"Man, that had to be our weirdest adventure yet!" I started with a satisfied sigh as my party and I headed home. "Let's never speak of it again or address it in any capacity."

Megumin spared me a befuddled look of some kind from atop Darkness' back. "I mean…when you say it like that, it kinda makes me want to talk about it, but alright I guess. Did I ever tell you how weird you can be sometimes, Jack?"

"It's Jack, when is he ever not weird?" Aqua immediately retorted, stunning me as I suddenly found myself in the middle of a diss-fire. "Even when it's not his usual brand of evil mumbo-jumbo, he just does and says whatever he wants without a filter; truly an oddball at his core."

"The irony of that statement is palpable. Luckily for all of us, I am far too tired to contest it," Darkness huffed with a small laugh, still in good spirits as usual after a successful mission (or failed mission for that matter). "Jack may have his quirks, but it's not as if any of us are traditionally 'normal' either."

"Thank you, Darkness," I enunciated for the two hypocrites as I placed a hand on the knight's shoulder pad. "At least some of us around here respect me for who I am. This is exactly why evil masters like us are so underappreciated these days."

"Oh, I'm working up to a proper response, I assure you. But for now you're in the clear," Darkness quipped, actually laughing at the offended look on my face. She'd been getting ever so slightly flippant lately. I was kind of hoping that it was her inner evil finally coming out! Doubtful, but a man can dream.

"Oh, right, I almost forgot, being your friend doesn't exempt me from getting flak from you guys…" I grumbled with my arms crossed, though a part of me felt strangely happy about it from some reason. Weird. I really hope Dark's masochistic tendencies aren't starting to rub off on me…don't take that out of context.

"Oh, c'mon! We're not that bad! What's a little ribbing between buddies?" Aqua snorted, turning to face me and offering a bright smile. "All it means is that we care about each other, right? No reason not to poke fun at the people you trust the most!"

Megumin, who was struggling to restrain a smarmy grin, suggested, "Either that or we're all a bunch of dicks and just don't want to admit it."

Aqua looked like she wanted to refute her, but faltered for a moment before ultimately giving a loose shrug. Fine by me, really, since it at least acknowledges me as being a dick. Jack Spicer for world's supreme jerk wad, baby!

As we got closer to the mansion, I noticed a few of the GuardBots were outside, seemingly waiting for us. This wasn't that odd, obviously, since a handful of them patrol the premises most hours of the day, even when we're out and about. Still, given how tight the assembly was, it seemed like they might be discussing something.

"Hey guys, we're home!" I declared as we got closer, taking note of how stiff they got upon registering our arrival, even by robot standards. "What's going on? Sigma Squad didn't throw another party while I was gone, did they?"

"I don't recall your bots throwing any parties in the past," Megumin chimed from Dark's back.

"It was something they did infrequently back home. Still anticipating it to happen again at some point," I replied lazily before focusing my attention to the frontmost GuardBot. "You got that look on your faceplate like you messed up. Spill."

The bot fiddled with his claws nervously as it explained, "Well, master, uh…we were conducting our usual patrols when we spotted what appeared to be an intruder attempting an unauthorized entry into the front door at the last minute and…well…"

Before I could motion him to go on, a hoarse, elderly voice from behind his group suddenly cried out.

"For the love of Eris – TELL THESE VILE THINGS TO RELEASE ME!"

Scowling, I stepped forward and moved past the bots and spotted who they were holding: an older man dressed sharply and carrying some kind of letter or correspondence. I turned back to my minions, far from impressed.

"GUYS! How did you let someone get close enough to breach the outer perimeter?! We have a guard rotation system for a reason, c'mon now!"

"JACK!" A booming voice shouted, making me quake in my combat boots. I suddenly found myself in the shadow of a very unhappy Darkness looming over me like a colossus. The LITTLE Crimson Demon she was previously carrying on her back apparently disregarded in the ensuing chaos. "Either make them release him or I shall do it myself. Am I understood, mister?"

