Barret took Natalie aside the next day. He could finally bring her into the plan. As well as the remaining jobs that needed doing to pull it off.
Natalie hadn't given it any thought while she had been gone. Her trip to Banora, moving, hiding and fighting, had taken all of her energy.
She sat across Barret at Seventh Heaven.
"Aw man, you look like shit." He told her.
"Barret!" Tifa told him.
"What?"
"She just lost family."
"Ah, I'm sorry." Barret warmed up his tone. "When you came back..."
Natalie shrugged, "I did what I could. I just need time and I can focus on work again."
"If you're gonna help though. I'm a gonna need to depend on you if you're in this."
Natalie nodded, "I need just a little bit of time to catch up on sleep. And you can depend on me to help out. OK?"
"Yeah."
Barret finally told Natalie his plan. He was going to stick it to ShinRa. Get Midgar off of Mako. Natalie didn't have a problem with either of those things. In fact, she was happy to cost the company the time and resource it would take. To make the reactors fail. Scare the company into stop killing the planet.
It was only a few people at ShinRa that Natalie had a problem with. And some of them were already dead. But all her problems, she could hold the company responsible for. Even if all of it was paying for it. For funding the Science Department's monster factory. For forcing her into SOLDIER. For Making Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth into what they had become before they had died. Monsters.
Either ShinRa had done her wrong, or had paid for it. So she was on board to help Barret damage the Reactors. It wouldn't solve the Wound at the North Pole. But the Reactors burning away the Lifestream today was something she could sink her teeth into. It was the problem right in front of her that she could put a hand into.
Natalie kept that promise. Keeping her mind on preparations. Gathering the supplies. Even bankrolling Barret some. With Gil and the extra Materia Natalie had earned over the years.
Some weeks after being brought into Barret's plan, Tifa knocked on her door. "Lee?"
"Come in Tifa."
Tifa closed the door behind her before starting "I know how useful you are to the cause."
"But?" Lee could hear the question on the tip of Tifa's tongue.
"But, can I ask you a favor?"
"Go ahead Tifa."
"But, and old friend just came to town."
"Yeah."
"And I was wondering, uh. How are you feeling since..."
"Like shit, still." It was the grief on top of everything else, that had Natalie off her game the last while. She was trying, but it was barely enough. And Barret needed everyone at one-hundred-and-fifty-percent now. "What do you need Tifa?"
"It might really help him out if he went instead. He just came into town and needs work."
Natalie rolled over on her bed. She had been resting her eyes on top of he blankets. Sleep still came in fits and starts. "Who? No." She waved for Tifa not to answer. "It doesn't matter. What matters is if they can do the job. And that person isn't me yet." Natalie wanted to help Barret. But she was still a mess. She needed more time. Barret didn't have that kind of time.
"Uh, could you help me with a little orientation?"
"Like what?"
"You're a-" Tifa stopped. "You used to be a-, you know." Tifa didn't mention the SOLDIER program out loud. She knew, Barret knew, Natalie knew. And they all knew that Natalie didn't like talking about it.
So Natalie cut through the vagaries with a knife. "What does me being a former SOLDIER have to do with your friend?"
"Well," Tifa leaned against the inside of Natalie's door. "He's a mercenary now. And he can help us with Barret's job. Use your experience and judgment to figure out if he can do the job."
"If he can do it better than me. He can have the job." Natalie rubbed her eyes, she needed to sleep for more than twenty minutes at a time.
"Really? Great, I'll be right back." Tifa slipped away before Natalie could respond.
The door shut behind Natalie, in her exhaustion, she said it to the tiny room. "That was sarcastic."
She listened to Tifa bound down the stairs outside to the ground outside.
Natalie scrubbed her face. The Watch needed her. Barret needed her, Tifa needed her, Biggs, Wedge, Jessie. AVALANCHE needed her. But her heart wasn't in it, she was still healing. There was never enough time to heal her heart.
"Fuck!" she swore at her wall and the decorations she had acquired in her time in Sector Seven. All the damn stuff she had fit in this room since she had started renting it.
"Stupid feelings. Dammit. Let me get over this now!" Including renewed grief over losing Sephiroth, as well as everything else piled on top of that. Zack. Cloud. Angeal. More names, too many names to let herself list off for the moment.
