Chapter 32

Rory had told the construction crew to go enjoy their holiday on the afternoon of the 4th, wanting to have the house to herself. With her room bandaged up enough not to have a direct opening to the outdoors anymore, she was feeling pretty good in that house, taking advantage of having the place to herself and wearing only a little more than her underwear to hang around in on the hot afternoon.

Her work ethic had ensured she'd gotten a lot of writing done that day, so she was pleased with herself - at least on the superficial level. She'd done two loads of laundry, just the way she liked it, and given herself a manicure, opting for a wine red nailpolish this time. She'd made sure she had her favorite treats at hand, even if in the heat she didn't have much of an appetite. She had one of her favorite playlists on, and despite the heat, she should've been enjoying herself, having the recipe of self-care in the works.

But as she tried to settle on her couch that afternoon, picking up a new book, every song she heard in the background from that playlist of hers trailed her mind onto unwanted thoughts. The Cardigans - Step on Me, Gary Jules - Mad World, Cage the Elephant - Cigarette Daydreams - her playlist she would've often quite enjoyed, when not really thinking about the lyrics, really wasn't helping her right now.

Another thing that wasn't helping was the fact that after they last talked, Logan hadn't dropped by like he often did. He'd made a perfectly logical excuse about watching a movie with his kids by text. It wasn't something Rory would've pouted over normally, knowing kids needed to come first if he wanted to make up for lost time. But she couldn't help but to read into this a little. Was Logan offended by her declining the invitation? Maybe cooling things was the right call, and he'd realized it too?

Initially, Rory had been happy about her decision to not join the Huntzbergers for the holiday, feeling like she would've been intruding on his time with the kids and family, not being much of a social creature herself if she could help it. Honor really wasn't the kind of person she enjoyed either, even if she understood that she was well-meaning and dearly loved by Logan. But little drops of regret were beginning to seep into her as she sat there, wondering what kind of person that made her if she used retreating as her main technique when faced with a risky possibility. Risky as in the terms of her heart being at risk.

Logan really was the kind of person she could see herself falling for. He was so likable, a little unattainable even if one were to think more seriously. And what scared Rory the most was how easy everything seemed with him - the banter, the matching chemistry, the push-and-pull they had… it seemed too easy.

Rory was relieved to be pulled out of these thoughts of self-doubt by the ringing of her phone. She hadn't had such insecurities in years. She'd thought she was better than this, time and experience having made her wiser and would stop her from overthinking everything.

"Hi, dad," Rory chimed, having half expected to hear from him some time or another as they usually connected around most holidays.

"Hey, Ror," Christopher replied.

"So, what's going on in Boston? Is it as exhaustingly hot as it is here?" Rory asked.

"What is the adequate way to describe it these days with every summer being the hottest in human history, or what did they say…," Christopher chuckled.

"I'll take that as 'sauna-like'?" Rory replied, laughingly.

"Something along those lines," Christopher replied. "So, where are you? At some fancy party I presume?" he added.

"What makes you think that?" Rory replied in a chuckle.

"Well, I don't know what you people do up there in the fancy Maine regions," he said, pretending to be clueless.

"Well, I expect there's to be fireworks but as far as I'm concerned, I'm here doing laundry and enjoying my solitude," Rory replied.

"You should've said something. I'd invited you here," Christopher said.

"Ah, I'm fine as I am, really," Rory assured.

"I did see that daughter of yours the other day," Christopher informed, surprising Rory a little. "She and Gigi went shopping, and then to the movies or something…," he explained.

"Oh, that's good," Rory replied, feeling glad Corinne was at least doing something with her time other than moping. At least from that angle it was good Tucker resided in Boston, giving Corinne also convenient access to family there.

"She also told me you might be pretty busy with someone new yourself," Christopher hinted.

"She - what?" Rory exclaimed, not believing her ears, but chuckled. A small part of her felt embarrassment too, but it was just an odd reaction.

"Don't blame her. I did ask," Christopher laughed.

"Ah, right…," Rory replied, shaking her head in disbelief.

"So, there is someone?" Christopher inquired well-meaningly.

"Um… kind of… but…," Rory said, but struggled to find the right words.

"But it's nothing serious. Right?" Christopher asked, knowing her daughter a lot better now than he had when she was younger.

"But it isn't," Rory chimed.

"Whatever he is or isn't… I'm just happy you found someone. You deserve happiness too," Christopher reminded her.

"Dad!" Rory scolded him, not enjoying this kind of conversation.

"Just because Tucker didn't know what a good thing he had going on, doesn't mean you can't give someone else a try," he replied.

"And look who's talking. You and Lana barely spend 6 months a year on the same continent…," Rory teased back.

"Yeah, but we always have each other's backs. We're kind of past the traditional norms at our age. And sorry to tell you, but so are you," Christopher said, laughingly.

"Yeah, I know," Rory replied with a sigh.

"So, who is this guy anyways?" Christopher inquired.

"I doubt that you know him. He's been living in London for the better part of this century," Rory explained.

"Still," Christopher was still eager to hear about the guy.

Rory was actually kind of hesitant to tell him, afraid he might indeed know of him. They'd had so many near misses at ending up at the same events or occasions, that it almost felt like tempting faith each time they talked about their pasts.

"His name is Logan Huntzberger," Rory exhaled slowly. "And seriously, this could be nothing...," she added, not wanting to jinx things by talking about it. But at the same time, she felt excitement in her gut as she continued to talk about him, as if speaking about someone she was proud of, having that tingle in her voice that Christopher was sure to recognize by now. It was clear to him that this Logan guy wasn't just anyone.

