An Uninvited Guest

by AWintersDream13

Stede has to comfort and protect a freaked out Ed when they're 'taken hostage' (according to Ed) in their new home as they deal with their first unwanted and uninvited 'guest' to their unfinished inn.

**Stede has to comfort and protect a freaked out Ed when they're 'taken hostage' (according to Ed) in their new home as they deal with their first unwanted and uninvited 'guest' to their unfinished inn.**

It was a quiet Tuesday afternoon and Ed was quietly singing shanties to himself as he worked on the table he was currently building.

After moving in, Ed had taken an interest in many different hobbies, including gardening, knitting, wood carving and drawing. He also liked building things and had discovered he had a bit of a talent for it, which Stede encouraged and supported him in, always 'oohing' and 'ahhing' over whatever Ed made.

So far Ed had built a few pieces of furniture, including a small, misshapen chair, which was too small for an adult to sit on, so Stede used it to stack his new small collection of books on. Ed had also built the frame for their bed, and it hadn't collapsed yet, so Ed took that as a win.

Ed had almost finished the table and was now hammering the final nails into the fourth leg so it could stand properly.

Ed blinked rapidly when a drop of sweat ran from his forehead and into his eye. He quickly used the sleeve of the purple t-shirt he was wearing to wipe the sweat, before getting back to work. Ed was also wearing his leather trousers and boots, with his hair all pulled back into a messy bun to keep it from getting in his eyes and causing any accidents.

Well, any accidents for Ed anyway.

Stede was another story. He had originally started painting the walls of the main room, which was also used as their bedroom for now, the same one Ed was currently working in, but he kept getting distracted looking over at Ed. After Stede kept bumping into the unfinished chest of drawers Ed was trying to build, stubbing his toes and even painting over the furniture instead of the walls one too many times, Ed told him to go paint another room instead, otherwise no work would be getting done.

So Stede had started painting the next room over. But after somehow getting distracted by Ed once again, even from another room, Stede ended up tripping over and getting paint everywhere, including his hair and face, so he was now washing up while Ed continued working.

Ed hammered the final nail into the leg and turned the table over. He let out a small whooping sound when he saw it was standing by itself without wobbling. "I did it. Wow. Look at you standing all on your own," Ed said to the table, patting it carefully as if he was a proud parent watching their child stand for the first time.

A movement out of the corner of his eye caught Ed's attention, so he turned and gasped when he saw a huge spider, standing several feet away staring at him menacingly.

"HOLY FUCK!" Ed yelled as he leaped across the room and jumped on the bed, almost falling over the other side. Regaining his balance, Ed sank back against the wall with his eyes closed, breathing rapidly. All he could hear was the thumping of his heart pounding violently against his ribcage as if it was trying to break free. He took in a deep breath and let it out, before yelling, "STEEEEEEEDE!" at the top of his lungs.

"ED?!" A fully clothed Stede, hair still wet from his wash came charging into the main room, armed with the glass bottle of hair oil he kept in the bathroom and big wooden spoon they kept in the kitchen area he had picked up on his frantic run through their home to get to Ed. "Edward? Are you alright? What happened?" Stede asked when he saw Ed standing on the wooden bed Ed had built them a week before, a hammer held tightly in one fist, held up like it was a weapon.

"SPIDER!" yelled Ed, trembling slightly in shock. He looked back at the floor, but the spider was no longer there. It had probably ran off at hearing Ed's (manly) screaming.

"Where?" asked Stede, looking around the room.

"I-It's gone." Ed shuddered, and took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"A spider?" repeated Stede, slowly recovering from the minor heart attack he'd suffered hearing Ed yelling like that, thinking he was about to lose him again. "You scream like you're being brutally slaughtered by the British because of a little spider?"

"Little?" said Ed, his big brown eyes even bigger than usual as he stared at Stede. "The fucker was fucking huge... it was as big as me and had about 16 legs, three heads, fifty eyes and teeth like a fucking shark. And I'm pretty sure it growled and then hissed at me... like the snake that jumped on me when we went on the treasure hunt."

"Uh-huh." Stede lowered the spoon and bottle and stared at the fearsome Blackbeard standing on a bed cowering over a spider. "Ooookaaaaay. And where did this six foot tall Cerberus shaped spider with the huge sharp teeth, and many many eyes and legs come from?"

