Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.
A Day After Seryu Got Properly Treated
"Grif. Sarge. Simmons. Tucker. Caboose. Lopez. And Donut… you're just simulation troopers. You were all meant to die a long time ago."
Sarge looked up at the sky, recalling how the revelation that they were just simulation troopers hit them all like a ton of bricks and he was depressed from that fact. Sure, Hiyoko cheered him up and they managed to stick it to the Director… though, he would have preferred if Leonard Church died, but he had to hand it to Hiyoko for changing his mind.
And now Church is hanging out with Carolina into fixing their relationship while also working with those eggheads from time to time.
…But the fact still stands that he didn't know what to do with himself. Sure, they have a base that they share with the Blue Team, considering that was Caboose's idea, and they were stationed in Toad Town, so any shenanigans that go on will just be like any other day in paradise.
However, there was the fact that he was just a simulation trooper, and with nothing to do except for bullying Grif. With the supposed "war" over, what was he to do?
He hated to admit it, but he was bored.
Sure, Chiaki hooked him up with a PC and TF2 so he could easily destroy blues to his heart's content.
…There was just one small problem with that.
"I've been team balanced?! Now I'M a dirty blue?!"
BANG!
"Hmph!" Sarge pumped his shotgun and walked off grumbling while there was a massive hole in the PC.
The amount of times Simmons had to repair it and scold Sarge that it was just a game was enough to drive him crazy, yet Sarge just kept doing it when autobalance would kick in and he was the unfortunate soul that got sent to the BLU team.
Unbeknownst to him, Washington and Carolina were having a meeting.
"Soooo… how are we gonna get him adjusted into civilian life?" Washington wondered.
"Honestly, your guess is good as mine." Carolina said. "Hell, we got everyone else adjusted to civilian life pretty well."
"Yeah, like with Grif being a meditation teacher-"
"All you gotta do is just breathe deep and don't worry about a thing." Grif said calmly, surrounded by candles as his class consisted of Toads, Koopas, humans, Faunus and Goombas. "Clear your mind… we accept everyone of different backgrounds. We don't tolerate that bigotry bullshit. Unless you're a kiss ass nerd like Simmons. I fucking hate nerds."
"Donut is an art teacher."
Carolina shook her head. "I… have concerns about him being an art teacher."
"Alright class, now that you have painted the fruit… paint me with the fruit on my body. Be expressive! The more "french girl", the better!"
"Yes sir!" The students saluted.
"...At least he's not doing it with kids." Washington said.
"Thank goodness…"
"Anyway, Sis-, I mean Kaikaiana is a cheerleader at one of Vale's schools."
"What's the school?"
"Hathaway of Learning Visual Arts or… whatever it's called."
"Ready! Okay!" Sister cheered as she was holding pom poms. "See those boys! Make 'em cry! Make sure one of them is good enough for me to land a date! Goooo Hathaway!"
"...Who's the cheerleader?" Laura wondered as her friends sweatdropped while shrugging.
"...Hathaway? As in like… Anne Hathaway?" Carolina asked.
"Oh good, I wasn't the only one who thought of that." Washington chuckled. "Anyway, Simmons is taking a robotics class-"
"Alright, this is how you make a robot!" Simmons said.
"Coooool!" The class said in awe.
"If you need any help, just let me know!"
Washington chuckled. "Lopez is a Spanish teacher-"
"Repite después de mí: Sarge es un perdedor y morirá virgen." (Repeat after me: Sarge is a loser and will die a virgin.)
"Sarge es un… perderora… y… monstero virginia?" The class tilted their heads in confusion.
"Suficientemente cerca." (Close enough.)
Carolina nodded. "Epsilon decided to be a trainer."
"As in like… a personal fitness trainer?"
"Think more like… guns."
"Oh no."
"Augh! I can't get this gun to shoot right! I can't hit the target!"
"Ah, I used to be like that… but there's a simple trick." Epsilon said. "All you have to do is look through the markers through the scope. If you just look through the scope, you'll miss your target every time."
"Got it!"
BANG!
The bullet missed as it ricocheted around, everyone watched as it bounced around… and struck Epsilon in the head as he fell over and his AI form popped out.
"Aw fuckin' hell…" Epsilon mumbled. "Alright, let's work on your breathing techniques, not to mention patience will help immensely… and not kill allies."
