Newly Revised

"Do we got anymore boom sticks?" Ani asked after checking in with the outlooks, both Daryl and Merle reminding her to rest, much to the amusement of the others.

"We've got a handful," Tara told her, "but I don't see how they'd be helpful."

"We can bury 'em off ta the side. Let our people know where they're at so they don' trip 'em," Ani suggested. "And we need ta reinforce the bus if we're goin' ta use it how Mags wants. It ain' goin' ta stop anythin' bigga than a small car with how it is now. We need metal on the side and ta brace the inside where the impact's most likely ta take place. That one's a must, even if we don' use the boom sticks. Anythin' ta give us an advantage ova whateva the Saviors have comin' our way."

"Are you sure that's the way we want to go?" Carol asked. "The way you guys planned it out, aren't our people supposed to come up from behind?"

"Yeah, but we got ta be able ta hold out 'til we get ta that point. It's goin' ta take 'bout half an hour for our people ta mobilize from behind, and we got ta hold the line 'til that happens," she reasoned back. "Once Daryl's inside, we have ta give the Saviors the fight a their lives 'til Rick, Abe, and Merle make it back. If that means lightin' the bitches on fire, we light the bitches on fire. We take nah chances this time around. Ya see a Savior, ya shoot ta kill. Ya don' wait 'round tryin' ta fix things."

"That's not what Rick-" Carol started, but Ani cut her off angrily.

"Screw Rick and what 'e wants! He hasn' got a foot ta stand on when it comes ta Negan and the Saviors! He wasn' the one they took! It wasn' Michonne that they killed! They didn' make 'im go against everythin' they eva believed jus' for...for...for fuckin' fun! Rick don' get ta make the rules in this fight! Me and Maggie do! Hell, even Tara has more right ta give a nah-kill orda than Rick does! I'm not playin' by Rick's rules with this! I'm playin' by mine and Mags! If ya don' like it, kiss my ass and go ta hell for all I care!"

"I agree with Ani," Tara said. "We can't let these people live. We already have all the Saviors from the Satellite outpost and Gavin. We can barely feed our own people. We can't afford to take any more prisoners or any more risks. We end this."

"That's the spirit!"

"Alright," Carol conceded before giving Ani a hard look. "I'll start working on getting everything prepared, but you need to rest. Don't stress yourself out too much over this. Daryl will kill me if you do."

"Ya ain' my fuckin' keepa and I'll have words with Daryl if 'e tried ta tell ya ta be. Besides, I'm not stressed; I'm pissed. I'm pissed that the Saviors came in and took everythin' from us but our spirits. They can' get away with it! They took our home, took our pride, took our food and our beds and our friends! I don' care how much a a bleedin' heart ya got, I don' got it in me nah more ta care 'bout people who're only out for 'emselves. I don' got it in me ta risk what's mine anymore. If we're goin' ta fight, we're goin' ta fight with all we got ta end this. Negan's got ta die, and if that means takin' out a bunch a Saviors while we're at it, that means they die. It ain' on us. None a this is on us. It's on them."

"Still, you should rest. The doctors told you to. We'll get you when Maggie comes back," Carol promised, though she had quite the pensive look on her face as she said it.

"Fine," Ani said with a roll of her eyes. "Tara, tell Phia ta go ta the medical tent ta start helpin' the injured and get Carl helpin' ya make sure the defenses are ready. Boy's got a knack for defensive strategies, I'll give 'im that," she said before looking to Carol. "And for the love a the gods, give Henry somethin' ta do. The boy's been sittin' and starin' at the prisonas like the twins eyein' their prey. Whateva's gotten inta 'im, 'e needs somethin' ta distract 'im 'fore 'e's too stuck in 'is head."

"Why?"

"'Cause one a them killed 'is brotha, and while he's got a big heart, with how Morgan's been actin', he's startin' ta get angry 'imself. The more Morgan's actin' like the prisonas are our enemy and not jus' a bunch a guys tryin' ta get by in this world, the more Henry's gettin' angry, too. I don' want 'im doin' somethin' 'e'll regret. He saved Gavin, but now he's thinkin' 'e was wrong ta do so. The boy looks up ta Morgan a lot 'cause 'is brotha did."

"He looks up to Ezekiel more," Carol pointed out.

