I sighed in front of my doorstep. I can't even enter my own house anymore without stalling. What should've been a day for self-congratulation was dampened because I knew I'd have to talk to her when delivering the news to the gang. And my heart just didn't feel ready yet for a direct confrontation after our agreed upon space.

It'd been about a week since the dinner party, and things were still…tense around the mansion. Megumin and Aqua bounced back pretty quick, all things considered, but Darkness was obviously still holding a grudge. Incidental conversations between us were short and awkward on the best of days. Otherwise, we did what we could to stay out of each other's way.

But, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining. Chris finally stopped by yesterday with my share of the booty from our collaborative heist a while back. True to her word (apparently there is some honor among thieves), she had sold off all of Alderp's valuables to the underground Thieves' Guild and walked out with fat stacks of unmarked eris. The cut she gave me was enough to cover the last of the debt, with enough left over to spare. Today was the day my party and I were free from indentured servitude…for the second time.

Of course, this was awesome news, and under just about any other circumstances, it'd be a source of celebration…but with how things were currently, it really didn't seem like any of them were really up for it, Dark least of all. Still, just cause they weren't in the mood for such news doesn't mean I could just skip over it.

With that in mind, I opened the door and was immediately greeted by the JackBot that usually offered to take my coat as per routine. This time, however, I ordered him to go fetch the girls and bring them into the living room for a team meeting. I even told him no rush so I could give myself more time to psyche up for when Darkness entered the scene. As long as I keep the focus of the conversation onto the good news, I should be golden…for the time being anyway.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, I found the girls waiting and assembled in the living room. Megumin and Aqua still seemed to be faring better than our crusader, who was still uncharacteristically keeping to herself. She didn't really bother to interact much these days. Sure, she'd have no problems talking to the other girls (even if they had to be the ones to annoy her first), but for the most part? Either in her bedroom getting her freak on or in the dojo working out like crazy.

Seriously, how many times does this chick need to exercise or masturbate to get over herself already? And before you ask: no, I can't confirm if she actually does do the latter in her spare time. But, I mean, c'mon, it's not that far of a stretch.

…

I should probably get on with the announcement instead of thinking about Darkness touching herself – Jesus, Jack, what the fuck, man?

"AHEM! Glad everyone could make it today," I started, internally wincing when I cleared my throat a little too loudly for my liking. "I've rounded you all up to let you in on some good news for once. Last night, Chris dropped off my share of the haul I helped her steal from that fat bastard noble a few miles up north. Just got back from the guild and, as of now, we are no longer in debt."

Naturally, Aqua was the first to respond with an enthused whoop of delight, capping the celebration with a flurry of party tricks. Megumin was also on a similar level of verbose enthusiasm, babbling her usual string of Crimson Demon mannerisms with appropriate flair.

As for Darkness…

"That's good," The knight said simply and with a curt nod. Her face didn't betray any emotion (none that were obvious to me anyway). "I still would've preferred we had earned that money honestly but, nevertheless, I am glad the debt is finally settled."

For once, I held my tongue and just nodded in reply before turning my attention back to the others. I really, really didn't want to risk escalating things, so until Darkness was ready to play ball again, I planned to continue steering clear of her. Sucks, I know, but I wasn't the one being snippy here, now was I?

"Well, I don't know about you, but I think this calls for a grand Explosion worthy of such a milestone!" Megumin cheered. "It's a good thing I decided to hold off on my daily run today or I would've exploded prematurely."

"Must you make it a habit of making innuendos out of your hobby?" I asked her with a blank stare. I wasn't even sure if she was doing it on purpose at this point. Maybe she's been hanging around our local masochist too much...

"It's only an innuendo if you see it as one, dope," Megumin shot back without the slightest bit of hesitation. "Come on, seriously, Jack! We're finally free from another bout of debt! You should be pumped like us!"

Aqua – ever the chipper woman – was quick to add, "Yeah, at least smile or something! I know you're going for that whole 'goth-emo' look or whatever you silly Americans call it, but you usually can't pull it off anyway. So just let loose and be cheerful already!"

"Excuse me, what's that supposed to mean? I so too pull it off! I'm always dark and cool and edgy. That's, like, my thing, y'know?"

