Today is the day I go to niisama's room to learn kanji and hanakotoba. He even mentioned we could have dinner together! Hehe! I'm so happy!!
Enju just woke up. It was still really early in the morning. 3:30 am. Due to her excitement, she couldn't fall asleep. Still in her nagajuban, ideas were flooding in her little head.
Ideas... plans... today's plans.
I want to see more expressions from niisama.
That was her goal.
Despite how early the time was, Enju changed into her usual cyan kimono, she excitedly pulled out one of the drawers from her small cabinet and took out a mirror.
She held the small mirror in her hand, observing the girl inside the reflection. A smiley face was reflected in the mirror. Her cheeks flushed a little.
She widened her smile, trying to make the most prettiest one she could. Everything seemed great－except her hair. It was a mess. Once she noticed that, she pouted at the girl in the mirror with a troubled expression. Of course, the girl in the mirror pouted back at her.
I'm not... beautiful.
She sighed and put the mirror down on her desk. After thinking about it for a while, she took out some hair accessories from her drawer. She combed her hair, carefully braided her hair on the side.
The reason was simple. She just wanted to look pretty.
... for him to see. Even though she knew the best that he couldn't care less about it.
"Enju-sama, good morning."
"...! Gekkamaru...?!"
Enju jumped when Gekkamaru opened her shōji without a sound.
"Haha, you don't need to be that surprised. I knew you was awake because I heard some noises."
"Good morning! Gekkamaru... you surprised me. You... you need to knock next time!"
"I'm sorry Enju-sama... I couldn't help but want to see you as soon as I could... Um... What are you doing?"
"I－"
What am I doing? I'm trying to look pretty.
Gekkamaru glanced at the comb and mirror rested on her desk. His gaze then moved to the side of the desk. Some hairpins and accessories, some flowers, all over the place.
Oh right. Today is also the day Gekkamaru has to go on a mission.
A few times a year. He told me he normally refused the offers, because he wanted to stay with me and protect me whenever he could. But Father got mad at him about that... today is the day that he really needs to go on a mission. Very early in the morning. That's why he got changed into his shinobi outfit already, preparing to depart.
Gekkamaru smiled as he walked over to Enju's desk, his eyes sparkled at the sight.
"Oh, Enju-sama..."
All those hairpins and accessories scattered on her desk were souvenirs given by Gekkamaru. Every time he returned from a mission, he would give her something.
He was delighted to know Enju kept the gifts he gave her. Though, there wasn't much. Because he rarely went on a mission.
"I'm happy you're using them today!"
... Maybe she uses them to bid me farewell today? That's why she's up this early?
Gekkamaru wasn't feeling the best on this very day. It was because he knew he wouldn't be able to see Enju for two days. But after seeing Enju's effort of making herself look pretty for him, it had definitely brightened him up.
"Yes! I'm going to use them. But I have trouble choosing... I wonder which hairpin matches me the best."
It doesn't matter. You look great in anything. Every hairpin looks awesome on you.
"Since you're here, Gekkamaru, help me choose!"
Oh no! Now she's asking me! Which one am I supposed to choose?!
"Um..."
"Here! This one is a moon-shaped hairpin."
"Then the other one... a butterfly-shaped."
"Another... a snowflake-shaped."
Enju put the hairpins near her head one by one for Gekkamaru to compare them. After showing him the three hairpins, she blinked her eyes at him adorably and waited for his reply.
"..."
"Gekkamaru...?"
"...Aa..."
"Stop daydreaming! Which one looks the best on me?"
"Enju-sama..."
Gekkamaru felt his heart skip a beat as Enju blinked her big blue eyes at him adorably.
"None of them has a difference... you look nice."
"That isn't helpful... please! Choose one for me...? Look at them carefully!"
Enju put the three hairpins near her head again, one by one, for him to compare.
"..."
"Gekkamaru..."
"Um.. the moon-shaped one then...?"
He had finally chosen.
"Hai!"
Enju was about to put the hairpin next to her braided hair, but her wrist was grabbed by a hand larger than hers.
