"Unbelievable. You guys seriously stalked me and Alexis just so you could use the bath right next to ours to SPY ON US?!"

I ranted ceaselessly, only getting angrier at each new piece of information the girls casually handed away as we headed back towards the hotel. I was still fuming over how carefree and unsympathetic they were towards my privacy. At least Darkness was the only one who bothered to look apologetic.

"Well duh," Aqua said flatly, totally cavalier to the drama she and Smugumin had started. "We were too giddy to wait for Alexis to tell us what happened. So we eavesdropped on you. What's so 'unbelievable' about that?"

"And just for the record, we only eavesdropped," Megumin reiterated pointedly just before I could go off again. "Though Darkness was tempted to look through that peephole- -"

"I absolutely was NOT, thank you very much!" Darkness snapped. She was likely trying to sound more authoritative but failed due to her raging masochism and just ended up sounding desperate. "I would never invade Jack's privacy in such a way. That is entirely deplorable!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night~" The conniving little gremlin sang in response.

"Look, I don't care if you were only eavesdropping! You still have a lotta nerve for putting me in that situation in the first place!" I cried over Dark's muffled whine behind her hands. "Do you have any idea what it's like for a socially awkward, bisexual virgin like me to be sniffed by a buff naked dude in a hot bath? It's like…like…well, it's not my personal Hell but it's also not my personal Heaven either. Crap, what's the word I'm looking for…?"

"Limbo?" Alexis suggested.

I waved my hand. "Nah, that's just a fun party game."

"Oh, come on! We couldn't have predicted that!" Aqua snorted with a dismissive wave of her hand, still taking the matter all too lightheartedly for my liking. "I mean, mixed bathes are gonna have men and women, sure. But how could we have guessed any one of them would be sniffy creeps?"

"Oh gee, I don't know. Maybe the fact that it was a MIXED BATH to begin with!?" I suggested rhetorically as we started approaching the inn. "These Axis bozos should've known that allowing boys and girls to bathe together was going to attract weirdos like him! He's the reason you don't see things like urinals in the girls' bathroom!"

"What's a urinal?" Megumin suddenly asked.

"Case. In. Point."

"C'mon, my followers can't control every single person that gets into the springs! Aside from being a lot of work, it'd also be bad for business!" Aqua defended, barely acknowledging my vengeful glare with a dismissive hand wave. "Look, I'm sorry a weird guy sniffed you. But can you at least admit that before that, it was pretty fun?"

I was so ready to refute her claim but when I opened my mouth, the words couldn't come to me. Because aside from Alexis' teasing and the two allegedly attractive guests (even the mad sniffer to a small extent), I actually didn't have that horrible of a time in the bath. I mean, the water was nice and warm – helped soothe some of the nervous jitters I was having prior. And despite the aforementioned teasing from Alexis, having a robot by my side also helped put me at ease weirdly enough…

Crap, I did kinda have fun in there, didn't I?

"Your silence speaks volumes. I think we have our answer," Megumin chimed in once more, her smirk holding firm as she and Aqua shared a high-five. While I mulled over potential ways to get back at the duo for being oh-so-proud of themselves, Darkness merely sighed and shook her head. I'll just assume that was fond exasperation.

For the time being, I settled with grumbling. "I doubt you would be throwing a celebration if Satou went to go take a bath…"

"To be fair, I doubt we'd have to do that much convincing for a guy like him," Aqua replied with a snort. Knowing him, he would've been on cloud nine in those mixed baths. Probably wouldn't be unlucky to get sniffed by some weirdo either.

"Or Dust for that matter," Megumin added as we filed into the main lobby where thankfully the rude receptionist wasn't there. "I've heard some less-than-flattering things about him too, more so than Kazuma. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he prides himself on being Axel's biggest delinquent. Hell, Rin's even told me he sometimes gets himself thrown in jail just for the 'free lodging'!"

Wait, Tomato Boy's got a rep for being a bad boy? Huh…feels like I'm being challenged. I may have to settle the score with him when we get back home.

"Seems like that city of yours is chock full of delinquents. Better step up your game, boss," Alexis chortled, following my same line of logic. "Maybe build another giant mech suit or something. That should get your rep back on the up and up."

I was about to verbally agree with her before I caught myself briefly glancing over at Darkness. She must've noticed I was watching her at the last second 'cause she quickly turned her head away, something she's been doing a lot after our little falling out. Eyeing Alexis again, she could tell what I was thinking next: this was getting old and I wanted to actually start doing something about it.