"Can't fool us, Jack! We know there's a positive spark somewhere in that deep, dark soul of yours!" The two-bit goddess chortled, poking with just a little too much reckless abandon. She really was willing to risk souring my decent-ish mood, wasn't she? Who am I kidding, of course she was, this is Aqua we're talking about. "If there was ever a time to let it out, now is it~!"

"First, quit poking me. I'm not a shiny red button for you to press," I grumbled while trying to swat her hand away. It was in vain. "Second, it's not like I'm not happy we cleared the debt; I'm actually pleased as punch. It's just that…uhh…I don't feel like wasting all my energy right now. Maybe later once I take a power nap."

Another bold faced lie. Truth was, I wasn't feeling up to celebrating knowing Darkness would have no part of it. Maybe I was going soft, or there was some stupid twinge of something in my genius brain, but as long as we were at odds, I just couldn't bring myself to the same theatric highs I normally managed.

"Booooo! Laaaaame!" Megumin jeered. "That's not the Jack I know. The real Jack would take me out to a satisfying Explosion run and prattle on about all the weird ways to celebrate. This is a big moment for us, we can't waste it by sitting quietly at home. We've gotta go out and do something – ANYTHING!"

"Alright, alright, FINE! If you're so desperate for entertainment, how's this for a wager? If any of you can come up with an idea that really speaks to me, we'll do it. So come on, start spitballin'!"

"Are you implying that watching me explode things doesn't do it for you anymore?" Megumin quickly asked with a raised eyebrow as she eyed me up and down. "Watch how you answer that, 'cuz if I don't like what I hear, I'll put the 'demon' back in 'Crimson Demon', got it…?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm just saying, we can do your Explosion practice at any time. You guys are itching for something special, so name it!" I shot back, quite serious for once. If these two wanted to do something so bad, they had to do the leg work for once.

"Oh, OH! I know!" Aqua piped up excitedly. "Remember how we talked about going somewhere for vacation after we paid off the debt? Well, with your flying limo, we could go anywhere we want AND save money on travel expenses! Pl~us, I just so happen to have the perfect vacay spot in mind~"

"I got a sneaking suspicion Hell froze over, 'cuz that actually doesn't sound half bad," I admitted with a smirk as Aqua seemed to utterly miss the snide edge in my comment, still smiling dumbly. "But there's still plenty of time to go downhill. Where exactly did you have in mind?"

Firmly planting her boot on the coffee table, Aqua slowly and dramatically unfurled her Japanese fans with this intense look of concentration on her face. What followed was more or less a grander version of her Nature's Beauty party trick as a light rain mist sprinkled down on us after we essentially got flash banged by magic. I was about to yell her ear off about my photosensitive eyes when I noticed the mini rainbow she left behind actually spelled out a word:

"...Antarctica?"

"That says 'Alcanretia', Jack." Darkness supplied dryly, her tone once again lacking that warm…je ne sais quoi behind it. "It is the holy city of the Axis Order. Famous for their hot springs as well as infamous for their…a-arrogant citizens."

An entire city that serves as the main headquarters for Aqua's crazy-ass followers!? Well no wonder she was so hyped to suggest a place like that!

"NUH-UH. So not happening," I said to Aqua's face, secretly getting a kick out of watching her drop her fans in complete shock, like she somehow wasn't expecting that kind of answer. "What makes you think I want to go straight into that hornet's nest?"

"Wha—it is NOT a hornet's nest, you meanie!" The demigod shot back, stomping angrily like a little kid not getting her way. "My followers aren't that bad; it's just all blown out of proportion! They're actually really sweet, I promise!"

Given the accounts Megumin shared about having to get physical with some of them coupled with the odd encounter I've had with one such follower stationed in town (I think her name was Cindy or something?), I wasn't buying it. Plus, I couldn't help but overhear Darkness breathing a little more heavily than usual. Anything that gets that one all hot and bothered is never good.

"Look, Aqua. Loyalty to your minions is important, I get it. Really, I do," I admitted, holding up my hand to cut off her swift retort as I continued. "However, it seems like the general consensus is that your followers are batshit crazy, and I'm not sure I'm desperate enough for a vacation that I can justify that."

"But, but, but…" Aqua stammered hopelessly. "Alcanretia is, like, this country's #1 resort! It's the only place in Belzerg that has enchanted hot springs that'll make you feel like you were personally blessed by me! Not to mention all the friendly faces running the place! There'll be a lot of cute guys and girls in town you know~ That's gotta sound pleasing to you, right?"