"Don' matta. He's a kid. A kid, kid, not like our kids. Our kids, hell, even Judy'll be takin' down walkas long 'fore she hits 'is age. Henry ain' a fighta and I don' think 'e's meant for fightin'. Not a fight like this. So I want ta make sure 'e's kept busy and doin' somethin' productive, not jus' sittin' and starin' and mopin' 'bout the prisonas. He looks up ta ya, so 'e's more likely ta do somethin' ya tell 'im ta," Ani told her, though she did scrunch up her nose because of how cold and distant both Carol and Sophia were being with each other after all the work she'd put into making Sophia understand what was happening with her mom, and Henry was only making it worse. "Ain' like I'm happy we got the prisonas, but there's only a handful that seem ta think the Saviors are the right way ta go. Biggest one is the douche with the flat hair."

"Alright. I'll keep them busy. Go rest," Carol told her while Tara tried to contain her snickering.

"Hey, Tara?" Ani asked, stopping her when she and Carol went to complete the tasks they were given.

"What's up?"

"Afta ya get the kids doin' what I asked, I want ya ta double and triple check the weapons and make sure there's a full auto by every window downstairs facin' the gate, second floor, too. The more guns we got facin' out, the more likely we can end it tanight. At the very least, we'll be able ta wait 'til the Calvary gets 'ere."

"Yeah, I can do that," Tara told her.

"Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm goin' ta go lay down. Ya send someone ta wake me up in an hour. I don' want ta miss anythin' I don' got ta."

Tara chuckled and promised she would before Ani walked back into the house. Rather walking up the stairs to take a nap, she walked into the room where Barbara was watching Gracie and Judith. She sat on the small couch in the room and held Gracie while Catty and Bobby were romping around and playing. Ani chatted with the red-headed older woman while Judith played with blocks on the floor, asking how she was doing as the woman was anything but a fighter. In fact, she only ever carried a knife and had only really learned how to use it after the night of the dead when the entirety of Alexandria had banded together to fight the horde that had finally broken through their walls. As such, Ani and Maggie both had asked her to stay with the kids and make sure they were looked after, rather than fight herself. She went over the plan for the woman once it was confirmed that the Saviors were on the way; she was to take the children up to the attic and not come down until she was given the all clear. Ani wasn't sure when she dozed off on the couch, but one minute she was smiling away at Judith laughing at Bobby and Catty and the next Michonne was shaking her awake.

"It was a woman and a couple henchmen," she explained as Ani stretched out and Catty jumped off of her.

"Huh?"

"The crate and balloon," she clarified. "They've got a van full of food and some ammo."

"Did ya take it?" Ani asked, stretching before she stood up and followed Michonne from the room.

"We're holding them for now. Maggie wanted to bring them back."

"Why?"

"They're offering knowledge in exchange for music records. Knowledge that apparently is only in the leader's head."

"And what kind a knowledge is that?"

"Something to build the future. She wasn't very telling of what that might be. Maybe you could talk to them?"

"Let's see Mags first. I want ta know 'er thoughts."

Ani followed Michonne into the office that Gregory had once used, where Maggie had set up a sort of nursery there for Gracie, and presumably her own child as well. It was nice seeing her take the place and start making it her own without so much as a peep from the others at Hilltop. While Ani never doubted what Maggie was capable of, she had also never truly given the woman her proper dues. She'd always taken what she'd said seriously, but at the end of the day she had never really seen her as a leader, either. Capable of leading, yes, but she had basically come to the Hilltop the same way Ani had been taken to the Sanctuary, albeit she actually wanted to stay in the community. And yet here Maggie was, being looked to to lead while Gregory was with the prisoners where he belonged, something that made her giddy as all hell when she'd learned of it. The bastard had tried to talk his way out of blame for what had happened at the Sanctuary, how he'd tried to get the citizens of Hilltop to abandon the cause. Gregory was a sleezy asshole that Ani would have been all too happy to lock up and throw away the key, if not just rid the world of his lousy existence to begin with. Maggie, however, was still being quite level-headed despite the emotions and hormones the woman had to be feeling. It made Ani smile proudly when she walked into the room, only for her to hear Jerry telling her the news that the Saviors were on the way.

"The hand-off horn started up, but no confirmation hits," he was telling Maggie. "The Saviors could've slowed their roll. Let 'em. We'll slow 'em down more."

"That's good," Maggie told him.

"Why didn' ya tell me?" Ani asked, since it seemed to have happened while Maggie was away and she was resting.

"Well, you were sleeping, and those murder kittens of yours wouldn't let me near you," he told her with a smile.

"Murda kittens," Ani chuckled. "Alright, but next time, wake me up, even if ya have ta yell. My man and my brotha are out there. So's Rick and Red and Sash. I don' want nothin' sneakin' up on us."

