Disclaimer: I do not own any of the material appearing in this story. The OC's belong to their respective owners.
While the Heroes Are Fighting Demise
BGM: Bowser's Theme (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)
Dry Bowser walked out of the lab with his minions walking out. Acidtail immediately coming out of the castle by melting a wall as they walked out as they saw a sign.
"Now leaving: Sooty Plains"
"Sooty Plains? How do they explain the corrosive acid underground?" Locus wondered.
"They probably went around the pipe… ooooor they went underground, saw the acid and forgot to condemn the Warp Pipe. Either way, who gives a shit?" Felix shrugged.
They walked through the plains until they reached a Warp Pipe embedded inside a mountain, spotting a sign on top of the Warp Pipe.
"Now entering: The Grand Pipe Maze. You're gonna be here a while."
"I will meet you on the other side." Acidtail said as he flew off.
"Let's go. Medusa, you coming?" Dry Bowser asked.
"Mmm, might as well." Medusa said as they went inside the Warp Pipe.
End BGM
BGM: Rogueport Sewers (Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door)
World 2-1: The Sign Wasn't Kidding
The four of them came out and saw pipes all around them. "...You gotta be shitting me. How the hell did this happen?" Locus wondered.
"Well, you see, Locus. When two pipes love each other very-... wait, what am I saying. Pipes don't have sex!" Felix walked off grumbling.
"No no, I want to hear more of that thought process." Medusa walked after him.
Dry Bowser immediately took notice of a notebook page on the ground as he picked it up out of curiosity.
"I made it out of the Sooty Plains with no problem. I just went around the castle because my bro warned me about the acidic dragon. Anywho, I'm gonna make sure to finish what my bro started! This pipe maze doesn't seem too bad… wish me luck! - Luigi"
"Poor guy probably didn't know what he was getting himself into." Locus said.
"Heh, I think we'll be okay." Dry Bowser said as he dropped the note and walked off with Locus.
They walked to the first set of pipes that were accessible to them. The four of them looked at each other as they entered each individual Warp Pipe.
Pause BGM
Felix…
BGM: Mushroomy Kingdom (Super Smash Bros Brawl)
Felix popped out of the Warp Pipe, finding himself in a desert. "Huh. Suck on that, Pipe Maze! I'm-"
"LIGHTNING CHARIOT!"
"...Lightning what now?" Felix turned around to see Pit driving on the Lightning Chariot. "Were those god damn pegasi?! Wait… no, unicorns!"
"Phos! Lux! Let's go!"
"...Wait, they're coming right at me. Shit!" He quickly jumped back in, just nearly being grazed by Pit.
"Wait, who was that…?" Pit wondered, not seeing where he was going as Game and Watch parachute jumped over him and then turned around to use Judgement on him.
Unfortunately for him, it was a nine.
"YAAAAAAAAAGH!"
End BGM
Dry Bowser…
Dry Bowser emerged from the Warp Pipe… only to realize that he was underwater. Not to mention he noticed some walls that looked very familiar to him. "...Wait, don't tell me…" He said as he swam around, busting open a wall as he swam through… and saw his old tomb in front of him.
Dry Bowser stared at it before facepalming. "Back to where I started. Typical."
He turned around and swam back to the Warp Pipe.
Medusa…
BGM: Grumble Volcano (Mario Kart Wii)
"Hmhmhmhm…" Medusa hummed as she put a marshmallow on a stick as she was in the caldera of Grumble Volcano.
A Magmarrgh rose up in front of her.
"Get your own marshmallow!" She fired magic to push the lava monster away. Once she ate it, she turned around and hopped back in the Warp Pipe.
End BGM
Resume Rogueport Sewers BGM
As for Locus… he managed to find the correct Warp Pipe as he saw another set of Warp Pipes in front of him, and then saw another note.
"The first set of pipes was easy. I think I just got lucky! This isn't so bad. I'll be at Mario's stopping point in no time! - Luigi"
He turned around to see the three coming out of the Warp Pipe. "Yo." He greeted.
"Yo? I almost got ran over by fucking unicorns and all you can say is "YO"?!"
Locus sweatdroppped. "Uni… what?"
"Ah, forget it!"
Locus shrugged it off as they walked up to the next set of Warp Pipes, this time they were red as the four of them went into the Warp Pipes…
Dry Bowser…
Pause BGM
BGM: Great Fairy's Fountain (The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)
Dry Bowser came out of the Warp Pipe, seeing a group of fairies fly about across a pond. "What in…?" He wondered as a larger fairy came out of the spring via magic.
