Kylo Lightsaber waltzed into the Red Room that Sloane spent most of his time in. It was merely a coincidence that the curtains were red, all of the First Order knew. Gowny strolled past all of the sex toys before plopping down on the ground as elegantly as a voluptuous turd plops into the toilet after a long day of eating Chipotle.

"Can we make this quick, fam?" Gowny said. "I got a hot date tonight."

"I heard through the grapevine that you're sentencing my top war general to death for popping a blow-up doll you had in your chambers."

"Where did you hear that?" Gowny shouted.

"Just, the grapevine," Sloane Snoke said. "And I forbid it."

"But Snoke, he committed high treason! And he's too busy warring with the rabbits to focus on this war. And last week I told him to go into Tosche Station and pick up some power converters, and he still hasn't done that!"

"Well I told him he could waste time with his friends when his chores were done. You're not allowed to kill McGregor."

"But you haven't even heard the worst crime of them all!"

"And what might that crime be?" Snokey-boy demanded.

"He was… taradiddling."

Sloane gasped very loud. It was the second louded gasp throughout all of recorded history, second only to Julia's gasp when the tax collector demanded €3,000 for Cafè Julia.

"Not taradiddling," Sloaney-boy said. "Anything but taradiddling."

"You see, O Wise Supreme Leader? He should be executed. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, now I gotta go get ready for my date before she crawls outta the toilet."

"You're still not allowed to kill him. Where is he right now?"

"He's still in the Ass Chamber," Gowny said, checking his watch. I'm only gonna have time for half a diarrhea shower at this rate.

"Alright, just keep him there for now. Go have fun, fool."

"Oh, I will," Gowny said, running off towards his chambers. Gowny picked out his finest dress and donned it, just like he dons his gay apparel.

"Hello, love of my life," the Cloth-Trooper greeted. "Would you like a smooch this fine evening? I hope your big nose won't get in the way."

"I've got a date with the real Cloth tonight. You're dismissed," Gowny said while putting on the Gown he envisioned wearing to the prom.

This is gonna be the greatest night of my life!