Chapter 35: Steppingstones

I saw the small kit quivering in front of me. Unfortunately, I hadn't had the time to make the location of this pool more inviting. The kit's eyes darted around taking in the baren trees and muddy landscape with the red sky. I silently cursed my haste since the scenery around us was giving the kit a fright.

"Can you look at me sweety?" I asked softly while connecting to his mind with the mind bridging I'd done for Buzzardpaw.

The kit locked eyes with me, but the unfamiliar feeling in his head still left him frightened.

"I want you to think about where you feel safe. This place doesn't have to look like this. I'll make this place more comfortable for you."

The kit warily nodded his head before thinking of a riverside. To the best of my ability, I recreated it. The world seemed to change around us as grass sprung from the ground and a river swept into being. At least my efforts paid off as the kit looked around with wonder. He dashed to the river to look, but no minnows swam the shallows.

"I'm sorry kit. I can't just make living things."

This slightly disheartened the kit, but he turned his attention back to me.

"I'm sorry this place scared you before. Can you tell me your name kit?"

The kit paused as if to ponder whether to trust me or not, but he relented. "I'm Storm on Crookedkit. I don't like my name very much."

I reassuringly sat beside the kit. "You don't have to be called that here. I think I'll call you Stormkit here if you are fine with that."

I felt the kit press against my side, obviously happy at my choice. "Thank you. Mom just…"

I licked the kit reassuringly. "Your mother is doing something bad. She is being a bad mother. It is not your fault you got hurt, and she should never have punished you for it. I can see you down below all alone in that nest while your sibling gets to stay by her side. I know it hurts, not in the physical way but in your heart."

I felt the kit sobbing by my side. I think he needed this moment to vent out his feelings. I silently waited while he cried into my fur.

"I have to confess something to you Stormkit. I was the cause of your injury. I was discovering how much I could affect the world, but I accidentally made that wave. I deeply apologize. Nothing I can do will fix what happened. The only thing I can give you is my love. I'll be here for you if you want to talk or need some comfort. I'll teach you what I know when you ask for it. I'll do everything I can to make your life better, but I can't do much about the world of the living. Just call for me in your dreams and I'll be there."

The kit, still pressed into my side, was fading. His consciousness was flowing back into the pool and back to his body. There I sat, alone with the river of the kit's imagination. In this river of my creation were some stones barely breaking the surface of the river, the steppingstones. I could hear the water strike against those stones with a light rumble. Their copy lay in the world of the living. I hated them. I hated something so innate for just existing. The stones served a purpose, but my instincts on them had been forever scarred. Those stones, in my eyes, were just the makings of disaster. Those stones were where my kits died and where Stormkit was wounded. Both being my biggest mistakes. Those stones bore all the hatred I also held for myself.

I returned to camp to find two somewhat angry cats waiting.

"Where were you?" Asked Splitpelt angrily.

I actually froze mid-step. "I was just out at the observation pool."

"And that is located?" Frecklewish asked testingly.

I felt my ears flatten and myself shrink like a scolded kitten. "Outside of camp…"

"You know we forbade you from leaving camp alone, and yet you still snuck out anyways."

I definitely felt like a scolded kit as I tried to give them my reasoning. "I know, but there was this kit. When I went with Frecklewish to the border, I found how Starclan influences the living and accidentally created a wave on the river that separates Riverclan and Thunderclan. I saw it happen. That poor kit, he slipped and broke his jaw on the steppingstones. I couldn't… I can't… I hurt him. It is my fault he was hurt, and I've seen what the kit's mother does to him now. She has isolated him for it, for my fault. I can't just leave him alone. He needs me."

I saw Frecklewish's eyes soften at my response. "He reminds you of your kits."

I nodded sadly at her response. I didn't expect her to understand. This feeling when I see that kit, it feels like that panic when the wave had just hit us, that unknown of a future as we desperately clung to anything and everything hoping to survive. That feeling as my kits got further and further away as my legs dug at the water for any kind of traction or means to close the expanding gap. I couldn't save them. I condemned them. I condemned them all. My precious kits were dead, and there was no cat to blame but myself. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't wise enough. I was too caught up in myself to see the threat the river held.

I snapped out of my depressive downward spiral Splitpelt and Frecklewish pressed into my sides. It was warm, the antithesis of what that wave felt like. Where the wave tore apart, this drew together. The storm of growing madness was quelled by their simple but so meaningful actions.

"How about tomorrow you introduce us to the kit. I think it'll be good for you to help him." Frecklewish said gently.

I nodded, fearing my voice would have cracked if I'd given a verbal response.