"I am the Great Fairy of the Mushroom Kingdom. Let me give you a nice massage to relax your weary bones." The Great Fairy opened her eyes and gasped. "Oh my goodness! What did you do to your body?! You need moisturizer! You need meat on the rest of your body! You need to eat! You need something! You look hideous!"
"Do you know the correct path through this pipe maze?"
The Great Fairy cleared her throat. "Rest, weary traveler. Allow me to work my magic on-"
"You don't know the correct path. Thanks anyway."
Dry Bowser turned around and walked away.
"W-wait! Don't go! WAIT!" She cried out but it was too late. "Ooooh… and to think the first two travelers I met were kinder than him…"
End BGM
Felix…
Resume Rogueport Sewers BGM
"Waaaaaah!" Felix landed on his butt, as the Warp Pipe ejected him from the ceiling. "Mmph! That was embarrassing…" He mumbled as he noticed two Warp Pipes on both sides of the walls.
"Hmm… ah!" Felix walked to the one on the right, going through it… and popping out on the left wall. "What?" He wondered as he looked back at the Warp Pipe he exited out of and walked back in out of curiosity.
…Only he came out of the ceiling and slammed into the ground.
"HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT WORK?!" He yelled, immediately activating his jetpack and going through the ceiling Warp Pipe.
…And came out of the right wall.
He let out a groan, facepalming.
Medusa…
"Meeeeeyork! Meeeeeeeyork!"
Medusa blinked, staring at a large colony of Fuzzies in front of her. "Huh…" She rubbed her chin as the Fuzzies turned to face her before they all charged at her.
"Begone!" She yelled, the snakes in her hair hissing as they all turned to stone as she crushed one beneath her boot as she walked through the room and found a ? block. She hit it with her staff, where a Shine Sprite suddenly came out of it.
"...Useless." She tossed it behind her as she turned the other way and walked back to the Warp Pipe.
As for Locus, he once again chose the correct Warp Pipe as he noticed a note from Luigi.
"The Fuzzy Room was a bit scary, but luckily they didn't notice me. The Great Fairy gave me a great boost! She was also very pretty but… way out of my league. This is going pretty well! - Luigi."
He would see a set of blue pipes in front of him next, then seeing Dry Bowser and Medusa approaching him, and then a hand burst out of the ground as Felix dug his way out.
"Gah! Hah… hah… don't you DARE hit me with a shovel like I'm some sort of zombie!" He said as Locus and Medusa pulled him up.
"Wasn't going to." Locus said.
They would see the blue pipes in front of them as Felix immediately shoved Locus to the side. "I call dibs on the last one! You got two good ones!" He immediately jumped in as the others shrugged and went in the other Warp Pipes.
Felix…
Felix hopped out of the Warp Pipe. "Finally, a good one! …Wait, what's this sign?" He wondered as he read it.
King Bill Storage
"...The hell is a King Bill?" He wondered as he looked up to see a massive Bill Blaster, then the alarms blared.
"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!"
The massive Bill Blaster locked on and fired a King Bill.
"...OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE." Felix immediately went back into the Warp Pipe.
Pause BGM
Meanwhile…
"Hmhmhmhm~" Marnie hummed as she walked around Bowser's Castle, when suddenly a large explosion rattled the Koopa Kingdom. "Waaah!" She fell on the ground. "I'm okay!"
"General, was that the King Bill Storage that blew up?" Kamek wondered.
"...I'm just going to pretend that a party of Bob-ombs got too close to lava and call it good. I don't want to see the disaster just yet."
Dry Bowser…
Dry Bowser found himself at a dead end as it put him in front of a wall. "Hmm…" He rubbed his chin, also noticing a note.
"Nope, not this way. I don't think there's anything here. - Luigi."
"You haven't tried hard enough." Dry Bowser proceeded to punch the wall, destroying it as he walked through a secret passageway and punched through another wall.
As he made his way out, he immediately saw some Thwomps hanging around.
"Ruins…" He mused. "Ah, this must be the Thwomp Ruins I've heard so much about." He said as he turned around and went back through the passageway.
Medusa…
"Another volcano?" Medusa wondered as she walked in, only for a massive Draggadon to burst out of the lava with a roar. "Ah…" She looked up and fired magic at a stalactite, causing it to fall and smack the Draggadon in the head, knocking him over.