She chided herself for barely holding herself together after those losses, as she stomped her feet into her boots.
Natalie pulled the bottle out from under her bed. It was nearly empty. Natalie finished off the liquor anyway. She would just have to live with an empty bottle in the morning. Not that it ever lasted. She could never get enough behind Tifa's back to get fully drunk. And it always burned off so fast, with her SOLDIER metabolism. But it could give her a break for a few minutes. Minutes that turned to seconds and slipped away nearly as fast as she could drink the stuff.
Natalie checked the straps on her Materia bracer. She doubted she would need them, but she never went anywhere without them. Settling her sword belt on under her coat, the liquor had burned all the way down and would be gone too soon.
Natalie started stretching the fatigue out of her joints. She would meet Tifa's old friend and figure out a test on the spot. Something that would satisfy whether or not Natalie would pass the good word onto Barret.
'It should be me on that job. But if I can find an alt, I can catch up on sleep and everyone will be happy.' Everyone except the company that owned the Reactor that they were going to disable. But sticking to ShinRa was the point.
But if Natalie couldn't deliver her best, a lot of people could get hurt. And she risked the people she cared about.
Her shoulder joints popped and crackled as she flexed her arms, like knuckles. "And if they can deliver, good for them."
She doubted it. But Tifa wouldn't have asked Natalie unless it was important. Tifa knew the stakes as well as her.
Natalie imagined a spot near the Talleger factory. Somewhere they would have a space clear of people near sunset.
Natalie leaned at the foot of the stairs to her place. Jager's window, her landlord's window, was just over her head as she stood in the dirt waiting for Tifa.
She could hear Tifa's voice come closer, trying to get around the people still about as the sun finished setting.
"This way, there's someone I want you to meet."
Natalie didn't hear their response, as someone attracted the attention of the item shop across from Natalie.
"Think of this like a job interview. OK?"
Natalie looked up to see who was coming, bored, thirsty and wanting to lay down again.
A head of blond hair followed Tifa behind.
'No way.' Natalie's mask settled on her face. She thought she could scratch glass as she buried her emotions, she felt something within go still.
It had been weeks since Natalie had see that face last, from within the borrowed First Class uniform. There were subtle differences, the clothes were no longer perfect and pristine. And the jury-rigged armor on his shoulder had seen some shit since she had seen it before. He was as buff as before. Looking the part of a SOLDIER from top to bottom. Most importantly of all, the handle of the buster sword poked over his shoulder.
'He's alive. He made it here. Then Zack..?.' Natalie wondered if he remembered her. But she remembered Zack dragging around a sleeping Cloud. When she was 'Shawn' she had never taken her helmet off. But would this kid recognize her anyway. But it had been weeks. 'Where have you been all this time?'
Blood on the rocks and rain obliterating what tracks could be followed. But if Cloud was here, where was Zack?
Natalie swallowed her spit, and her tears, with every step and swagger that blond hair carried the one thing Zack wouldn't part with unless it was pried from his cold dead hands.
In the twilight hour, it was light enough that Natalie could move around with her goggles on. She searched his face as he approached. His green eyes had that bright green she was used to seeing in other SOLDIERs. He searched her face as well, after noticing her sword.
At the same time Natalie noticed his sword. Zack's sword on Cloud's back.
And just like that, the sword was in another set of hands. All of that determined from a glance.
Tifa came to a stop in front of Natalie, all smiles.
"Is she who you meant?" Cloud asked.
'He doesn't recognize me.' Natalie kept her face still as Tifa corrected him.
" 'They' are a friend of mine. And who I wanted you to meet. Cloud, this is Natalie. Natalie, meet Cloud. He's an old friend of mine."
Natalie was full of questions. She only held them back out of habit. People gossiped, but you didn't pry into other people's business around the Slums. And you definitely didn't ask about their past.
Natalie started "Tifa says you're a mercenary."
"I am." Cloud was being terse.
"And you want to help out with a job?"
"If it pays."
"Hmm. So, what d'you got?"
Cloud stepped up, he could stand eye to eye with Natalie. "I used to be in SOLDIER."