The phone call turned into a lengthy one, and while at first Rory had been feeling some awkwardness, unloading onto her father like this – she realized how having someone neutral, someone who meant well, to talk to had been needed. The glass of chilled white wine she'd poured her as she had talked to him, had also helped to loosen her cords.

Talking about Logan had also led her to miss him. She tried to think about what Logan would appreciate. Surely – if he had meant that invite seriously, he'd appreciate hearing how she was now having some regrets about it?

"I miss you," Rory typed, and pressed send as she bit her lip.

The notification of Logan having seen it came almost instantly, but the response didn't, leaving Rory anxiously biting her knuckle. Not even so much as the three dots indicating he was thinking about a response.

"Crap," Rory muttered to herself.

Rory almost wanted to go back on her word and unsend it, but knew it'd make no difference if he had indeed seen it. Besides, it was not like unsending it would solve anything.

Wasn't honesty what he wanted? Was emotional affection not what he needed from her?

Rory buried her head in the throw pillow that was closest to her and let out a roar of angst. She really wasn't happy with herself – a grown woman acting like a love-sick teenage girl. Her mind was in a state of fluctuation between feeling the need to harden up, and using the wisdom that time had given her – to know that sometimes letting her guard down was the only way to really live.

She got up and walked around the room, needing to shrug this mood off. Shaking her wrists sometimes helped, and she got a brief flashback to a time when she'd genuinely believed tap-dancing, badly - if truth be known, was the thing to solve her anxieties. She'd come so far from that.

"This really isn't a good sign, is it? Freaking out over a guy?" Rory rambled to herself, through panting.

"It's going to be fine. He's going to reply when he's less busy, that's all. Right?" she continued to reason with herself, pausing to look in the mirror as she did.

Rory made herself busy by doing another load of laundry and topping things off by cleaning out the pantry, giving her a good few hours of something to do. She took a cool bath after that, using nearly every pampering item in her vanity cabinet to occupy herself. That and a few more glasses of wine later, pleasantly softened up by both the bath and the alcohol, she dozed off in her daughter's bed without allowing herself to look at her phone again, convincing herself of the fact that her mental well-being needed to be independent of Logan. That was, after all, what her therapist had taught her once in relation to Tucker.

Many hours later Rory woke with an unexpected jolt. It was still dark outside, and the wind was blowing against the tarp that covered the window part of her bedroom. And with the doors open in between, the sound came off as a whistle every now and again. But that was nothing new. It was then she heard someone downstairs. Footsteps, creaking of the floorboards, and then the stairs.

Rory's body tensed up, and her heart began to race in her chest. There was someone in the house.

The fear of a break-in had never even occurred to her at this house, and considering she was not even in her own bedroom, for a moment she felt completely at a loss what she should do. At least in her own room, she would've had a heavy-duty flashlight at hand in the bedside drawer.

Here, a phone was all she had, yet with the approaching footsteps, she knew she did not have enough time to dial and explain things. The best that she could manage was getting up as quietly as she could and hiding behind the open door. She'd seen on movies how sometimes one could knock the intruder down or at the very least surprise them if one moved the door just at the right moment. And with Corinne's bedroom holding little more than old stuffed toys and books, it felt like her best chance.

At the last squeak of the threshold, Rory shoved the door at the intruder, and let out a roar that didn't sound half as scary as she'd hoped.

"Ahh!" Rory roared.

"Wait, Rory!" Logan replied, having gotten a bang against his shoulder.

Rory was still adrenaline-driven, continuing to shout.

"Rory! It's me," Logan continued.

"What the…? What are you doing here?!" Rory shouted, angrily. Her heat throbbed a little too, which really wasn't helping things.

"I'm sorry, I should've called…," Logan replied, holding onto Rory's upper arms now, wanting to calm her.

"Yeah? No kidding!?" Rory exclaimed.

"I did text but clearly you missed it…," Logan added, sneakily.

"What? You did?" Rory asked, confusedly, only then remembering how she'd fought with herself not to stare at her phone last night.

"Yeah, you texted me how you missed me, and then I texted 'How much?' and then when you didn't answer I added 'I miss you so much I might just go sleepwalking/driving tonight,' hoping you'd get what I meant," Logan described.

"You scared the crap out of me!" Rory added, but her fury exchanged into something milder as his words finally got through to her and she snuggled into his chest as his arms instinctively pulled her in.

"You're very cute when you're mad, you know that," Logan said.

"Ha-ha, so not the point," Rory replied, sarcastically, and looked him in the eyes. It didn't matter that the room was dim, but she could still see the glimmer of his eyes.

For a moment there was just silence.

"I'm scared of this, you know…," Rory whispered, explaining her earlier response to his invite, the low volume and the darkness somehow making it easier.

"Really? Well, I'm terrified…," Logan exclaimed, not holding back on his usual volume and making his voice resonate through her chest.

"What have you got to be terrified about?" Rory asked.

"I'm feeling so much, I don't know what to do with myself," Logan replied, feeling like uttering those words might break something in him. He'd gotten hurt a lot in his life, even if it wasn't perhaps the classical heartbreak one might imagine at first thought. Betrayal, lies, and disappointment were just as rough if all one had was caring, trust and partnership to offer. He was so close to saying it was more than that, but the insecure part of him, needed to hear some assurance from her mouth first.

Rory pushed herself onto her toes and laid her hot lips against his, adding just a taste of tongue, before whispering - "I'm falling for you, Logan… I might even love you."