"Pathetic."
She walked back to the Warp Pipe.
Resume BGM
As for Locus, because thanks to Felix, he was in the correct Pipe and noticed a lot more pipes in the vicinity compared to the usual four. They were back to green as he looked down to see another note.
"So many pipes… they don't call this the pipe maze for nothing. I keep getting turned around. Everything's starting to look the same to me, not to mention it gets more dangerous as the pipes go on! …But I'm not scared! *gulp* Nope, not at all! If Mario can do this, then so can I! - Luigi"
"Sam, I swear to god, why are you getting the lucky ones?" Felix asked in complete annoyance.
"Code names."
"Bah, whatever!"
"As for that… I guess I'm just lucky."
"Lucky, schmucky…" Felix mumbled as Medusa and Dry Bowser approached.
"Huh… there's a lot more pipes in this one." Dry Bowser mused. "Best to keep on our guards."
The four of them went into completely random pipes.
Felix…
Felix found himself in a completely different room, where he would see another Warp Pipe in front of him. "Score!" He hopped in and found himself going through a portal midway through the pipe, where he ended up in a room filled with food.
"Ohohohoho! Today's my lucky day!"
He took off his helmet as he walked over, only to see a sign that caught his attention.
Kirby's secret stash. Do not disturb.
"Bah, not like he'll miss anything." He walked over and chowed down on a doughnut.
…And then the alarm blared.
"Seriously…?" Felix groaned as Kirby busted down the door.
"Poyo!" Kirby came over and sucked him up, then he spat him into the portal. "Poyo."
He went over to his food and happily sucked up some burgers while Felix landed back out of the Warp Pipe.
"You didn't give me a chance to say hi, you… you… fucking pink gremlin!"
He put his helmet back on, walking back to the other warp pipe with a grumble.
End BGM
BGM: Going Somewhere - Mario Party 2 (Mario Party Superstars)
With Dry Bowser, he came across a pack of hungry Gloombas, but he burned them all alive as he walked forward and walked into another Warp Pipe up ahead.
Medusa wound up behind a waterfall, as she walked out out of curiosity and saw a village full of Spear Guys dancing around… and having Felix out on a spit.
"A LITTLE HELP HERE?!"
Medusa sweatdropped. "How did you… you know what, that's a question best left unanswered."
Her snake hair hissed as the Spear Guys turned around… only to get turned to stone as Medusa freed him up.
"Ugh, thanks… little ankle biters came out of nowhere."
At Sunshine Airport, a woman walked into the restroom with a hum… only to shriek and quickly fleeing.
Back in the Warp Pipe Maze, Locus walked toward a Warp Pipe and noticed Dry Bowser sopping wet. "Why are you wet?"
"That. Was Not… a Warp Pipe."
"...I don't want to know."
Felix entered another Warp Pipe, only to discover that he was underwater and noticed several Cheep Chomps licking their chops. He let out a sigh and proceeded to shoot them all before going back in.
Medusa found herself in the Bone Dry Ruins, noticing several friendly Dry Bones wandering around along with a few Bone Piranhas. She scratched her head before shrugging. "Might want to keep this in mind."
Felix dropped in from another Warp Pipe, spotting a sign.
"Welcome to the Dick Smasher Room"?" Felix rubbed his head. "What the hell is-"
At that moment, two Water Wraiths dropped in from above.
"...Oooooh, now that makes sense."
He immediately turned around. "Nnnnope."
Locus hopped out of a warp pipe, only to see he was in a gigantic bathroom and noticed a Mario Kart track being built in it.
"You sure you want the bathtub flooded?" A Toad asked.
"Yeah, and then we'll have the drivers go through the drain pipe." Lakitu said.
"WHY?"
"Because why not! Mario Kart needs some oomph! We'll call this… Squeaky Clean Sprint."
"That's a mouthful!"
"Wrong pipe… for once, I suppose." Locus hopped back in.
Dry Bowser walked over to a note on the ground.
"I don't know where I am! It's all so topsy turvy! WHERE AM I?! WHAT DAY IS IT?! WHAT YEAR IS IT?! - Luigi"
"Seems he was starting to lose it." Dry Bowser mused as he kept walking, hopping into a Warp Pipe as he found himself in a very very veeeeeeeeeeery deep pit.
In fact, he spotted a sign.