"It's gonna be dark soon," Maggie commented. "Get people ready."

"And make sure all unnecessary lights are turned off. Get the cars lined up and the people that ain' fightin' up inta the attic."

"And get the food stores up there, too. We need to make sure it's safe and we don't lose any of it."

"And make sure Shiva's put up and out a harm's way! Poor girl's already lost an ear. I'd hate for 'er ta get shot again."

"You got it, boss ladies!"

"So, what's this deal thingy with the new prisonas?" Ani asked Maggie.

"We're just holding them here for the time being. I wanted you to talk to them. Make sure it's legit. And they have an entire van of food. We need that right now. What Simon sent us with Merle stretched us for the time bein', but if this war drags on too long we won't have enough food to feed everyone."

"Alright. But what are they offarin'? She said knowledge, but what the fuck does that even mean?" Ani asked while pointing her thumb at Michonne.

"That's just it. 'A key to your future.' That's all they said."

"We should make the deal and let them go before the Saviors get here," Michonne told them both.

"I can't let her go," Maggie told her, coming out from behind the desk, "not with what they have. We have too many mouths to feed. They have crates of food in that van. People here could be starvin' soon."

"At least let me talk ta 'em 'fore ya send 'em away. Whateva this knowledge is, if it's valuable 'nough for 'em ta be riskin' their lives ta share it, we need it," Ani told her.

"Maggie's right," Enid said, walking into the room. "We take their stuff. Otherwise, someone else will. Someone else will kill them."

"They've lasted this long. We should see what they're offarin', not cast 'em out and take they're stuff," Ani told her, not too thrilled with the fact that she was carrying an unholstered gun and quickly taking note of the things in the room in case it went off and she needed to pull someone out of the way.

"It's a miracle they're still alive anyways!" Enid argued, stepping into the room. "The Saviors are on their way. We're gonna fight, and some of us will die, so why should we give a shit about people who don't give a shit about themselves?"

"'Cause they give a shit 'bout us!" Ani yelled back. "Jus' 'cause ya pissed off at my kids don' mean ya get ta act like ya know what the fuck ya talkin' 'bout, little girl!"

"They're out there, just living like that! We take their stuff and we use it! We stop pretending like things just work out! They don't!" Enid shouted back, stupidly moving her arms in a way that could have very easily made the gun go off and making Ani quickly move over to her.

"Is that 'cause ya actually feel that way, or are ya jus' pissed 'cause Carl chose Phia ova ya? Do ya really feel like that or is it 'cause a what happened with Natalia? Things ain' workin' out for ya right now, but that don' mean that things always go wrong. Sometimes things do work out," Ani told her while yanking the gun out of her hand, albeit carefully. "If it weren' for Carl and Phia bringin' back Saddiq, my baby could a been...I could a lost...We didn' have a docta in Alexandria, and now we got three 'ere."

"She's right," Michonne agreed. "We have a doctor and we have a friend because Carl and Sophia were brave and rescued him. Imagine what we could gain by giving these people the benefit of the doubt."

"Phia and Merle both gave Simon a chance, and we got 'nough food ta last a while longa. We got bullets for our guns. While I agree things don' jus' work out all the time, 'cause they don', we can' jus' turn 'em out if they really can help us."

"And what happens then, huh?" Enid asked petulantly, giving Ani a dirty look for taking away her gun.

"They help us, and we have more allies. If ya goin' ta run based on emotion and not use ya head, ya don' need a gun. A gun mixed with emotions leave people ya don' want dyin' dead. That shit's got ta be checked at the door. Go ta the attic," Ani said very calmly.

"I'm not sitti-"

"I said go ta the fuckin' attic, Enid!" she shouted, startling everyone in the room. "Ya done with fightin' taday! Get ya head on straight or else ya ain' goin' ta get ya gun back eva!" she said with a very low voice, one that even Merle had learned not to fuck around after being used. "The last time someone fought based on emotion, Carl lost 'is eye. I ain' fuckin' riskin' you bein' the weak link that hurts one my people. Now go, 'fore I knock ya ass out and carry ya there myself."

