There's no excitement today. At least, there's no expected excitement.
Kristina's not entirely sure when this feeling of lethargy and nausea began, and she's not happy that it still persists. She braces her hands on the surface of her sink, eyes somewhat glazed over as she observes her reflection. Her hair's flat and lifeless, lacking the usual wavy curl. She's in the same pair of sweats she's worn the past few days, stains of vomit around the collar the same shade of gray as the bags under her eyes.
"Krissy!" a series of rapid knocks gradually catches her attention. She turns towards her closed bathroom door, her expression joyless, "It's Amy! You okay?"
"Yeah," Kristina's voice cracks as she rubs her eyes.
"I know you haven't been feeling well for the past few days, so I made you some food to help!"
She sighs to herself, taking one last look in the mirror, "...Okay, hold on."
She splashes water across her face before tying her hair up in a messy bun. She takes a deep breath before opening the door, unresponsive to Amy's toothless smile.
"C'mere," she pulls the young woman in for a hug, "let's get you some help."
"I don't need any medicine," Kristina mutters as they walk into the living room area, "It's not gonna help."
"I'm not going to make you take Dramamine, Krissy," Amy rolls her eyes as she helps her roommate settle onto the couch, "I'm going to do something a bit more…practical."
"Which is?" Kristina grabs the plush blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around her. Amy walks towards the kitchen, grabbing two bowls. She comes back and places them on the coffee table. Kristina scowls at what's inside, "Rice? Ramen?"
"I can also make some mashed potatoes."
"Why?"
"Starchy foods help alleviate nausea."
"I haven't been able to keep anything down, though. I'm just gonna throw it all back up."
"Have you thrown up today?"
"...No."
"Did you throw up last night after dinner?"
"No but-"
"Then I think it's safe to eat. At least have one meal, Krissy, please," Amy bats her eyes, pouting, "For me?"
"...Okay fine," Kristina huffs, taking the bowl of ramen. She gently slurps the noodles around her fork into her mouth, savoring the warmth.
"Not bad, huh?" Amy takes a seat, "so, talk to me."
"About what?" Kristina replies, her mouth full of food.
"Let's start with your bodyguard. When did you two become official?"
"Official?" Kristina scowls in confusion, "We're not an item."
"It was just some random hookup?"
"No…"
"What is it, then?"
"I…" Kristina pauses, setting the bowl and fork down on the coffee table, "I don't know."
"Do you guys like each other?"
"I think so. I mean, we wouldn't have hooked up if we didn't."
"Did it feel like a hookup?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, like, was this just to get it out of your system? Was it a one-off or do you want more?"
Kristina blinks for a moment, processing the question. Amy raises an eyebrow at her posture, observing her astutely.
"Krissy?"
"Honestly," she inhales, "I hope it's not a one-time thing."
"How so?"
"Dex and I…we've been friends for a little while. I've always liked him, y'know? Platonically. He's sweet, chivalrous, a pretty decent and dependable guy."
"Okay, so then what changed? I mean, there had to be a moment where you went, 'you know what, I really want this man.' What was it?"
Kristina bites her bottom lip, closing her eyes. Her mind jumps to her and Dex on his couch, reeling from the aftermath of the miscarriage. Her cheeks turn rosy as she replays his hand brushing past her cheek.
"Well," she takes a deep breath, "you saw how much of a mess I was when I lost Molly and TJ's baby. He did too, and he was just so…gracious. I was at such a low point, I definitely looked that way, and he didn't think of me as a screwup or take pity on me. He was himself, and that," she begins to choke up, "means so much to me."
"Aw, Kristina," Amy smiled sadly, a sparkle in her eye, "I hope he feels the same way."
The young woman doesn't respond, instead matching her roommate's expression. She then feels a grumbling in her stomach, snapping her out of the moment. Amy raises a concerned eyebrow, sitting up slightly.
"I'm fine," Kristina says.
"Okay, but if that changes-"
"I'll handle it," she throws her head back, "I just wish I didn't feel like this today."
"Why?" Amy asks just before she realizes the answer, "Oh crap, the surrogacy procedure is today, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"I'd ask if you're excited or nervous but it's kind of clear you're neither right now."
"Thanks to the nausea," Kristina wipes her mouth with her sleeve, "I just feel like crap."
"When did you start feeling that way?"
"About a week ago. It started off as just headaches and queasiness, but then I actually started throwing up."
"Uh…huh," Amy nods slowly, "And, um, when did you last have your period?"
"A week before that, I think. It was…pretty much over when I had my check-up with Dr. Navarro?"
"And that was the same day you and Dex-"
"Amy," Kristina's voice was cold and deep. She gives the nurse a knowing look, "please don't-"
"I'm not!" she puts her hands up, "I'm not saying you are, it just seems like…maybe. Did you guys use protection?"
Silence.
"Kristina…"
"I can't," Kristina's voice cracks as she gets to her feet, "I can't be pregnant. What do I tell Molly and TJ? What do I tell Dex?" she hides her face in her hands, "Oh God-"
"Kristina," Amy stands up, slowly pulling the young woman's hands away, "we don't know if you're actually pregnant. It's all just speculation right now. What if the blood test you have to take comes up negative? Then you have nothing to worry about! For all we know, it could just be a really bad bout of food poisoning."
