KEZZ 1: Thank you! Hope you enjoy this one as well.
To my dear Guest commentor: Rick was running on sunshine and rainbows in the show, too. Driven by different reasons, yes, but the man had to know that things weren't going to be magically better barely a year after the war ended, especially when the Saviors got off with slaps on the wrist and Negan was just imprisoned. I view what he was doing in the show was more to make himself feel better than anything else, not necessarily for the betterment of the settlements.
Ani woke with a start and sat straight up in bed due to a bad nightmare only to find the bed empty and Daryl no where to be seen. It wasn't a horrible feeling as she had gotten used to it over the last month, but it still stung. She knew it was pregnancy hormones combined with the nightmare she'd had causing her to have any kind of emotion about him being gone. He had been going out for a smoke every night for the last week and she knew that's where he was at at the moment, so it wasn't like she didn't know where he was. Rather than immediately going and looking for him, Ani got up and pulled on a pair of pants, reaching down and grabbing her shirt. She paused for a moment at seeing her stomach, stroking it for a moment before throwing the garment on and moving over to the counter. They had a pile of unfolded clean clothes sitting on it and she decided to try tackling it so that they weren't wearing wrinkled clothes all the time, not that either of them cared. In all honesty, they had little piles of things everywhere and the only one who's things were organized were Lou's. Ani had to admit that, while she didn't care about her own things, she was rather anal about the baby's items and kept them all nice, neat, and clean. Her reasoning was that she and Daryl had strong immune systems while Lou was still developing his. That and the fact that they could remember where they put something but Lou would get upset if a toy ended up behind him when he wasn't looking and he couldn't find it.
She made her way through the entire pile without a single sign of Daryl coming back in and decided she was tired of waiting for him. Checking on Lou and grabbing the monitor, Ani left the room and headed towards the exit closest to their room. It didn't take her long to find him sitting on the edge of the loading platform along with Carol smoking a cigarette. She didn't approach right away, waiting until it was clear that their conversation was over, Carol leaning her head on Daryl's shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her for just a moment. They had obviously had a heavy conversation with how their body language spoke and Ani really didn't want to disturb them. As much as she hated how it made her feel at times, she knew that their relationship bordered on familial and was completely platonic. Even she had become somewhat friends with Carol ever since they'd stopped fighting over Sophia and Carol had gotten together with Ezekiel. They had their little fights about different things due to a difference in parenting styles but, for the most part, got along during Carol's visits to the Sanctuary. Sophia had started getting along better with Carol, as well, and had even given Henry a few first aide classes. Ani had to admit that it was probably the healthiest any of their relationships had ever been and she was happy they all had been able to move on from past grievances.
Turning to head back inside and wait for Daryl in their room, Ani was stopped in her tracks when Carol called out and said, "You don't have to hide."
Daryl hadn't even noticed Ani's presence until Carol pointed her out as they moved from their semi-embrace. He was surprised by the soft smile on her face as she stepped closer and explained that she had been restless and wanted some air. She knew he would be outside and figured she would be able to just come out and enjoy the night with him. Carol excused herself, though she stopped and congratulated Ani on the pregnancy, which made her pause with wide-eyes for a moment. She looked back and forth between the two older individuals before saying a questionable thank you and Carol walked back into the Sanctuary. Ani assumed she was going back to Ezekiel and went over to sit next to Daryl as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it up. He wrapped an arm around her and put his hand on her hip to pull her into his side and held her there as he told her about his and Carol's conversation. She was surprised by the fact that Carol wanted to take over at the Sanctuary, but not at all surprised by the fact that she'd decided to right after the King had proposed to her. Both Ani and Daryl knew that the woman had a horrible habit of running away from happiness, worse than both of their urges to run combined. Carol was more willing to pull the trigger when it came to her happiness than she was to try to nurture it into something she could grow from. Ani had a feeling she'd find her way back to the Kingdom and Ezekiel, though, considering happiness was hard to run from.
"Look at us," she told Daryl, looking up at him through her lashes. "We've had our fair share a tryin' ta run from each otha."
"We?" Daryl asked, raising an eyebrow and giving her an incredulous look.