"The fuck would I know?" Ed replied with a shrug. "I didn't ask for it's life story and it's previous dwelling before it came here, Stede. I don't know it's name either before you ask."

Stede's lips twitched as he struggled to keep a straight face. "Ed, would you get down from the bed? I'm sure it's not that big and it's not going to hurt you."

"Seriously Stede. It was massive. I swear if we put a saddle on it we could ride around on it like a fucking horse."

"Riiiiight." Stede nodded, like he believed every word. "Of course it is."

"I'm telling the... WHOA!" yelled Ed suddenly when the 'six foot tall, three-headed, growling and hissing spider' came running out from it's hiding place and scurried across the room, close to Ed. "FUUUUUUUCK!"

As Stede turned around, Ed jumped from the bed and onto his back, wrapping his arms loosely around Stede's neck and his legs tightly around his waist.

"Ed, what the hell are you doing?" Stede asked, dropping the spoon and grabbing the chest of drawers to keep from being knocked over.

"D-Did... did you see it?"

"Of course I saw it," said Stede, trying to sound annoyed, but even he had to admit the spider was huge. Not quite as big as Ed made out, but it was certainly the biggest spider Stede had ever seen. "Okay. We need to try and get it out of here."

"How? I don't think it's gonna listen if we ask it to get the fuck out of our home."

"I'm sure I can handle it." Stede took a step forward, but Ed was still attached to him. "Er... Edward? Can you let me go now?"

"NO!" Ed shook his head, and wrapped his arms and legs tighter around Stede. "No way, mate. It could grab my leg, and gnaw it off."

Stede rolled his eyes fondly and took a step closer to where they last saw the spider, with Ed clinging onto his back like a tall, hot, long-haired, tattooed, leather-clad koala. Stede was about to shake him off so he could walk easier, but he could feel Ed's heart hammering against his back, and his shaky breathing against his cheek, and he didn't have the heart to do it. Ed was the strongest, toughest and bravest person Stede had ever met, so it really disturbed him to see the man he loved like this.

"Shh, it's okay, my love. I'm here," said Stede as he moved one arm up and placed his hand awkwardly on Ed's cheek, stroking over his jaw in a comforting manner, his short beard like the soft bristles of a broom against his fingers. "I'll protect you from the spider. If it wants to hurt you it'll have to get passed me."

"But we don't have a plank you can make it walk like on the Revenge," Ed whispered against Stede's ear, like he was afraid that the spider might over-hear their plan. "How are you gonna get rid of it?"

"Well, if it won't leave of it's own accord..." Stede lifted the hair-oil bottle like a weapon. "Then I will have to resort to other, more drastic measures. Nobody hurts, insults or scares my Edward and gets away with it."

Ed turned his head to press a kiss to Stede's cheek. "My hero."

"Always." Stede smiled and returned the kiss. "Do you want to wait outside while I deal with the unwanted visitor?"

"No way, what if it jumps on your face and sucks your eyeballs out of your head and shoots you with its boiling hot webs and melts your face off."

Stede blinked in surprise and nudged Ed's cheek with his own. "What the hell kind of spiders have you interacted with?"

Ed shrugged, and shuddered as some of his long hair came loose and brushed along his bare arm, feeling like the many legs of a spider and reminding him of a day he would rather forget. "I usually try not to interact with them at all. Creepy little fuckers."

Stede was about to ask Ed if he was okay when he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye and turned towards it. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave," he said in a stern tone, keeping a firm grip on the bottle. "You are scaring..."

"I'm not scared," said Ed, trying to sound brave, squeezing Stede as tightly as he dared without hurting him. "I'm fucking Blackbeard."

"You are making the man I love very uncomfortable in our new home and I simply will not allow it." Stede slowly made his way to the door, carrying Ed on his back, keeping his eyes on the spider at all times. He opened the door and then stepped back, making sure he didn't trip over and hurt Ed, before pointing towards the outside. "Leave."

When the spider continued standing there, Ed swallowed nervously. "Yeah. I don't think it can hear you, mate. Do they even have ears?"

"I'm not sure," answered Stede after thinking it over for a few seconds. "I've read books on bugs and insects and other animals, but I've never read up on spiders. If they can understand, then this one is being incredibly rude."