"I can see that." Natalie gestured at his clothes. She turned on her heel, "this way."
"What for?"
Natalie turned, Cloud hadn't moved to follow. "You say you were in SOLDIER. Prove it."
"I don't have to prove anything to you."
Tifa touched Cloud on the arm. "Cloud!"
Natalie waved Tifa off. "Sure, don't prove anything to me. But if that means you don't get the job. Then you won't get paid."
Cloud scowled.
Natalie turned back down the street in the direction of the Talleger factory. She could hear Tifa discussing with Cloud. Before they were out of hearing. Natalie heard Cloud say, "Fine!" Before stomping after Natalie.
By the time they got to the wide section of road in front of the factory. Natalie's liquor was long burned off. She scowled to herself, where Tifa and Cloud wouldn't see.
If she wasn't so tired, she wouldn't need Cloud. And she could have dropped all of this. But between her sorry state and Tifa's recommendation. Natalie didn't think she was going to get a better chance to let someone take her place.
Cloud was taking his sword off his back when Natalie waved it down. "No. Nothing that serious."
There was one person left, sitting on a crate. Everyone else had left for their homes for the night, or for dinner at one of the food trucks back the way Natalie had come.
"Then what do you expect me to do?"
Natalie flexed her fingers. "You say you're in SOLDIER."
"Ex-SOLDIER."
"Sure whatever. What class were you?"
"First."
Natalie blinked a few times. She had no words for the claim.
"Don't believe me? Don't care." Cloud folded his arms across his chest.
Natalie took a step closer. "Just entertain my curiosity for a minute and we can move on with our night."
"What do you want me to do?" Cloud sounded like Natalie was wasting his time.
"Cloud! Try not to be rude."
"Just fists. No blades." Natalie made a 'come over here' gesture with one hand. "Try and touch me. Let me see what you've got."
Cloud sighed. Slipping into an offensive stance. He raised his fists.
Tifa looked concerned, for both of them.
Natalie went into a slight crouch herself. Waiting for Cloud to make the first move.
Cloud rolled his eyes, whipping a hand out to backhand Natalie.
She blocked him easily enough, stepping to the side. "Are you really going to try, or not?"
Cloud glowered, getting that look in his eyes. The one Natalie remembered from other SOLDIERs in fight practice. He focused on Natalie now.
Cloud moved in again. Natalie blocked and sidestepped a couple more hits, again.
Tifa gave them more space to circle each other as Cloud kept trying to make contact with Natalie.
Cloud went faster, so Natalie matched it.
She shifted to the offensive, trying to make Cloud be more reactive to the fight. When she ducked under a swing of Cloud's fist, sweeping one of her legs out to trip him.
Cloud hopped over her leg, reacting to her moves barely ahead of them. But he was getting ahead of her.
Cloud was faster and stronger than Natalie had expected. And when she tried to get him to react to her, he would always get barely ahead.
Very quickly Natalie was frowning to herself. She could barely keep up with his hands and feet. And anything she tried to do he was ready for it.
'He's not fighting like a member of Public Security. He fights like Za-'
Natalie staggered back at the sudden strike of the elbow she hadn't seen coming.
Cloud elbow had struck her in the face, her cheek. In a very Zack-like move Natalie remembered from training.
"Lee!" Tifa cried out, running to the other woman from where she had been watching.
Natalie turned away and spat on the ground, probing with her tongue. Nothing had been knocked loose and there was no blood in the spit. Just a sore cheek and jaw that might bruise.
Natalie stared at her spit on the ground. The move had reminded her of the last time she had been struck in the face by an elbow. Natalie's train of thought was interrupted again but Tifa calling Cloud's name.
"Cloud!" She sounded more concerned than mad.
Natalie turned to see what it was, rather than think about her last partner.
Tifa was helping Cloud up. He stood up straight, shrugging off Tifa. "Let go. I'm fine."
Natalie's temple started to throb, threatening her with a headache later. Unless she could scrounge up more booze.
Tifa looked to Natalie "Are you going to be all right Lee?"
Natalie shook her head. "Nothing Materia can't fix.
Cloud looked as hard as Natalie felt. "Well?"
"Just a couple of questions," Lee said.