"Alright, fine," Ani chuckled, "I've had my fair share a tryin' ta run, though ya didn' 'xactly make it any harda ta run the first time. Jus' made it easy ta come back. The second, well, that was on us both. Third was this fuckin' place and what that asshole did and said. Nothin' on eitha a us. But we came out on top, stronga than eva. We got Lou, got anotha on the way. Got Phia and Merle. We're different people than who we were 'fore, Daryl Dixon, and I couldn' tell ya in words how happy ya make me."
"Feelin's mutual," he muttered, still easily caught off guard when she said things like that. "So, you okay with her stayin' behind for us?"
"She's the one who offa'd," came his response as Ani looked up at him and gauged his face. "What?"
"That all you got to say about it?"
"Yeah, why? Think I'm goin' ta lose my mind in jealousy again?"
"Why? You gonna?"
"Ya want me ta?"
"Can't say I wouldn't mind," Daryl said jokingly, making her laugh again, causing him to smile as he looked at her.
"Mr. Dixon, are ya sayin' ya like it when I'm jealous?" she asked.
"Hmmm," was his answer before he threw his cigarette butt out into the courtyard and stood up. "C'mon, let's get some sleep. Gotta pack up some shit in the morning before we head out."
Ani smiled at him as she took his hand, knowing he didn't mean that he liked it when she got overly jealous, but he'd admitted he found her hot as hell when she was standing up for what was hers. Whether it had been him or Lou that she was fighting for, she was an absolute vision when putting someone in their place for dissing or coveting her husband and son. She teased him about it every once in a while because she found it really endearing that he essentially got a hard on every time she fought someone about him. It didn't happen very often anymore; only one other woman after Janice had attempted to make a move on Daryl and had been shot down in a similar way. Ani had purposely started practicing her fighting movements and exercises around him after figuring it out, which was half the reason for their current predicament. The more she trained in front of her husband, the more often he would interrupt her and carry her off either to the bed or a more secluded part of the roof.
It didn't take very long for either of them to fall back to sleep, though it was not a peaceful night for either of them. They both woke up a couple more times, once because of Lou, but they were able to get back to sleep. Daryl had woken up when Ani had startled awake due to a bad dream and they laid in each other's arms until they fell back asleep. Ani had definitely fallen asleep faster than Daryl, his heartbeat in her ear acting as a lullaby, but listening to hers and Lou's breathing eventually helped him drift to sleep, too. When they finally woke up in the morning, it was from Merle banging their door open and scaring the three sleeping inside. Ani gave him a black eye for his actions and asked him what the hell was wrong with him to just barge in like he had while Daryl picked up a screaming Lou. Merle barely seemed fazed by the fact that she had punched him and instead moved to grab a bag while excitedly talking about leaving the Sanctuary. Apparently, Carol had told Ezekiel, who had needed to take a walk and ended up talking to Merle and Jerry about the situation. Merle had told him that was just how Carol was and that he was lucky she told him what she was doing rather than just running away like she had in the past. He was already halfway through packing the bag with Lou's things by the time he said he'd already packed his stuff and had Sophia packing hers. None of the older Dixons had much to pack up aside from clothes, knives, and a few mementoes from friends and each other aside from Lou.
Lou had his clothes, his bottles, his sippy cups, several stuffed animals, an entire armful of rattlers and small baby toys, his playpen, his high chair, and his diapers. There were also several jars of preserved fruit meant just for the small boy along with dried fruit and meat that Ani had taken to keeping in the room during her pregnancy. Merle didn't think anything of the fact that she'd kept the things in their room considering she had been breastfeeding, and Ani and Daryl hadn't told him, or anyone, other than Rick, Carol, and Maggie, about the new baby. Even then, only Rick had been told directly; Maggie had figured it out through a few words and intuition while Carol had overheard it. Daryl had Lou calmed down as Merle was rummaging through their things and walked over to Ani to hand him over. He went back over to the pack and play and took out the pillows, stuffed animals, and blankets out followed by the mat and started to break it down. They really did have the most things to pack and she couldn't help but smile at the brothers' antics. She decided to let them do whatever they felt they needed to while she got Lou ready for the trip. Having just woken up, he needed to be fed, so she put him in his high chair and grabbed a jar of preserved cherries for him to munch on. She helped him eat while the guys flitted here and there collecting everything they absolutely needed to take with them going so far as to carry it all out. The room felt devoid of anything related to them aside from the rocking chair Ani was sitting in while Lou got his morning milk.