"I don't give a fuck if it's been rude..." Ed yelped when the spider suddenly ran towards them, before it changed direction and took off running towards the wall. "KILL IT!" he yelled, his heart hammering against Stede's back. "KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

"We're not burning our home down, Edward."

"Why not?" asked Ed, doing that adorable thing where he's frowning and pouting at the same time. "It's the spider's home now. Walking around like it owns the fucking place."

Stede turned his head so Ed didn't see the fond smile curving his lips. He loved this man dearly.

"O-okay," said Ed, his voice trembling a little. "If we can't use fire, where's my gun?"

"We're not shooting it either."

"Good idea," Ed agreed. "Bullets will probably just bounce off."

"We've only just repaired some of the holes in the roof," said Stede, carefully checking under the table Ed had been working on, convinced he saw movement there, only to find it empty. "We're not going to create more holes in the walls trying to kill a single spider."

"How do you know he's single? Do you know him?" asked Ed, his big beautiful eyes darting frantically around the room like he was expecting an army of spiders to attack at any moment. "He could have a wife... or husband and about 20 kids running around the place. Or it could be like Jackie and have 20 husbands or wives and twice as many kids."

"Now you're being ridiculous," answered Stede, shaking his head affectionately.

"Okay, 15 husbands or wives and 30 kids." Ed's eyes lit up when he had an idea. "What we really need is a gun that shoots fire instead of bullets. Do they exist?"

"Er... Not that I know of, no. And for the last time, we're not using fire and burning the house down. You're nearly as bad as Wee John." Stede struggled to keep the smile off his face. He had been in a lot of crazy situations over the past year since he left his family to be a pirate, but this, carrying the man he loved more than life itself around on his back, while they tried to evict a spider from their new home, had to be the craziest.

"Oh shit. It's over there," said Ed, pointing a slightly shaky finger as the huge spider came out of it's hiding place and started scurrying up the wall. "The fuck are we gonna do? I can't believe we've been taken hostage in our own home."

"I wouldn't go that far, Edward."

"I would. It might as well be standing there, holding us at gunpoint. It won't leave, we can't shoot it or burn it with fire. There's no way in hell I'm going anywhere near it, and since I'm on your back, neither are you."

Stede looked around the room and found the wooden spoon he had dropped when Ed jumped on him. He placed the bottle down on the table and slowly started walking towards the spoon and then carefully reached down to grab it, making sure he didn't drop Ed.

"What're you gonna do with that? Make him some soup?"

"Er... We... I'll throw this and hope for the best. You ready?" Stede asked Ed, who nodded. After counting to three in his head, he threw the spoon, but it missed the spider completely and hit the wall four or five feet away, before landing on the floor with a clatter. "I missed."

Ed blinked and stared at the spot on the wall the spoon had hit. "Yeah, no shit mate. The fuck are you even aiming at? The fucker's right there, Stede," Ed said, pointing at the spider, still casually perched on the wall like it was at home and Ed and Stede were the intruders.

"Yes, well, my aim isn't very good," said Stede, smiling sheepishly.

"I've noticed, but with the size of it, how did you miss?" Ed reluctantly glanced back at the spider, and saw it had moved a little further up the wall. "Oh shit. It's staring at me. It's plotting to kill me by jumping on my face and suffocating me to death."

"Shh. It's okay, I'm here with you," Stede said in a soft, soothing whisper, nuzzling his cheek against Ed's. He moved his hand to Ed's forearm and ran it back and forth over the snake tattooed there. "I'm not going to let it get you. You're safe, my love."

"I'm not gonna be safe until that thing is dead. If the spoon didn't work, how about one of your books?" asked Ed, pointing at the dozen books he had 'borrowed' at different stalls over the past few weeks.

"We are not using my books as a murder weapon," said Stede, sounding scandalised.

"We don't have much to throw, so it's either you throw a book, or I throw you," Ed told him, tightening his grip like Stede was his favourite teddy bear he didn't want to let go of. "And I don't wanna do that. I love you even more than I hate that spider."

A smile lit up Stede's face and he turned his head and kissed Ed on the lips. "I love you too. More than anything in this entire world."

"Even more than your books?"

