Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.

A Few Days After Sarge Became the Physical Education Teacher

"Do do do do do~" Sarge hummed as he walked around Beacon at night. Another day, another successful class of getting these kids motivated to kick Salem's butt to the curb.

Sure, some of them wound up in the infirmary, but in his mind, he was toughening them all up.

"You!"

Sarge stopped walking, turning around to see who had spoken to him. He would see a less than thrilled Chloe approaching him. "Ah, Chloe! Good to see you!"

"You've some explaining to do, Sarge." Chloe frowned while folding her arms. "Care to tell me why the medical team at Beacon called me up to assist them… why I had to take care of a class for overexertion?"

"Ah yes, I'm the new physical education teacher!"

Chloe let out a groan. "That explains… sooooo much." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Were you always like this to those under your command?"

"Just to Grif and Simmons. Mostly to Grif because he always deserves it."

"Well, what about those students? Do they deserve it too?"

"Nonsense! It's to motivate them in case Salem decides to rear her ugly keister in front of our faces!"

"They can't raise a finger against Salem if they're suffering from training related injuries!" She pointed out. "Are you willing to risk facing an opponent like Salem with an injured and exhausted army?"

"Of course not, they'll walk it off!"

"Easy for you to say…" She mumbled. "Look, Sarge… I do think someone like you would be better off in an occupation that involves arms manufacturing. It seems like something you'd love, wouldn't it?"

"That's true…"

"I would also think it would look very bad if any of your students led to their deaths against Salem back to you. One of the younger students had a fluttering heart, so that needed immediate treatment."

"Ha! That student's heart will come back twice as strong!"

"You don't-..." She rubbed her temples. "Right… I see my opinion isn't working." She pulled out her scroll. "What's say we ask for an opinion you'll value more than mine?"

"Sounds good!"

Meanwhile, at JINXY's home…

Xena was in her room, deep in meditation as she was hovering above the ground, her hands pressed together and her eyes closed. Her scroll vibrated as she opened her eye and turned toward her nightstand, telekinetically bringing it over to her. Chloe? She wondered as she telekinetically pressed the answer button. "Yo."

"Hey JINXY, I need a second opinion from a team Sarge will listen to."

"Hang on just a sec." Xena teleported into the living room where Nyx was reading a joke book and Iris was sharpening her weapon. The two of them looked up to see Xena with her scroll floating near her head.

"Who's calling?" Nyx asked.

"Chloe. Something about Sarge…" She responded.

Iris sweatdropped. "Oh boy…" She said as Xena put her phone on the coffee table.

"Alright, put you on speaker phone. Most of us are here. Jade's currently on a date with Futaba right now."

"Aww cute! Anyway, I'm with Sarge who doesn't understand the severity of the situation. It was a little while ago that I got done treating a group of students who were suffering from overexertion, one of which had an irregular heartbeat as a result."

Iris facepalmed. "Gods dammit…"

Nyx sighed. "Dammit Sarge…"

"Right… my suggestion is that he takes up a career in arm's manufacturing. I think his talents would be put to better use there. What do you think?"

"What can I say? I'm just training 'em for when we kick Salem's sorry keister into the ground!"

"...Does he even hear himself?"

I don't even know…

"Okay, here's an idea. You can still do that with weapon's manufacturing whenever we get around to defeating Salem." Iris pointed out.

"Considering Sarge is better at ending lives, yes." Chloe deadpanned. "Let's all count ourselves lucky I was able to take care of the students. As much as I'd like to be the school's nurse, my responsibilities with MAJC and providing care for anyone who needs it takes precedence."

"Yeah, I bet arm's manufacturing would pay really good too." Nyx agreed.

"Hmmmmm!" It sounded as if Sarge was thinking about it. "Sounds tempting!"

"Exactly, so hey… why not do that? Besides, you turned Simmons into a cyborg, I bet you're pretty qualified to make weapons." Nyx suggested.

"...I'm sorry, you did what?"

"Yup, I sure did!"

"Okay… how and why?"