Enid looked like she wanted to say something else, but being stared down by Ani made her lose her nerve; it made everyone lose their nerve if she was pissed enough. She stomped out of the room as Ani turned around and blew out a deep breath, trying to calm herself down since she could feel how on edge she'd become with Enid waving a gun around. While she doubted Enid would've even accidentally pulled the trigger, she wasn't willing to take any chances and hadn't even known if the safety was on. Even then, accidents happen and a safety being on didn't mean there wouldn't be a discharge, especially when the girl had been dumb enough to have her finger on the trigger rather than straight. Between Gracie and Judith and then Maggie and herself being pregnant, she figured there were enough bullets that would be flying through the air soon to threaten them. They didn't need a half-cocked, full of anger and rage and hormones driven teenager messing things up for them before the fight even started. Besides, when the fighting was happening, she already had Carl and Sophia stationed at second story windows to help with thinning out the herd, so to speak. When shit really hit the fan, it was up to them and a few others to try to help their people by watching their backs from afar. Having Enid up there gave them one more person they could use to protect the others if and when it came to that point.

"Things don't just work out," Maggie agreed quietly once Ani had turned around. "They don't."

"No," Michonne told her. "No, they don't. But we all know that. We can't give up on what we want to build. We can't give up on how we want to be, who we want to be. We aren't the Saviors."

"She's right," Ani told her as Michonne walked out. "It's not like I care 'bout whetha these people live or die. I really don'. But...but we aren' the kind a people ta lash out first without reason. If they ain' done shite ta us, we shouldn' be doin' shite ta them."

"Are you sure?" Maggie asked, both women looking at each other in trepidation.

"I wish I could be. I wish I knew how all a this was goin' ta play out. But I don'. I don' even know if I'll be able ta see this thing through the night 'fore havin' ta step back. What I do know is that this place has a full library a records on the third floor we can ransack," Ani told her, turning to leave the room with Maggie following behind. "Whateva knowledge they're offarin', if all it's costin' us is music, that's a price I think we can afford right now. Jus' not the ones Jesus put aside. I don' want ta take the ones 'e wanted."

"You've been here less time than I have and you know your way around better," Maggie commented.

"Not really," Ani shrugged. "I've jus' been all ova it with the boys, figurin' out how ta defend it the best way. And it don' take me as long ta rememba stuff as it does ya. Though, don' ask me what I ate for breakfast this mornin' or what Daryl was wearin' aside from the basic pants, shirt, and vest. Honestly, I don' even know what Enid was wearin'."

"You just saw her?"

"And ain' that a bitch," she laughed. "Things that make nah sense in Ani 101- I will rememba every bad thing that's happened since my birth 'til the day I die, but I couldn' tell ya what the small shite is, like clothes and food. What's with the crate?" she asked, only now noticing that Maggie had the black crate from the truck.

"It's for the music."

"Oh! That makes sense. 'Fill the crates' from the note, right? Any preferences?"

"Music only, no spoken word," Maggie told her, shaking her head and chuckling a little at Ani. "How are you feelin', by the way? Any problems?"

"Nah more than normal," she shrugged. "Ya recova'd from ya problem and it was way more serious than a couple contractions. Little man's been kickin' up a storm since ya forced that peach on me. Ya know I don' like peaches, right? I made Daryl peel it 'fore I ate it. Pissed Merle off doin' it 'cause accordin' ta him, the hairy part's the best part. Fruit ain' supposed ta be hairy! But the peach itself was nice. Still cravin' squirrel, though."

"Mine was apples," Maggie practically moaned. "I couldn't get enough of them when I first got here. I could smell an apple pie through the door. Beth complained about and then laughed at me 'cause I didn't even cut it. Just dug right in."

"Gods, when Daryl makes the squirrel frittas! I love that man—I'm so sorry," Ani said, stopping mid sentence when she looked over and saw Maggie crying.

"No, no, it's okay. I just miss 'im. I don't know how I'm gonna do this without Glenn. I don't know how I'm gonna keep goin' after...after all this is done. I feel his loss every single day and it's only growin'. You know, after we got to Alexandria, he started bringin' me these little knickknacks on all his runs. Beth offered to go back and get them for me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at 'em even if she did. The weight of the watch is hard enough to bear. I lost my father, I thought I'd lost Beth, and now I've lost Glenn. I would let the world burn if it meant gettin' him back. If it meant tellin' him I love 'im one last time," Maggie cried, the two women coming together for a few moments as she sobbed. "Come on," she said, pulling away and drying her eyes. "Let's get these records ready and get them out of here."

"Alright," Ani said, knowing the woman just needed to move on from the conversation as they started pulling out a few records. "Let's try ta get a few differen' genres."

They worked in silence for a few minutes before the crate was filled up and Maggie grabbed it, "Think we need any more?"