"This is a waste of time."
All three of their heads turned to a racket by the gate to the Talleger factory.
Someone was yelling for the gate as the sound of multiple gun shots went off.
"Unlock the gate!" more gunshots.
Natalie had her sword out, running. Two pairs of boots were a few steps behind her. Natalie didn't bother to check if Tifa was leading Cloud or the other way around.
"Open the gate!" Natalie yelled at the guy fumbling with the key.
More gunshots and a cry of pain.
"Lee! There's two many of them." One of the members of the watch hesitated to open the lock. Even as scavengers were struggling with some Gorgers that had tried to follow them back into town.
"Open the damn gate and I'll handle it!" Natalie yelled at the guy with the key.
The four legged things had surrounded the three people that had been out past sunset.
Three people, two bloody, rushed out of the unlocked gate. With four Gorgers behind them.
Natalie managed to hold two Gorgers from proceeding into town. She knew Tifa would back her up. Cloud was the unknown.
"Don't shoot!" One of the members of the Watch yelled.
Natalie cut one of the Gorgers up as she was glad that they weren't going to risk hitting her or Tifa with a stray bullet.
These things were elementary for Natalie, she burned the other away with a Fira spell. She kicked the gate shut and turned to she what chaos the other two monsters had gotten up to.
Cloud was moving from one Gorger to the other. Their face was all mouth, lined with jagged teeth. As he glided across the ground, from one Gorger to the other. Slamming the Buster sword into them until they stopped moving.
Cloud could fight just fine. He was faster than Natalie. Just as strong too. Her jaw ached, glad that Cloud hadn't hit her as hard as he could have.
While Tifa and Cloud surveyed the damage. Natalie administered care to the people that had been chewed up by the things.
"Thanks Lee." Johan told her. One of the older kids that hated being called a kid. Even if he was half Natalie's age.
"Didn't you mother say not to scrounge in the dark?" Natalie demanded of the boy as she cast a healing spell on him.
The kid put on what he thought was a winning smile. "It's not that bad. We all got out OK, thanks to you and the Watch." As his wounds closed.
Natalie smirked. "I'm not the one going home with blood in my clothes."
Johan's smile slid away as he realized what he was going to look like going home. "Uhh, guys. Let's go wash up."
Natalie warned them again about being out after dark. When the three of them took off. They looked like they were going to either find a place to wash out the blood or come up with a story for their parents.
Natalie shook her head, she tried. She was always ready to help out someone that had gotten hurt. But some of the teens in the area thought that made them invincible. That no matter what trouble they would get up to, they would bounce back.
They acted like they were immortal at that age.
'I need a drink.' Natalie thought as she watched the last of Johan's friends disappear back to town.
"We can get something at the bar in a bit." Tifa promised.
Natalie's face stiffened when she realized that she had spoken out loud. She looked back to Tifa, "Tell Barret he gets my stamp of approval."
" 'He' is standing right here." Cloud warned her.
Natalie shrugged as she wiped the gorger's blood off her sword with a rag.
Tifa had a smile for Natalie, happy that Cloud had that approval. "Come on Cloud, Barret's next."
Cloud didn't move. "What's this another interview?"
Natalie stayed while Cloud got swept away by Tifa.
Tifa had a wave for Natalie before she left with Cloud.
Natalie was alone for a moment. If Tifa was out this early in the night, then Marlene would be at the bar. She was so sweet, with a father like hers, no one made trouble for her at the bar. They didn't buy anything either.
And if Tifa was going to recommend Cloud to take Natalie's place. Tifa wouldn't be at Seventh Heaven to keep an eye on how much Natalie had to drink.
On a night like this. Natalie would have been behind the bar. Except for the time she had had lately. Ever since the last of Natalie's 'brothers' had died.
Natalie started walking straight for the bar. Completely sober and still behind on her sleep.
'When the fuck did Cloud become faster than me?'
Natalie rolled over in her bed. Her sword and Materia were over there. Her only chair was stuck under the doorknob, to jam the door that was also locked. As a safety precaution for other people. Other people who would be in danger if they tried to get in.
'Cloud made it here. With Zack's sword.'
