Everything has changed. What once was an easy, uncomplicated friendship is now muddled and tainted. I poke around at my food and take out my frustration on the poor undeserving piece of chicken Mira cooked up from behind the bar I'm seated at.
I can feel Mira eyeing me suspiciously. I'm grateful when she decides to leave me be in favor of fawning over her sister who sits at the other side of the bar.
Lucy's laughter rings throughout the guild like a clear bell. I feel like no matter where I am or what I'm doing, she's on my mind. Like there's an invisible tether pulling me towards her.
It's been driving me mad and I can't sit around and do nothing anymore. It's been weeks of jobs with her, days spent at the guild, every time I see her it drives me mad and I always go home desperately hard, imagining her as I get my release. She's been like a drug. Tearing me apart from the inside out and there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I've gotten good at hiding just how much she affects me. I distract her or play off any weird behavior on my part as just me being hungry or missing the thrill of fighting. I tuck any obvious signs of need into the elastic hemline of my boxers so that everything stays hidden underneath the forgiving and baggy cloth of my pants. It's not ideal nor is it particularly comfortable but it's what needs to be done.
I take a bite of my chicken and let my thoughts run their course. I've been so damn desperate. It's fucking irritating. No one ever told me it'd be this frustrating to want someone this way. To feel like your body isn't even in your control anymore.
I wish I could make her feel the way I do.
Would that even be possible?
It couldn't hurt to try could it? Obviously I'd never do anything she didn't want. I could never hurt her like that. The thought of her wanting me and only me sends shivers down my spine.
I know the way the guild talks. Like I'm oblivious and would never want a woman like that. I wonder how she'd react if she knew that wasn't true.
A plan begins to form in my mind. I hop off my barstool and head over to the job request board. I gotta find the perfect one. The perfect job where I can hatch my plan.
"And he just ate it! Can you imagine Lu? The sheer audacity of this oaf! I spent hours perfecting that enchantment to make the purest possible steel for him and he didn't even say thank you!" Levy huffs and Gajeel doubles over in laughter.
"In my defense, shrimp, I did say it was the best damn steel I'd ever had." His deep voice belts out.
I laugh along with them. I couldn't be happier knowing they found love in an admittedly odd place. Seeing Levy so happy made me feel hopeful that I'll find someone someday.
If the last guy I went out with a few weeks ago was any indication of my progress on that front, it might take a while... It was a nightmare of a date. The guy brought a jar of spicy pickles, a bag of cheap chocolates and a bottle of the most putrid vodka I had ever tasted and thought that that was a good picnic. He was kinda cute, I guess but when he kissed me it made me feel like he was just licking my face. After I finally pushed him away in the most polite way possible I saw Natsu, standing there a dozen or so meters away like he was watching the world as he knew it burn. I watched as his body shifted. Something between hunger and panic washed over him. Before I could call out to him he turned and hastily left.
Things between Natsu and I have felt... well? Different ever since.
He always seems like his mind is somewhere else. Even during fights, it's like his heart isnt in it. I've been trying to talk to him about it. Maybe seeing me in the park made him feel awkward or maybe something else is going on. Every time I bring it up he just says he's hungry but then he won't eat or that he wants to fight but clearly isn't interested.
He doesn't seem ready to talk about it so I leave it be and hope that my best friend will remember I have his back and I'm always here if he needs me.
Levy and Gajeel have been playfully bickering while I'm lost in thought.
A heavy set of arms come to rest on my shoulders from behind me. It startles me out of my thoughts. A familiar scent of smoke and sandalwood scented soap surrounds me. It's masculine and admittedly kind of addicting. It's not uncommon for Natsu to break past the normal physical boundaries of friendship. He's never seemed to care much for social norms. However with his chest against my back and his warm breath against my ear, this feels different.
Somehow overnight everything between Natsu and I became different in a way I don't understand.
"Hey Luce, I've got a surprise for you." He whispers in my ear. His voice sends shivers down my spine as his lips just barely touch the shell of my ear. I hate how much it affects me. He's my best friend. None of this should affect me at all.
"What is it Natsu?" I ask, shifting in his arms so that I can look him in the eyes. What I find in those onyx eyes of his is indescribable. Palpable emotion that effects me in a way nothing ever has before. I'm speechless. It's not my imagination at all. My Natsu is different. I don't know how or why but I'm determined to find out.