"Eh...?"
She turned her head backwards, confused.
"Enju-sama, let me put it on for you."
Gekkamaru smiled blissfully and took out the moon-shaped hairpin out from her palm. After adjusting the angle, he carefully put it onto her soft, silky braided hair.
He felt happy. Just really happy.
My Enju-sama.
"Thank you Gekkamaru!"
Enju put some flowers in between the strands of her braided hair as well.
She looked at herself in the mirror again, everything seemed great.
"Gekkamaru, how do I look?"
"Enju-sama is pretty."
"Really...?"
"Of course! Enju-sama is always a beauty!"
"D..Don't say that. Stop teasing me..."
"But that's true! That's what I really think!"
"H-ha?! Gekkamaru! Stop saying that!"
"Why? Enju-sama is beautiful!"
"I told you to stop...! Hm! I- I don't know you anymore!!"
Enju pouted and turned away from him, leaving her room.
"Eh...? Enju-sama...! Don't be mad! I apologise!"
"Ara, Gekka-nii is making Enju mad again. Even on this very day."
Kyara commented as she saw Enju's pouty face when she walked past her in the corridor. She went out of her room due to the commotion.
"Gekka-nii never learns his lessons."
Ennosuke stretched his arms tiredly, he got slightly annoyed because their energetic voices had woken him up.
"I... I didn't do-"
"What's the commotion?"
Enju stopped her footsteps the moment she heard an authoritative voice. A voice that she enjoyed listening to.
"Oh... Chou-nii..."
"Let's go back to our rooms..."
Not wanting to be misunderstood and scolded, Kyara and Ennosuke quickly walked away from the crowd.
"Niisama, good morning..."
"...Aa."
"Chōjirō-dono, good morning."
"Good morning."
He coldly replied to them as he crossed his arms. His sharp green eyes pierced into their souls. Unpleased.
They couldn't stand looking into those strict glances that were as sharp as a blade. Their gazes casted downwards instead... the ground.
"So? What's about the commotion?"
He repeated, sternly.
"Nothing important, Chōjirō-dono."
"Nothing important... You're telling me you raised your voice over nothing significant... Can I comprehend the ruckus as that way?"
"Chōjirō-dono! I apologise. We didn't mean to..."
"Do you know what time it is?"
"3... no... around 4... 4 am."
"Do you know how loud you two were speaking?"
"...Niisama, I'm sorry. We were noisy. We disturbed your sleep."
"It wasn't just me. You disturbed other villagers as well."
He scolded.
Still crossing his arms, Chōjirō closed his eyes and turned away from the two.
"Come with me."
There, Chou-nii's sermon had started.
For about one hour. Until 5:00 am.
As a result, Gekkamaru and Enju never spoke loudly again during early mornings. Even if they did argue something, they became more diligent in controlling their volume. They didn't want to be scolded for a whole hour again just because of their childish conversation.
5:30 am.
It was time for Gekkamaru to depart. Since Enju was already up, she decided to bid him farewell.
Chōjirō was also there.
Gekkamaru couldn't stop asking Enju to take good care of herself and such. He hugged her tightly before his departure. He was such a worrywart.
"Enju-sama... take care! Please wait for my return. I... I'm happy you're here to bid me farewell today. I'll miss you a lot... remember to sleep properly, eat properly!"
Feeling Chōjirō's cold gaze over them, Enju couldn't help but feel embarrassed.
"I will... Gekkamaru...-"
Gekkamaru gave Enju a tighter squeeze inside his arms, causing Enju's body being squished inside his tight embrace.
"I'm going to miss you a lot, Enju-sama..."
"Gekkamaru... so tight! Tight!"
As she protested, she suddenly felt another pair of hands on her shoulders. A strong pull.
"...?"
Niisama...?
"Gekkamaru, it's time for you to depart."
Chōjirō said strictly as he pulled Enju to his side. One of his hands held Enju's upper arm as he separated them.
"I'll take good care of Enju when you're away. Or are you worried that I'm not good enough to take care of her?"