"Ya got room for the chair, right?" she asked, the guys looking back at her incredulously.
"They've got rockin' chairs there, girly," Merle told her. "We don't need this one."
"Why you want it anyway?" Daryl asked as the chair wasn't anything special.
"I don' know. Kind a spent a lot a time in it and it's comfy jus' how I like it," Ani said with a shrug. "Guess it really doesn' make sense ta take it with us."
"You gettin' cold feet?"
"Fuck naw! Jus'...Ya know damn well change is a damn challenge for me!"
"You rearranged the room three times in less than a year."
"That's different!"
"You managed to be a mom easily enough," Merle shot out, paying less attention to the conversation they were having than to what he was doing as he'd come to understand that Ani's problems with change were fickle.
A change of scenery was a welcomed reprieve for the woman while a major change of plans could cause anything from discomfort to shutting down. She could handle being in small places if she was hunting or momentarily hiding for one reason or another, but if it shifted from hiding to being trapped, she was a mess. Ani absolutely loved it when the spring came around and the green returned and yet fell into a depression every year when the snow started falling. If food tasted different than she was used to, she would barely be able to choke down a few bites, but she could also eat the same thing every day for weeks on end. On top of that, if she was craving something and couldn't have it, she would either barely eat or go without for the day. Constantly shifting made her fall into a mood, but so did staying in the same place for too long, meaning that she rearranged the room for change often. While she had gotten better at handling it all and had stopped shutting down to the point of not talking, she would still become very quiet and cold. It was pain inducing how quickly she could swing from being happy and bubbly to being completely quiet and emotionless. Merle had gotten used to it after a while and had become a complete stone when she went through her moods.
"Ya know damn well that's different, too!" Ani shot back. "We don' got ta take it and it ain' goin' ta take me a hell a a lot a time ta get used ta bein' at Hilltop. We've been plannin' it for a while. Only reason I brought up the chair was 'cause I was jus' in it feedin' Lou and got a bit sentimental, okay?"
"Uh-huh," came Daryl's response at the same time as Merle said, "Sure."
"Fuck ya both!" she cried, Merle laughing outright while Daryl chuckled and she cracked a smile.
Merle wasn't the only one who recognized how much of a hypocrite in and of herself she could be for no good reason. Ani knew herself better than anyone else and knew that she had a tendency to get attached to things without meaning to and sometimes extremely momentarily. There was nothing special about the rocking chair they had at the Sanctuary when compared to the wicker rocker they'd been planning on using in Alexandria. Unfortunately, that chair had been taken by the Saviors and was no where to be found by the time the war had ended. It wasn't like the poncho that the bobcats had ruined that she had grown attached to over the years and she had cried over. She didn't even actually care about the chair she'd been using outside of the fact that she'd used it for almost a year to feed her son. The question had been almost automatic when she had asked it and the ribbing she got back from it was expected. Both brothers had taken to just shooting her down when she asked questions like that with some light-hearted teasing, though such teasing was only for her and Sophia. They would still damn near come to blows with each other depending on the amount of teasing that Merle put Daryl through, but they were always easy on the girls. To be honest, Merle had calmed down a lot when it came to dragging on Daryl since he found out they were expecting Lou.
"We got everything?" Daryl asked after he and Merle took the last of the baby things out that they were taking with them.
"Looks like," Merle answered him while looking around.
"Are you guys almost ready?!" an almost breathless and clearly excited Sophia asked as she ran into the doorway.
"What's got you all excited?" he asked her, Ani laughing and answering for the girl.
"She gets ta live in the same place as Carl again," she told him. "Maybe even spend a night with 'im," she goaded with a laugh.
"Did you know they're building a barn?" Sophia asked, trying to change the subject without realizing the pit she'd dug for herself.
"Are you plannin' on usin' the hayloft or somethin'?" Merle asked her incredulously.
