"I've found another Whorecrux!" Snape barged in to Dumbledore's office where Ron, Harry and Hermione sat across from the old headmaster.
Snape surveys the room. "Good, you're all here."
"Come now Snape," Dumbledore says cheerfully, "Don't keep us all in suspense, who is it?"
"I've been working undercover for the dark lord and secretly been using a whoredefinder to see if any of his followers were a Whorecrux..."
"Yes, yes," Dumbledore interrupts. "I'm sure it's all very interesting. Can we get to the point?"
"Headmaster, I went to great lengths to obtain this information. I had to give a dragon a blow job and..."
"Ah yes, I'm sure I can't wait to read the book. On with it."
Harry knew the headmaster's nap time was coming up and he was trying to hurry them off.
"It's Bellatrix Lestrange!" Snape boomed out.
Harry, Hermione, and Ron gasped.
"There's no bloody way that witch is going to let me sleep with her." Harry said defeated. "We've come so far. We're doomed."
"Harry, we believe in you. You can't give up now, we'll find a way." Hermione tried to comfort Harry.
Dumbledore suddenly awoke with a start. He had dozed off. "Snape what do you think can be done?"
"I've formulated a plan but it will not be without risk." Snape spoke up. "Bellatrix has strange tastes... she's a necrophilliac.
"A what?" Ron asked.
"Someone who has sex with dead people you dolt." Hermione shook her head.
"If we were somehow able to convince everyone that Harry was dead we may be able to cast a stupify spell on him and have him sent to Bellatrix. We can say it is a gift from the dark lord." Snape shrugged.
"That's so gross!" Harry blanched.
"What Snape says makes sense," Hermoine interjected, "It may be the only chance we have."
"How's Harry supposed to die then?" Ron asked.
Everyone was silent.
Ron suddenly spoke as if a lightbulb went off in his head. "What if he fell from one of the top floors?"
"That's so dumb-" Harry began.
"That's a great idea!" Hermoine for the first time looked mildly impressed with Ron.
Later Harry, Snape, Hermoine and Ron stood near a stairwell inside the top floor of Hogwarts.
"We have to make this look real Harry. I've cast a spell so you'll survive the fall but you will be unable to move afterwards." Snape explained.
Harry looked over the railing and gulped. "I don't know if I can do this. I'm still going to be injured right?"
"We'll fix you up after your assignment is over." Snape said cooly.
Harry peered over the edge. "Can we just think of something else because-"
Suddenly behind Harry, Ron gave his friend a giant push and he flipped over the railing.
"Aaaaashhhhhh." Harry screamed on his way down.
Thump
"Stupid Ron. Is he going to be ok?" Hermione asked.
"More or less." Snape quipped.
"Hey, I'm just doing my part for the order" Ron folded his arms.
News spread quickly of Harry Potter's death. He wished he could have gone out with a more heroic death but he didn't seem to have any say so in much these days. He was going to kill Ron when this was all over.
"I'm going to send him to Bellatrix with a note." Snape explained. "The spell I cast should wear off eventually so he can find a means to escape."
"Good luck Harry!" Hermoine whispered at Harry's frozen form. Harry thought he really needed to get some new friends.
It was dark out and Bellatrix was sipping some worm tea when her doorbell rang. Who could that be at this hour? She thought to herself.
She opened the door and saw Harry Potter frozen his mouth agape and scratches were all over his body. His arm was turned a strange way. She snatched the note from Potter's body it read:
A gift. Hide Harry's body here and await further instructions. - V
Bellatrix clapped her hands with glee. "Harry Potter. How nice to see you." She cackled maniacally.
She dragged Harry inside and propped him on a chair. "Would you like some tea love?" Harry remained motionless. "Stupid, stupid boy falling off a railing in Hogwarts. Now nothing will stop the dark lord." She cackled again. All this excitement was making Bellatrix hot. Now, now, she must be a gracious host.
"Not having any tea? What a rude boy you are Harry." She grabbed the steaming hot tea pot and splashed it in Harry's face.
Harry would have screamed if he could have moved. He could still feel everything going on but was helpess and could only watch the events unfolding in front of him.
There was suddenly a knock at the door. Bellatrix cackled with glee.
She opened the door and a short hooded figure entered. It was another death eater.
"I've brought what you asked for." A high pitched voice spoke.
Harry couldn't get a good look at the mysterious visitor.
Bellatrix embrassed the dark robed figure. "My love, it has been to long."
Harry heard some squishing sound and rightly assumed Bellatrix was making out with her visitor.
The mysterious robed figured unlocked a suitcase on a table near Harry it was filled with a golden snitch, bludgers, a strap on, some suppositories and other objects Harry couldn't recognize.
"My love,"Bellatrix commanded. "I can't wait any longer. Let me see you."
The hooded figure undressed. Harry would have gasped with shock if he could have spoken. It was...
SpongeBob Squarepants!
Spongebob waddled over to Bellatrix. She lay against the table and lifted her head back, moaning as Spongebob lifted her robes, stuck out his tongue and ate out her bikini bottom. "You taste better than a Krabby Patty." He murmured.
Bellatrix could never tell the wizarding world about her love for Spongebob. It was one thing to want to make love to dead bodies, but she would be laughed out of the wizarding world if they found out she was in love with a sponge.
"We shouldn't ignore our guest Spongebob." Bellatrix indicated Harry.
"Weee heee. Right you are my Krusty Crab muffin. Why don't you get us some water?"
Bellatrix clapped in delight and rushed off. Spongebob began to spin around and squeeze himself inwards. Making himself dry.
Bellatrix returned with a pitcher of water. She began to squeeze Spongebob down into a small roll which she then began to insert into Harry's asshole.