"You could put together all the books in the world, and ask me to choose between you and them... I would choose you every single time. I know many stories off by heart, so I could easily live in a world without books." Stede teared up as he rested his temple against Ed's. "But I couldn't live in a world without you. When Auntie found your..." Stede closed his watery eyes, trying not to think of seeing Ed lying so still and lifeless. "When I found out that you were gone... I... it was the worst night of my whole life."

"I'm not going anywhere, Stede." Ed's eyes quickly darted towards the wall, before returning back to Stede. "Until the spider decides to finally make his move and kills me, making it look like an accident."

"The Legendary Blackbeard and the love of my existence is not going to be taken down by a spider. Not while I'm breathing. We can do this. Together."

"Together." Ed nodded in agreement. "But how?"

"Erm..." Normally if faced with a spider, Stede would pick it up and carry it outside or make it walk the plank when they were on the Revenge and it freaked Ed out. But now, with Ed clinging onto him like a koala, Stede was not going to go anywhere near it and risk scaring Ed. He didn't like when Ed was like this, not that it happened often, only once or twice since they'd met, but when it did, it also scared Stede.

Stede suddenly remembered Ed holding a hammer when he ran into the room, and looked down to see it was still grasped loosely in Ed's hand. "Ed, you're still holding the hammer."

"I am?" asked Ed, lifting his hand up, and seeing he was indeed still holding the tool. He had completely forgotten what he had been doing before they were taken hostage in their own home.

"Yes." Stede moved so he was directly in front of the spider, but a safe distance, of about 10 feet, back. "If I stand here, not too close to the wall, you can throw the hammer at it."

"ME!?" Ed yelled in shock. "What happened to no more holes in the walls?"

"We have no other option. I'd offer to do it, but you saw how well that went," said Stede, nodding down at the abandoned spoon. "I'd try throwing the bottle of hair oil at it, but that will most likely go the same way."

"Yeah. It'll probably somehow end up outside," Ed said, his lips twitching slightly as he nodded towards the open door.

Stede squeezed Ed's forearm gently. "We can do this together. I'm here with you, Ed. You don't have anything to be afraid of, not as long as I'm around. It will have to get through me to get to you. You can do this, my love. I know you can," Stede told him truthfully, supporting him 100%. He had seen the amount of English soldiers Ed had taken down by himself, before they reunited. He had also seen Ed's amazing fighting skills himself when they fought with Zheng, so Stede knew he was more than capable of this. "Blackbeard always wins, remember?"

Ed swallowed nervously and nodded. Stede was right, he could do this. He killed a man with his bare hand, while reading Stede's lovely letter, he could kill a spider. "Love you," Ed whispered as if he was about to enter a battle to the death...

Which according to Ed, he probably was.

"I love you too," Stede whispered back, keeping both hands firmly on Ed's arm to remind him that he was there with him.

"Blackbeard always wins," Ed repeated as he held the hammer up.

Stede watched as Ed closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, then let it out slowly, before opening them again. Stede's breath caught in his throat when he saw the warm, gentle, and kind eyes of his Edward were gone and the cold, threatening and deadly gaze of Blackbeard took their place.

Ed straightened as much as he could while still clinging to Stede, squared his shoulders, and clenched his jaw. Steadying his trembling hand and holding his breath, Ed quickly took aim at the spider, pulled back his arm and threw the hammer.

Stede gasped when he saw the hammer had hit the target and was now stuck in the wall, with the spider squished into the plaster.

"Nailed it," Ed joked, letting out a relieved laugh.

Stede laughed with him. "HA! You really did. You were very brave and incredible and amazing, I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you, Ed. Just like the snake when we went treasure hunting, the spider didn't stand a chance."

Ed let out a shaky exhale and pressed his face into Stede's shoulder. "Oh fuck."

"Are you okay?" asked a worried Stede, putting his hand on the side of Ed's head, since he couldn't touch his face with the way it was hidden. "Do you think you can get down from my back so I can give you a proper hug?"

There was silence for several seconds, before Stede heard a small thud and felt a weight literally lift off his back as Ed jumped down. He immediately turned around and threw his arms around Ed, who wrapped his own around Stede, and slumped against him, hiding his face against Stede's neck.

