Chapter 16: Splitpelt's Promise

I let Frecklewish keep Sunpaw as her apprentice. Screw all those rules Starclan set that just made cats miserable. There are times where rules get in the may of morality. Anyways, Sunpaw's shy nature actually complemented Frecklewish's kind yet brash nature. She'd probably be the firmest teacher of us besides myself.

That left Splitpelt and I alone. I wasn't likely to gain another recruit for a while, so Splitpelt and I needed something to occupy our time.

"Splitpelt?"

"Yes, my lovely leader?" He replied in that all too familiar flirting tone.

I gave him a light shove answering. "You need to slow down. I'm still not over my last relationship. Anyways, I think you and I should do some experiments."

"Experiments?" He replied.

"You know. Get to know the extent of our powers. What makes me different from you? What are the boundaries of possibility? You're the cat who best understands logistics and applicability. I'm just good at execution."

The look on Splitpelt's face made it obvious he didn't care for my dig at myself. Regardless of the rest of the cats in the clan's assurances, I still didn't feel suited for the leadership role. I'd been manipulated once already. It could happen again. I didn't realize how worked up I was getting over the thought. Splitpelt had to shove me to get me out of my funk.

"What?" I asked semi blearily.

"You just froze up there. I know you better than you think I do. I can tell you're worried about being the leader. Let me tell you something from one experienced leader to another. This is just first leadership jitters. Unless a cat were truly mad or so full of themselves to idiocy, they will worry about if they are good enough to lead. Every aspect of me felt it. All the stars you've ever met felt it. Every leader of a band of rogues has felt it. You'll do fine. You're observant. You make sure there's no bad blood between clanmates, and you genuinely care for our opinions and needs regardless of how irrelevant. You were the first after Frecklewish to go out of your way to call Sunpaw them because of their wish to remain genderless. You've modified the hunting grounds to better suit each of us. The point is you care. That's what is most important to being a leader."

Splitpelt's speech did wonders for settling my anxiety. We departed camp to begin our experiments.

While we were walking, I started on a micro experiment. I made heat flare on the ground before my paws touched. Each paw step I took left behind a cracked mud pawprint. At least my paw's weren't getting covered in the black mud anymore. I gestured for Splitpelt to look.

"Amazing. You have good control to be able to harden only that small of an amount exactly where you'd step."

I could feel myself blushing. It wasn't that extraordinary. I just wanted a little convenience. Splitpelt took to copying my trick, but then I noticed he had to walk slower. The mud didn't dry as fast for him and his dried in disks unlike mine which bore the distinct shape of my paw pads.

"Splitpelt? What are you trying to picture as you step? I think your imaging might be off."

He shook his head. "I'm imagining it like I'm walking on stepping stones heated by the sun, but its eating my endurance too fast and it's too slow."

"How I imagine it might be difficult for you to follow. How I do it is, I imagine another me just barely a heartbeat ahead, but they are made of heat. When I step, I'm following their paw steps, and since they're me, my paws will fit perfectly. Does that make any sense?"

Splitpelt shook his head. "Only you would think to follow your own paw steps. I'll try, but it might not work. I may have to come up with my own method."

I could tell Splitpelt was trying, but his paws just never landed on his preceding heat image's paw prints. It was like there was a desync. He didn't have the instinct to know his own gait. Finally, I had enough.

"This isn't working for you. I want to try something. Try to follow in my paw steps."

I increased the size of my own heat ghost's prints to make them small disks wide enough for any cat to walk on. I walked with Splitpelt following, putting his paws where my paws had been. After a minute, I thought he might have gotten the idea.

"If you can't imagine yourself, imagine following me. If you can match my footfalls and I yours, then imagine following me walking with your gait."

The idea seemed to mostly work. Distractions could make him miss a disk, but for general travel, he could keep his own paws dried.

"I swear Mapleshade. You really put it into perspective how little I actually know or learned about this place. I can't help feeling embarrassed that you surpassed me so fast."

My ears felt hot at the complement. "There you go with your flirting again. That one was surprisingly effective. If you keep up with giving those good ones, you could sweep a molly right off her paws."

I could feel him brush up against me. His mew was soft but bold. "I don't want just any molly. I want you."

I took a few paw steps away. My mood was slightly soured. "I'm sorry. I'm not ready for something like that again. I just can't. My last relationship broke me too much. I'm not sure when or if I'll be ready to have another one again."

Appledusk's cold eyes flashed in my mind. That look as he told me he took another mate and he rejected my kits, it was soul crushing. I repressed a shiver. Whether it was from disgust, rage, or sadness, I did not know. All I knew was that that look would haunt me. If I even thought of starting something new, that gaze was there, hovering in the corner of my mind. I didn't want to see another cat look at me like that again, so I chose the coward's option. I avoided giving them the chance.

"I'll wait for you." Was what Splitpelt mewed into my ear.

"What?" was all I could ask.

"I'll wait until you are ready, no matter how long it takes. I'll wait until you are ready."

"Even if I never am?"

His usually calculating eyes were instead gentle and loving as he stared at me.

"Even then, especially then. I'll be by your side waiting for your attention."

I pushed myself into him. I couldn't allow myself to love him, not yet, but I thought this was a good first step. His pelt, while weird that it had different textures and lengths, felt comforting. It was like being bundled with four other cats. It felt safe, like the nursery.