I was on the verge of shutting her down; to explain to her in vivid detail that, yes, while cute guys and girls were a positive selling point, there were a hundred and one negatives to occur in a city full of religious zealots. But something made me falter. Some tiny, itty-bitty spark of weakness in my chest.

They needed a vacation. Hell – I needed a vacation…and the idea of a hot spring city didn't sound completely awful…

"…maybe," I relented, trying my darndest to fight back the blush I felt coming on. "You know what? Fine. We'll give Albuquerque or whatever a shot. But the nanosecond your followers start bugging us to join your religion, we leave and I get exclusive rights to say I told you so. Deal?"

"You drive a hard bargain…but a bargain all the same!" Aqua cheered as her exuberance returned with a vengeance and forced me to bite back an annoyed sigh. "You guys are gonna LOVE IT, trust me!"

"I'll admit, I do remember the place looking beautiful back when I was still traveling," Megumin confessed with something that resembled a wistful smile. "If nothing else, at least we won't be looking at an eye sore during our stay. And I never did get the chance to try out those hot springs…Speaking of which, how are we doing on money right now? Still got enough left over from when we sold Keele's stuff?"

"Lookin' pretty good at the moment. Not half as rich as I'd prefer, but we shouldn't go hungry for a few weeks now," I reassured with a confident smirk. Considering I'd managed to keep our spending habits under tight control for a while now, I was feeling pretty proud of myself.

"Then perhaps you can spare one more mouth to feed, boy who hides his insecurities behind a mask of villainy?"

There goes the happy feeling…as well as another shred of my dignity as I let out a girly shriek. Though, to be fair, I wasn't expecting visitors just waltzing into our house, least of all him.

We all turned around to find who else but Vanir at the doorway to our living room, an unconscious and weirdly transparent Wiz on his back. As if that wasn't strange enough, 2.0 himself was looking awfully crumbly this evening. As in, his clay body was cracked with little bits and pieces falling off here and there.

"OI! How did you pass my barrier, shit-demon!?" Aqua demanded while summoning her staff.

"And how did you get past my GuardBots!?" I added, pulling out…a wrench I had in my coat. Maybe not as cool as summoning a real weapon, but I left my crossbow downstairs.

"A Duke of Hell can make short work of both your magic and your toys. Do not mistake Moi for an amateur just because you and your friends got lucky and bested Moi once," Vanir replied swiftly, seemingly entirely unfazed by our defensive stances as he wandered over to where Darkness stood, offering her the semi-transparent lich.

"Hold this please, perverted knight. Moi has a proposal to make- -"

I was about to go off on the pompous immortal for trashing my babies again when Aqua beat me to the punch by trying to take him out with a Sacred Exorcism. Much like before, Vanir dodged the spell with inhuman speed and stared at the water goddess blankly. At least…I think that was meant to be a blank stare. Kinda hard to tell when that mask is technically part of his face. Or was that actually supposed to be his face…?

"Honestly, so little patience. Moi was just getting to it, you blue buffoon!" He huffed in evident agitation, before straightening out his suit and turning his attention to me in particular. "Spicer, Moi needs you to watch over this sad excuse of a shopkeeper for a few days while he cleans up another one of her messes. Moi recognizes you aren't the altruistic type, so Moi is willing to bargain if need be."

"Oh, I see how it is," I started, narrowing my eyes at the wannabe supervillain. "First, you try to kill me and my friends because you heard some vague rumor through the cosmic grapevine. Then, you arrange some kind of deal with Satou over manufacturing technology when that's my bread and butter. Now, you come barging into my home to ask me to do you a solid? You've got a lotta nerve, 2.0. If I didn't sort of admire that to an extent, I'd be so cross with you right about now."

"Yes, yes. Moi is torn up beyond words that you're less than thrilled with the current arrangement," Vanir scoffed dismissively, cocking his head to the side and actually adapting a thoughtful expression for a moment. "But you do realize Moi never considered bringing you in on the same deal as Satou because you are fairly antagonistic in nature, yes?"

"Well DUH I'm antagonistic! Wouldn't be a very good antagonist if I wasn't, now would I? Sheesh, it's almost hard to believe you were once on Team Bad Guy. This is First Grade knowledge, dude. Still, you're the one who backed the wrong horse here, not me."