"Shh. You're alright, my darling. I've got you. It's over," Stede told him, cradling the back of Ed's head in his palm, and started stroking his fingers through Ed's lovely hair, which had come loose from the bun Ed had put it up in. "Shh. How about we finish for the day and make a blanket fort?" Stede asked as he moved his head awkwardly to press a kiss to Ed's temple. "Will that make you feel better?"

"Yes please," Ed answered in a soft, almost childlike tone as he clung to Stede like his life depended on it. "B-but not yet. I need..."

"It's okay," Stede soothed. "Take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

XXXXXXXX

When Ed had recovered enough, he helped Stede gather every soft item they had, including the blankets, cushions and pillows from their bed and together they built a blanket fort, which they were now settled in.

Stede had then thrown out the remains of the spider and made sure the door was locked behind it, before he searched through their home to make sure there was no more intruders.

After finding no more spiders, Ed and Stede had both changed into their night clothes to be more comfortable, each wearing their robes. Stede's was a new pink robe, decorated with bright, colourful flowers and Ed's was dark teal.

Stede was sitting propped up with his pillows, with Ed cradled in his arms, stroking his hair, which was now fully down, and humming and singing songs he used to sing for his children, and even a couple of shanties he had learned during his time at sea.

Ed hadn't moved from Stede's arms and hadn't said a single word since they climbed into their safe space. Stede had to keep checking on him to make sure Ed was still awake and he wasn't disturbing him if he'd fallen asleep. But every time Stede lowered his head, Ed's eyes always lifted to meet his in silence.

It was so unlike Ed, who was normally always moving, even in his sleep. Who never stopped talking, and usually enthusiastically rambled about everything and anything to fill in the silence in the most endearing way.

Stede kept it to himself, but he was worried about Ed. To see him so shut down like this was just as unnerving as seeing him scared. Ed should always be happy and cheerful, excited and joking around, acting silly and making Stede laugh at his antics. He should never be silent, still, sad or upset.

After singing and humming for almost two hours, Stede finally decided to ask, "Are you okay? You don't have to say anything. You can just give me a nod or head shake if you don't want to speak."

Ed nodded against Stede's shoulder, but remained quiet for almost a full minute, before he answered in a voice barely above a whisper. "Sorry you had to see me like that."

"Like what?" Stede asked softly, relieved to hear Ed's voice again.

Ed shrugged, and tangled his fingers with Stede's. "Being stupid, scared, weak, pathetic, freaking out over a spider."

"Ed, we all have fears. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And I have and will never think of you as pathetic, stupid or weak. You're the strongest, smartest, bravest and most wonderful man I have ever known and it's an honor and a privilege to get to see this side of you, to take care of you, and keep you warm and safe, and to comfort you and protect you from anyone or anything that wishes you harm. And that includes spiders."

Ed answered with a doubtful "hmm," like he didn't believe him, so Stede continued talking.

"Did I ever tell you that the day we met was the best day of my life?"

Ed shifted in Stede's embrace, so he could look up at him. "Seriously? You almost died, Stede."

"Yes, but I also got to meet my best friend and the love of my life. And also my hero." Stede cradled Ed's face in his palm, and stroked his thumb over his short beard, then his cheek. "I used to play pirates with my two kids and I was always the greatest pirate that ever lived... Blackbeard. And when I decided to leave and pursue my dream, I thought if I could be even half the pirate he is, I'd consider that to be a win. I'll admit that when you first told me you were Blackbeard in my auxiliary wardrobe, I was terrified but also in awe that the most feared and legendary pirate, the greatest in history was also a good, sweet, kind and gentle man named Ed."

"I'm not sweet, kind or gentle," Ed mumbled grumpily.

"You're right. Only a terrible, truly awful man would save and then look after someone he'd only just met and make sure he didn't bleed out all over the place," Stede agreed in a joking manner. "Only the meanest man alive would tell jokes to make me laugh, fancy a fine fabric, and like the softest things."

Ed snuggled closer to Stede and melted back into his arms. "You're my favourite soft thing."

