Chapter 36: I Wait With The Waves Lapping My Feet

After my first invitation to visit, Stormkit (Crookedkit) seemed able to enter our land via the pool whenever he slept. I'd be there waiting every time. The poor kit was always so heartbroken about what was going on in his living life, so most of the Unseen Stars and I took time to make his life better. Buzzardpaw was close to the kit given they were close to the same maturity level. It was strange to see my clan in the land of Starclan's refuse come together for a kit.

As I became more familiar with the kit, something about that attached energy would dig at my mind. What was both a gift and curse that felt so familiar to me. Why did it attach to Crookedkit and his family? The pieces were there, but they just didn't fit snuggly to paint a whole picture.

I could tell Stormkit loved us and how we cared for him, but we just couldn't make up for what the living did to him. Just from observation, I had grown a fiery hatred for Rainflower. What kind of mother disowns her kit! I was actually banned from looking into the pool because of the very real chance I'd use that monolith in Starclan to kill her. Regardless, I convinced both Stormkit and myself that I was his mother now. I tried to teach him everything he wanted. He wanted to be recognized as himself. He wanted others to see past his jaw. He had ambition and a mind far wiser than a kit his age should have. Despite his youthful wisdom, he was still a kit, and what was happening to him was reaching a breaking point.

I waited by the pool expecting Stormkit's return. Today was another day where I'd reassure him he was good enough, he deserved happiness. I waited patiently. The river babbling nearby was the only thing to break the silence. I stared at the pool. I awaited my beloved kit to return again. There was nothing. What was minutes turned to hours. I still patiently waited. My eyes were peeled for the slightest indication that my dear Stormkit was emerging. I waited.

I could feel time passing, yet I could not bring myself to move. I was waiting. Sometimes I'd feel Splitpelt or Frecklewish by my side. I could feel their eyes watching me with concern. I still did not move. I was waiting. The only times my attention lapsed away from the pool was to eat what Splitpelt or Frecklewish brought me. My fatigue from being constantly vigilant was growing, but I, Mapleshade, am not the type to yield. I waited.

I don't know how long I had waited. Maybe it was time I gave up. Maybe Stormkit had truly disappeared or never wanted to come back. I could feel something below, and it gave me hope. One more day. I'd wait for my kit one more day.

Instead of the blank stare I had adopted after having waited so long, I instead shifted my attention elsewhere. I extended my powers and senses into the pool, feeling the pathway between the living and the dead. I left feelers out there, waiting for the slightest of stimulation. I began beautifying the banks of the river. Today just felt right for some reason. I even asked Buzzardkit to bring over one of his mixed minnows over for today. They were always Stormkit's favorite. I could feel it. With all the instincts a mother could have, I could feel it. Today was the day.

At first, I almost didn't catch it. Something had brushed up against my longest reaching feeler. Then I felt it again in the next closest feeler. My confusion turned to excitement as I snapped my attention to the pool. I could soon feel the presence from the pool. Something was coming, and it was strong, but somehow, I felt only mounting excitement. I felt it pass another feeler and another. He was almost here. I watched with bated breath as I felt the presence pass my shallowest feeler. Then the pool began to sparkle. It never took this long previously, but somehow this felt purposeful. I saw a mass of soul emerge, not an echo like he often visited as. This was complete. It was dense. It was beautiful.

I saw his form condense into being, and somehow I couldn't see him as a kit anymore. Those once sad eyes that begged my for affection had sharpened. His once dipped posture that claimed only submission was replaced by something firm. That jaw that always hung loosely as a sign of his weakness had now set strong. This kit had grown up somehow. He still wasn't an adult, but I could see it. This was no longer the kit I carefully coddled to and smothered with affection. This was something far stronger and warranted the growing tears in my eyes. I saw him and my heart melted. He saw me and I could feel those sharp eyes soften.

I bound to him in the way only those who have lost and found could. I brushed up against him tightly smothering him with licks. It was like the emotional dam that I'd been building since he hadn't returned came crashing down. All the sadness from his disappearance and rage at his living family. They all transformed into heartfelt relief that he had returned. My face was wet with tears as I seemed to be squeezing every ounce of affection I out of myself to bestow upon my lost kit. No. He wasn't a kit anymore. I could feel it. He had grown, but a mother doesn't let that stop her.

Finally, when I calmed down just a bit I asked. "Where were you? I was so worried. I was scared that you'd died, left, or suddenly didn't want to see me anymore. I couldn't bear to observe below to find you, scared of what I'd see. But now look at you. You've grown. I can see it. What changed you?"

I felt his tongue clean away my tears. I could feel in his heart he hadn't meant to abandon me. He hadn't meant to run from me. After a few moments of affectionate silence, he replied, "I ran away. Riverclan wasn't my home. You will always be my mother, but I couldn't stay there. I ran. I was looking for a place to find purpose. I lived with some rogues for a while, but something was always missing. I called for you in my dreams, but you weren't there. How could you be? This place walks with the clans. Despite all they taught me and how they accepted me, the rogues weren't my home either. That's when I figured it out. Home isn't a place. It's where you make one. It's where your loved ones reside. Riverclan is still not my home, but I will make it mine. I refuse to let myself be pitied or stepped upon anymore. My home is with you, and I will make one to match in Riverclan as well. I'll make you proud. I promise."

Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't help smiling at my precious Stormkit, no Stormpaw. "I will always be proud of you. Nothing you could do would make me stop loving you. I will do everything in my power to make your dream a reality. Come to me if you ever want advice or training. I will drop everything to give you the happiness you deserve."

A day of celebration was held in the Unseen Stars camp for the return of one of their own. They say even Starclan themselves could hear the yowls of joy from their hallowed land, but they assumed it was just the tormented, or some monster enjoying destroying something a bit too much.