"Gah! Alright, alright, crystal clear! Standing down!" I sputtered anxiously, shocked to see Darkness get into such a tizzy. Granted, this specific situation had never come up before, but I still wasn't expecting a volatile reaction like that. I hastily motioned for the bots to let the man go, which they did swiftly.

"Good heavens! The last thing I expected today was to get jumped by flying, talking golems!" The butler-looking geezer breathed, putting his hands to his knees as he tried to collect himself. "I am getting far too old for this level of chicanery…"

"Hagan, I am so very sorry about this! I expected the bots to show some proper manners, not detain you!" Darkness apologized profusely, much to the surprise of both myself and the other girls. She knew this guy somehow? "What brings you to our home on such short notice?"

Before the old-timer could get a word in edgewise, Aqua (who scooped Megumin off the ground where Dark accidentally let her fall) inserted herself into the conversation with all the grace of a wrecking ball.

"Hey Lalatina, is this guy one of your servants from home? You're nobility and he looks like the butler type, so it must be the case, Lalatina! Oh – can I have him make me tea that isn't lukewarm like the tea Wiz makes for me, Lalatina?"

While Darkness was busy reeling from Aqua's overabundant use of the word she despised most, Hagen answered diligently. "I am a servant, yes, though my official title and duties are not limited to butler. And while I currently don't have any desire to reside on this property longer than I must, perhaps I could provide tea another time."

"Y'know, I've become so accustomed to mechanical servants that meeting a normal one is almost surreal to me now," Megumin commented idly from Aqua's back. "Then again, I grew up poor, so I don't have much in the way of a frame of reference to begin with."

"Trust me, there's a scaling method when it comes to it, highs and lows. It just so happens that there's more highs when it comes to robots," I chimed in, before lightly elbowing the still catatonic Darkness and shot her a pointed look. "So…you weren't expecting this guy to show up, huh? You know I could've made proper adjustments to the routine had you told me we were having unexpected company."

Groaning irritably and running a hand down her firetruck-red face, Darkness did that gesture adults tend to do when they want all the kids around them to shut the fuck up already. "Everyone, PLEASE! I know this will be hard for you all, but might Hagan and I have a few minutes of your silence? Gods above, I can hardly hear myself think right now!"

Sure enough, that got her the silence she requested. The entire yard fell quiet save for the sounds of nature…

And the brave muttering from one of the nearby bots.

"Well, that wasn't very noble-like, now was it?"

"I SHALL KILL YOU!"

That aggressive, downright primal response elicited a frightened beep from the automaton as he zipped back inside for safety. Considering how Darkness didn't go chasing after him (merely standing in place and hunched over like an angry gorilla), I got the impression that was just all bluff and bluster. Even so, I discreetly dismissed the rest of the GuardBots, who were more than willing to excuse themselves at that given moment.

"Uh…" Hagan started hesitantly, snapping Lalatina back to sinking reality. "Would Lady Dustiness prefer if she were to go lie down first before doing anything she might regret?"

"…no. No, I-I will compose myself. I apologize for getting so flustered, I just…" Darkness cut herself off, briefly cupping her face in what could have been a late attempt to conceal her blush or just residual embarrassment. "Why have you come here, Hagan? Were you sent by my father, is he alright?"

"Oh, well…admittedly, the good master has been feeling a tad under the weather these past few days. Nothing serious yet, but something I felt I should inform you about regardless. However, that's hardly the reason why I was sent over," Hagan explained carefully, extending the envelope stamped with the Dustiness emblem if I remember correctly. "He wanted me to make sure you received this letter at all costs."

Darkness accepted the letter hastily, taking it from the old man's hands and practically tore it open, reading the contents of the paper to herself. She paled significantly as she did so. Naturally, the girls and I are standing next to her were getting more and more worried by the second the longer she stared at it.

"So, uh…what's it say?" I asked tentatively, unsure if speaking would set the woman off again.

After taking a deep breath and gaining a bit of her composure back, she explained. "It's…a message from Princess Iris."

Now that got our full attention. We all (except for Megumin obviously) stood up straighter and waited for her to go on with bated breath

"Apparently, she's slotted out a short period of time from her duties to host a formal apology dinner party for us. Supposedly, it is to congratulate us for our progress on the debt as well as originally planning to have Jack beheaded for his alleged premediated crime."

