Maura woke up to Jane stroking her hair, watching her sleep across her, head on Jane's chest.
"Mornin'," Jane said, her voice deep and husky like it was in the mornings. "Want me to get coffee?"
Maura didn't want to move, didn't want to get up and break the spell, didn't want to face all the bitterness within her still. She just wanted to stay here on top of Jane, feeling her heart beat beneath her cheek, feeling her strong fingers wend through her hair. She felt treasured.
And then the conversations of the last two days came rolling in slowly, and she pulled away. They hadn't come to an agreement, a conclusion. Jane would stay in Boston if Maura asked her to, but Maura wasn't sure she wanted that. She wanted Jane with her, of course, when she was like this. But Jane wasn't always like this. The fact that she'd told Angela didn't mean that much; she'd still face discrimination if she was open about any relationship she might have with Maura even in the FBI and the academy, even if it was 2017. Jane might not want to face it, not for Maura. Jane had shown she was proficient about running away from sensitive issues. And the FBI job was such an excellent opportunity; if Jane stayed and they didn't work out, she'd come to resent Maura, and she'd have even less than she'd had the last two years.
She had three weeks left to decide, but she knew whatever she decided would be the wrong decision. She wanted Jane with her, but it still hurt, it still stung that Jane hadn't trusted her enough to know that she didn't mind that Jane had kissed her. And the things Jane had thought Maura had thought about her hurt too - she thought Jane knew her better than that, that Jane trusted her.
"Coffee," Jane asked again, and Maura rolled away from her, sitting up.
"I'll be in my room," Maura said, wanting a shower and her own clothes. Wanting to write a little bit before they headed out. Wanting some space to think. Jane's smile dropped but she nodded as Maura got up.
"I'll bring it to you?" Jane asked. Maura nodded, getting to her feet and pulling her shoes on. "Wait, you're going dressed like that?" Jane asked, and Maura looked down at Jane's worn Red Sox tee and sweats she'd worn to bed. "Are you okay? Really?" Jane asked, and Maura shrugged. She didn't want to pull yesterday's dress on under Jane's watchful eye, and the clothes were both functional and comfortable. "I kinda liked that I was the only person that got to see you like this," Jane said, her voice dropping an octave as she looked at Maura. Maura shrugged again, aware that she'd wanted to get away with Jane's clothes, so she could wear them while they were apart, the worn cotton soft and comfortable and still smelling slightly of lavender. She closed the door behind her, dress draped over her arm.
Jane had a spare keycard to Maura's room, but she'd left it with the note. When she knocked, Maura quickly hid the clothes she'd worn into the room in a suitcase, just in case Jane wanted them back.
"Coffee," Jane said, handing it over with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Maura stepped back, and Jane exhaled in relief as she stepped inside, Maura closing the door behind her.
"It's the second day of fashion week," Maura said. "I'll be attending. You're welcome to join me."
"It's not really my kind of event," Jane said evenly. "But if you'd like me to accompany you I'd be willing."
"I would like that," Maura said, equally formally.
"Do I need to get dressed up?" Jane asked, looking worried as she looked Maura's outfit over, eyes catching on Maura's throat, too worried to drift lower.
"What you're wearing will be fine." Maura's eyes drifted over Jane; even in her downtime she gravitated towards slacks in case she got a call, but here in Paris her few pairs of jeans had made an appearance. These were steely grey and together with the simple black tee Maura could almost have taken her for a model. The dark eyes and hair, the dark outfit and the attitude as though the world owed her something. It was very attractive. Maura looked away and sipped her coffee.
Maura was aware that Jane spent more time watching her than the catwalk. She looked over a few times, but Jane didn't seem impatient. She looked deep in thought, looking away when Maura met her eyes, trying to focus on the show. Her eyes narrowed a few times at some of the models, and Maura wondered for a moment if she was wondering if she could sleep with them. Not that Jane was overtly sexual; even with Casey she'd been quiet about enjoying their time together, and all Maura had about Agent Davies was a number. If Jane was willing to sleep with Maura, did that mean, since Maura was recalcitrant about the situation, that Jane would look elsewhere? At other women? Like Maura had been considering? Or had she meant it when she said that Maura was the only company she could keep without getting annoyed and frustrated? If Jane made female friends, would she want to date them too? She and Nina got along - Maura felt another pang of jealousy - but Jane never went anywhere alone with Nina. And Nina was dating Frankie - but if Jane could be friends with women, would she make more friends? Would she forget about Maura and leave her behind?
"That would look amazing on you," Jane whispered, her face suddenly close as Maura turned her head to look at her. Jane's breath skimmed across her face, her lips suddenly close, brushing against Maura's cheek as she turned to look at the item of clothing in general. Jane had a good eye for Maura's style; the dress was sleek and shiny and a bright blue that Maura favoured. Maura made a note on her docket to follow up later. She looked at the model too; she looked like one of the women she'd cancelled on, and Maura wondered if it really would have been better for her to come here alone, if she'd told Jane not to come and gone ahead with her original plan. It would still have hurt, but she'd had time to get used to that hurt. This new hurt was fresh and raw and painful in a way the other hurt had been at the start. Maura looked over at Jane. Maybe all they could do was hurt each other. She remembered seeing Jane go off that bridge, and she wondered a little for the first time, if Jane hadn't intended to survive. Once she was in the water she must have, otherwise she wouldn't have, but with what Jane had said about the way she felt when Maura pulled away, Maura wondered if Jane had thought it would be better just to give up too, like the man she'd followed over the railing.
"I'm glad you're here," Maura whispered back finally, and Jane's hand found hers and gave it a little squeeze.
Maura spend the rest of the show eyeing the outfits covetously. Jane watched a little jealously, as though she was wondering if Maura was picturing these women with her, without the fancy clothes she was admiring.
"Which of those would you take home?" Jane asked as they walked out into bright daylight.
"I've put down a deposit for the blue dress," Maura said. "And I'll put another one in for the scarf we saw with the green one by the same artist. I like her style, the bold arrogance in her work."
"I meant - I meant the models," Jane said, blushing as she said it. Maura thought back to all of them, the one that looked familiar. She shook her head.
"The only person I want to take home from that show is you," Maura said. "Back to Boston, I mean. If you'd really want to stay."
Jane looked stunned. "That's not entirely what I meant," Jane said slowly. "But I'll take it."
"I have to go to the archive of the library this afternoon. I made an appointment yesterday."
"I'll make some calls, maybe go see a movie?" Jane said, aware that Maura was putting space between them after affirming she did want Jane in her life in some capacity. She followed Maura to the library, shuffled from foot to foot as Maura turned to her. "I'll see you..." and Maura leaned in, not touching Jane, not quite, her hands hovering over Jane's shoulders as her mouth came close enough to brush against first one of Jane's cheek and then the other, pausing next to Jane's mouth, her lips open as though she was waiting. Maura could hear Jane's breath catch, her pupils dilate, her eyes wide and scared. But Jane had been brave enough twice, and Maura had faith that one day she would be brave enough again.
"Let's do dinner," Maura said, extending an olive branch, letting her lips brush Jane's before turning on her heel and striding away into the library fast enough that Jane wouldn't be able to come up with a response. She was expecting Jane to run away again; that was what she did after they kissed, after all.