"Right… my bad…"
"Caboose, as far as I know, helps out at the Future Foundation." Carolina said.
"Look Toko, I made a drawing of you and Bakugon!"
"That's nice Caboo-... is that me and him getting married?!"
"Yes. You're getting married in space!"
Toko blushed a deep red and quickly went into fangirl mode. "AAAAAH! THE TWO OF US MAKING OUT IN SPACE. THAT'S SO ROMANTIC!"
With Byakuya…
Byakuya shivered as he was at the water cooler. "Why do I feel dread breathing down my neck? …Oh right, it's that time of the day again."
"Why do I feel sorry for them?" Washington asked.
"I talked with Kyoko and she mentioned that when pointed in the right direction, he's definitely a big help." Carolina explained.
"That's… good? Heh, well, I suppose he keeps them on their toes." Washington chuckled. "What about Tex?"
"Last I heard, she decided to take up bounty hunting."
"...Planet level or galaxy level?"
"Planet level."
"I've got a bad feeling about this… and speaking of bad feelings, there's Tucker and his… club that he made for himself. Luckily, no one's interested."
"I've heard he got one member in his club."
"Oh no… it begins…"
"One of these days, someone's gonna waltz right into this club." Tucker said, looking at the sign that read "Score dates with girls club".
The door opened. "Hey, excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your banner!"
Tucker turned around. "Alriiiiight, a new member!" He walked over to him. "What's your name?"
"Teruteru Hanamura, the Ultimate Cook! A pleasure to make your acquaintance!"
"No no, the pleasure is all mine! You having trouble scorin?"
"I'm hoping that one of these days, my cooking will woo the woman of my dreams!"
"Ah shit dude! I've been trying to score chicks with pick up lines!"
"You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That we use our powers together to score the ultimate chick of a lifetime?"
Teruteru smirked. "You read my mind, you glorious man you!"
"You son of a bitch!" Tucker exclaimed, the two of them clasping their hands with sparkles around their heads.
Meanwhile…
Mahiru shivered as she walked. "Okay… why am I getting a bad feeling?"
Back with the two…
"I'm sure it's nothing. Anyway, we have everyone… except for Sarge. He's a bit tricky." Carolina said.
"Yeah, considering all his life he's been in the military to fight "dirty blues"." Washington said. "Of course, Chiaki did try to help him fight that itch, but I wonder if it's enough."
"Getting him back into civilization is going to be a hard one."
"Do you have any ideas?" Washington asked. "I mean, it's not like he can just… become a teacher at Beacon or something."
Carolina rubbed her chin. "Hmm… I think I have an idea." She got up. "I'll be right back." She walked off.
"...This can only go so well."
Carolina walked to the rooftop, seeing Sarge sitting on the edge of the roof bored out of his mind, watching Toads and Faunus going about their day. "Hey, Sarge."
"Oh, hey Carolina." Sarge said.
"What you up to?"
"Ah, just watching people go by without a care in the world."
Carolina chuckled. "I can see that. By the way, I thought of something you might like."
"Hmm?"
"Come with me."
A few days later…
"Wait, hold on, you actually have Sarge doing something that he's happy about?"
"Yeah. It really clicked with him." Carolina nodded.
"Great! …So why are we at Beacon?"
"Well, it turns out… they needed a physical education teacher that would motivate them."
"Motivate?" Washington paled at the thought. "Carolina, what did you do?"
They heard a whistle nearby as Carolina walked over and pointed to several huntsmen and huntresses on their knees, panting while Sarge was wearing a referee outfit over his armor. "Good job, maggots! You just managed to outrun a Beowolf. But you were a little slow at the end! So as punishment, you need to do fifty laps around the tower!"
"FIFTY?!" They all yelled.
"Do I hear a sixty?" Sarge pumped his shotgun.
"No!"
"No what?"
"Sir, no sir!" They quickly regained their energy via Super Mushrooms and they took off running.
"Heheheh, that's more like it! And after we're done, we'll take a light jog in the Forever Fall!"
There was a lot of moaning that was heard.
"DO I HEAR SEVENTY LAPS!"
"...Carolina…"
"Yes?"
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
"Hey, if it gets them motivated for the eventual battle against Salem…"
"But this is… oi…" Washington rubbed his head.