"Nah, should be good 'nough. And Mags?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry 'bout 'fore. I shouldn' a been talkin' like that."

"It's fine, Ani. You've had more than your fair share of pain in your life. It's good you got somethin' good now. And besides, once we kill Negan, it'll be made right."

"Damn straight!" Ani agreed, following her outside. "That kill's ya's. I know I told 'im I'd kill 'im. But 'e ain' mine ta kill," she promised. "But I'll be there when ya do it."

She couldn't help but pause and give Michonne a quizzical look after seeing their guests sitting on a bench just because of the look of them. When they'd brought back the crates and the note, the last thing Ani had envisioned was a professor looking lady flanked by two people who looked like they were straight out of a safari through the jungle, perhaps following Ace Ventura. One was literally in a safari hat and none of them looked like they had been traipsing across the continent making offers that put them at risk. In fact, they didn't even look like they knew how to fight, but looking in their van, the amount of food they had was invaluable and whatever knowledge they were offering was enough to have kept them safe and clean thus far. Ani followed behind Maggie as she set the crate down in front of the woman who looked like she belonged in a college lecture hall and not in the safe haven and war zone of Hilltop. In fact, Ani had seen professors at that dressed less professional than this woman who was wearing white. Of all the colors to be wearing at the end of the world where guts and gore were always on the menu, white was the last one she expected to be wearing, especially since the woman wasn't just wearing white; it was pristine white.

"No spoken word?" she asked as she stood up to greet Maggie.

"It's all music," Ani told her. "Got some rock, some classical, some jazz. Some are jus' instrumental and othas are acapella."

"We're agreeing to your deal," Maggie expanded. "We'll fill your four crates, and then you can go. You're gonna want that to be sooner rather than later."

"I accept," the woman told them. "But I'm changing the terms."

"What?" Ani asked worriedly, looking between her and Maggie.

"This one, no more," she told them with a small smile, Ani's worried expression almost comically becoming confused. "In addition, you can have a sizeable portion of my food stores," she said, waving her hand and motioning for her henchmen to get up and move to the van, where they began unloading food. "By the looks of things around here, you need it far more than we do."

"You're givin' us food?" Maggie asked.

"Why?" Ani asked immediately afterwards. "What do ya want in return?"

"Records," she said simply, "and good faith. To be clear, this isn't a gift, it's barter. I'll be back. Maybe not for a while, but I will, and by then, I expect great things. Here," she said going over to the van and picking up what looked to be a stack of paper, "is the aforementioned key to a future. Inside, there are handwritten plans for windmills, watermills, silos, hand-drawn schematics, guides to refining grain, creating lumber, aqueducts-" she told them, handing it to Maggie, although Ani immediately took it over and began flipping through it, the excitement on her face clear as day.

"This is all from the Middle Age! 'Fore electricity and all that!"

"Yes, a book of medieval human achievements, so that we may have a future from our past," the woman agreed as Ani handed the book back to Maggie, who looked at it suspiciously before looking at the woman. "Yes, I know, the originals are in my head, but I made photocopies. Still, it's been an evolving document since the coffee shop."

"Thank you," Maggie told her.

"This'll change everythin'," Ani added. "Not jus' 'ere, but when we get back ta our communities. There are three 'ere right now, seekin' refuge. Kind a in the middle a a war."

"Build them up," the woman told them. "I want those other crates filled when I get back—cheeses for Hilda, pickles for Mitch."

"We'll see what we can do," Maggie promised.

"You will," she said encouragingly before Ani spoke up.

"I only did a quick peek through it, but how much do ya got in 'ere 'bout medicines? I know a lot a herbs and how ta use 'em in a more traditional Eastern way; herbalism, apothecary, that kind a stuff. I wouldn' say nah ta writin' what I know down and givin' it ta ya, as a thank ya for ya generosity this time."

"That would actually be lovely, thank you," the woman said. "While I do have some medical techniques, there's always room for improvement."

"Thank ya again," Ani told her with a little dip of her head before the three strangers got into their van. "Okay, so hat one is Mitch, tall one is Hilda, but who's Mrs Professa?"

Beth burst out laughing at Ani's question, repeating, "I can't. I just can't," before walking off.

"What?!" Ani exclaimed, confusion on her face again. "Nah one told me their names!" she called after her.

"Georgie," Maggie answered for her. "She said her name is Georgie. Do you really think it was smart, letting them go? Promising them that information?"

