Chapter 4: Not Survive, Live

The feelings we felt for each other were complicated. On one paw, we couldn't forget what the other did to them. On the other, we were the only thing the other had. I decided to just wait for Frecklewish. I'd let her decide when to approach. There was no way to tell the amount of time I waited. Shadows don't move and there is no cycle of day and night. I waited and amused myself by willing up some tiny balls of light that I would send rocketing off into the distance. It was a form of training while being a way to pass the time.

Frecklewish must have seen the light balls because she finally came padding up to me. I could tell she was just as conflicted as me. We'd ended life with a poor opinion of each other, but there was no point in death.

"Mapleshade. I've decided to let my death be a bygone. I am upset that you killed me, but you are also the one who told me the truth. You could have easily lied, but instead you owned it. I can't remember my past or the cats in it except you. I don't want to lose the one thing I have left. Can we be friends again?"

There was so much sincerity in her voice that there was no possibility of deceit. It was the sister I had once so long ago. I couldn't refuse her. Even though she is Frecklewish, she isn't the Frecklewish that called my kits 'creatures' and watched them die. This was the Frecklewish that knew and loved me as a sister.

"I do want to be friends again. Even if the original Frecklewish didn't help my kits, you aren't that Frecklewish. You are the Frecklewish I've always seen as a sister. I could never hate you. I never truly hated the original. I just wanted… I don't even know anymore. Finality? Vengeance? I was lashing out since I had nothing left and didn't know what else to do."

Frecklewish looked happy and moved to brush against me. Alarmed, I backed off hastily.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't touch you! The last time I touched a cat like you, I somehow absorbed them. I don't want that to happen to you."

It was like we were in two separate clans. We could see each other, but we couldn't touch. I wished with all my heart I could comfort her, share tongues, and embrace each other. I just couldn't risk it. That's when I heard a branch snap from one of the nearby trees. I turned quickly to the potential threat.

"My, my. Getting a bit jumpy here aren't you Mapleshade. Afraid for your friend."

"Splitpelt? I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

The strange cat made me uneasy. If it was made of different cats, what is to say they wouldn't absorb Frecklewish.

"I couldn't keep away after I felt you leading a shade here."

"A shade?"

"That's what your friend is. They aren't whole like you, and they aren't as unsubstantial as that echo you met before. They are cognizant."

Frecklewish was paralyzed looking at the amalgamation that was Splitpelt. He probably looked like some kind of monster to her. She'd never done well with seeing crippling injuries or things abnormal.

"You are so easy to read Mapleshade. You don't have to worry about taking in your friend. That won't happen since she has consciousness. You'd have to kill her to do it."

That was a weight off my chest, but the fact that Splitpelt knew that meant he'd either done it or seen it before.

"What makes you an expert on that?"

"I am very old. She isn't the first shade I've ever seen, and I doubt she'll be the last. At least she is more tame than most of the shades here. Most are just bloodthirsty things because that was what was dumped here. They kill each other because it makes them closer to being whole."

That was unnerving. Now I knew there were threats out there that would try to tear us apart and consume what was left. I don't plan on being any cat's meal.

"Is killing shades the only way to make her whole?" I asked thinking Frecklewish.

"No. Simply existing will start to complete her as she has new experiences. She could also absorb echoes but know that absorbing pieces of a soul can lead to the confusion of person. She could easily forget who she was initially was."

It was at least calming that Frecklewish wouldn't be permanently harmed by being in her state. Splitpelt seemed to be evaluating us. His eyes wandered over me and my companion. Then then circles through my camp. They stopped on the pond.

"Say. How did you get water here? I've never been able to make it before."

That threw me for a loop. I thought Splitpelt had already mastered the systems of the forest and knew all the tricks.

"It was already here. Mud is just wet dirt, so I pulled it out of the mud with some heat."

"Ingenious. I never thought of that. I guess a fresh mind can solve problems an old one has been fighting too long with. Do you mind?"

"Go ahead. I'm sure that thirst thing you told me has been bugging you for ages."

"Like you wouldn't believe."

The strange cat made his way over to the pond and began drinking. He remained there for a good amount of time just drinking his fill. Finally, he stopped.

"Thank you. It feels so foreign to not be thirsty anymore."

I swear I could see happiness on the cat's face. To him, I'd solved an old ache and pain that he thought would be eternal. I could also see he was holding himself back. As could be said of a cat made of the original clan heads, he knew restraint.

"I don't mind if you come back or play in it. I can always make more."

It was like I just told a kit he was being apprenticed. The elation on that cat's face we infectious. He dove into my pond and paddled around like a skilled Riverclan cat. Despite his proportions being odd, it was all lean muscle and swam with an instinctive ease. The playing must have finally snapped Frecklewish out of her funk.

"Mapleshade? Who is that cat?"

"That is a cat I met before you. He's a shade like you except he is made of four of the founding leaders. I don't know much about him except he is very old. He taught me a bit about how to manipulate this place."

"Manipulate? What?"

I decided to just demonstrate to make things easier. I conjured a ball of light about as big as a pebble. Then I sent it to circle Frecklewish before shooting off into the distance and fading.

"That was amazing! I wish I could do that."

I could feel Splitpelt watching me for my response. I wasn't going to lie to Frecklewish and pretend it was something only I could do. I could also tell it would be harder for her to believe she could do it if I just told her she could do it. I instead decided to give a white lie and give her an edge. I pressed my nose against hers and made a small flash.

"It is done. You can do what I can do now. You just have to believe you can."

Frecklewish bounced in place and conjured several small lights that she sent racing around. Her eyes were filled with wonder. I decided to join her. Several lights of my making joined hers in a dance. It was like there were fireflies in this forest. Even Splitpelt looked in awe at the lights. The Darkforest was rarely graced with beauty. It was then that I decided, if the Darkforest was so devoid of all meaning and joy, I'd change that. I might not be able to fix their hunger, but I'd make our home as Starclan like as possible. This must be my purpose here.