"You are here: Minus Vorld's A Hole"
"...Oh, that's real nice." He mumbled as he went back into the pit.
Felix hopped into a Warp Pipe, which he found himself hitting something in the stomach. "Mmmph! What in…?" He pushed whatever it was out of the way and found himself at Peach's Castle.
"Huh! Royalty!" He mused as he heard a snarl. He turned around to see Peach's Espinas snarling at him and roared at him. "Aaaand the royalty's guard dog. Niiiice puppy…" He immediately jumped back in before he was roasted alive.
The Espinas huffed before going back to his nap on top of the Warp Pipe.
Medusa picked up a note as she exited a Warp Pipe.
"Day four… or is it day seven? Day one hundred? Day two hundred and six? Oh, who cares! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! - Luigi"
"Pour bastard." Medusa said as she hopped into another Warp Pipe, accidentally colliding into Dry Bowser. "Ooomph!"
"Sorry about that."
"No no, it's okay."
Felix landed on the ground, finding himself a row of Warp Pipes. "Aha!" He hopped into one, only to pop up on the other side. He went into another one, only to appear in the middle. He jumped to the right, only to pop up on the first row.
"Huh?!"
He jumped into the next one, which tilted slightly and launched him into a Warp Pipe in the ceiling… which made him pop out in the third to last Warp Pipe in the row.
"Come ON!"
End BGM
Eventually…
Locus emerged from a Warp Pipe, finding himself in an arena that was surrounded by water. "This looks promising…" He mused as he was joined by the others, Felix looking absolutely livid.
"This better be the exit to this damnable place or I'm burning it to the ground!" Felix grumbled as they walked through… and suddenly, the place started to rumble.
BGM: Big Boss (Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island)
Vines slowly rose from the water as black Piranha Buds rose up before a massive black Piranha Plant with multi-colored dots rose out of the water.
It let out an ear piercing screech as the four of them got ready to fight the Piranha Plant.
"Let's see what you're made of!" Dry Bowser declared.
Telekinetic Piranha Plant - Psycho Piranha
Psycho Piranha raised his vines up, telekinetically lifting Felix in the air. He growled, proceeding to shoot at it in response. The Piranha Plant let out a snarl and dropped Felix while Dry Bowser leapt into the air and clawed the Piranha Plant in the face.
Psycho Piranha fires lasers at Medusa and Locus, the latter punching the ground to create a Bubble Shield while Medusa fired a laser of her own, both colliding into each other, only Medusa pushed back effortlessly and struck the Psycho Piranha while Dry Bowser breathed blue flames.
With a screech, Psycho Piranha went back underwater, then it created whirlpools as lasers spun around, cutting through the arena as Felix casually dropped a grenade into the water.
The explosion sent Psycho Piranha out of the water as the telekinetic Piranha Plant aimed its Piranha Buds and shot out a few seeds that turned into white fuzz balls.
"Heh… this is supposed to be threatening?" Felix arrogantly touched one. "This isn't-"
Everything instantly warped and twisted around him, every color around him turned into rainbows.
"Whaaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuuck?"
"Touch Fuzzy, get dizzy." Medusa nonchalantly said.
"Noted." Locus nodded, avoiding the Fuzzies as he shot at Psycho Piranha while Dry Bowser ignited the Fuzzies to destroy them.
Medusa conjured up fire and launched a few fireballs at it. The Psycho Piranha proceeded to open his mouth, only for Locus to throw a grenade into the mouth. It went into its throat as the Psycho Piranha let out a whimper… before the grenade exploded, knocking the Psycho Piranha out.
End BGM
"So. What do you want to do with it?" Medusa asked.
"I say we keep it in our army. It has potential." Dry Bowser said. "We just need to buff him up a bit."
"Sounds good to me."
"Preeeeeeetty colooooooooors~" Felix said, completely drugged up.
"And find a cure to his drugged up state." Locus said as he guided him away.
"Hahahaha~ The fluffy pillow has ink all over it~"
The four of them walked past the KO'd plant, finding a door as they opened it up to discover a lab, where they would see pictures of Piranha Plants and Fuzzies.
They would also discover notes on a desk that Locus picked up and started to read aloud.
"Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy. That is the four word sentence that gets everyone's skin crawling. No one knows what they are, but they are the stuff of nightmares. One touch is enough to make you high to where you see Rainbow Road. As such, I'm calling this the "Rainbow Road High Phenomenon" …It'll catch on. Maybe.
