A/N: The inspiration for this story struck me after watching the season finale of Star Trek: Picard. I think that's all you need to know about where this is going. As always, I don't own the Potterverse, and I definitely don't own any part of the Star Trek franchise.
eudaimonia - (n.) the state of having a good indwelling spirit, or being in a contented state of being happy, healthy and prosperous [greek]
Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her continuing mission: to seek out new life, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before.
"Approaching the Slythernius system, Captain Potter," said Lt. Thomas.
"Thank you, Mr. Thomas," said Captain of the Enterprise Harry Potter. "Begin our usual scans for anomalies, and bring us down to impulse."
"Aye, Captain."
"Captain's log, stardate 47634.44. After a week of travel, we have finally sighted the Slythernius system, rumored to be the home of a reclusive serpentine people. Our orders are to make peaceful contact with the inhabitants if possible. Early scans show one M class planet, likely the capital world of the system."
"Captain!" shouted Lt. Commander Longbottom. "The planet is hailing us!"
"On-screen," commanded the Captain.
On the video screen, two women with serpent-like features appeared, one a blonde, one a brunette, both glaring angrily at the bridge crew.
"Who dares disturb Slythernius space?" hissed the blonde.
"This is Captain Harry Potter of the HMS Enterprise. We come in peace, with greetings from the Federation."
"Well, Captain Potter," spat the brunette, "your peace means nothing to us. Outsiders are not welcome here. DO IT!"
Suddenly, the Enterprise shook, and all systems began broadcasting a red alert. The bridge crew staggered from the explosion.
"Lieutenant Patil, damage report!" yelled the Captain over the blaring red alert.
"Shields are holding at 85%, but multiple decks are reporting damage, sir!" replied the Lieutenant.
"Ooh, a strong one. We might have to make this more personal, Captain," hissed the brunette serpent-woman. "Ready the device, sister."
"With pleasure, sister," replied the blonde.
A few moments later, the serpent-women transported onto the bridge. Ensign Creevey charged at them from his position behind the tactical console, but a blast of red energy from the brunette's scaled hand put him down.
"Hello, Captain," sneered the brunette, sparing only a single glance at what had been Ensign Creevey. "We do not appreciate your showing up in our home uninvited."
"So you instead did the exact same to us?" snorted First Officer Weasley. "How typical from you barbarian races."
"Commander, now is not the time for name-calling," scolded Captain Potter. "For all intents and purposes, this is a first contact situation, and I will not have you buggering it up."
"But Captain!"
"No, regardless of their hostile actions, we do this by Federation law. Ladies, welcome aboard the Enterprise. May I have the courtesy on knowing your names, so that I may address you properly?"
The serpent-women shared a glance. "You could not properly pronounce our true names, so you may call me Dee," said the blonde. "And I may be referred to as H, though how long you'll get to call me that is entirely in question as we speak," warned the brunette.
"Welcome Dee, and welcome H, to the bridge of the flagship of the United Federation of Planets," said Captain Potter calmly, showing no reaction whatsoever to the threat. "And as for your true names being unpronounceable, well, you might find that less of a problem than you feared," hissing the last in Parseltongue.
The serpent-women's faces went from annoyed to intrigued. "A true speaker, Captain? Perhaps we misjudged your entreaty after all," mused the blonde.
The brunette glided over where the captain stood, a look from Potter staying the weapon hands of his crew. "You may be right, sister. He is certainly much more charming than most of the specimens we see," she purred, gently caressing his face.
Counselor Lovegood raised her hand in a fist. "All right, Hermione, if you're going to start flirting with your boyfriend AND make terrible puns about it in front of all of us, I think we should call the scene here. Good work everyone, we'll get back together next Friday for the next episode. Details will be posted in your common rooms as soon as the snake princess and our brave captain get a script worked out. Padma, if you would un-stun Colin, I'm sure he'd appreciate it."
Padma smiled and Ennervated her boyfriend before dispelling her Klingon glamor. "Feeling better, sweetie?" she giggled.
Colin groaned while getting to his feet. "Next time, YOU get to play the red shirt, Pad."
Dean slid out of the helmsman's chair. "You know, when you called them 'barbarian races', I swore you were channeling Ron's Slytherin hate, Commander."
Ginny smiled. "It felt like the right motivation. There are times I wish he wasn't my brother, but at least sitting front row for all of his bad habits helps my Trekking." She grabbed Dean's hand and steered him out of the Room after Padma and Colin.
Neville sauntered over to Luna. "You know, just because you play the ship's Counselor doesn't mean you have to wear the same uniform as the woman on the show, Lu."
Luna tilted her head quizzically. "But if I don't wear the uniform, I'd have to dress like I was on Betazed, and you told me I couldn't do that in public anymore."
A suddenly red Neville dragged Luna away from his laughing friends, who were the recipients of a sly wink from Luna over Neville's shoulder.
The doors of the Turbolift opened, and Susan Bones came down the bridge in her healer's coat. "I do wish you'd been able to hold off a little bit longer, Hermione; I hate when I'm not able to get into the scene before it's over."
Daphne smiled at her girlfriend. "Honestly Sue, I'm surprised she held out as long as she did. Oh well, means more us time tonight."
The redhead chuckled. "Very true. Make sure to close the Room up for us, lovebirds." She put an arm around Daphne's shoulder as they too left the bridge.
Finally, Harry and Hermione stood alone. "You were wonderful tonight, Harry." "Ah, there were a few things I probably could have done better. And Susan's right, you know, we need to get her more scene time. Maybe give her an entire episode, or at least a good monologue."
Hermione ducked her head in acknowledgement. "She does make a good point. I'll see what I can do with your idea as well; we don't get off the bridge very often, do we?"
Harry grinned. "No, but we're getting better about it. Tell you what, let's write an away team mission where the crew comes down with a mysterious illness, and only the quick mind of Dr. Bones can save them in time."
Hermione chuckled. "The irony, that we have the right doctor, but the wrong Enterprise. Come on, Harry, let's grab some dinner before we starting our planning. And if you're lucky, maybe the planning will need to be delayed a bit more."
A lopsided grin was the only response she needed. Though the follow up kiss was quite nice as well.
Office of the Headmaster, moments later
"Albus, I don't understand why you insist on watching the children play-act their scenes. Of all the things in the world you can scry, and with your power that's quite a lot of things, you choose something that you could probably just sit in on if you asked nicely," huffed Minerva McGonagall.
"This viewer is just fine, Minerva," said Dumbledore serenely. "Besides, I feel that my presence in the Room would merely be a distraction for some of them, and as you well know, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
"Or the one, yes, I'm familiar with the quote, Albus," sighed Minerva. "Do as you wish, but I shall do as the children did and head off to dinner. I hope you will join us soon?"
Dumbledore nodded. As his deputy left, the headmaster eased out of his chair.
"The children may have their fun, but I much prefer the classics."
He put his hand on a secret panel behind his desk, then splayed his fingers into a V. A door opened, revealing a perfect replica of a science officer uniform from the 1960s. Albus sighed, then turned to head down to dinner. As he reached the staircase, he spoke the passphrase to close the door again.
"Live long, and prosper."