He then slowly slipped his hand down to her wrist and held it tightly.
"N-no! It isn't like that Chōjirō-dono. I... yes... I know there shouldn't be any problems if Chōjirō-dono is with Enju-sama. I... I'll go then. Goodbye Chōjirō-dono, Enju-sama!"
Gekkamaru finally left the village.
Enju's gaze slowly turned to Chōjirō after Gekkamaru's silhouette had vanished into the deep woods.
She noticed Chōjirō's gaze had been resting on her figure all the time. Emotionlessly. He was simply observing her. Nothing more than that.
She could still feel the strong tug on her wrist.
"Enju, let's head back."
He plainly spoke as he added even more force to hold her wrist tightly, as hard as a rock. So hard that she felt he was crushing her wrist. As he applied more force into his grip, he started walking and bringing Enju along with him.
"...Niisama, it hurts."
Enju let out an audible short breath as she innocently said.
Chōjirō stopped and turned his head backwards, looking at Enju with a confused expression. Oblivious about what she was referring to.
"Hurt?"
But Enju hesitated to tell him. She thought that maybe... if she told him about the strong grip around her wrist, then Chōjirō wouldn't hold her anymore. Even though it was just her wrist, not her hand... or anywhere else.
Even though it hurts.
She wanted him to hold her like this... just for a little bit longer.
"Aa, no! Nothing! L-let's walk together niisama!"
Feeling the tight grip as hard as a rock around her wrist, Enju smiled at her big brother while feeling the pain.
"...Niisama, isn't this your room?"
"You're going to come and see me today right? I just thought we could start our reading session earlier than our planned schedule."
"Oh, yes!"
Chōjirō finally let go of Enju. Enju showed a face of grimace for a second as he let go of her wrist.
"Aa..."
She quickly moved her pained wrist behind her back with her other hand rubbing the area he just crushed.
"Enju?"
Chōjirō furrowed his brows as he noticed the suspicious action.
"What are you hiding from me?"
"Eh... nothing."
"Enju."
He spoke again. An unrelenting aura surrounding him.
"..N-nothing."
Enju replied bravely as she observed her cousin's demeanour.
Niisama closed his eyes... he's sighing... like he's fed up of listening to my lies... Maybe it's better if I tell him. But if I do, niisama probably won't hold m...
"Enju, come over here."
Niisama told me to walk over to his side. He sat down on a chair and patted his lap. Eh...?
"Niisama...?"
"Come."
Am I going to sit on niisama's lap...?
Chōjirō patted his lap again, ordering Enju to sit.
Timidly, Enju walked over to him, her hands still behind her back, rubbing her pained wrist softly. She was hesitating to sit on his lap...
"Sit."
"Y-yes, niisama."
His authoritative tone had successfully made her obediently sat on his lap. She put her hands in front of herself, not wanting Chōjirō to notice her pinkish, pained wrist.
"Enju, answer me."
His voice was proximate. Just behind her. This caused Enju got a shiver ran down her spine. But still, she managed to lie to him.
"It's really nothing important, niisama."
She spoke softly.
"I see."
He said plainly. Then, he slipped his arms through her waist, reaching for her small hands.
"Aa...!"
Enju gasped as he held both of her wrists from behind. He opened her small hands to see what was inside.
"Hm."
Surprisingly, there wasn't anything inside her hands. He then observed her hands, her wrist... he noticed...
A swollen, red wrist. He lifted it up. A small moan escaped from her lips.
"This... When did you hurt yourself?"
"..."
"Enju."
He extended his neck a little bit, his head was next to hers, slightly above her right shoulder. His slanted eyes looking at her with care.
His hair near her face made her feel ticklish.
"Aa.. niisama."
Niisama is so close to me... Why am I feeling nervous...? He's just my...
"Are you not going to tell me?"
His tone changed at a sudden, he asked gently as he softened his tone.
How gentle. How sly. Niisama always does that when he knows he can't get anything out of me with his authoritative teacher tone. He acts like he cares about me... just to get his answers.
His short hair that was tickling her face felt soft and gentle as well. How strange.