It makes me wonder… why are these real? What is their purpose? I decided to relocate these to see what make these tick. The results were… well, they're certainly fuzzy, but I didn't expect to give them eyes and teeth, let alone say "Meeeeyork". Not only that, they multiply like rabbits and they suck your blood like mosquitoes! Whoops… my bad.
Aaaanywho, I've created elixirs that will get the Rainbow Road High Phenomenon- oh who am I kidding, that won't catch on with that long of a title! Anyway, these elixirs are cures to the ailments. Sure, they were off overtime, but where's the fun in that? They're locked up in one of the cabinets just in case-"
"Found it!" Medusa pulled one out, took off Felix's helmet and shoved it down his throat.
"Mmmph! Hack!" Felix coughed. "Hoo! Wow, that's a kicker! …Where am I?"
"But anyway, there's this lone Piranha Plant in this Pipe Maze. I decided to do an experiment and see what would happen if I gave a Piranha Plant some Fuzzy capabilities. A Fuzzy Plant, if you will. …However, before I could do so, this magician appears and seems to take an interest in my scientific capabilities. We'll call this person… M. They're quite magical… it's incredible!
They suggested that we add some magic to this Piranha Plant, as such, we created the Psycho Piranha. Well, technically, it's called the Psychic Piranha, but I think Psycho Piranha has a better ring to it.
Regardless, I look forward to working with M. They also have this peculiar crystallized star… I'll have to ask them about it later. Anyway, with my intellect and my assistant's brawn… we'll be quite the pair!
…I'll show them. I'll show the scientific community that I'm just as capable as them. - V"
"Whoever this V person is, they seem to be… eccentric." Medusa said.
"There you are, friends!" A voice said as they turned to see Dimentio walking in. "My, you're not easy to track down. I assumed you were in Sooty Plains!"
"Change of plans. We're moving out." Dry Bowser said.
"...My my, did you skin a bear? That fur suits you."
Dry Bowser smirked. "I followed your advice."
"Where have you been?" Locus asked.
"Oh, you know-" Dimentio summoned his Keyblade and levitated off the ground. "Out on errands."
"You got your powers back?" Dry Bowser asked.
"More like asked a witch a favor. I got this Keyblade, I have Order Magic, I Game Over'd the Gamer Girl-" Got my butt handed to me by a gorilla, but they don't need to know that part. "-Turns out they gave her a Continue, but I knocked her down again and made a tactical retreat after Ruby Rose showed up."
"How do we know that you didn't clown around?" Felix asked.
"You have the voice of a housewife nagging her husband for arriving home late eating the cake. You, yourself, seem to have been through a lot since I had last seen you."
Felix growled. "Listen, clown boy-"
"Calm down." Locus put his hand on his shoulder, then looked at Dimentio. "Have you run into Ghirahim?"
"Ah, yes, about that… turns out Ganondorf ended his life after he tried to revive Demise. Wizzro has also been lost to us."
Dry Bowser suddenly burst out laughing. "Is that a fact? Ghirahim is no more?"
"Yes."
"Then that proves he was useless from the very beginning. I knew from the start that he was too ambitious for his own good, but I merely played along. I knew that Demise would simply not start an alliance with me and go his own path, betraying me at a moment's notice."
"Ah, so you were hyping him up, hmm?"
"Indeed. He outlived his uselessness. You, on the other hand, you somehow don't end up dying at every opportunity. You still have usefulness compared to that bigger clown."
Dimentio chuckled. "Indeed." Who's the bigger clown now, Ghirahim? He smirked.
Dimentio looked around. "Soooo, what did I miss?"
"Let's bring you up to speed." Medusa said.
Meanwhile…
Samus walked over to the gravesite. "It's been a while since I've visited them. I wonder how they're doi-"
She stopped, her eyes widening in horror as she saw the grave had been kicked down.
"Wh-what…?!" She immediately ran to it, kneeling down. "Who-... who would-..."
Anger swelled within her, clenching her fists as her eyes were fueled with fury.
"When I find whoever did this…"
Back with Dry Bowser's crew…
"Mmmph!" Felix shivered. "I don't know why, but I feel like Death just breathed down my neck…"
Part two of this adventure in the Lost Levels! Credit to Yoshi where he went hog wild for this and the many worlds to come.
Deadpool: Soooooo, how many bones is Sammy Girl gonna break in Felix's body?
Ibuki: Yes.
Deadpool: Yeah, same.