The Job Natsu picked out was simple, however even if you don't count the five hour train ride, it's still going to take us over a week to do. Basically the whole premise is to help with relief efforts in an old coastal town that got hit pretty bad from large storms the previous week. The town itself has no jewel to give to wizards like us who come out to help so the Magic council sets aside funding for things like this. I already know that while my spirits can be a real pain, taurus will be a great at helping chop firewood and clearing fallen trees for the entire town, Gemini can help trades workers get caught up on their overwhelming amounts of work, and if I can get him to behave, loki is a natural born leader and can help organize everyone and make sure things get done.
Natsu will be helping with the manual labor type stuff. He offered to try using his magic but Master said they've already suffered enough damages for one year. Natsu huffed but agreed. His magic definitely can get out of hand rather quickly.
We'll be staying at a small inn that sustained minimal damage from the storm. Shockingly the council actually payed for our lodging in advance. Something about helping a local business. At least that's what Natsu said. He was weirdly stubborn about not letting me see the job request sheet.
Once we've taken out seats, it only takes a few minutes for the train to lurch forward and start along the tracks.
Despite Wendy and Levy's best attempts at enchanting a lacrima to cure motion sickness, it doesn't completely take the nausea away. Natsu sits across from me with his head between his knees and his hands behind his head. I can tell that he's already uncomfortable but it's not as bad as usual. After a few hours of idle chit chat, things don't seem to be getting better. I'm reminded of the way my mom used to rub my back and run her fingers through my hair when I was feeling well as a little girl. The memory instills an idea and a desire the help him, or at least try to.
"Are you ok Natsu?"
He shrugs but doesn't look up. "It's fine.. It sucks but I'll get through it." He sighs.
"Can I try to help?" I ask with sincerity. This catches his attention. He looks at me and I can see the vulnerability and weary expression he wears on his face.
"If you think it'll work, I don't see why not."
I nod and move to sit next to him. I reach my hand towards him but hesitate when I see him stiffen. His gaze watches me carefully but he nods. Giving silent permission to continue.
My hands wrap around the fabric of his jacket and temporarily slip it down his shoulders. His eyes widen and he just stares at me for a moment before looking away.
I place my hand on his back and rub gentle circles into it. He sighs and I can feel his body relax under my touch.
I'm not sure why but I'm surprised by his reaction. I'm even more bewildered by how much I'm enjoying this simple moment. It seems so... intimate.
I find myself memorizing the lines of his back. Every shadow, indentation of muscle, each scar from various fights. I'm not stranger to Natsu or the male physique. The guild has its fair share of borderline nudists after all. Even guys I've been with in the past were conventionally attractive. None of them really compare to Natsu though. It's not just the way he looks. I'm not blind, the guy is hot. But there's also history. Some of those scars were ones he earned while saving my life. Others were scars I still lecture him about. He's stupid and impulsive sometimes and he matters too much to me to be wandering off throwing his life away for some fight.
No, Natsu isn't just some attractive guy. He's more than that and somehow it's makes every part of him better and everyone else pales in comparison.
My hand travels up the back of his neck sending visible shivers down his spine. I let my fingers weave into his hair. A wave of satisfaction washes over me when I hear a soft moan. I'm caught completely off guard by how hot it is. I'm both flustered by it and drawn in. I should probably stop and give him some space but I don't and he doesn't seem to mind at all.
I bring a second hand to his hair and he melts into my touch. He doesn't hide his enjoyment for even a second. Little moans escape past his lips and it turns such an innocent touch into something completely different.
When he turns to look at me with hooded eyes there's a deep hunger in them that I can't help but want to explore. My thumbs rub circles in a soft spot behind his ears and his eyes roll back with another soft moan.
I smile and continue my ministrations, enjoying watching my best friend melt into my touch. He leans closer and pushes me against the corner on the seat. One hand around my waist and the other on the wall above my left shoulder. He lays his head on my right shoulder as I continue to muse his hair.
He's so close that I'm enveloped in sandalwood and smoke. His warmth is so comforting and somehow exhilarating. When his breathless moans fill my ear like an intoxicating whisper it shifts a part of who I am. Like pandora's box, I have no clue what he unlocked but I'm enjoying it. Heat pools in my lower stomach and something deep between my thighs throbs. When he whispers my name it comes out as something between a demand and a promise.
I've never been more turned on in my entire life and that fact alone deeply confuses me. It stirs up feelings I've left long forgotten. Feelings that collected dust in the back of my mind.
I don't know how long we stay like this, wrapped in a tight embrace but by the time we make it to our destination I'm in such a deep haze that I don't fully snap out of it until we enter the inn.