"Hey, uh…you got a minute, Dark?" I asked, trying to keep my tone casual for the moment despite the instantaneous nervous wave that washed over my entire evil body. I really, really didn't want to have to be the one to initiate this but…clearly she was struggling with this just as much as I was. One of us had to take the first step forward. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about..."

Darkness didn't say anything but she did turn her head back 'round enough to look at me in her peripheral vision. I noticed she also held her chin up slightly, kinda like the haughty nobles we had to deal with a little over a week ago. While part of me wanted to snuff out this newfound hoity-toity attitude of hers, I got this sixth sense that maybe that's what she was secretly hoping for? Like one of her fantasies? Either that or this was just something she defaults to whenever she's mad. Maybe a little of both?

Alexis let out an unsubtle, "AHEM," and whapped me on the back of the head. Oh, yeah, right! Got sidetracked with masochistic hypotheticals again.

"Ouch…uh, ANYWAY! Do you think maybe, after we're done vacationing, we can…I don't know, t-talk about us?" I asked lamely while avoiding eye contact with everyone. "I mean, it has been a week since we agreed to give each other some space, I think that's more than enough time. So maybe we should…y'know, do something about this? Soon?"

Darkness seemed to mull over the question silently, her expression not wavering in the slightest even as she finally glanced in my direction seemingly attempting and failing to work her way up to words. Eventually, she sighed heavily and stopped in her tracks, turning fully to face me as she made her case.

"Jack…what you did back at the party was a lot of things, but chief among them was damaging to our trust. I trusted you to leave your radical ideas out of the conversation with Iris, and for a while there, I thought you would be true to your word. But you did it anyway. Right in front of my face no less. We can discuss this at greater length back home as we are on vacation like you said. But just so you know…rebuilding trust is not as easy as rebuilding one of your robots."

I was speechless for a moment. Hell, it seemed like the girls were too. We all just kinda stood there for a few seconds as the silence hung heavy in the air, as if we were each waiting for the other to speak next.

A part of me was pissed off; why was she still hanging onto this so much?! I just did what I thought was best, and what? That makes it impossible for her to put any faith in me now? I was in the fucking right!

…

Damnit, she's making me doubt myself again. Sure, she'd question my evilness here and there just like the rest, but now it feels much more direct these days. I know beggars can't be choosers, but why did one of my only friends have to be a die-hard good guy all the time? It's not fair, man.

Either way, I nodded quietly as I kept my gaze down to the floor. The afterglow of the bath was now completely gone. And the worst part? No evil lair to lock myself into in order to rejuvenate. Some vacation this was turning out to be…

The rest of the walk back to the room was dead silent. No more ribbing from Megumin and Aqua, no snide or suggestive quips from Alexis. Just…silence. In just about any other situation, I would have found the lack of talking a blessing. After that exchange, though, it just made me feel uncomfortable.

Thankfully, we were back in our room before the tension could really start getting to me. I unlocked the door and stepped inside with little fanfare. Spielberg the CameraBot was apparently in the middle of a conversation with Wiz before our entrance interrupted them both. The lich that was dumped on us smiled brightly.

"Oh, hello everyone! I figured you would all be back soon!" She greeted us pleasantly, offering a polite wave while we all stepped in and dispersed across the room. "How were the springs? Did you all enjoy yourselves?"

"Obviously," Aqua retorted proudly, quick to bounce back when the chance to promote her followers' baths came up. "They were maintained by the Axis Church, so you know they were gonna be good! Too bad they don't accommodate your kind. You would've felt like you were being burned alive before getting purified if you stepped into one!"

Disturbing. Also, hard to tell if that was Aqua being racist or just her having all the grace and elegance of a brick to the face.

"Ah, yes, well…I already came to that conclusion myself when I split off from Alexis this afternoon to take a dip. I barely got a foot in before my entire being threatened to dissipate on me…"

"Jeez, that sounds rough. But at least you're back to normal now," Megumin suggested with a slight smile, at least employing an inkling of tact unlike Aqua, who looked about ready to say something else deeply concerning and slightly racist before the mage cut in. "And you really didn't miss out on too much. It was pretty chill on our end. Jack had some amusing struggles, but that's par for the course with him."

"Uncalled for!"

Wiz just sighed as she stared blankly at Alexis. "You teased him too much, didn't you?"