"Oh, how did he say he did it again?" Xena wondered. "Something about Simmons getting blown up and Sarge replaced all his limbs and organs with metal parts…?"

"I think that was it… and then Grif got shot, so Sarge used Simmons' organs to replace Gri-... okay, now that I'm saying it out loud, it sounds extremely and ridiculously dumb." Nyx sweatdropped.

"I was about to say…" Iris snickered.

"And… you're telling me this man who I'm standing with right now… did all of that?" Chloe asked, internally mortified just thinking about it.

"Your darn tootin'!" Sarge sounded completely proud of himself.

…Okay, note to self, do not trust Sarge with a band-aid… Chloe thought, trying her best not to get a migraine over it. "...Right, well, do you mind if we came by where you live so we can throw some ideas around?"

"Sure, it's in Toad Town and our team name is on the mailbox." Nyx said.

"We can teleport you guys here if you want." Xena offered.

"I think we can walk, thank you." Chloe declined and then ended the call, but soon after, Xena got a text from her. Okay, I know this sounds childish of me, but… can we please mess with Sarge a bit? I don't wanna go down to Beacon every day and blow a bunch of money on medical supplies because of this guy.

"Oh, let me take over real quick!"

Yagami took control as she started to text back. This is Xena's other half taking over. What do you have in mind?

Don't you have a trapmaster and gadgeteer in your ranks? You've got ideas! She sent a winking emoji right after.

Ohohoho, yes we do~! We'll see what we can come up with! Yagami sent a winking emoji back to her.

See ya in a bit. Surprise me!

"Alright." Yagami put her scroll away. "Chloe's wanting to mess with Sarge a bit."

Nyx smirked. "Hehe, oh this is gonna be good."

"Alright, so… what do you think we should do to him?"

"Eh, this really isn't my strongest suit." Iris admitted.

"Well, first off…" Nyx walked over to the kitchen and pulled out a blueberry pie. "We pie him with this blueberry pie."

Yagami instantly smirked, knowing what was going on. "Oh, we're gonna turn him into a "dirty blue", aren't we?"

"Yup!"

Yagami had a gleeful sadistic glimmer in her eyes. "We know a few Inklings who would love to paint him blue~"

Nyx giggled. "Nice."

At that moment, they heard voices outside.

"That was so wonderful!"

"Yeah, it was great!"

"See you soon?"

"Yeah, later egghead~!"

"See ya, four eyes~!"

Jade walked in with a spring in her step. "Ah, that was such a wonderful… date…" She noticed them all having mischievous looks in their eyes. "Uh… do I even want to know?"

"Turning Sarge into a dirty blue after his… shenanigans at Beacon." Yagami explained. "Want in?"

Jade's eyes sparkled. "Let me get something in my lab real quick. He gets to be my guinea pig!" She ran off while Yagami teleported to Inkopolis.

Nyx turned to Iris. "Hey, you wanna help me set up?"

"Oh, what the hell… I've got nothing better to do." Iris chuckled.

"Excellent, let's rock!"

A little while later…

"Ah, it's gonna be a mess to clean up… but it's so gonna be worth it." Nyx said.

"Glad it's on hardwood floor." Iris said with Nyx nodding, then Yagami arrived with a few blue male and female Inklings.

"We tried to find a few blue Octolings, but we couldn't find any…" Yagami rubbed her head.

"Hey there!" Nyx greeted. "We need you to ink a man in red armor when he passes… by…" She looked directly at Yagami. "Uh… what do we owe these guys?"

"Nothing much, just a round of Turf Wars." Yagami said.

"Yeah, we're really easy going." A blue female Inkling said.

"Oh good!" Nyx said as Iris casually looked out the window.

"They're here!" Iris said.

"Alright, places people!" Nyx giggled as they quickly hid while Chloe knocked on the door, then Nyx walked over to greet her. "Hey Chloe!"

"Good to see you, Nyx."

"Hello!" Sarge waved cheerfully.

"Come on in." She said as they walked inside.

Ding!