She had disturbed sleep, trying to rest her eyes while the countdown began for Barret's plan.
Cloud. Last she had seen him Zack had been taking care of him. Cloud had been in no state to walk on his own, or carry around a sword as big as the Buster Sword.
'What do I tell the others?'
What would AVALANCHE do if they found out about her history with Sephiroth? Sephiroth the man. That part of her life was further away everyday.
She just wished that each day didn't take so long to end lately.
Natalie had failed so many. And she was failing her friends right now.
She tossed and turned in the bed, hoping that sleep would take her.
Her bottle was empty. The liquor had long burned away. It was only ever any good at taking the edge off briefly. She never managed to get enough behind Tifa's back to drink herself to sleep.
She had failed Genesis, leaving him behind before he had died properly. Like the coward she was. But ShinRa had been coming for them, and Natalie was never going back to that company.
Natalie pulled out her old, repaired, harmonica. Playing 'Empty' to herself in the darkness.
Halfway through the song, she felt the resonant boom in her chest. She heard the sound, far in the distance and far above. The reactor had been blown, Barret's plan was now in motion.
Something was wrong. Cloud was helping Barret break the Reactor, not blow it. Natalie shouldn't be feeling her place rattle.
Then Natalie smelled smoke. The Harmonica fell out of her mouth as she twisted around to sit up in bed. The heat in the room was surreal. By the time she faced the door, the walls were wreathed in flame. Smoke was pooling against the ceiling. And someone stood between her and the door.
"Jamie." She felt paralyzed as she acknowledged the form that had appeared before her. Into those angry, and wrathful, eyes. Sweat beaded on her face.
Jamie smiled at Natalie from the door. She appeared to Natalie dressed as she had last seen her girlfriend. The way Jamie had dressed for the hike onto Mount Nibel, where she had died and joined the Lifestream.
"No." Natalie told herself. Terrified. "I'm seeing things. Get out of my head! You're not real!"
"Am I?" Jamie asked her. "I have come back, Marin." She held out a hand to Natalie.
'Marin, that's not my name anymore' To many people alive knew of Marin Oakley. Natalie was a protective mask that had become her new identity. "That's not my name."
Natalie recoiled and shuffled away, across the bed. Her back pressed against the wall. "No. I don't want to die yet. Wait for me, Jamie."
Jamie stared at Marin, at Natalie, with a cold look in her eyes. It terrified Natalie.
"The planet is dying." Jamie started explaining. "Don't you want to save her? Close the Wound."
"What are you talking about? You're dead!" She shouted.
"But isn't that your dream?" Jamie held out a hand again, "We can save the world, together."
"No!" Natalie whipped an ice spell at Jamie's hallucination. Her other hand reached for her sword, where it was leaning next to the door. "I'm just crazy. You're dead!"
In that moment that the ice was supposed to hit Jamie's face and spread over her body, it went through her instead. Slapping against the door behind her. Ice spread all over the door.
Jamie was gone, the flames were gone. There was no smoke. Conjured ice clung to the wall. It began melting away.
Natalie told the empty room "You're not real. You're not real. It's all in my head. I'm just going crazy…." she remembered Jamie. What they had had together.
She could hear Jamie's voice echo in her ears in the empty room, the words of an old promise, but from Sephiroth. "I'll come back to you."
"You went where I can't follow." Natalie told the empty room, referring to both of her previous partners. She didn't want to die and join the Lifestream. She refused to make it her time yet.
Jamie didn't respond that time.
Natalie curled into a ball on the bed, with dry-racking sobs. Hallucinations, voices, she had seen and smelt and felt fire that wasn't really there. She couldn't get her brain to stop conjuring Jamie. It wasn't real, Jamie wasn't really here. Natalie sobbed in the dark of her room.
What she had seen and felt and hurt wasn't real. None of what she had experienced was real. But she knew the truth. Natalie couldn't escape her own brain.
She hugged herself in the dark and wished that she wasn't really going crazy. That someone was reaching out and touching her mind. If that were true, then Natalie could make them stop. This time she had smelt and saw things, when she had only heard a voice before. It was getting worse.