"Me? Teasing my master? I would never!" Alexis mocked with her usual devil-may-care attitude before suddenly pulling me into a backwards hug as she…w-well, um…rested her cleavage on my head. I think I heard Darkness choke on her own spit, but I was too distracted choking on my own to verify. "This package requires extra special care and handling, if you catch my drift~"

"Alright – THAT'S IT!" I nearly shrieked as I willed myself to break out of that hormonal prison. I pointed a finger at the dangerous bot. "You! I have had enough of these goddamn subroutines in your motherfucking system! Either keep them under control yourself or I'm going to have to bust out the obedience chips like I did with RoboJack!"

Despite my half-threat, Alexis merely shook her head. "Jack, Jack, Jack…I've already told you that my torturous subroutines are all disabled."

She leaned in extra close, until our lips were nearly touching!

"This teasing I'm doing…? This is all the real me enjoying how you react to such little stimuli…"

For the second time in the last five minutes, I felt all potential retorts utterly evaporate from my brain. I fumbled helplessly for a moment, struggling to find any kind of reply that would keep the situation from devolving further. However, that's when Darkness of all people stepped in, a fierce expression accompanying her usual degenerate flush.

"That is quite enough, Alexis! Jack may be a deceitful, horrid, depraved man who likes to undress me with his eyes, but your constant sexual harassment towards him is clearly bothering him! As the self-appointed shield of this party, I demand that you cease your inappropriate actions on him at once…o-or just sexually harass me instead, either one works I suppose..."

"Oh, come now, Darkness! If Jack was truly bothered by it, I would stop. It's just a bit of harmless fun between friends," Alexis replied with a roll of her eyes and dismissive wave of her hand, before a smirk swiftly returned as she leaned in slightly. "Of course, if you're so eager for your fill, I don't see why I couldn't oblige the both of you."

OKAY, and just like that, Dark was out for the count too. Her fierce expression crumbled away and she was back to her typical, rambling, blushing self. Meanwhile, I was focusing on standing up straight as my knees threatened to buckle at the thought of Alexis…and Darkness…and me doing "stuff" together. As a "trio".

You don't have to be an evil genius to fill in the blanks yourself.

Eventually, one of the girls cleared their throat, breaking the palpable tension in the room as we all turned to face them. Understandably, they all looked a bit…weirded out. Even Spielberg seemed to be at a loss- -

Or he's just filming the whole damn thing – seriously, dude!?

"This is literally my primary function," The CameraBot said as if sensing my very thoughts.

"Right, well, why don't you put that 'primary function' of yours to good use and get my good side on the way out, hmm?" Alexis winked at the CameraBot as she sauntered back out of the room despite just having returned. "If anybody needs me, I'll be posing as a defenseless girl for some would-be muggers before beating the living shit outta them. Should be fun. Ta-ta now~!"

"Yeah, definitely doing some tweaking to her systems when we get home…" I murmured as soon as she was out of earshot, not entirely sure if I was just saying that to comfort myself or actually committing to doing it. "Hopefully that doesn't become a habit."

Wiz chimed in, "Um, if it makes you feel any better, Alexis was also rather domineering with me during our time out together."

"Nope, not helping in the slightest."

"Remarkably troubling, actually," Darkness tacked on with another shiver, one I couldn't even work up the effort to chide her for. Clearly, Alexis was making the most of her salvaged programming, or still had a knack for playing the role of seductress. Either way, it was a headache I really didn't want to deal with at the moment.

"Eh, at least she's someone we know and trust. Unlike whoever that weirdo was in the bath," Megumin commented idly as she lazily flopped onto her bed, sending her previously sleeping pet flying again. She turned to Wiz, "Apparently, some buff guy went right up to Jack and took a big whiff without his consent. Gross, but also kinda funny."

Still fail to see the humor in that. Again, there are some levels of villainy you just don't cross.

"Excuse me," Wiz interrupted suddenly, cutting off whatever tirade I had prepared. I turned to look at her and realized that she looked…well, serious. Uncharacteristically so. The sudden alertness to her gaze definitely hadn't been there before. "This 'buff' man you speak of…could you be more specific?"

I blinked, then started rubbing the back of my neck. "Err, well…I kinda blindfolded myself in the bath, so I don't really know. Alexis told me he was muscular, but that's about all I can give you for a physical description. Why? Is he somebody you might know? I think his partner said his name was Hank if that helps."