"Ya know hay jus' makes ya itch and ya can get little cuts from it, so ya goin' ta want ta make sure ya got a blanket," Ani said.
"How the hell would you know that?" Daryl asked, knowing she hadn't had any experience in rolling in hay the way she was insinuating.
"Ya neva went on a hayride or anythin'? That shite scratches up ya legs somethin' awful."
"What are you talkin' about ?" Sophia asked.
"Sex, kiddo," Ani stated plainly. "When ya mention a barn like ya did afta what I said, it's goin' ta be taken wrong."
"Why is it always about sex with you guys?!"
"Keep me out of it," Daryl told her, hiking his bow onto his shoulder and ushering Ani out now that she had Lou in his coat. "It's all them."
"I'm immature 'bout a few things. Give me a break," Ani told him. "'Sides, it's only 'cause a ya that I'm always thinkin' 'bout it."
"Stop," came her reply, all five Dixons leaving the room with Merle grabbing a bag from Sophia and carrying it out with them.
"Merle said Carol's takin' over," Sophia commented as she walked next to Ani.
"Yeah, she is. It's actually pretty awesome a 'er," Ani replied. "Stupid," she said with a shrug, "but awesome."
"Why's it stupid?"
"'Cause she's runnin' in a way again," she explained. "She's not runnin' so much as switchin' where she's livin', but it's still away from Zeke and Henry. I'm hopeful, though, that it's jus' 'cause she really wants ta help. Kind a like ta think it's 'er way a makin' up for everythin' that's happened 'tween us. All the fightin' and jealousy. That's jus' my thinkin', though. She's doin' a good thing for us and I'm thankful for that."
"I guess. I'm just excited to be livin' with Carl again and to see Beth and Enid."
"Ya and Enid have become friends."
"It's easier now that she's got a new crush. She's even been able to hang out with me and Carl without having a bad attitude. It's nice, kinda, havin' a friend about my age."
"Ya sharin' all the shite ya don' tell me with 'er?" Ani teased, nudging the girl's shoulder as the two shared a smile and laugh. "I'm really glad ya made anotha friend."
"Yeah, me too," Sophia said before she ran ahead and called Ani's ATV as her means of getting to the Hilltop so she didn't have to be stuck on a horse.
Ani laughed and said nothing as the girl ran off and she watched her and Merle's antics as to who was going to be driving the vehicle. None of the Dixons were overly fond of horses and they hadn't had a chance to get used to riding them because they couldn't keep them at the Sanctuary. Ani liked horses, but they were so much taller than her that she quickly became nervous when she stood around them for too long. Daryl had been less than thrilled to get back on the back of a horse after getting kicked off of one back at the farm near Atlanta. No one could blame the man for that, either, considering that had landed him with a concussion and an arrow in his side. Merle had never been around the creatures for very long and had no intentions of ever riding on the back of one for as long as he lived. Sophia, however, had been bitten by a horse at the Hilltop when she was helping Beth brush them and had been actively avoiding them ever since. She swore up and down that she wasn't afraid of them, but she also had made a habit of moving any time a horse's head was anywhere close to her. Ani couldn't blame her for it when she had a scar on her arm from a horse bite; she was still afraid of spiders from waking up with one on her face. Phobias were a real and powerful deterrent when it came to a person's behaviors and Ani had zero intention of correcting hers. Sophia, on the other hand, was a hell of a lot stronger than she was as she was still trying to help brush the creatures down, just staying well away from the face. Ani was proud of the girl for everything she had done and gone through and how well she had been able to adjust.
She watched the girl run past the King and Carol, who were parting ways, and walked over to the older woman and told her, "Thank ya for doin' this."
"Like I told Daryl and the King, I just want to help," she responded. "And I want time to think. I'm sure Daryl already told you Ezekiel asked me to marry him?"
"He did."
"I wanted to say yes, but I don't want to move too fast."
"It's been 'bout a year and a half already. Is it really too fast? I mean, D and I were sayin' 'love ya' a couple weeks afta we got tagetha."
"And had been falling for each other for months before that," Carol reminded her. "I don't know. It's so different than what I had with Ed and I'm still trying to get used to it. How long did it take you and Daryl to really feel comfortable in your relationship? To feel safe and secure?"
