A/N: Dedicated to alphazerodelta.
Cloth continued praying to the Porcelain God. After a few more minutes of intense praying, the Porcelain God appeared before her.
"What took you so long, O Holy One?"
"Sorry, Cloth, the Porcelain Bus broke down on Amwell Road. More like Waswell for the bus, amirite?"
"What do you want from me tonight?"
"Go get yourself flushed or something, I don't know. Pretend that you're a big turd getting succed down the potty drain and meet me again here tomorrow and tell me how it went."
"Where am I supposed to get myself flushed?"
"In a huge potty or something? How should I know? It's not like I have a GPS that points to the closest toilet at any given locat- wait, of course I do. Just keep walking in that direction and you'll find a big bowl to slide down."
"Thank you, O Holy One."
The Porcelain God then jumped back into the toilet and returned from whence they came. Cloth continued on her merry way towards the big bowl to the tune of When Life Gives Me Lemons, I Make Lemonade.
"Wow, this song makes me want to accept that role I was offered in Sony Pictures Animation's upcoming Peter Rabbit (2018) in association with Animal Logic and Columbia Pictures starring James Cor- AAH!"
Just then, Cloth was flushed down the biggest, blackest, darkest potty she had ever seen. It was the same potty she had seen in her Force visions while training on that big rock with Luke Puke. Oh, that's what I meant when I said this toilet was "calling me" to Lukey-boy, she thought. No wonder it "offered something I needed" lmao I needed a potty this big to fill with my excrement.
Cloth swam through the sewer water, swallowing some hastily on the way over to land. When she stood up, she saw a bunch of other Cloths in a big mirror. All of the Cloths looked just like her and did everything she did. Wow, I'm living Gowny's dream right now. So many Cloths.
Cloth did some Jumping Jakes and so then did all the other Cloths. Cloth spanked herself until her cheeks turned red and so then did all of the other Cloths in short succession. The collective sound of all of the Cloths spanking themselves was almost deafening, so she stopped.
Checking her watch, she realized it was Big Brain Time, and she used her Big Brain to realize that the Cloths didn't go on forever; they had to stop somewhere. She flew to the front of the Cloth Congo Line.
There, she saw a mirror. A gift from the Porcelain God, she concluded.
"Let me see them."
"Let me see them."
"Let me see them."
"Let me see them."
"My bumcheeks."
"My bumcheeks."
"My bumcheeks."
"My bumcheeks."
Instead of showing Cloth the bumcheeks she requested, the mirror started talking like Lord Farquad's magic mirror.
"Ay yo girl y'all should know that the big nose guy with a gown is sitting behind that rock over there with binoculars waiting for me to show your bumcheeks on this big ass mirror."
"Really?" Cloth asked, turning around. "What are you doing here?"
"We had another ForceTime call and you didn't notice so I figured I would practice my stalking skills in the meantime."
"Can this wait a few minutes for me to get out of this big ass toilet? I'll meet you in my crappy shack back in the village on Ach-To(ot)."
"I'll mark my calendar!" Gowny said, marking his Cloth-calendar.
"Why does your calendar have my face on it?"
"Shut up! I'll meet you when it's time, k?"
"Yeah whatever lol," Cloth said, watching Kylo Lightsaber vanish as she turned back to the Magic Mirror. "So, about those bumcheeks?"
"Yeah, I got you covered," the Magic Mirror said.