"You want to know the icing on the cake?"
"...No."
"He's pretty much Glynda's second in command to whip the students into shape should they misbehave."
"GLYNDA?!" Washington yelled.
Carolina smiled. "Yes, Glynda."
"That woman admittedly scares me… probably because she sounds like Tex but come on, really? Sarge being Glynda's right hand man? There's no way she'll let it slide!"
With Glynda…
Glynda drank a pink lemonade, watching students tire themselves out from Sarge's teachings. "I should've thought of this years ago."
With the two…
"Ah! Carolina! Washington!" Sarge waved. "Thank you for helping me find something that I'm passionate about. Motivating these boneheads into shape in no time!"
Carolina chuckled. "You're welcome."
"I have… some concerns. And by some, I mean… we're looking into triple digits here, bordering four."
"You worry too much. Come on, let's leave Sarge alone." Carolina said, dragging Washington away.
"Wait! Wait! I need to tell Sarge that this is a bad idea!"
"He'll be fine!"
"Him?! What about the students?! Carolina, this is kinda problematic considering it's Sarge! Are you even listening to me!"
Fifty laps later…
"I don't know if you've been told, but Grimm are scum of the earth!" Sarge sang as he and the students jogged through the Forever Fall forest, all of them exhausted. "Let's name all the Grimm so we can wipe them off the planet! Sound off!"
Loud groaning was heard.
"You're right, that's probably the name of some unknown Grimm we've never heard of! That diabolical Salem probably has hundreds of 'em! Keep up the pace, maggots!"
"My lungs… I can't go on!" One of them groaned.
Later into the night…
"Good day?" Simmons asked.
"Simmons, I've had a wonderful day at Beacon. They'll be whipped up into shape in no time!" Sarge said as there was a knock on the door as they turned to see Umber walking in.
"Hey. Just thought I'd drop by for a visit."
"Umber, good to see you!" Sarge smiled and turned to Grif. "Grif, go get him a chair on the double!"
"Me?! Why do I have to get one?!"
"Because he's a celebrity and we should treat them like respect! Now go get him a chair or YOU will be the chair!" He said, pumping his shotgun.
"Uuugh…" Grif groaned as he walked away grumbling. "He's biased… biased, I tell you!"
"Um, I don't think that's necessary, I could easily just sit on the couch…"
"Nonsense!" Sarge put his hand on his shoulder. "We'll get you something more comfortable than that."
Grif came back with a chair. "Alright, here's a chai-"
"Grif, what is that?"
"A wooden chair."
"No, you moron! We need to have him sit in something comfy. Go get one of them beanbag chairs, not that torture device!"
"Oh for fuck's sake!" Grif walked off grumbling as he came back with a beanbag chair. "Here."
"Oh, thank you." Umber smiled as he sat in it. "I was just coming by to see how you were doing after that fiasco you guys were in and-... uh… why am I sinking?"
"Dag nabbit, Grif! You gave him the bean bag chair that had the sole purpose of eating you! It's called the Grif Eater for a reason!"
"...You have a bean bag chair… that eats me?"
"Yes!"
"...I fucking hate you."
"Mmmph! Little help? Can't get out! Heeeeelp!"
Meanwhile…
"Okay, I did some digging on why you've been a little on edge aaaand… well…" Hiyoko rubbed her arm.
"How bad is it? I can take it."
"Teruteru became best friends with Tucker and they're trying to come up with ways to pick up chicks."
"PFFFFT! HAHAHAHA!" Mahiru laughed. "Good one, Hiyoko! Teruteru became best friends with that clown? Hahahahaha… hahahahaha… hahaha… why… haha… why aren't you laughing?"
"I'd laugh if it was actually a joke."
Mahiru started to pale. "Surely… surely you're joking, right? You're not pulling my leg, right? Those two didn't meet up… right?"
Hiyoko shook her head. "I wish I was."
Mahiru's legs felt wobbly, having to find a seat to sit down on. "Oh… oh my goodness…" She whimpered. 'Oh, son of a bitch!"
Ibuki: *groans* Oh Teru-chan... not again...
This idea was none other than Yoshi's idea! ...Aaaand Tucker and Teruteru meeting up and becoming best friends was Wyvern's. Pffft.