While his expression never faltered, the glare Vanir shot my way seemed to sum up his evident annoyance pretty nicely. Not that I cared much, considering the demonic dickhead had broken into our home, dumped his undead buddy on us, and then tried to spark some kind of deal.

"Awww! Is Mister Big Bad Demon Man getting angy~?" Aqua teased with a sinister aura that ironically rivaled the devil she was looking down on. "Oh! And would you look at that? Your body is looking a little worse for wear there. For someone who claims he can make short work of my magic, that teensy-weensy barrier I set up seems like it did quite a number on you~ I'm not so sure you're really in a position to be making demands…"

For the briefest of moments, I thought Vanir was about to tear his hair out in frustration (a common side-effect when one hangs around Aqua for extended periods). But before he could let his anger get the better of him, he suddenly straightened himself out. He seemed to regain his cool as he was now gazing down at us with this downright domineering grin on his face.

A chill ran down my spine.

"My dear, sweet, tantalizingly frustrating friends…Moi's patience grows dangerously thin. Moi could cast all of you, goddess included, into an unendingly painful inferno that would make you wish Moi had settled for a quick death. Instead, Moi has elected to be amicable today. But if you are so insistent on being antagonistic…"

While Aqua stood her ground like the idiot she was, I had the right idea to step back with my hands up to show the bigger animal I was no threat. The goddess and Duke of Hell stared each other down, neither one refusing to back down and almost silently daring the other to make the first move. However, before a fight of literal biblical proportions could break out, the tension was all but erased when Darkness spoke up.

"Um, excuse me, Vanir? I know now's probably not a good time to ask but…m-might I get a more vivid description of that h-horrible inferno you mentioned~?"

"Yes, you get a sunny field full of harmless bunny rabbits wherein you are pampered for all eternity. Moi is well aware that normal threats don't…work on…please don't tell Moi you're actually getting off to being denied a personal hell."

"You kinda/sorta/not really get used to it…" I mumbled somewhat apologetically to the Duke of Hell. Partly because I didn't want to break Darkness out of her little trance and partly because I was once in his polished shoes. "Anyway, tell ya what, Vanir: you probably already had a 'vision' about how this will all end, so I'll just save fate the time of day and agree to look after Wiz. I mean, this was supposed to be a family vacation but…well, there's always worse company to have I guess. Besides, anyone who has to suffer through that girl's financial decisions deserves a little sympathy, evil or not."

"Thank you. See? Was that so hard?" Vanir huffed as he threw up his arms. "Honestly, all the threatening and such, so very tedious. Moi finds it so much more beneficial to simply talk through things like civilized adults."

"You tried to kill me the first time we met."

"And Moi has decided to let bygones be bygones."

"I don't see why you're complaining," Megumin muttered with a blank face, having been a passive observer throughout all this. "I thought you subsisted off negative emotions."

"Correction: Moi subsists off others' negative emotions. Mine do not count," The devil man replied matter-of-factly, tilting his head in Darkness' direction before smirking. "For example, with Moi's amazing mind-reading capabilities, he can spill the secrets that are sure to get a rise out of even the most depraved! Isn't that right, slutty crusader who likes to pose in the explosion girl's dresses when no one is around?"

Naturally, all pairs of eyes, my own included, swiveled over to Darkness following the demon's latest quip. Our crusader's face was already blushing prior, but now it burned a bright scarlet, and this time her eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets now that she had been outed. The images running through my mind at that moment…dangerous was putting it mildly.

"Wait – is THAT why some of my clothes have been stretched out lately!?" Megumin cried to the older woman, eyes flashing red like warning lights for a machine that's about to go critical. "What the hell, Slutiness!? You tryin' to make a statement about my body type compared to yours? I'll fight you, bimbo!"

"M-M-M-MEGUMIN! That was never my intention, I-I swear!" Darkness sputtered desperately as the Crimson Demon looked about ready to body slam her (not that it would have much of an effect). Still, the image was kinda funny, and much more PG in my head than the others. So I was willing to watch this play out. I wasn't alone on this either.

"HO-Ho-HOOO! The genuine shame! The deep-seated insecurities! Moi lives for these kinds of negative emotions!" Vanir announced to himself with plenty of gusto and showmanship. "Catfights really do bring out the worst in humans, male and female alike. Moi simply can't get enough of them!"