Eventually, Enju replied to him.
"Niisama did that."
He was astounded by her reply.
"Me?"
He was obviously confused.
"Niisama hurt me."
"I'm sorry, but I can't recall..."
"Just now... when niisama pulled me away from Gekkamaru."
Chōjirō looked down shamefully and brought her wrist closer to himself.
"I'm sorry Enju. I didn't know the accurate amount of strength when holding a person's arm..."
Enju understood that very well though. That Chōjirō held everything like he was wielding his double-edged large knife. His strength was astoundingly strong given that he was a sixteen-year-old.
"I won't hold you like that again."
No... No...
That was what Enju was afraid about－That he wouldn't hold her arm, or her wrist again.
"Niisama, I don't mind. I think you won't hold it that tight again next time."
"But I'm worried that I can't control my strength. I guess I won't do that again after all."
"..."
I'm sad. Very sad.
"Enju, I have some medicine in my small cabinet for lessening the pain. Let me grab it for you."
"Hai."
Come to think about it, I enjoy sitting here... on niisama's lap. Because it feels to me that...
"..."
Niisama is actually not far beyond my reach, that he is very close to me.
"...Enju."
"...? What is it niisama?"
"Can you get off my lap?"
"...! Of course! I'm sorry!"
Enju bashfully got off his lap－her comfortable position.
Chōjirō brought out a small medicine box, finding the ointment to lessen Enju's pain around her swollen wrist.
"I'm sorry Enju... I never knew that my level of grip force would've caused you so much pain. It won't happen again."
He lifted up her wrist gently, putting the ointment onto the affected area.
"I can put it on myself..."
Maybe I was wrong... Maybe niisama does care about me.
"No, let me do it for you. I was the one who caused you this pain. Also..."
"Niisama...?"
"You always make me want to pamper you when you're here by my side."
Enju was surprised by what he said.
Pamper... me? Wants to... pamper me?
"There."
He had finished putting the ointment around her wrist with a surprisingly accurate strength level filled with gentleness. He put the cream back into his medicine emergency kit. After cleaning his hands, he raised his right hand slowly.
It then landed on her head. He was patting it all of a sudden, it was like he enjoyed doing that. He was rubbing her silky white hair.
"Aa... niisama..."
She called out to him as she unconsciously leaned her head into his palm slowly like a cat. Feeling comfortable by his touch. His large palm.
Even though I didn't do anything proud to him...
He kept rubbing it gently.
I feel like niisama is praising me... But, if niisama keeps patting it, he will ruin my hair! Which I've put a lot of effort to make it look pretty!
"You look like you're feeling comfortable."
How adorable.
He thought and paused his actions as a certain hair accessory blocked his hand from patting further.
"Oh..."
His green eyes observed the moon-shaped hair accessory for a while. His gaze then landed on the white flowers she put between her strands of braided hair.
"You put a lot of effort into your hair today. It looks pretty on you."
"Ah..."
His praise caused her to let out an adorable sound, because she was at a loss of words. He praised her appearance. How surprising.
Pretty...? Niisama says... he... he says...
"Did Gekkamaru give you this?"
His fingers touched the hair accessory softly as he asked.
"Yes..."
"I see."
Somehow, a bitter smile was shown on his face.
It was because he knew that, he would never give Enju anything. Or to be more precise, he would never be able to give her anything. Not hair accessories. Not the things she likes. Not gifts－
Not happiness.
"Well, let's get started with this book then, it talks about different types of flowers, and hanakotoba too."
His voice changed back to his normal, slightly coarse tone.
"Niisama, I... I have something to give you and it's in my room! Do you mind if I return to my estate very quickly?"
"I don't mind. Sorry for bringing you here first."
"N-no! I'm very happy niisama brought me here! I'll go then, please wait for me niisama."
...
[Enju's POV]
When I returned, I found niisama was lying on a table. His head was resting on top of his arms, facing sideways. I couldn't see his face.
"Niisama?"
I tightened my grip on the small basket inside my hands as I walked over to his side.
"Niisama, I'm back."
