Chapter 31

Rory was back on her porch, though the setting was less serene now with all the drilling and chopping going on upstairs. Her laptop was in front of her as luckily at least one of the good chairs had been spared by the storm. Now that Corinne was in Boston again, she was trying to do what she'd first set out to do.

The trouble was, whatever she'd set out to write in the beginning of the summer, wasn't flowing out of her as easily as it had before. It wasn't so much as the story in her head had changed, but maybe a small part of her had. What she'd found in Logan wasn't an affair, a fling, something rebellious or immoral. Even if she still tried to convince herself of the lightness of their relationship every now and again not to get her hopes up for something unattainable, either way something light and carefree. What she'd found was an unexpected deeper sense of comfort. Safety, perhaps? She trusted him, and she knew that to be a risky plane to inhabit. Realistically thinking she hadn't known him long enough to claim any big feelings, but every day she thought of him, every day she couldn't wait to catch a glimpse of him, just as she craved his touch. She longed to hear her phone ping, alerting her how he'd thought of her and to text her something, anything - often something insignificant like settling their debate on whether Hemingway's wife had lost one of his manuscripts. Rory had been blessed to have had a lot of people in her life who could keep up with her on an intellectual level. Her grandfather, Paris, Jess, others she'd met on the campaign trail, and of course, Tucker too. Logan didn't fall short either. The banter they had was the kind she would've liked to show off in front of her mother, knowing she could claim it to be proof of great chemistry. She would've also liked to use that banter to prove to her mother that not everyone with money was equally uninteresting or ridiculous.

She put sentence after sentence into her document, but it mostly just seemed to be a writing exercise - write anything and delete later. Her mind tended to wander, not feeling what she was doing was particularly important.

As her mind drifted, her eyes wandered onto the horizon, taking in the calmness of the sea. The squirrels were still there too, providing a spectacle. In her current sentiment it was just easy to blame the construction crew for her distractedness. No part of her wanted to blame Logan for it, though she realized that maybe he too had a small part in it.

Logan had been consciously trying to spend at least a majority of his days with his children, and Rory had no objections to that, knowing she would have him in the evenings - didn't even matter if it was in her storm-battered house, on the couch - not quite desperate enough to have him in her daughter's bedroom. Or she'd sneak into Logan's own bedroom late at night, and then out of it in the early morning hours again. They'd become so unapologetic about wanting the touch of the other, feeling they really didn't even need to ask if it was okay to come. And if they did, it was about the logistics of not wanting to get too familiar in front of the kids. They all knew, of course, but it was about being considerate about it.

Rory's face lit up as she heard Logan's voice from the yard next door, and her eyes searched for him.

"Yes, yes, I'm handing her the phone as we speak," Logan said, sounding a little reluctant, and did just that.

The phone was eagerly accepted by his youngest.

"Maman!" Eléa exclaimed excitedly.

That word certainly sparked Rory's interest, considering how little she'd heard about Logan's second wife. As far as she understood Logan had full custody, and the reasons for that were his ex-wife's mental disorder combined with her habit of self-medicating. But what exactly had she done to cause Logan's departure from London and how exactly the relationship worked, both with Odette and her daughter and Odette and Logan, as he hadn't disclosed details to Rory.

Rory found it interesting that while Eléa went on to converse with her mother, Logan remained outside with her whilst keeping some distance. It was as if he was guarding her and watching what she said.

Rory couldn't really imagine what harm a phone call could possibly do, but then again, she didn't know Odette. She could only imagine what life must've been like, both for Eléa and for Logan. She couldn't deny that her imagination allowed her to picture not only the bad but also the good, an outgoing woman who knew how to party, and who certainly knew her way around Logan, too. Rory couldn't deny that that made her a little jealous, even if she didn't like to admit it.

"Oui, je vais bien," Rory heard the girl speak, starting with general pleasantries. "Et toi?" she continued.

Rory's eyes met Logan's, as he noticed her sitting outside like he had many times before. He looked oddly apologetic, or at the very least tentative. Rory wondered whether there was a similar apprehension there as she had with Tucker.

Rory wasn't afraid of her ex, at least not anymore. But she was wiser to know which battles were worth it if the goal was to keep things civil for the sake of co-parenting. To her he was a man whom she saw twice a month, sometimes only once. And thanks to Corinne being old enough, she barely needed to communicate about general logistics and decisions. They'd divided most things up - Rory handled Corinne's schooling and health, Tucker was to guide Corinne's college choices considering it was there he had a foot in the game, and make sure Corinne maintained good relationships with the family that she had left on his side, Rory only really having her dad and Gigi, plus Luke, but she saw Luke a lot less of these days. Also, their idea of fun tended to be a little different these days, but this only meant Corinne got a well-rounded worldview as a result.

"Quel temps fait-il ?" Rory heard Eléa ask, and cast a questioning look towards Logan which Rory found curious. She wasn't asking her mother that, rather repeating her question out loud - her mother had asked about the weather. It seemed such a simple question, and Rory found it puzzling why she would hesitate on something like that.

Logan gesticulated what looked like avoidance, shaking his head a little.

"Il fait beau, rien d'exceptionnel," Eléa replied, explaining how the weather wasn't anything exceptional, keeping the answer rather vague.

Logan casually nodded his head, as if approving of the response. Not that they'd talked about this - but clearly both Logan and Rory were fluent enough in French to follow the conversation.