Stede smiled and pressed a kiss to Ed's forehead. "You're my favourite everything," he told him, resting his cheek against Ed's hair. "And I meant it when I said it was the best day of my life. Before I met you, I never thought I'd fall in love, or that I would get to experience the love I have read about many times in my books. I thought that I would never get the chance to be happy, that I'd be lonely for the rest of my life. But then I met the best, most beautiful, talented, and wonderful man I have ever known. And it took awhile for me to realise that those feelings I had for you were of love, why you make Stede so happy... the happiest I've ever been. But when I finally did, it was another one of the best moments of my life. And I have Mary to thank for that."

"Why?" asked Ed, trying not to scowl at the name.

"Mary is now with a lovely man called Doug and I asked her how it feels to be in love, and she told me what it was like. And as she described it, I immediately thought of you. About how much fun we have together, and make each other laugh and understand each other's idiosyncrasies and find them charming. How we expose each other to new things, and new ideas. How easy it is, she said it's just like breathing." Stede swallowed the sudden lump in his throat and blinked back the tears as he continued. "Mary was the one who made me finally realise that I love you. But you're the one who showed me what it was like to love and to be loved. Some of the things in my life haven't been easy, especially during these past few months, but loving you is the best and easiest thing I've ever done."

Ed sniffled and wiped his cheek as a tear slipped down from his left eye. "Wow. That was nearly as lovely as your letter." Which was now safely in a frame and placed on the little table on Ed's side of the bed so he could see it every night when he went to sleep and every morning when he woke up.

Stede's smile widened and he hugged Ed even tighter. "Thank you. But neither are as lovely as you."

Ed smiled for the first time since the spider incident even as the tears clouded his vision until everything was a blur. "I'm not as good with words as you, but I want you to know..." Ed blinked rapidly, wiping away the stray ones that fell and more tears clung to the ends of his long eyelashes. "Until I met you, my life has always been hard and full of violence. My shitty childhood, my dad, running away and spending most of my life at sea as a young pirate, being Blackbeard all these years. But the day we met was the first time I'd ever got to enjoy myself like that, when we swapped clothes and pretended to be each other. I'd never done anything like that before, never let myself be just Edward, and it was the most fun I've ever had to be honest."

"It was the most fun I've ever had too," Stede said quietly, combing his fingers gently through Ed's hair again. "And it continues to be like that every day."

"I guess I'm trying to say that... Even though you're a fucking lunatic..." Ed winked at Stede to show he meant it affectionately, making Stede laugh. "You were the first person I'd ever met who treated me with kindness, who treated me like I mattered, like I was worth something. And even though my life has never been easy, and I've fought and struggled so much through everything... been with you, and loving you is. Easy I mean." Ed shrugged and lowered his head, embarrassed. "I know I'm shit with words, they're your thing, but..."

"But nothing. You're worth everything to me, Ed, and you are talented, and wonderful at everything you set your mind to," said Stede, placing his finger under Ed's chin and raising his face so he could look at him. "You don't have to say you love me with words if you don't want to, you show me everyday."

Ed moved forward. "I love you," he said quietly, before pressing their lips together.

Stede closed his eyes and deepened the kiss for several seconds before reluctantly pulling away, and resting his forehead against Ed's. "I love you too. And what happened today... The spider..."

Ed frowned and shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Shh. Okay, we don't have to. I won't force you, but if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm right here to listen. I'll always be here for you."

"I know." Ed shifted so he was sitting with his back to Stede's chest, resting his head against Stede's. "Thanks."

Stede wrapped Ed in his arms as he intertwined their fingers together over Ed's chest. "For what?" he asked, placing a finger over the top of Ed's.

"Everything," said Ed, his lips curving upward slightly as he covered Stede's finger with one of his own, starting another of their silly little finger/thumb wars. "Being there for me earlier. Trying to calm me down. Protecting me from the spider, trying to make me feel safe. Not forcing me to talk. Loving me."

"You don't ever have to thank me for any of that," said Stede, as he moved another finger over Ed's, cradling it between two of his. "Especially loving you. Like I said, easiest thing I've ever done."

Ed couldn't stop the full smile spreading across his face, as he made his next move and replaced Stede's finger with another of his.

This time, Stede was the one who won when he placed his left thumb over Ed's right.

"You won," Ed whispered and rewarded Stede with a kiss to the cheek.

"I did." Stede sighed happily as he relaxed in their little blanket fort, in their new home, holding the man he loved and adored more than any treasure in his arms. "I really did."

The End.