"She wanted to do what now!?" I squawked.

"She only wanted you to serve you your just desserts for trying to bomb the capital," Aqua said in a "no duh" sort of manner like I actually needed a fucking explanation! "This is a medieval fantasy world, Jack, c'mon now; keep up."

"It was an ACCIDENT!I was never trying to – ah, forget it! You unintentionally blow up a major city one time, and now it's all you're ever known for…"

"Lucky…" I heard Megumin growl in a somewhat rueful tone.

"Don't start with me, explosion freak."

"Anyway, a dinner party hosted by royals in our name sounds like a lotta fun!" Aqua mindlessly cheered, her infectious enthusiasm seemingly spreading to Megumin as well. I wasn't going to let it affect me this time, however. "I don't see why you and Darkness look so unhappy about it though. Why are you two being such sticks-in-the-mud, huh?"

"Aside from my grudge with Iris – which yes, I am still petty about – I just can't stand these kinds of social events. My parents used to host business parties all the time back home; even forced me to attend some of them. They're total snob fests. Not to mention boring in general…"

"While I cannot say I agree with your sentiments regarding Iris, I'm not a particular fan of these events myself," Darkness admitted, seemingly having calmed down significantly while still wearing an obvious expression of nervousness. "I've been forced to attend many parties as well, and I can count on one hand the number of which I've actually enjoyed."

Wow, same boat as me then, huh? Given her disdain towards corrupt nobles and how much she preaches about that responsibility garbage, I honestly wasn't expecting that kind of answer. Then again, I guess it should've been obvious that a thrill-seeking masochist degenerate would rather be out on the battlefield than chatting it up with some self-absorbed elitist in a stuffy dress.

…Goddamnit, now I'm picturing Darkness in a dress and I'm feeling uncomfortable again.

"Well, if the princess is inviting all of us, then we'll be sure to spice things up on your behalf! We'll be the life of the party, the talk of the town!" Megumin encouraged, getting more and more pumped up along with Aqua. "Darkness, as your comrade, I promise that this will be an event that will stick with you for the rest of your life!"

Crazy as it sounds, that only made Darkness even more nervous. She looked about ready to pass out on the spot, and this time not from ecstasy.

"W-while the offer is terribly polite of you, I'm afraid I must request the opposite. I would like our attendance to be a footnote at best, which would mean best behavior, all of you," Darkness replied swiftly, sending me in particular a warning look before continuing with a sigh. "If it were just about anyone else, I might just consider sending back a lie, but for Iris…we need to attend."

Aqua frowned at Darkness before it morphed into a mildly irritated expression. "Hey now, c'mon Darkness! Do you really think so little of us that you'd be willing to make us skip out if it wasn't for Iris? It's not like we would do anything there to disgrace your family name! Give us a little more credit, girl."

"Yeah, we know how to behave ourselves when necessary, Lalatina," Megumin snarked back in agreement. "We're a team for crying out loud, we have each other's backs! All we wanted to do was make this dinner party a little more interesting for your sake. Whatever happened to good old fashioned comradery, hm?"

"Megumin, I assure you, my request isn't personal, but you all need to understand the delicacy of the situation. This is a party full of nobles, the pinnacle of Belzerg society. Attendees are expected to act a certain way under the best circumstances, but in this case…"

She trailed off for a moment, casting me yet another, far more worried look as she continued. "The wrong word or action here could present a political tidal wave, one even Iris may not be able to ignore. Many are still upset with the objectively loose consequences we've endured for the Destroyer Incident, and if Iris changes her mind from public outcry or on her own accord…we'd all be in unspeakable trouble."

My hand instinctively went to cover my throat as I quietly gulped. This world may be far behind on technological science, but if they can make running water through the use of magic and a working PA system, they can sure as hell invent guillotines. The letter from Iris herself pretty much implies it. I may not come from a "noble" family in the traditional sense, but I understood how unforgiving high society could be towards those deemed undesirable.

