncontrollably, they curled and unfurled like party horns, betraying her outward emotions. Her expression pinballed between righteous fury and sputtering flabbergast so quickly it looked like she was glitching out in real life. Eventually, it all came to head and she let her whims take hold of her.
"B-bwuah! Bub-buah! Q-qo'! (N-no!)" She babbled, hastily turning around and covering her face with both hands to hide her blushing face, swaying to and fro nervously as though she had just been asked her hand in marriage. "Qo', qo', qo'! (No, no, no!)" She repeated, her colors pulsing and flashing sporadically, heat building up in her cheeks as the gang watched on with all the gleeful amusement of immature gossip girls.
"Oooooh," the Octolings oohed, hiding their own blushes behind their hands as they let out a series of giggles after witnessing something so scandalous.
"Oooooh," the lone Inkling girl joined in shortly after, doing her best to sound enthused.
"Ahf' ymg' ah l' bug yog ah h' boss? (What are you gonna do about it, boss?)" one of the other Octolings challenged, a mischievous smirk plastered on her face.
"Y''m nafl Ra'Dy li'l h' mg! (I'm not ready!)" The leader shouted, turning around as she took her kendo splatana and swung it towards Tres's rear, giving it a powerful audible spank that left a bright orange stamp on his pants. He yelped in shock at the suddenness of the attack, it was enough to launch him into the air holding his keister.
"Gah!" Tres cried, rubbing his sore tush to help alleviate the sting.
"Ymg''re Mgvu'lgtnah uh'eor! (You're a horrible individual!)" She decried, swinging the splatana forward again to give Tres another vigorous love tap on the behind. "Ahagl ymg' ah get N'aII'I ai fa'Hff H'nah (Where do you get off saying those things!) Ymg' I'Nk'Ng ah nilgh'ri ahehyee (You Inkling boys are all the same!) Ymg' uh'eor Go'Tha ehye hn'Ah! (You only want one thing!) Dq'Olth'Tk! F'In'eS! R'Prb't! (Degenerates! Fiends! Reprobates!)"
"Come on, I don't even know what you're saying!" He attempted to defuse the situation, but his words fell on deaf ears however as the rest of the gang swiftly descended upon him, getting in line to form some heinous spank happy conveyor belt ready to dole out corporal punishment.
"No, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait!" One by one solid open hands collided with his hindquarters, resulting in a painful slap that sent the poor boy reeling each time. They were relentless, utterly impassioned with every strike delivered. This went on for a hot minute. Sheldon, Quattro and Little Buddy could only watch in silent horror as Tres was subjected to such terrible treatment.
By the time it was over, Tres was hobbling his way back to the others, his left cheek numb from pain and dripping with what he hoped was ink. A whistle caught his attention as he was leaving. He turned his head to see the leader with the kendo splatana resting on her shoulders. Uncharacteristically, she flashed him a playful little wink before joining up with her crew. He'd be flattered by the odd gesture if he didn't have his heart set on another Octoling.
"Well... That happened," Quattro coughed, trying to diffuse the air of shame that surrounded Tres as he rejoined the team. No one said anything for a while, still processing what it was they just experienced. Eventually he did manage to get the conversation going again. "Sooooo... Didja learn anything?"
"Only that I'm getting some mixed signals here," replied Tres, his head hung low and hand pressed firmly on his buttocks. "I mean they were still aggressive when I asked them about the suckling but oddly tender the whole way through when they got slap happy and in all honesty that just made the public emasculation a whole heckuva lot worse."
"I noticed that too. Very curious, it's similar yet at the same time different from how Gigantianna reacted," said Sheldon, resting a thumb on his chin "Hmm, what could it mean?"
"It's probably-"
*THWACK!*
"Gah!" Tres yelped again, doubling over as his rear was assaulted again by a delayed sneak attack. Snapping his head towards the culprit, Tres glared daggers at the Inkling biker who finally got her chance to slip in a hit when he wasn't looking, having missed the opportunity earlier when her other gangmates were going to town on him. She said nothing as she sped away back towards her crew, her shoes squeaking with each step she took.
Tres frowned. He felt like meat after that last hit, it was something that didn't go unnoticed by his fellows.
"...Hey, you want to talk about, you know?" Sheldon asked, his eyes full of pity.
"No... No, I don't think I will," Tres's expression turned stoic, finding the strength to stand up straight. "Anyway, looks like you're up for the next one, gyuppie. Hurry up and take your pick, we're burning daylight."
"Have I told you how much I hate this plan?" Quattro grimaced.
"Multiple times already, yes," Tres deadpanned.
"Waaah!" said Little Buddy, smacking a silver fin across Quattro's foot as if telling him to 'get a move on already.'
As they team moved onto the next group of Octarians to question they failed to notice the freak bolt of lightning that arced just overhead, nor were they aware of the fact that a full blown riot had just broken out in the Main Square...