Chapter 45: Frecklewish's Conflict

The two Frecklewishs were in a tense standoff. With their fur bristled as high as it could go, the two began to circle. Despite how different the two were in personality, their instincts were the exact same. They both mrowled and hissed simultaneously. It was like watching a cat fight their reflection. The only thing distinguishing the Frecklewishs apart was the extra battle scars on the Starclan Frecklewish, but those were concealed by her now raised fur. I could feel the tension building as the two exchanged more hisses and angrily postured.

Birchface tried to break up the fight. "Frecklewish! Please! Don't do this. Let's just calm down and try to talk this out."

Starclan Frecklewish scoffed at his attempt at de-escalation. "Birchface. I do love you as a brother, but you better stay out of my way. This has been a long time coming. Once I get rid of this imposter and get rid of this traitor and her progeny, we can be happy again. This burning hatred will be quenched in their blood, and I'll stop having those blasted thoughts. This needs to happen."

My Frecklewish shot back a response. "You and I both know that you've only spoken lies. I am no more fake than you. You will never find peace and happiness on this path you tread. That rage you think you can quench will only grow. Its source is not Mapleshade, never has been. It is my responsibility as your other half to put you down before you become the monster your self-loathing has created."

Starclan Frecklewish hissed at the response, but my Frecklewish continued. "Yes. I know the truth. Your rage is not born of hatred. It is your guilt redirected. If you kill Mapleshade and her kits, you will know nothing but that rage. You'll rip into everything and everyone until you are finally put down, forever a monster."

With a violent hiss, Starclan Frecklewish threw herself at mine. They began trading blows hit for hit. Each swipe and bite was mirrored in response. Then the tide began to shift. While my Frecklewish was powerful, Starclan's was a battle junkie who'd been honing her claws every day since she died. She struck harder and faster than mine with more endurance to boot. I could only watch on in horror as mine received wound after wound as the Starclan variant of her pressed the attack. As much as I wanted to jump in, the way my Frecklewish looked at me before the battle began insisted that I trust her. I was kneading in place. Unfortunately, we were on sandy soil and the dust kicked up from the brawl was coating both combatants and obscuring our watching eyes.

It was only for a moment I lost concentration, and suddenly I couldn't discern which Frecklewish was which. My Frecklewish must have gotten a second wind because they were suddenly matching strikes again. I couldn't help her even if I wanted to anymore. Soon the two moved into a grapple and were rolling along the ground, hissing and biting all the while. Then things drew to their climax. Both Frecklewishs lunged, their teeth meeting each other's necks, and fastened hard. The stench of iron filled the area as one Frecklewish coughed and began gasping for air. The other held their jaws tight, waiting for their opponent's life to wink out. Eventually the dying, thrashing Frecklewish stilled, but the remaining stayed clamped on. Finally, she let go, blood dripping from her maw in a macabre display. Before the fallen one could disperse, the remaining Frecklewish placed her paw upon the corpse and absorbed it, taking in all that was the other Frecklewish. Then she turned to me.

Those eyes I loved were filled with something unfamiliar and frightening. She soon padded towards me until she was just a whisker length from my face. The stench of dust and blood concealed the origin of this Frecklewish. I was both unnerved, fascinated, and somewhat turned on by this frightening figure. She seemed to be studying me with those eyes that were distinctly predatory before slowly turning to face Birchface.

Birchface tensely broke the silence. "Frecklewish?"

"The one and only." Replied the cat I couldn't yet place as friend or foe.

Her voice held an iciness that made me shiver. I did not want to fight her, but at the same time, I wanted to feel her claws for myself. I felt so conflicted about her. Suddenly she looked back at me making me squirm from some kind of mixture of arousal and fear.

"Mapleshade," she mewed slowly. Her form was resolute, ready to pass judgement. "I do not hate you."

The silence was deafening at her statement. Only silence permeated the air as Frecklewish, the only Frecklewish, seemed to come down from her aggressive state.

"In truth, neither half of me did. I carried with me a lot of self-loathing, hatred for myself, and redirected it at you. At the same time, I've never loved a cat more. I've followed you diligently as you made a dark world bright. You dredged up hope from the ever present and ever soul sucking mud from which the Darkforest is composed. I… have a lot of things to make up for, so many things to do, and the hatred I bear for myself still remains. I've neglected my brother for a revenge quest which would only bring more madness. Despite how complete I feel, I feel more broken than ever."

I slowly put one paw in front of the other. The first step felt as impossible as pushing through a stone barrier, but as I've always said, I'm Mapleshade and I'm unbreakable. The next step was easier. Eventually, I worked up the nerve to move to Frecklewish's side.

"I forgive you," I softly mewed into her ear.

"What?!" She mewed in shock.

"I forgive you, the part of you that let my kits die, the part of you that wanted to fade me here, the part of you that feels remorse for letting herself neglect her brother. I forgive all of it. You aren't an evil cat. You never were, not the Starclan you, not the Darkforest you. You were just always you, fallible and passionate. Even if you are at base the Starclan Frecklewish or the Darkforest Frecklewish, I do still love you, but you need to decide what to do. You are now both Frecklewishs at the same time, so you get to choose. Will you go to Starclan to be with your brother and my kits, or will you follow me back into the Darkforest where danger still lurks, and you'll have to bear the weight of my imperfections and decisions?"

Frecklewish stared at me, her mind processing all that had occurred and now her lofty decision that would change everything about her afterlife. There was no going back. Once she left the barrier, she could go out the other. She'd either forever be a Starclan cat or a Darkforest cat with the barrier serving as the only place she could meet the one she'd leave behind. Then she slowly turned to Birchface and made her way over. She nuzzled against him hard before speaking.

"Birchface, my dear brother. I will always love you." She let the silence hang for a second before continuing. "I'll miss you dearly, but I am needed elsewhere by the one who has gifted me the strength of forgiveness and love. I'll visit when I can."

I felt shock run through my system as she padded up to me with her head held high. She pressed her forehead against mine as she spoke.

"Did you really think I'd leave you, the cat who holds my heart? Where you go, I will follow, faithful and loving. Your light graced my life, and I will not see it go. I'll keep your light from being extinguished if you promise to keep shining for me."

Author's Post-note: Try to guess which Frecklewish survived. It was fun to leave it ambiguous.