"Yeah, I do. They're trustworthy people, or at least she is. Didn' really get the vibe from the otha ones that they do anythin' but keep 'er company and drive while she's writin' and listenin' ta music," Ani laughed. "They ain' sketchy. They're good 'nough ta trust like ya have. Now, if ya'll excuse me, I got a kid ta go talk ta."

Enid was on the watch stand, glaring disapprovingly as the van departed and Ani took a calming breath before climbing up to join her. While she wanted to chew the young woman a new one for disobeying orders, the child was far more likely to listen to reason from Maggie than her if she approached it like a mother hen. Enid was in a complicated place in her life, both because she was growing up without parents in a world full of the walking dead that wanted to kill her and because her age and puberty left her reeling from the jealousy and rage she was feeling. Ani knew that if she was going to get through, she'd need more tact than she'd been able to muster in the office. To be fair, though, seeing how the girl had been behaving with a loaded weapon in her hand had taken reason out the window. Enid was emotionally charged right now and needed more than to be put in her place if she was going to understand why she was feeling that way. She took a deep breath as she came to stand by the teen and watched the van disappear into the trees, bringing her binoculars up to see Daryl out at his post. It wouldn't be long before that road was full of the Saviors and their vehicles and the fight would be on and Enid would need a level head to be of any help.

"Ya okay, kiddo?" she asked.

"I killed Natalia," Enid admitted. "She was out there trying to kill anyone she came across, and we came across her. So, I killed her, and lived. Aaron lived. I came back unharmed. But Carl saves someone, and comes back injured. He saves someone, and loses his home. People have died, Ani! How the hell are we supposed to do this? Are we just supposed to stop fighting?"

"Nah. We neva stop fightin'. But fightin' ain' all there is, Enid. Ta build a betta future, we got ta be betta. We've got ta be willin' ta move on from the past. Ain' sayin' let bygones be bygones; there's still a score ta settle and ya best be sure I'm keepin' tally. But we can' sit there and fight the world 'cause all it'll do is burn. Did Carl eva tell ya 'bout our first 'home?' The prison?" she asked the young girl after a moment's pause.

"Not really, just said that you got run off. I don't se-"

"It didn' start with that. Started with jus' us; Daryl and me, Glenn and Mags, Beth, Rick, Carl and Sophia, Carol, Carl and Judy's mom, Lori, men named T-Dog and Hershel. There were others, too,'fore that even, Shane, Patricia, Jimmy, Dale, Jim, Jacqui, Andrea, Amy, countless othas at the first campsite and the farm. We lost 'em all and it was jus' us, that group, runnin' all winta," Ani explained. "We found the prison in the late part a winta, early spring. What was left a the snow was gone, but it wasn' what ya'd call hot, eitha. Warm 'nough when ya on the run, but not quite 'nough ta where ya don' want ta be without somethin' warm at night. We cleared out the prison and gained a couple new membas but lost Lori and T-Dog in the process. It was perfect 'cause we had a baby, but it was only a few miles up road from where this otha guy called the Govna lived. He had a town called Woodbury, and Merle was a part a it. He sent Merle afta Michy when she happened upon the place Glenn and Maggie got caught by some a 'is men. Merle helped 'em get out a there and joined us, though it wasn' pretty. We had ta fight our way out, Daryl and I got caught, beat up, and then 'e and Merle were told ta fight ta the death. The man that orda'd 'em ta do that, the Govna, he attacked our home 'cause we fought ta get our people back, killed the prisonas that we'd let inta our group. Good men who were jus' in a bad place in their lives. Took down our fence and filled the yard full a walkas when we'd only gotten it fully cleared out a few weeks earlia. Worst part 'bout it all was that Daryl, Merle, and I weren' even at the prison durin' that one."

"Why not?"

"'Cause Merle knew my past, all a my past. Parts I hadn' even been able ta tell Daryl, parts I ain' eva goin' ta say out loud if I don' got ta. But 'e knew it all 'cause my sista was in Woodbury, and she made my suffarin' a joke ta the sickest men there. The Govna was one a them men, but Merle only stuck 'round 'cause 'e couldn' help comparin' 'is life ta mine when she was talkin'. She exaggerated some, but most a it she was honest 'bout. And I ran, 'cause I couldn' handle the fact that 'e knew, that 'e was goin' ta tell Daryl," Ani admitted, quickly wiping a tear from her eye. "We had a few skirmishes with the Govna and 'is men that culminated in a large scale attack on the prison by Woodbury. But we were prepared; we didn' need as many people ta scare the shite out a them and send 'em runnin' home. We didn' know that in losin' that fight, the Govna would go mad."