Logan's eyes met Rory's again, and he began to make his way across the yard, clearly aiming to step over the broken fence. For what it concerned them, the fence could stay broken.

"Just thought I'd give Eléa a moment. I keep wanting to stay around, to protect her… but I forget that she's pretty smart herself," Logan explained quietly as he reached Rory's earshot.

"She's talking to her mother, I presume?" Rory said, revealing how she'd overheard a little.

"Yeah," Logan exhaled deeply. "Once a month. Court mandated phone calls with a social worker sitting by her side," he explained, taking a seat next to her.

"Is she…?" Rory began to ask, but really didn't want to push him.

"She's admitted. She has been a handful of times. The latest was for self-harm and rehab," Logan whispered.

Rory didn't know what to say, any comment seeming unnecessary.

"I don't want her to know where we are, not precisely at least," Logan explained.

"You think she'd…?" Rory asked, trying to keep her voice down.

"I don't know. I know her to be unpredictable and I just don't trust her anymore," Logan explained, not going into explaining how he knew Odette to be extremely capable at pretending things to be fine.

"So, she can't see her daughter at all?" Rory asked, feeling even some compassion for the woman.

"It was what we decided on… or rather what Eléa wanted. She asked for this at Family Court, you see. She specifically said she didn't want to see her mother until she was better," Logan shared.

"That's very mature of her…," Rory commented quietly.

Logan held some information to himself, not wanting to go back to pitying himself. There had been situations which Eléa had witnessed that he wished she hadn't. Those situations were proof of his absence, as was the damage those had inflicted on her.

"It's my job to keep her safe," Logan sighed, letting Rory in on his state of mind a little better. He hated how it sounded like he was only realizing it now.

Rory took his hand under the table, squeezing it gently, hoping he'd sense that she wasn't judging him. Her point of view in this was that it was as much her mother's job to do that as it was his, despite the fact that Logan probably hadn't been around enough. Neither had Rory's dad, hence she knew how sometimes it wasn't about wanting or knowing, sometimes it was about knowing how to or other external or internal circumstances.

"I guess you're probably wondering what happened there," Logan shared, feeling for the first time how he actually wanted to talk about it.

"I guess. But it's none of my business…," Rory said, shrugging her shoulders.

"She came home from spending the weekend with her," Logan began, gesturing his head towards his daughter to make it clear which 'she' he was talking about. Logan inhaled deeply before continuing. "And turns out not only was she drunk, she'd spent the weekend at her mother's hotel suite, being exposed to cocaine, pills… you name it. Plus from some of the pictures that surfaced from that evening were rather graphic, if you know what I mean," Logan added.

"Oh," was the only thing Rory could manage.

"In the midst of all of this, O spent most of the time unconscious as I later found out. I get scared just thinking about what could've happened there… she could've taken something, someone could've taken advantage of her… the things she must've seen or heard," Logan continued.

"So you get why we're where we are…," Logan added, not getting much response from Rory.

"Children are resilient," Rory managed after some pause.

They could hear Eléa's weak voice discuss her room and share some of the music and movies she'd recently discovered, all in all, innocent and neutral topics. It was interesting of her to want to still talk to her mother, despite not wanting to see her. But supposedly, it was one way to maintain some connection, treating her mother like some distant relative who lived abroad.

"So, you're thinking about sending her to school here?" Rory asked, her voice slightly breaking as she did for some unexplained reason. For a while she'd known that Logan wasn't yet sure how long he and his kids would actually stay here. It was one reason why she didn't quite dare to make long-term plans with him.

"Yeah, I think it'd be good. I like how quiet and calm it is here. I mean they might get bored, but I'd rather they be bored than…," Logan replied, getting distracted by Eléa's speaking, wanting to make sure things were still okay. He was even a little overprotective now, trying to make up for lost time.

"You think the summer is boring, just wait until winter, huh," Rory chuckled.

"Yeah, lots of snow shoveling, I imagine," Logan replied, despite knowing he could probably help on that if needed.

"I think it'd be good for them too. Sometimes I regret that Corinne didn't get that small town life experience like I did," Rory discussed.

"I just hope they blend in. I mean Liam certainly has, but Theo and Eléa are different… I don't want them to go from school to school each year like I did," Logan replied.

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Rory assured him, squeezing his hand again.

"You decide yet about coming to Honor's?" Logan asked.

Rory had been postponing the decision, having had a lot of other things on her mind.

"I don't know," Rory hesitated.

"Come on, the guys here can get the noisy bits over with. And I promise it'll be fun, too," Logan urged.

Rory wanted to say 'yes'. But she wanted to say 'no', too. One because nothing seemed like more fun and anything with him was the best way she could imagine spending her time, and the other because with the prospect of Logan staying here while she returned to Hartford - where would that leave them? Wouldn't that just be teasing herself? What point was introducing her to Honor and her husband as Logan's girlfriend, if it was just something temporary?

"I think I just want to get some writing done… I love that you asked, and it's a wonderful idea…," Rory said, feeling she needed to pull back to protect herself.

"Okay, yeah. Forget it. I mean, I get it - you enjoy your alone time, and that's fine," Logan tried to sound unmoved by the rejection.

Rory wanted to explain her reasons a little better, but couldn't find the words.

"I'll see you later, maybe? Okay?" Logan said, getting up to leave, seeing in the distance that Eléa's phone call had ended.

"Yeah," Rory exhaled, hoping that by not going, she hadn't ruined what they had.