"I hope so," Kristina answers, "I'm not going to screw this up, I can't screw this up."
"Okay," Amy lays her hands on her roommate's shoulders, "you're stressing yourself out over this, and that's not healthy. Take a deep breath and relax for me."
Kristina inhales slowly, exhaling at the same speed.
"Better?"
"Kind of."
"Good enough," Amy smiles, "Look, I have to get ready for my shift. I'll bring you to GH with me so you can go in for the procedure."
"Okay," Kristina nods before they go their separate ways. After a quick shower, she manages to dress herself in a white tank mini dress, yellow and orange flowers of varying sizes on the fabric. She slips on a pair of white sandals, her hair a lustrous straight as she returns to the living room.
Amy stands by the front door in her usual blue scrubs, "Ready to go?"
Kristina's head is practically empty the entire car ride. The unstable nature of Amy's driving, with constant hard braking and shaky turns, makes her want to vomit, but she stays strong. Uncertainty plagues the few thoughts she presently has, and she pulls out her phone, looking through her text threads. It's just her luck that two messages come in at the same time.
From: Molly (9:33 AM)
Stuck in trial - can't make it to GH. I'll touch base later, okay? Love you! :D
From: Dex (9:33 AM)
Hope everything goes well! Text me when you're ready for me :)
"We're here," Amy says, parking her car. Kristina registers her words and reluctantly joins her. They walk through the doors together, approaching the reception desk.
"Okay," Amy begins, formally clocking in, "let me tell Dr. Navarro that you're here, and you'll be good to go!"
"Thanks," Kristina tries to hide her wince as she makes her way to the seating area, crossing her legs at the ankle once she sits down. She looks over the messages once more, hastily replying to one.
To: Dex (9:38 AM)
Can you come now?
From: Dex (9:39 AM)
Sure.
"Kristina!" TJ greets her as he approaches. She forces a smile on her face as she stands up, a slight bout of dizziness hitting her. He raises an eyebrow, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good. I've just been a bit under the weather."
"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help fix that?"
"Um, no, it's just…a thing. It'll pass. Thank you, though."
"Okay," he smiles, "I know the procedure's today. How do you feel about it?"
"The same way I did last time: nervous, excited."
"Well, I hope it goes well for you. Dr. Navarro's the best."
"That she is," Kristina grins as she catches the woman in her peripheral vision, "and speaking of…"
"Kristina, Dr. Ashford," Dr. Navarro nods at them before focusing on the young woman, "Are you ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be," she looks at TJ briefly, "Let Dex know I'm still in the procedure if he shows up before I'm done."
"You got it," TJ nods, "I hope it goes well."
"Thanks," Kristina forces her smile before walking off with the doctor. They step onto the elevator, going up to the eighth floor. She's led into an exam room, a gown waiting on the chair.
"We'll take some tests once you get changed."
Time ticks by as a blur to Kristina, Dr. Navarro poking and prodding at her as part of standard testing before exiting the room. There's a lump that forms in her throat the longer it goes on, and she prays to have some kind of answer sooner rather than later. Tears sting the corner of her eyes as she continues to dwell, and she does her best to think of what to say in the case her fears become reality.
She jolts up when the door opens, Dr. Navarro walking in with a manila folder. She rubs her face, looking as composed as possible.
"I have some test results already," the doctor begins, "specifically the blood test."
Kristina nods in understanding, "And?"
"I'm sorry, Kristina, but we can't do the procedure."
Oh no… her heart breaks. Her question is shaky, "W-Why not?"
"Well, based on the results, you're already pregnant."
The words hit her like a truck, and she feels ready to throw everything she can up. The lump in her throat is massive, suffocating, and she's at a loss for words.
"Kristina?" Dr. Navarro looks her over, "Are you okay?"
"Um," she tries to clear her throat, "uh, I…"
"I know it's a bit much to take in, but the information is the most accurate it can be. You're pregnant."
"What…What do I do? What can I do?"
"In terms of…what, exactly?"
"I want…I want to do the procedure."
"You can't, not in your current condition."
"But if I…if-"
"If you terminate the pregnancy, you'd have to wait until you ovulate again to schedule the procedure. That could take a few weeks, but any pregnancy hormones still left over could delay it further."
Molly doesn't want to wait anymore, a voice at the back of her mind whispers sharply, She's waited long enough. You delaying it further because you screwed up will just cause problems.
"Kristina, are you feeling okay?" Dr. Navarro frowns, "I can get you something-"
"No, um, that's okay. I'm okay. It's just…a lot to take in."
"I understand that. Have you experienced any nausea or fatigue?"
"For the past week."
"Okay, so you're dealing with the onset of morning sickness. I'll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins to help with that," Dr. Navarro scribbles a note on her clipboard, glancing up at the young woman, "I'm sorry, Kristina. I know you went through a lot to do this for your sister."
She stays silent, staring out at the rest of the room.
"I can break the news to Dr. Ashford if you'd like-"
"No."