"Please…don't fight…" Murmured the barely conscious Wiz in Dark's hands, still transparent for some reason. "Vanir's…really not that bad…when you get to know him…is that Beldia I see waving at me…?"

"Oh yeah, should probably take care of that," I muttered, walking over to where Darkness was holding Wiz. After taking a moment to judge the logistics of the scenario, I ultimately decided the risk was good enough for the reward and extended one hand out to Dark. "Hand, please."

"Wha – JACK! Now is not exactly the best time here!" Darkness squawked with a blazing red face and tears forming in the corner of her eyes. "Can't you see I'm busy salvaging my integrity? Also, I'm still upset with you!"

"Ugh, fine. Might as well dig the hole deeper..."

Figuring that I couldn't get into any more trouble with her, I grabbed Dark's wrist and Wiz's in turn before using Drain Touch. Sure enough, it worked like a dream as the lich was becoming solid again in mere seconds. I gotta say, undead spells? Pretty damn dope…hopefully I'd get to use them again after Darkness finished violently wringing my neck.

In the midst of all my choking noises and the extended laughter coming from 2.0, I used my free arms to frantically call the JackBots. Less than two seconds later, a small swarm of them wrestled with the crazy bitch's hands to release me. Whether they succeeded on their own or because Darkness finally came to her senses made little difference to me. I was freed and left to cough for a bit while I sucked in precious oxygen. As I tended to my bruising neck, I mustered up enough strength to at least croak out a sentence.

"…now I know how Bart Simpson must feel…"

"Jack, you could've explained what you were doing before you did that! Probably would have prevented the attempted murder!" Megumin scolded, which was about as helpful as expected post-strangulation. But still more helpful than Aqua who put her hatred for Vanir aside to join in on the laughter (stupid goddess). "How'd you even know that would work on Wiz?"

"Full disclosure? I didn't," I admitted after taking an involuntary gulp, wincing when I found out even doing that kinda hurt. "Holy magic is basically like acid to her kind so I just assumed using an undead spell would do the trick. At least we know for sure now, yeah? That's gotta count for something."

"Moi…Moi truly shouldn't be surprised anymore. He really shouldn't," Vanir mused with another low chuckle, clearly having a great time indulging in our mass discomfort. However, he swiftly turned on his heel and started for the exit finally. "Well, Moi shan't hold you up any longer! Farewell for now, foolish adventurers!"

"Yeah, that's right, scram you lowly creature of the night!" Aqua proclaimed after she was no longer operating on the same mocking wavelength as him. "You were starting to stink up the joint with your demonic BO. Like, pee-YEW does it smell bad! Get out – GET OUT YOU NASTY DEMON!"

For once, Vanir seemed content enough to leave Aqua to her nutty ramblings, exiting the way he came in with an elated pep in his step. Guess at least one of us should enjoy the madness of what was our usual daily routine. Anyway, brushing myself off, I turned to the now conscious Wiz and threw up my hands expectantly.

"So…how exactly did you manage this one!?"

The lich squeaked, "Oh! Um…well…I came across a merchant offloading a shipment of these magic portable toilets that make the sound of rushing water for privacy whenever you…do your business while out adventuring. They sounded like a marvel idea, so I bought them all thinking they would fly off the shelves in my store."

"Buuuut?" I drawled out with a raised brow. "I'm waiting for that but."

"W-well…the noise was particularly loud, enough to draw undesired attention from monsters…and one flush is enough to cause a flood…" Wiz continued, her eye downcast as she started to put to words just how poor of an investment this was. "A-after I told Vanir, he got upset and zapped me with his Murder Ray again."

All of us, JackBots included, stared at the undead shopkeep for a long while. Eventually, though, we all spoke our minds.

"You have a problem."

"I know…"

Well whaddaya know? Only 1 month since my last update instead of 2? Must be an early Christmas miracle!

But in all seriousness, I've been wondering if I should try to go for shorter length chapters and try to reserve my usual longer ones for when more important stuff is going on in the plot. This chapter is technically only the first half of a bigger one (combined word count of 9,000+) so consider this an experiment I guess. I just really didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer for new content so I chopped this one in half. Let me know your thoughts on this and whether it even matters to you or not.

Either way, get ready for the Alcanretia arc!