'The fugue's could come back. I haven't blacked-out in years. And then what? I'm a trained killer, boosted with Mako. The sort of person that is too dangerous to go crazy. Or a bunch of people could get hurt taking me down. I'm not safe.'
Natalie knew though, that there was no hiding or running from it. She had nowhere she could hide from her own mind. The only way she could go, was forward.
The details of a past breakdown were fuzzy. There had been a fight, at a bar or a restaurant. People had gotten hurt. And Natalie had been at the center of the whole thing, when she hadn't forgotten so many details. But this time, this time she was a former SOLDIER. This time she was eminently more dangerous to go insane.
Natalie continued to hug herself and sob. Her head pounded, she needed a drink of water or liquor to wash down some pain killers.
When sleep finally came for her.
Someone banged their ceiling, her floor. Natalie heard a muffled shout that sounded like "Be quiet!" in Jager's voice. Her landlord lived directly below.
Natalie shut her mouth. She had been shouting as she had woken up. The dream or nightmare was gone from her mind as soon as she had opened her eyes. Whatever it had been, she had been shouting in a panic. Reaching under the bed for a bottle. She remembered that she had finished it off her liquor before falling asleep.
Rolling over onto her front. A memory of blood and flames came back to her, unbidden.
"I'll come back to you." She remembered Sephiroth's voice. Some of his last words to her. She pushed her face into her pillow. Shouting into the thing so that Jager wouldn't hear her.
'I just want to forget it. Let me forget it.'
She failed to forget a burning Nibelheim, but she had forgotten the nightmare that she had woken up from, shouting.
Awake Natalie's head throbbed again. She straightened from the curled up position she had been sleeping in. "It's been five years. I'll forget it eventually..." She was a mess of emotions. Her heart was pounding in her chest.
Natalie was ready to cast another ice spell. To whip at the door if she imagined Jamie's voice again. She only heard her own breathing in the dark room.
Natalie undid the straps of her arm guard. She had fallen asleep with it on. And slipped it into her pocket.
She left her rented room for Seventh Heaven. To see if Tifa was still awake.
Down on the ground, the streets were abuzz with people. They were crowded around the TV's hanging from stalls, watching the news. Very few people were going to get any sleep tonight.
Natalie found Tifa and Barret in the bar, there was no sign of Marlene.
"Couldn't sleep?" Tifa saw her first.
Barret turned around on the bar. His face was a storm cloud. When he saw Natalie his face softened.
"Oh uh," Barret started. "Tifa said you weren't doing well, still."
"I hope that's OK?" Tifa offered.
Natalie shook her head, "I'll be better by tomorrow." Natalie lied, too easily. "Did the Plan go OK?"
"Yeah," Barret turned back around. "You could say that."
Natalie sat down at the bar, at the look on Tifa's face, she asked for water.
Barret's big hand patted Natalie on the back. "I shoulda said somthin' sooner. I'm sorry about yer family."
"Thanks. I just needed time. How'd it go?" Natalie asked.
"Almost everything went according to plan." Barret told Natalie.
"Almost?"
"Jessie's tryin' ta figure something out. But it's OK."
"At least there's that. Almost everything" Natalie sipped her water. Eying the bottles behind the bar.
Tifa got her own drink and settled on the bar.
Natalie looked into her glass. "Also, Barret?"
"Yeah Lee?"
"I'm good to go for the next job. I'm recovered from my family emergency." Thinking to herself, 'Just hallucinating my dead girlfriend from time to time. Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about.'
"Good, good." Barret was being especially sober tonight. His plan was clearly heavy on his mind.
Natalie noticed something on the back of the bar, it hadn't been there earlier that night. "A flower?" 'It looks like one of Aerith's lilies.'
"Yeah, Cloud got it for me on the way back." Tifa smiled, trying to force a better mood into the room.
"How thoughtful." Natalie said. Her tone was flat.
"That's what I told him!"
The news continued to blare from the TV over the bar. Barret had turned the volume down. But in the silence they could all hear the reports.
Fires, power outages, footage of the blown Reactor. Barret had gone to shut down the Reactor. Things had not gone according to plan, from even the vaguest hints of the total damage up top.
The conversation died off. The three of drank in silence, listening to the news. After a few more hours in the quiet bar, they drifted off to their beds.