The women wear different looks, one of determination and one of confusion.
"No," Kristina tries to relax, "I…I can tell him. I'll tell my family."
"Okay. And what about the father? If I may ask, do you know who that is?"
He's probably in the lobby as we speak, Kristina thinks to herself, the lump practically crushing her windpipe.
"I can handle it," her lungs feel heavy as she breathes, "Let me tell everyone."
"Of course."
"And Dr. Navarro," Kristina finally looks her way, "please…please keep this between us."
"You're the patient," the doctor replies, "it's your health information. I won't say a word unless you give me proper permission to."
"Thank you," Kristina's smile is small and gentle.
Dr. Navarro mirrors her, "If you need anything, you can always set up an appointment."
"...Could we set up a few other things too?"
The elevator ride to the first floor lobby is slower than Kristina would like it to be. She rests a hand over her stomach, fingers gently touching the fabric of her sundress. Her breaths are shaky and laced with a mix of fear, sadness, and a small undercurrent of resolve. The doors open to the ground floor lobby and she steps out, tensing up when she sees Dex and TJ talking on the sofa in front of her.
"Krissy!" Amy cheers, rushing over. Dex and TJ look her way and smile, getting to their feet. Their gazes make her wither.
"How did the procedure go?" TJ asks. She glances between him and Amy, trying to pick a face to focus on before she continues. Her thoughts race a mile a minute, a number of things she wants to say, things she has to say.
I'm so sorry, TJ. You and Molly need to find a new surrogate. Tell Molly I'm sorry for breaking her heart again. Tell her I'm sorry for giving her another setback. I'm sure once you tell her, she wouldn't want to speak to me again, so I need you to tell her. And tell her I love her, even though she'll resent me for getting pregnant. She'll probably resent Dex too, and so will you, not that we'd blame you. I'm so sorry, and I hope that one day, you both can forgive-
"The procedure went well. I'll be back in two weeks for a follow-up."
"That's great news," TJ beams, pulling her into a hug, "I'll let Molly know."
Amy takes his place as he walks off, her voice a whisper only Kristina could hear, "Guess it was negative, huh? I told you there was nothing to worry about."
It's just her and Dex that's left, and she forces herself to look at him. Her heart breaks further as she gives him a once-over. His ocean blue eyes are soft and warm, a welcoming optimism she'd find endearing in any other context. He dons a hopeful, toothless grin, his hands somewhat clasped together in front of his midsection. Her stare is intense, and she notices his posture wilt a bit under it.
"Hey," he begins, "you okay?"
"Why," she takes a breath, "why wouldn't I be?"
"You seem unsettled."
She gently bites the inside of her bottom lip, another rush of thoughts flooding her mind.
Listen, you said you still want to be in my life, that I didn't wreck any part of our relationship. Do you mean that? Like, genuinely, do you mean that? I mean, I still want you in my life, I really, really do, and all I can hope for is that you want the same. And I hope you don't hate me for what I'm about to say: Dex…I'm pregnant. We're having a baby. You're going to be a father.
"Everyone just kind of…crowded me when I got off the elevator and it caught me off-guard, but I'm alright."
"Are you sure?"
She nods.
"Okay, but if something's bothering you, you know you can tell me, right?"
This baby is yours, this baby is yours, this baby is-
"I know, and I appreciate that," she awkwardly opens her arms, "I would also appreciate a hug."
"Of course," Dex immediately pulls her in, his arms around her body and his cheek against the top of her head. Kristina's head turns away from him, her face somewhat buried in his shoulder. She holds him tightly, refusing to let go when he lowers his arms.
"Krissy," she frees him from her grip when his angelic tone tickles her ears. She smooths her hair out as she takes another breath.
"Ready to go?" he asks.
"Yeah," she replies.
"Your place or mine?"
"Surprise me."
"Well, okay then," he smirks, offering her the crook of his elbow. They proceed to exit the hospital together once she loops hers in. His voice drops to a sultry whisper as they pass by the reception desk, "You look beautiful, by the way. You're glowing."
"Thanks," she responds in kind, ducking her head down. They make it to Dex's SUV and drive off, the ride silent. Kristina stares out the passenger window, unsure of what to say or do next. She occasionally glances at Dex while he drives, guilt haunting every corner of her mind. Her eyebrows shoot up when she sees an apartment complex come into view.
"Your place?" she asks.
"Yeah," he answers, "I thought that we could spend some time alone together…if that's okay."
She gazes at him wistfully, a mix of affection and sorrow in each brown iris. Dex looks at her the same way when he sees it, taking her hand in his. Every part of her brain, from the surface to all the layers underneath, is screaming. The invisible hairs on her arm shoot up, goosebumps erupting on her skin. Her answer is obvious, and she completely ignores it.
"That's more than okay. There's no one I'd rather be with right now than you."
A/N: And thus, the retread-but-not-really-a-retread officially begins. I hope you enjoy what's to come, and while you might've seen this film before, the ending won't exactly be the same...at least according to my outline haha. Also, to the Guest reviewer, ramble as much as you want! It'll be worth the read regardless. :)