"Alright, alright, you made your point. Best behavior of the highest caliber is required," I muttered while bringing my hands up in a surrender motion. However, despite my previous worries about literally losing my head, a playfully devious plan was already coming to fruition in the back of my mind. For now, though, I'd keep that little idea on lockdown. "So, what should we actually do regarding this party, then? I'll follow your lead, we all will, but you need to give us something solid here."

"Well, acquiring appropriate clothing is first and foremost," Darkness explained diligently, transitioning once again into the adult mode she probably uses during noble events. "I may be able to lend one of my dresses to Aqua, though we may have to get one tailor-made for Megumin. There's also the matter of getting you a tuxedo, young man. There is no way you are attending this dinner party dressed the way you are."

"Yeah, I remember. If we don't have any luck in town, I can just whip up a fabricator of some kind and make us proper formal wear…" I murmured, before noticing that Hagan was still standing nearby, likely waiting to be dismissed. "Ah, Dark? You mind giving your guy the go ahead?"

With a curt nod, Darkness signaled her butler/messenger to leave, which he did so hastily, likely not wanting to stick around any longer than he had to. Good riddance, I say. His old person smell was starting to stink up my lawn.

"Alright, so, we should probably head inside before discussing more details. Like I said, you're leading us here, so feel free to give guidance about whatever through this process," I remarked, starting for the door after Darkness' nod of approval with the girls following me in. "If we plan this out right, we should get through this party as easy as pie!"

But little did they know that I had plans of my own already formulating in my genius head. Admittedly, some luck was going to play a factor, something I am notoriously lacking as evident by my stats. That said, the potential payoff for everything going off without a hitch was too tantalizing to just pass up. The girls will probably be a little cross with me either way, but as a certain fifteen-hundred-year-old evil spirit once taught me, sometimes it's better to keep things on a need-to-know basis.

Man, I am so evilly brilliant that I give myself goosebumps!

Well, this is probably the shortest chapter I've uploaded that isn't an intermission. I hope that is alright with you all. Originally, this was part of a longer chapter, but considering how it jumps to a week later as they're all getting ready for the event, I felt that it would be better pacing wise if I just broke it up with this being the kick off point to another mini arc. Lemme know what you all think and if it doesn't feel right, I'll stitch them back up into one chapter like how it was first written. For now, though, I think this is the right call to make here.

Anyway, I've been wanting to bring back Princess Iris for a good while now. I've noticed a few reviewers take issue with how she basically let Jack and the others off the hook way back when they were on the run and how it was kind of contrived. To that I say...understandable. I probably could've come up with a better way of resolving their little crisis, I admit. If I may share my thought process for a moment, I liked to think that is was a multitude of factors combined with Iris not being a heartless ruler that ultimately influenced her decision when it came to dealing with Jack's fuckup. Kazuma personally stepping up to defend Jack when all the other adventurers were too afraid to speak out, the heir to the highly trusted Dustiness House defending Jack, and handing over the remains of a dead Demon General they just killed as proof they weren't in cahoots with the kingdom's enemy. As for Kazuma getting close to the princess, I feel like part of the reason Iris was drawn to him in the LN was because he didn't completely treat her as this unapproachable and powerful leader; he treated her like a reasonable person just as he would with anybody else. So for him to be willing to stand up to her when she came to Axel to find Jack despite Serena making it clear that that sort of thing could be considered treason, I imagine that sort of intrigued Iris to an extent, with one thing leading to another and now he's riding in her personal carriage and conversing with her.

But once again, I understand how all that may seem contrived regardless. Part of my reasoning was that Natsume Akatsuki (Konosuba's author) kind of used contrivances himself when it came to his writing. I love the guy's work, don't get me wrong, but not everything in it is tightly written imo, and there are moments where I think he could've/should've explained something a little more in-depth and not just pull something out of his ass. Even so, just because he uses contrivances sometimes in his story doesn't mean I should use that as an excuse for my own contrivances. I thought it was okay at the time and I shouldn't have used his work as an example to validate my errors. I apologize, I'll try to do better next time.

Hopefully I've explained myself thoroughly and rationally here. I'll let you all go about your day now. Peace!