Not getting any responses from him, I guessed that he had fallen asleep on his desk while waiting for me to return.
Niisama must be really tired. It's odd that he doesn't wake up even when I called him. It must be because Gekkamaru and I had disturbed his sleep early in the morning... To begin with, niisama is not a heavy sleeper, he must be really exhausted now that he doesn't even know I'm back.
I'll wait until niisama wakes up. I guess I'll take a small nap too.
I thought as I sat down on the chair next to him. I followed his postures, the way he was sleeping. I put my arms on the table, then laid my head on top of them, and faced sideways too.
A sense of assurance was filled inside my heart again. This kind of secure, comfort feeling only occurred when I was with niisama.
"Mm..."
This is so comfortable. The softness of the pillow, the thickness of the futon, the warmth surrounding me. I don't think I even want to wake up.
A soft, nasal snoring sound. It sounds nice and comfy to listen to.
Everything... everything makes me...
Wait. Futon? Am I sleeping on a futon?
I opened my tired eyes and found myself in niisama's bedroom. Maybe he carried me here to nap together.
What is the time...? How long have I napped?
I just found myself was leaning on top of niisama's chest. On top of his thin white nagajuban fabric. A pair of arms around... me. My waist.
What... is happening here?It doesn't seem there is more than one futon here in the first place. I'm so confused.
Something was off. I felt wet liquid flowing down my chin.
...! That couldn't possibly be the liquid I'm thinking about right...?!
I checked as I lifted my chin up.
Oh no... it IS what I was thinking about. Saliva.
I...! I was drooling... How disgusting... My saliva was all over niisama's fabric!
I gasped and tried to get out of niisama's arms. But he didn't seem to be awake, I could still feel his warm breath on top of my head.
"Niisama!"
"..."
This is not reality.
I thought. How could niisama still not be awake after hearing my loud voice?
"Ni-niisama! The saliva...! I'm really sorry!"
I exclaimed and hung my head in shame.
"Enju...?"
Eventually, he woke up.
Maybe this time, niisama is really going to hate me. Oh... no... Why am I such an embarrassment...?
"Aa, Enju..."
Niisama smiled at me. How abnormal.
"Niisama, y-your clothes..."
"A..."
He must have felt the disgusting liquid soaking his clothes, he touched the soaked area.
"Niisama, I'm really sorry! I'll wash the clothes for you!"
I apologised again and shut my eyelids tightly, not really keen to face niisama in front of me at that very moment.
"Sorry! I'm sorry!"
"...That couldn't be helped. It's okay Enju. Don't worry, you didn't do it on purpose."
He said gently.
"Eh...?"
I lifted my head up very slowly... just to see niisama smiling at me.
Again. My heart was acting strange. I could feel it beating faster than before. I felt strange. But why? Why was that?
"You don't need to wash it for me. I'll get changed now."
Niisama isn't mad at me?
"Did you sleep well?"
"I did... maybe too well..."
I looked down again, frowning at my own saliva... that had soaked some areas of the futon.
"I told you not need to worry about it, didn't I?"
He squished my cheeks.
"Niisha...ma?"
This was weird. Niisama didn't look like the niisama I knew. Why were we sleeping together on the same futon in the first place?
As I was about to ask－
He leaned in.
"You look adorable."
I widened my eyes at his words and actions. Even more shocking, the next second I blinked my eyes－
My lips were in contact with his.
Niisama kissed me.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
...
"Enju."
Hm? I am...
"Enju."
I opened my eyes.
"Did you have a bad dream...?"
"...Nii.."
"Enju... are you okay?"
It was niisama. The niisama I knew.
"You're finally awake. It's not comfortable to sleep here on my table. Sorry, I fell asleep before you returned."
"Aa... niisama, I..."
Confused, I looked around my surroundings just to find myself still in niisama's study room. We didn't sleep together, nor did I drool over niisama's clothes, nor did niisama... kiss me.
"Are you still daydreaming? Fu."
A sharp pain on my forehead.
"Wake up, Enju."
"Ouch."