Ani considered her words and everything she and Daryl had gone through to get to the point they were at right then, nodding her head and agreeing, "It does take a lot ta get ova trauma and abuse. D and I were able ta get ova it afta Lou's birth and bein' parents. I'd like ta say there ain' shite that can break us up anymore, but ya neva know what life'll throw at ya. But why are ya leavin' afta bein' happy with the King for so long?"
"I just want to make sure I'm really happy and not pretending anymore. I want it to be real," she said, Ani understanding where she was coming from. "It feels real, but I want to know it's real."
"Jus' don' forget 'bout Henry and that ya still got ta look out for 'im. I'll send Merle out at times ta help ya out and give ya a bit a a break ta go ta the Kingdom ta visit 'em. I'm sure they'll come out ta ya a lot, too. It's nice that ya were able ta build anotha family. That's a gift ya shouldn' look in the mouth. Still, thank ya for doin' this. It means a lot ta us that we won' have ta be 'ere for this one."
"Consider it paying off a debt I've owed for a while. For everything you've helped me with and through. And Sophia," Carol told her with a small smile. "She's grown up so fast, and it's thanks to you."
"Nah, it's 'er. She's always been strong. She jus' didn' know it. Same as ya."
"And you've always known you were strong," Carol said with conviction.
"Again, nah, I didn'. Didn' realize it 'til I started fightin' back, same as ya. We've got similar backstories, Cars. It's jus' the way we've played the hands we were dealt that diverge. Ya had a way ya played the game that worked for how ya were livin', but ya finally able ta play it the way ya want ta play it."
"Been that way for a while, but I was too scared to do anything about it. That's been changing, though," she told her before taking a deep breath and sighing. "I already asked Daryl, but how are you feeling? The baby after a baby?"
"I'm scared as all shite and wonda what the fuck we're goin' ta do. I can admit, I'm still kind a tryin' ta make excuses as ta what else it could be though I know I'm pregnant. Lou's barely startin' ta walk! Still spends most a 'is time crawlin' or in our arms. Now we're goin' ta have a second one needin' ta be carried everywhere. This wasn' what we were thinkin' when we thought 'bout havin' more kids. Thought it'd be in the future, ya know?"
"I can understand that."
"And then Merle goes and gets Daryl drunk and sends 'im back ta me. Daryl's a fuckin' beast when 'e's drunk and now we're in this situation."
"Are you sure you know that's when it happened?"
"Nah, but it's the hill I'm goin' ta die on durin' the pregnancy. Gives me somethin' ta nag Merle with. Bastard starts naggin' me 'bout doin' somethin' 'e don' want me ta, I'm goin' ta throw it in 'is face that I'm like this 'cause 'e got D drunk and set 'im on me. That ought ta shut the fucka up."
The two women shared a laugh before Rick and Michonne came out and everyone began loading into the wagons or getting on their horses. Merle was riding the ATV with Sophia behind him and pulled out ahead of everyone else. Ani walked over to Daryl and got on the back of his motorcycle, holding tightly onto him as they pulled out and made their way towards the Hilltop. It took an hour for them well over two hours to get there with how deteriorated the roads had become and the longer route they had to take thanks to the bridge being out. Ani was practically shaking with excitement as soon as she saw the wooden walls and the guards standing on top. It went from excitement to rage when they finally got in and off the motorcycle and Maggie came out from the house with a bad bruise on the side of her face. If it weren't for the fact that Gregory was in a locked room guarded by Cal and Tara while Beth and Jesus were in the cellar talking to the blacksmith about his role in the altercation. Gregory was a slimy bastard that had tried using the other man to kill Maggie by getting him drunk and tricking her into going somewhere the guards wouldn't see. She was fine outside of the bruise and was able to easily get the upper hand in the situation against both older men. Enid was the only other person who'd gotten hurt and Alden had come to her aide, holding Earl, the blacksmith, back and giving the women time to reconvene. The only problem was that Maggie didn't know what she was going to do with them now that things had settled down.
"Are ya plannin' on keepin' 'em locked up?" Ani asked after Rick and some of the others left the room while she, Daryl, Jesus, Maggie, Beth, and Enid stayed back.