"How?" Enid asked when Ani paused a moment.

"He killed 'em all. Every single person that was with 'im when 'e attacked. Save for one woman who hid beneath the bodies 'til 'e drove off. He left women and children, the frail, the eldaly, only a couple men who didn' want ta leave their families. 'Stead a killin' 'em or leavin' 'em ta 'emselves, we brought 'em back ta the prison. Made 'em, and a lot a othas we found along the way, a part a our group. Without them, we wouldn' a had an infirmary, a grill ta cook with, like a propa one that could feed everyone at once ratha then needin' ta form a line and wait ta be served. We had a propa garden with herbs for anythin' and everythin' unda the sun. Even though we lost Carl's mom, we gained a larga family. We lost some along the way, othas we refused ta take in, but it was home," Ani sighed.

"We made it there for four months 'fore anythin' bad happened. Seein' as ya were in Alexandria, I'm not sure if ya guys were exposed ta the same disease we were, but a lot a our people died. I could a died from it. Thought I was goin' ta at the end when the dead broke through our fences. We got that unda control easily 'nough, and were tryin' ta keep the sickness at bay usin' eldaberry tea and some a my own tonics that ya've seen me makin' 'ere and at home. We lost nah less than ten people in the prison 'fore we got meds in our people and they started feelin' betta, but not good 'nough for what happened next."

"What happened?" she asked, Ani catching her hook, line, and sinker into her story and the lesson she was using it for.

"The Govna came back. We didn' kill 'im, couldn' find 'im afta the attack. Me and Daryl, we gave up lookin', but Michonne didn', and when 'e came back, 'e came with a damn tank and blew our home open. All a his people died. Every last one 'cept Tara, who didn' even fight. She'd thrown 'er gun down and taken shelter in a cage outside the prison. She helped Glenn get out a the mass a dead and that's when they met Abe. Daryl was left alone afta Beth was taken from 'im and wound up with a bad crowd. When 'e found Rick, Michy, and Carl, those people tried ta beat 'im ta death. If it weren' for Merle and Phia, my man would be dead, and Carl woulda suffa'd far more than anyone should have ta suffa 'cause a them assholes. If I'd a been there, let's jus' say, I ain' nice ta rapists or pedophiles. I was on my own for a week. Well, alone as far as humans go. Got my kitties while tryin' ta find my people. Didn' know it, but I was bein' chased by the same people who were chasin' Rick, the same ones Daryl was with. They liked ta claim things, and I have my own way a sendin' a message that I ain' goin' ta be taken by nah one otha than Daryl."

"What'd you do?"

"I cut off their manhoods and shoved 'em in their mouths. Didn' fuck with their brains," Ani said proudly. "First thing they'd eat when they came back was what they thought was all that and a bag a chips 'fore. Daryl ended up with one a my daggas 'cause, like I said, 'e ended up with a bad crowd. Then everyone decided, somehow, ta go ta this place called Terminus. Funny how fate works, but we all met up at this place that ate whoeva showed up."

"Ate?!" Enid shouted with a disgusted look on her face.

"Ate," Ani repeated. "They took ta cannibalism ta survive, and 'cause a that, me and Cars took the place down. Cars from the outside, though what she did was reckless and could a gotten our guys killed, while I snuck my way inside and wreaked havoc throughout, bein' reckless and almost gettin' myself and my baby killed, though I didn' know I was pregnant then. It took us foreva ta meet up, ta find each otha. And it was only 'cause we stuck tagetha, took chances on each otha, that we were able ta do that," Ani told her.

"Ya said Natalia was tryin' ta kill anyone she found. The way ya thinkin' now, what ya said in that office, that's from the same place Natalia was comin' from. It's a place a anga and fear," Ani told her, facing her and looking her square in the eye. "It's okay ta be angry for everythin' that's happenin', but rememba that anga makes ya stupid. It's okay ta be afraid, but ya can' be brave if ya don' face ya fear. Compassion, though? That makes ya strong. Ta have 'nough compassion ta take a chance on someone, ta put ya faith and trust inta somethin'. We've all found each otha, all become connected ta each otha. We can' shut everyone out jus' 'cause the Saviors are assholes. We got ta try ta make the future a betta place for everyone, not jus' us."