Wiz's eyes narrowed in a moment of concentration, likely scanning through the contents of her memories to find the answer for herself. For a split-second, she reminded me a bit of Wuya as that was more or less the same thinking face she wore whenever she was in her human form. They both exude that serious, "Don't disturb me, I mean it," energy, so it put me a little on edge.

Thankfully, that's where the similarities between the two powerful magic casters end as the lich was quick to perk right back up, all sunshine and rainbows. Ironic.

"Well, I can't be too certain, but it sounds like you might've just run into an old colleague of mine!" She chirped pleasantly, as if she hadn't just gotten all broody and serious out of nowhere. "He goes by Hans, but it makes sense that he might not answer to that given his profession."

Hans? Old colleague? Profession?

"Wait, hold on, time out for a sec…are you meaning to tell me that the guy I was in the bath with was actually a DEMON GENERAL!? HIM!? THE MAD SNIFFER!?"

Wiz awkwardly shimmied in her seat. "Yes, he…does have a rather odd habit of doing that to those he thinks are messing with him."

Holy shit…I was bathing in the same tub as one of the guys I'm supposed to be taking out to establish my rule over this world! And that's somehow not even the craziest part. Because as embarrassing as it is to admit…I actually kinda forgot I was supposed to be hunting those guys down! A sinking feeling I suspect Megumin was catching onto as I noticed her giving me a blank stare.

"Why do I get the feeling you somehow forgot about your own quest to slay the Demon Generals…?"

"Hey, in my defense, this city's been on the forefront of my mind lately. Plus, sometimes I get easily distracted…Yo, is that a gold coin!? Score!"

After crouching down to scoop up said coin, I rose back to my feet and quickly noticed that everyone was looking at me with…well, it definitely wasn't an endorsement to my evil genius, I'll say that much.

"Forget about Jack, he's just being a dumbhead like usual! We have a crisis on our hands!" Aqua frantically started shouting while waving her arms. "If that sniffing creep really is Hans, he might've been sent here by the Devil King to poison the town's water supply, cutting off our main source of income and putting the Axis Church in financial ruin! Isn't that just horrible you guys!?"

There was a solid five seconds of silence as all of us let the statement hang in the air.

Once Aqua realized none of us were going to support her viewpoint, she did what Aqua does best: throw a tantrum.

"WHAAAAAAA-HAAAAAA! You guys all SUUUUCK!" Aqua cried as she dropped to the floor, pounding her fists and kicking her legs like there was no tomorrow. We tuned her out like we always do whenever she acted up and discussed our next course of action.

"Okay, so…what do we actually do here?" I asked plainly. "I mean, I know we're supposed to be on vacation right now, but if there's a Demon General in town, we should strike while the iron's hot, yeah? The only issue I'm seeing though is lack of equipment and botpower. Spielberg isn't exactly a combat model and I didn't bring my weapons with me. Darkness, did you bring your gloves with you?"

"No, I did not. Terrible oversight on my part, but I wasn't expecting to need any of my weapons for a vacation," She admitted with a troubled look on her face, cupping her chin in consideration. "I did bring my armor out of habit, but I will be of little use offensively without the gloves."

"I never go anywhere without my staff!" Megumin chirped as she scrambled over to the wall it was leaning on and twirled it like a pro. "Not that I strictly need it to cast Explosions, but it does help channel my mana better with it. All I need is a clean shot of the godless heathen and BOOM! Another kill to my name."

I was going to tell the little firecracker about the logistical problems with her plan when a sudden thunderboomer outside made me jump. In fact, it seemed to spook everybody else too, not just me.

"Did the weather diviner call for rain this evening…?" I murmured.

"No, they most certainly did not," Darkness replied, that same stoic, serious look crossing her face whenever we were due for a fight. Everyone seemed tense now, even Aqua had stopped her wailing and actually looked concerned about the apparent storm that was brewing outside.

That's when I turned to look out the window and noticed something off about the rain. It looked all purple and gooey, and I could even hear what sounded like sizzling as the drops hit the roofs and pavement.

Wiz, whose only visible eye slowly widened, had only had two words to say:

"Poison Rain…"

Sorry this one took so long and is just a transitional chapter more than anything. Been having to double the hours at my part-time job just to make ends meet (the joys of being an adult in this current economic climate). But I've still got quite the backlog of unedited chapters left to go, so it'll be a while before I actually have to write some new stuff. I'll do my best to balance my new work schedule with editing all these chapters in something vaguely resembling a timely manner!