"Clara, what are you doing" cried Ashildr worryingly as Clara started to wear a variety of objects as hats. Puppies, Plates, Tinfoil, Dalek domes, Bras, and a other assortment of things stacked up on her head.
"My dear Ashildr, I've lived longer than any human has ever had. Ive felt all my other selves in this reality psychically. Ive gone completely and utterly insane" laughed Clara, as she pulled out a steak knife and slammed it right into Ashildr's neck. "I'm immortal, yoy idiot. You can't kill me", "I don't want to kill you my lovely. I want you to live… as me".
Clara comelrtely cut of ashildrs head and when Ashildr woke up, she screamed a blood curling screem. "CLARA YOU FUCKING BITCH WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME!" Ashildr cried, her face attached to Claras belly. "I always wanted to be a abzorbloff" laughted Clare. "And now I'm gonna cut off other peoples faces and surgeryly attach them onto myself so I can be a real Abzorbaloff".
Ashildr cried as Clara landed the Tardis dining room restaurant on earth.
Meenwhile, the Doctor, Ryan, Dinkles, and Ace walked into a cool japanese restaurant. It was selling sushi but it wasn't a diversity hire restaurant because there was a big televison inside with Elon Musk Pokemon Hentai but the Pokémon weren't animals bc thet would be disgusting bestilaity and furry. The Pokémon were japenees woman in dressed up in Pokemaon cosplay like one girl dresed up like Sonichu and another dressed up like Renamonchu (my oc).
So the Doctor broght some Sashimi, and Ryan and others brought Sushi and Professor Dinkles could eat anything even cardboard bc he's a goat. So profesor Dinkles ordered some cardbaord to eat. They also didn't order tempora because of that dumb Chinballs joke in War of the Sontarans. Chibnall really can't write and he sucks at everything. Anyway, the Doctor went to go to the loo to urinate, so Ruen Sinclae and Professir Dinlels decided to prank the Doctor by putting a SHITTON Of Wasabi in his food.
When the Doctor swallowed all the food in one gulp he screamed, "GODDAMNATION, FUCK YOU ALL YOU STUPID FUCKING COMPNAIONS I WISH I NEVER INVITED YOU HEREEEE, YOU ALL FUCKING SUCCKKKK!"as he ran back into the toilets crapping his pants to do a really big dirrehria. Becuse the sushi was soo hot and it was like a burrito and you really need to shit after eating that just like Dipper Goes to TacoBel. This fanfiction won't be like Dipper Goes to Tacobell because I'm not a Nazi.
AAAHAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA laughed his companions as the Doctor screamed. Sutdlenly the chef from the backcounter walked towards the companions who are enjoying their lunch. She grabbed Ryan's shoulder and he scream. "Oh, sorry to scare you. I'm Clara", "Oh, nice to meet you Clare" smiled Rayn, looking between her legs wanting to sax with her. But Ace slapped him for objectifying a strong talented woman who isn't a feminist bc she's cool and not woke. Just like Ellne Riplay or Sara Conner before she appeared in thar SJW film Terminrtor Dak Fate.
But then the companions got all sleepy, and they dozed off. And so did the dcotor in the toleit. When they woke up in a way that isn't woke, they woke but not 'woke', and they were tied up but not in a sexual way. Clara was smiley looking psychotic with a chainsaw. "Wellll.. that just happened. Okay, I drugged your food. Don't be mad. I just want to become a abzorbaloff so I'm gonna have to your heads and attach them on my body", so Clera took da chinsaw and putt it on the chin of Ruan, "perpare to be a part of me. And I don't mean sex, I mean actually a part of me", Rayn srceamed but Clara covered his motuh. "I wish this was painless, I really do. But it won't be. Im sorry I don't have vore powers. Im not a real abzorbaloff" said Clara taking the knife to Rans face. "You know, I have seen things, things i can never stop seeing. Things that people should never see. Things beyond the planes of existence, within the backrooms of everything that is sane. I see what all my Clara splinters see, what all the people I've 'abzorbed' see. The Timeless Child, The Mind Machine, Kayler. They are inevitable, none of us can stop them. Not even me."
Meanwhile the Doctor is still taking a shit in the torilet, not knowing what the comotion is aboot. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEsee I DONT WANT TO BE A AbZORBALOFF" cried Ryan, but Clara tried to calm him down while staring at him with intensely psychotic eyes. "Don't worry, I'll let you eat my puss PUSS all day if you do. I'll attach you next 2 it. Wouldn't that be fun, wouldn't that be really really fun. Like a couple of mates joined tofgether, having fun. So much fun ahahahahahahhahah". But Ryan cried, suddenly Ace tirned into a Werewolf and tore off Claras arm "AHH YOU FUCKING BITCH. YOU TORE OFF MY WRITING ARM" shouted the mouth of Clara. So Clara did Jiujitsu to fight Ace and she beat her up. And cut off her werewolf Tail to wear as a hat, then killed Ace and ate her face off than turned her entire body into sushi. Then she turned to the others. "Okay guys, time to become a part of Clara!"
But then the Doctor burst out of the bathroom, and punched Clara in the face. "THIS IS FOR ADRIC, MY SON" he cried knowing that Clara killed his son on the Cyberman filled ship heading to earth. Suddenly Noel Clarke ran into the cafe with his Rapea'tron 3000, but slipped on a banana peel and the Rapea'tron 3000 smashed into Claras Tardis console. Fucking the Tardis console like the deep sea ocean fucked the Titan and the Titanic. Beaming Clara back to Gallifrey. But while being beamed, the other immortals that Clara stitched onto her belly cried out at him. "The Lone Dalek, don't give it what it wants" cried Captain Jack Harkness's face as Clara got beamed to Gallifrey.
On Gallifrey, a mysterious figure with a Illuminati deep state symbol on its back approached Clara Oswald. She popped off all the faces on Clara, throwing Captain Jacks face back to earth, knowing that he has to have sex with Danny Devito to restore the Timelines of the Tiemless Child, but Clara stole Jacks regenerative powers, so he'll still be a head but grow into the Face of Boe. "Okay, Claire, time to go back to your own time stream but before I do that. I'm gonna steal your memories okay". "Nooo.. please. Memories are all I have left" cried Clara, but the figure put their hand on Claire's temple an d stole her memories. Leaving her mind completely blank like a toddler beofre pushing her back to Face the Raven.
"Good, I have all of Claire's memories of the Doctor. Soon I will destroy him. For I am the spy" laughed the figure.
"Uh, Doctor. What should we do about this?" asked Ryan pointing at the Tardis console which merged with the Rapea'tron 3000. "We should merge it with mine and make a super Tardis". And so they did that, and now the Tardis looks like a giant blue dildo.
Meanwhile, in the ruins of Nazi Germany, a Timelord ship came to beam up Felix Ragnorok Ludwig Wolfgang the III, who was reading The Art of the Deal by Donald J Trump everyone's favourite Psyop. He was alive and was wearing a bulletproof vest when the Rabbi shot him. "You're pregnant" asked the figure, "yes.. I think I'm gonna name the baby… Kayler, the name of his daddies, Hitler and Kanye".