"Where do I even fit in in this future of yours? I don't have a place! I followed Maggie here because she talked to me and believed in me, but she doesn't need me! She has Beth and Sasha and Abraham with her all the time," Enid cried, her resolve finally breaking as the emotions welled, Ani silently giving herself a round of applause for getting the girl to open up and say what was really bothering her. "I killed Natalia! I killed her! I wasn't given a choice and all I do when I close my eyes is see it! And then I thought Carl...," she trailed off, furiously wiping her eyes. "I thought he liked me. I thought...I thought maybe we could be together. That it wouldn't be so bad living in this world with him. But he picks Sophia out of no where! What the hell am I even living for anymore?! It's just one bad thing to another! The Saviors are coming right now and I don't even know what I should do!"

"Ya feelin' lost, and that's undastandable, too. But, is Carl bein' happy such a bad thing? Above everythin', he is still ya friend. And Phia could be, too, if ya gave 'er a chance and quit fightin' with 'er ova Carl, 'cause 'e made 'is choice. Their are otha options out there and there'll be even more when this war is ova. Ya can find a lot a guys ta be with or jus' one, lots a girls or none. Don' really matta; ya still young and ya still got plenty a time ta find love. Ya don' want ta rush it."

"Didn't you know Daryl for only two months before the two of you hooked up?"

"Funny story, that," Ani chuckled. "Met 'im when I was drunk on my twenny first. Damn near kissed 'im that night. And I couldn' really get 'im out a my head for a long while aftawards. Guess 'e couldn', eitha. So, yeah, we only knew each otha a couple months, but we'd known of each otha for ova a year. But I had neva been with anyone else, neva been on a date, neva even realized someone liked me, and when they made it clear they did, I didn' like 'em like that. I went twenny two years without eva bein' with someone, and when I finally let myself have that connection, it was with the right one. But that's entirely beside the point.

"Ya still young, and if ya don' got a place ta go, make one. I know Carl's goin' back ta Alexandria, Phia'll prolly eitha go with 'im or stay with me whereva I go, which'll prolly be ta the Sanctuary, ta be honest. The docta, Carson, 'e ain' 'ere nah more and we got doctas for the otha colonies already. Why don' ya try learnin' some skills from 'em? Beth's only got a bit a trainin', and that's jus' for field dressin' and helpin', not doin' the heavy stuff. Ya can' go wrong if ya learn how ta treat injuries. And it'll help teach ya ta be level headed when shite hits the fan."

"Doesn't Sophia know medicine?"

"She ain' stayin' 'ere, now is she? The Hilltop needs a docta, and ya've got a tenda heart ya tryin' ta toughen up. But if losin' ya parents and then losin' Alexandria didn' harden it, nothin's goin' ta. So let it be tenda. Let it care. Stop thinkin' everyone needs ta pay for the pain ya in and instead own it. Use it. Let it drive ya ta do somethin' good. That's what Carl did, that's what Phia does, it's what I do. Look at Maggie; she lost 'er husband and she's still fightin' and fightin' for everyone. She ain' mistreatin' the prisonas, minus the one she killed, and she's treatin' 'em like they're people, not enemies. Think a how much strength that takes. Think 'bout what she's got ta be thinkin', got ta be feelin', and then look at how she acts, how she decides. Ya ain' really seen me bein' much a a leada, but ya've seen 'er through the thick and thin a it. Ya look up ta 'er, and she's barely keepin' it tagetha. So ya see why ya can' be lettin' all these feelin's get ta ya?"

"I guess. But what do I do? How can I help when I...I don't like killing."

"I know. I could tell jus' from watchin' ya that Natalia's death was eatin' ya alive. I'm not jus' suggestin' ya study medicine and stuff. That's where ya belong. Not on the front line, but protectin' the people from behind. Ya not a fighta, Enid. Ya a heala. Ain' nothin' wrong with that. And who knows? Ya might be helpin' deliva Maggie's baby."

"I could do that? Like, me?"

"We've got two doctas 'ere right now. Go inta the medical traila and be an extra set a hands. Learn from 'em, and I'll write out some a my tonics and remedies and some a the stuff I learned from my Papa down for ya. Become what this place needs, and ya'll find ya place ta be. More importantly, forgive yaself. What happened ta Natalia wasn' ya fault any more than what happened ta my parents was mine. I might a wanted 'em dead afta they did this ta my head, but not the way Negan made me do it. At least ya didn' want 'er ta die. If ya had, ya'd a pulled the trigga when she was holdin' onta Tara, but ya hesitated. Ya don' got ta fight, Enid. Ya don' want ta fight, least not 'ccordin' ta Carl. Ya don' like it. And that's fine. Ya don' have ta. Learn ta heal what's broken and cure the sick. Let that be ya place."