"Wow his ass is tighter than Patricks."
Spongebob's face stuck out of Harry's ass. "Now Bellatrix!"
Bellatrix poured water over Spongebob. Harry felt his ass expanding like a balloon.
Bellatrix knelt down and kissed Spongebob while he stuck out of Harry's asshole. She paused lifting her leg and Spongebob ate her out, rubbing his Sponge body all over her opening.
"Yes! Spongebob, that's it."
Harry wished he was really dead rather than just pretending to be. Suddenly he felt his stomach start to gurgle. The tacos from last night begin to dance inside Harrys stomach and shit came blasting out of his asshole. Spongebob flew from Harry's ass. Bellatrix took Spongebob and began to clean him up. The Sponge began to giggle in delight.
Meanwhile back in his lair. Voldemort could feel his stomach churning. "I feel Harry Pottterrr." He hissed.
His lover lay next to him in bed, smelling of blood and roses. "I'm sure it's just another bad dream Voldie." President Snow said.
"Come now, I've brought you a present my love." President Snow cooed.
Just then a house elf wearing too much make up and a ratchet wig popped into their chambers. "Dobra here to serve. Dobra likes sucking cock." Dobra the transvestite hooker house elf batted her eyes which were smeared with dark blue eye shadow. She hopped on the bed and began blowing Voldemort and President Snow. Her boobs bounced up and down inside her potato sack bikini top. Voldemort and Snow grabbed a boob each. Snow stuck a rose in the house elfs vagina box. It's thorns cut into her slimy flesh and the house elf squeeled in delight. She didnt like sucking old men penises, but Dobra was trying to save up the money to have a gender reassignment spell performed on her. She was going to be featured on an article in House Elf Weekly. All to soon both of them jizzed similtatiously into Dobra's open mouth. The semen overflowed and ran down her chin and all over her body.
"Don't you feel more relaxed now Voldie?" Snow asked.
Voldemort was getting a bit tired of his lover President Snow. He was enertained by his thougtful gift but the man simpered on endlessly. The smell of roses was stinking up the place. Plus they didn't spend enough time together. While he admired the idea of having children fight to the death in a tournament this kept Snow away a great deal of the time. He decided he needed to break it off.
"Snnnooww, we need to talk." Voldemort began.
"Yes my love, what is it?" Snow perked up.
"Thingss aren't working out between usss. We need to take a break."
Snow looked stunned, "A break, what do you mean a break? I thought things were fine between us."
"It'sss not you, it'sss me." Voldemort offered lamely.
"After all I've done for you! How dare you!" Snow was outraged.
"Thiss iss exactly what I am talking about. I have enough to deal withhh from the order and Harry Potter."
"I thought you loved me."
Voldemort was at the end of his patience. "Ava Kadavra!" he yelled.
President Snow's body shook before he died. Voldemort ordered some death eaters to take away the body.
Spongebob continued his maniacal laughter. Bellatrix joined in and the sound was a cacophony of horror.
Harry's torture was endless. They stuck objects in his ass for hours, starting with a golden snitch that buzzed in his ass, then they moved onto bludgers. Harry knew his ass would never be the same. Spongebob got a strap on and fucked him in the ass while Bellatrix rode him. They both kissed passionatly while they banged him. Spongebob unloaded his sperm all over Harry's face again and again. Underneath his square pants he had a giant sponge penis. He stroked it with glee and lauged like a sadistic clown. "I love using my imagination!" He chirped repeadily. He often spoke of nonsensical things that Bellatrix seemed to understand. It went on for hours. Harry lost concienceness at one point. Those two were the sickest freaks Harry had ever encountered. Suddenly he felt movement in his finger. Oh no, the spell was wearing off. He didn't think they had actually made a plan to get him out of here. Great. Harry tried to remain as still as possible but if they saw him breathing...
Finally just at that moment Bellatrix and Spongebob tired. They were covered in feces, piss, blood, and sexual juices. They embraced shamelessly.
"I'm getting a little tired love." Bellatrix squeezed the sponge.
"Me two, three and four!" Spongebob said, never making any sense.
The two dozed off on the sticky sweet floor.
Harry could feel movement in his arms. If he could somehow get outside he could escape. He tried to move but his ass felt like the grand canyon. He fell over the table. He looked around alarmed but the satanic sponge and the evil witch were still sleeping. Using all his strength he managed to escape through the front door.
"Blimey Harry! What happened to you!" Ron and Hermione looked at Harry in shock as he fell over. After many days he finally was able to find a port key and apparate back to Hogwarts. Mcgonnagal and Dumbledore ran up. "Get him to Madame Pomfrey!" Mcgonnagal yelled.
Harry awoke in the hospital wing to several concerned faces.
"How did the mission go Harry?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry got images of a perverted sponge spilling his splooge everywhere and laughing. He didn't think he'd ever be able to get near a hand sponge again.
"The whorecrux was destroyed." Harry said blankly.
"I had every faith you would complete your mission and escape Harry." Dumbledore smiled.
"Why didn't any of you come and save me!" Harry yelled. "You're supposed to be my friends."
Hermoine and Ron who also stood nearby looked uncomfortable. "I couldn't miss my classes Harry. You have to understand." Hermoine explained.
"Yeah and I had quiddich." Ron shrugged.
"I was raped by a sponge!" Harry shuddered.
"A what?" Dumbledore frowned.
"Nevermind. Bugger off all of you. Get out!"
Hermoine, Dumbledore and Ron looked at one another.
"Let's give Harry some time to rest. He's been through an ordeal. I'm sure once he's feeling better his mood will improve." Dumbledore stode off.
Harry was furious. Lot of friends they were. Only two more whorecruxes remained. He didn't know if he wanted to continue on.