"For now," Maggie told her. "I'm not sure for how long, though, and I'm not sure it's worth it with Gregory. How many times am I supposed to let him betray us before I do somethin' about it?"
"We have done something," Jesus assured them, though Ani wasn't convinced. "Both Gregory and Earl are locked up. They can't hurt anyone else."
"'Til they get out," Ani shot at him. "How long 'til 'e talks 'is way out a shite like 'e has this entire time, huh? How long 'til 'e wiggles 'is way through ya clutches and tries a coup again?"
"Ani's right," Beth said. "He's done nothin' for the Hilltop since the beginnin'! All he did was run his mouth and give the Saviors everythin' they wanted. Why are we even keepin' him here?"
"She's got a point," Enid agreed. "We've let him get away with this stuff time and time again. First when he wanted us to go against the Saviors and then wanted nothing to do with the fallout. Then when he went to the Saviors to try to talk Hilltop out of fighting them. Leaving Gabriel at the Sanctuary. Trying to blame the Alden and the others when he was just as bad. The only good thing he's done is suggest taking a vote for who got to lead! Everything else has just been running numbers, and anyone can do that. You did more for this place than Gregory has, Jesus! You're the one who would go out to get what everyone needed here while he was here stealing pancakes and drinking! What has he done since Maggie took over? Nothing. He doesn't even help with the cleaning or anything!"
"So what do we do?" Jesus asked them. "Kill him? Why? What would that achieve?"
"Equilibrium," Ani told him plainly. "A complete undastandin' a who's in charge and what's expected."
"So what do we do with Earl?"
"Like I said, we achieve equilibrium," Ani explained. "Earl wasn' shite more'n a tool Gregory tried usin' ta kill Mags. We don' sit there and dismantle or melt down tools for hurtin' people. Nah, we take down the people who used 'em. Earl can serve time in prison for what 'e did 'til Mags says othawise, 'specially when 'e tried killin' 'er in front a 'er son and hurt Enid in the process. But Gregory? How many fuckin' chances ya goin' ta give that gobshite, Jesus? How many times ya goin' ta let 'im try some shady shite jus' 'cause ya can' wrap ya head 'round capital punishment? How many times ya goin' ta let 'im betray the Hilltop 'fore we nip the problem in the butt?"
"It's not that simple, Ani," he tried to tell her. "If we go down that road, what makes us any different than the Saviors?"
"Simple," she responded. "We ain' doin' it ta an innocent little kid who did nothin' but try ta live for nothin' more'n supplies. If we kill, it's 'cause the asshole gettin' it deserves it. I wouldn' let a rapist live. I wouldn' let a child abusa live. I don' even want Negan ta keep livin', but that's been taken out a my fuckin' hands by Rick! What are we s'pposed ta do when it comes ta this kind a shite? Jus' sit with our thumbs up our asses singin' 'Kumbaya?'"
"Ani, it's more than that-"
"No, she's right. We've been doin' nothin' about the foxes in our hen house for a long time. I'm done givin' Gregory chances."
"So how are you going to do it?" Jesus asked. "A bullet? Slit his throat? Hang him?"
"I vote for the last one!" Ani piped up, making everyone look at her. "What? A bullet's too easy and we don' got the ammo ta spare. Slittin' 'is throat will do the trick fast if ya get 'is jugular, but it's messy as hell and too close ta the bloody mess that Negan caused. Hangin', though, it's different. One a two things will happen; his neck'll break from the drop or 'e'll strangle ta death within a minute or two, bein' unconscious within seconds. Nowhere near the same grotesquery that comes with slittin' throats."
"How do you know all that?" Enid asked.
"I liked crime dramas and documentaries, what can I say?" she answered. "Mags? What's ya decision?" she asked the leader of the Hilltop who was staring at her desk deep in thought.
Maggie sighed and looked around the room before telling them, "I've been through a lot in the last couple years and I've learned a lot, too. I've given Gregory chance after chance to pull through for the Hilltop and he's still fallin' back into his old habits. This is the new world. It's time to make some new rules. We'll hang him tonight after the kids are asleep. They don't need to see it, but everyone else does. It's time to show everyone how we deal with traitors at the Hilltop."