Right on time. Nyx thought. "Hey Sarge, can you go into the kitchen and pull that pizza out? We started to make one when we got the message you were coming over."

"Of course!" Sarge walked over to the kitchen. "Do do do do~"

BGM: Funny Goings-On (Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam)

He walked right over a tripwire right underneath a pull ladder that lead to the attic, where one… the pull ladder hit him in the gut and the blueberry pie splatted right on top of him. "Yagh! What in sam hill…?"

"Oh sorry, that thing's been loose for a while… not sure where that pie came from though. Oh hey, it's blueberry."

"Blueberry?!"

Nearby, Chloe watched on while stifling some giggles.

"Bloody hell…" He mumbled, taking a step back as he hit another trip wire, where Ink Bombs, Burst Bombs and Auto Bombs dropped on top of him, exploding into blue ink on him. "Gyah! Where the hell did they come from?"

"Good question, I didn't even know we had those." Nyx said, while in Yagami's room, she and the Inklings tried not to giggle too loudly.

"Splat yes!" A blue male Inkling fist pumped while Chloe was giggling throughout the whole thing.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Rogue robot inbound!" A voice cried as a robot on treads rolled up toward Sarge, the robot having a fire hose as a nozzle as Jade came up behind it. "Easy… easy, no need to aim at Sarge. Just stand down!" She ordered, looking down at the controller as she went for the "shut down" button, but instead, she pressed "fire" instead, to where it spray painted Sarge in blue. "Oh, you naughty robot!" She hid a smirk.

"Oh hey Jade, what's that one called?" Nyx asked.

"Still workshopping the name. It's simply called Painter Robot for now."

"Why not something like Artist?" Chloe suggested. "Or perhaps Hue-... no, that one wouldn't stick."

"Artist… I like the sound of that!" Jade smiled.

"Gaaaaaah! I'M A DIRTY BLUE!" Sarge yelled.

"Oh yeah, you are… you probably might want to get that washed off." Nyx said.

"Does this inspire you to want to make weapons instead, Sarge?" Chloe asked, completely satisfied with what she's looking at.

"If it means I don't become a dirty blue again, yes! Y'all have a hose I could borrow?"

"Outside." Yagami teleported him out where Sarge turned the hose on and hosed himself down, washing the blue right off of him.

Chloe breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you…"

"No problem, Chloe!" Nyx smiled with Iris nodding in approval while Yagami high fived the Inklings.

"Do let me know how the Turf War goes." Chloe requested. "Sounds like messing around with these Inklings' weapons could be something I could look into…"

"It's pretty fun!" One of the male Inklings said.

"I wouldn't doubt it." Chloe smiled and walked out.

End BGM

A few days later, at Beacon…

"Kids! I have an announcement to make!" Sarge said. "From this day forward, I will no longer be your physical education teacher."

"HALLELUJAH!" His students cheered.

"Instead, I took the liberty to make an Arms Manufacturing depot here on campus!" Sarge pointed to an armory. "I'll be making weapons for y'all and I'll ship them off to those around the world so we can all kick Salem's keister to the ground! New weapons for all of you!"

The students cheered as Sarge guided them to the armory, while Washington and Carolina watched on.

"...You know, in hindsight, the previous job probably was a terrible idea." Carolina admitted.

"Ya think?!"

This Gaiden idea was inspired by Flash! Good thing Sarge went a different route.

Ibuki: Indeed! That's way better!

Mhm.

Ibuki: Soooo uh... should we address the elephant in the room?

The what? Oh! Yes, I've been getting a lot of requests about Fate: Grand Order. A friend of mine who has played FGO a lot looks at these reviews and she was like "Oh HELL no. That's a can of worms right there!" and went on to explain to me that Fate is pretty much a complicated mess that doesn't and shouldn't belong in SRS and, well, I've never been interested in Fate to begin with, so when I heard from her that Fate is... extremely complex, I was like "Yeeeeeah, nooooo..."

Sorry for those who want FGO to be part of the SRS, but it's not going to happen. Period.