He did a dekopin on my forehead.
"I don't know what kind of dream you've had, but it probably wasn't a nice dream... you screamed. So I won't ask about it. But are you okay?"
"Y..yes I am."
"That's good then."
"Hai..."
I rubbed my eyes as I still felt really drowsy.
Ah yes... it makes so much sense now.
Niisama in my dream wasn't the niisama I knew. Of course... of course... of course niisama wouldn't do something like that...
How ridiculous. How indecent. My mind is very corrupted.
Niisama took a glance at the basket I put on his table.
"Enju, this..."
"It's for niisama."
I stood up slowly as I adjusted myself. I cleared my head and wiped off the events that just happened inside my head by breathing deeply. I then held the basket in my hands, handing it over to him.
"I've been learning embroidery for a while. I was thinking about niisama while sewing them, because I wanted to hand over my first ever embroidery work for niisama as a gift."
I told him as I looked up at him, niisama was slightly shocked. Another rare expression I found!
He picked up a doll from my basket. It was a male doll with a purple bob hair cut and slanted green eyes. The doll was emotionless, it didn't have any expressions. The mouth was sewed with a simple dotted black line.
"He doesn't have any expressions on his face, but... despite all of that... don't you think he looks very pretty...? He is my favourite out of all my embroidery works!"
I said shyly and shook my small basket in front of him as I wanted him to look at my other embroidery works too.
Holding the male doll inside one of his hands, he took out another doll from my basket.
It was a female doll with a pony tail, braided hair on the side. The doll had white hair and blue eyes, it was smiling faintly with a blush.
I looked up and blinked my eyes, observing niisama's expression again. He was looking at the dolls lovingly. He smiled.
A smile that was different from his usual smiles. Niisama didn't say anything, but he kept smiling while looking at my embroidery works.
I even heard his small giggles.
"Niisama? What's so funny about them?"
Instead of replying to me, his eyes softened at me and patted my head, which made me smile too, of course. He then asked me why I made them.
I told him it was because I enjoyed seeing the two of them being together.
I told him I created these characters. The male doll was deaf so he couldn't hear or speak, he was always alone by himself. I told him how the male doll barely showed any emotions.
One day when he was walking aimlessly in the snow, thinking about the reason he was living, he met the female doll, who was about to freeze to death in a snowstorm. He saved her life by bringing her to his home and providing her food supply. Just like him, he found that she was always alone.
Since then, the female doll always enjoyed following behind him despite he couldn't speak or hear, that... she hoped to live with him happily together.
I told niisama all of that.
"Don't you think... they look nice together?"
I took the dolls out of niisama's hand, holding the male doll inside my left hand and the female doll in my right. I aligned them together, so they were next to each other, they looked like they were holding hands.
"..."
But niisama didn't answer me what he thought about them. For a moment, I saw him parted his lips, but nothing came out from his mouth afterwards.
Somehow, he fell silent all of a sudden.
"But niisama! That one isn't for you! I'm keeping it! This one though, is for you."
I handed over the female doll to him while hugging the male doll tightly, keeping it to myself.
I'm not giving this to anyone. Not even niisama.
He chuckled softly again as his fingers traced the female doll's face, then the braided white hair.
"She looks pretty."
"Fufu! I'm glad you like it!"
I didn't know the reason myself, but when he held the doll lovingly inside his hand, my heart acted strange again. It was beating irregularly. Why?
There were some purple butterfly embroideries inside my basket too, so I handed my basket to him. He put my embroidery work on his working desk for decoration. He told me he was amazed by my skills and that he liked them...
He put the female doll inside his bedroom and told me he would look at it every night before he slept.
He said thank you.
I was happy that I saw different expressions from niisama that day. He smiled a lot. I really enjoyed observing his expressions, because he rarely made any of them most of the time. I even felt privileged to be able to see them.
Author's note
Each time I write a chapter, the word count increases. Ideas keep generating from my mind and the word count is always more than expected www The word count in this chapter is twice the amount of my usual chapters... sorry about that! (Compensation for the lack of updates in June w)
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!